HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

 

          When I got up today, I was shocked to find it had snowed overnight. Not a lot because the ground and grass show through. I think it’s most appropriate, at least for me, because today is Valentine’s Day and I’m feeling a bit bereft. It will be the fourth Valentine’s Day without John and some kind of recognition from/to him on the day before which is the day we first met. I’ve already written about that. I’m kind of surprised I’m feeling so sad and lonely.

          Rather than stay in bed, laze about on the couch with Kuma and feed my sorrowful feelings, I had the day I would have had regardless. The sun even shone although it didn’t warm up all that much. So, even though I didn’t feel like doing anything at all, I did my home exercise routine, had breakfast, tidied up the house and took myself to my swim exercise class.

          After class, I went to business Costco for gas and would have liked to have picked up my new glasses at the Aurora store, but only one of the two ordered pair is there. I didn’t want to make a trip for each pair. Gas tank full, I took myself down Aurora to Qdoba and ordered a Burrito made to my specifications and sat in my car and ate it…it was yummy.

          Back home, I took Kuma outside and chucked the ball until his tongue was falling out of his face. Before my exercise class, I scheduled a pedicure for 4:00 pm, so delayed my shower and shampoo until after…I don’t like the lotion they apply to my feet and legs.

In my nightie, I prepared French dips made with the flank steak I cooked on Monday. Then, before bed, I finished off the pint of Sea Salt Caramel Truffle ice cream. Kuma got his fair share of both since it is Valentine’s Day.

Have to say I am proud of myself for moving forward and having my usual Tuesday. I thought about John a lot throughout the day, but the thoughts and memories were good ones and heaven knows I have a plethora of those from which to choose.  

HARPER LADIES' LUNCH

 

          Yesterday, I wrote about friendship, probably because I was looking forward to the “Harper Ladies” lunch. This lunch is an event we began scheduling a couple of years ago. The impetus was the age of our Aunties or Moms. Aunt Elaine will be 96 this year and Auntie Phyllis was 93 last month. We all wanted more time with these funny and engaging women before it was too late.

          It’s always great to see everyone and to catch up on what’s been happening in each other’s lives and yesterday was no different. I’ve included a photo niece Mandy managed to take that includes all of us. Beginning with Mandy on the left up front and going counter-clockwise) are Aunt Phyllis, her daughter Sandi, moi, my daughter-in-law Angie, Sister Mary, Aunt Elaine, Mary's daugher Gilly and Mandy's daughter Abby.

          At our first restaurant lunch, both the Aunties ate and were ready to depart in less than an hour. Future lunches found us younger ladies stretching out the time by not ordering as quickly and lingering over and after our lunches.          

          Yesterday, some of the talk centered around what was going to happen when both the Aunties are no longer able to attend the lunches. Since Auntie Phyllis always has a glass of wine, us young’uns pledged to always have a glass of wine in her honor. For those of us driving, we might have to have longer lunches. There was also talk, as always, about health problems and/or successes. There’s a painful back, knees that are being difficult and being addressed by doctors and physical therapists, exercise efforts that we agree make us all feel better, whether one niece who has no children as of yet is taking one of the Auntie’s previous advice seriously (apparently not because she’s not yet in the family way), and lots of laughter and joking before and after lunch. Once lunch was served, it became fairly quiet…most of us were starving I think.

          There was also discussion about family members who are no longer with us. The youngest of the ladies is interested in geneology and asked questions about antecedents which we older ladies attempted to answer. She’s also interested in seeing more photos. I need to see what I have tucked away on the off-chance I have some to share.

          All in all, it was a very pleasant couple hours and we made plans to do it again in mid-April. We parted with lots of hugs, promises to keep in touch, and how happy we were to see each other.

          After I took Aunt Elaine home, I went a couple blocks down the street from the Foss Villages and joined my BFF at the neighborhood bar. It’s more of an outside venue as opposed to inside, especially when they have a band performing. Several of my BFF’s neighbors are in the band. It was chilly but very pleasant and the raspberry cider was the perfect dessert to my lunch. It also made the remainder of my afternoon very pleasant.

FRIENDSHIP

 

          Friendship. This is a word I’ve mulled over time and time again. I doubt I understand it any better now than I did in my youngest days. I do think it’s one of the most important things I can have in my life. I also have come to realize, at least for me, there are different types of friendship.

          There are friends I see frequently and with whom I share the most intimate details of my life. They are the friends I know I can count on and for whom I would do almost anything. I also think they would do almost anything for me as well. I treasure all these friendships and love the way they have been there for me during the most difficult times of my life as well as me for them. The strands of their lives are tightly woven into my life tapestry.

          There are friends I don’t see very often but because of our linkages and/or background, when I see them it’s as though we were together just the day before.  I cherish these friendships and often wish we lived closer to each other or had lives that allowed us the opportunities to see each other more often. The threads of their lives aren’t as tightly woven into my tapestry but wait for the time they’ll be taken up once again.

          There are friends I’ve had forever, their lives so tightly woven into the tapestry of my life that their value is priceless. I have but a few of these left which makes them all the more precious. I try very hard to make sure they know I think of and love them.

          There are friends who are more acquaintances than actual friends, but I care about these people as well. Whenever I see their Facebook posts, run into them when I’m out and about or we connect in some way for no reason, I’m always delighted to learn how their lives are progressing. It’s as though the fibers of their lives are loosely woven together but still make my life tapestry better.

          Then, there are the friends with whom I’ve completely lost touch for one reason or another. There never seems to be any one event that caused the friendship to cease, but it has. I miss these people but wish them well. The strands of their lives have broken and no longer add to my tapestry’s beauty.

          There are also friends that I think of as a “twofer.” They were part of my life when John was alive, but their friendship was mainly with him and they have ceased to be in contact. It’s as if when John’s thread broke, theirs did as well. Again, I miss them but wish them well.

          Finally, there are people I considered friends, and in some cases, good friends that have apparently moved on for one reason or another. I look to myself for reasons why this has happened. On my behalf, I believe I am a good friend, loving, generous, considerate, helpful, willing to assist or share however possible. Still, these people no longer inhabit my life; and while for a time, I seriously considered I was to blame for their lack of contact, I no longer do so. It was their choice, and I don’t have time to look for reasons or to apply blame. The threads of their lives have been caught up and no longer have the capability of adding to my tapestry.

          I find myself extremely fortunate in the friendships I do have and maintain. These are the women and men who add so much worth to my life that I would be, and am, bereft at each and every loss. Of course, at my age, I am looking at a tapestry nearing completion. That is all the more reason to cherish and value the remaining threads that continue to be interwoven with my own.

          If you are reading this, I urge you to reach out to your friends, both those near and far. Make that telephone call, set up that coffee, do whatever you need to do to let that person know you remember and care deeply about your friendship. Again, if you are near my age, those friendships are more important than ever.

A HINT OF SPRING

 

          Today was so amazingly spring-like. I loved, loved, loved it, and I didn’t stay inside but was outside. Of course, I began the day by attending my river exercise class. Boy, some days moving my body through that water with and against the current seems very difficult, but I persevere and feel so much better after.

          When I got home, I had lunch and then prepared all the vegetables for my stir-fry dinner. That finished, I put Kuma’s harness on and figured out a way to keep him in the front yard except for the two times he managed to shrug his way out of the harness. After the second time, I tightened the harness and Kuma was either tired from his explorations or he couldn’t shrug it off a third time.

          The first thing I did was to rearrange the wire flower cages to keep Kuma in his portion of the garden. I don’t know what I’ll do once everything starts to come up and the cages are needed to support the dahlias and lilies. I’ll have to give that some thought.

          That done, I moved to the front yard and into the sunshine. I managed to get all the Mexican wind grass cut down and a bunch of weeds pulled. What I don’t understand is where those weeds came from. I was very diligent last year about pulling up all those weeds with white flowers that turn into seeds that jump when touched. I just looked them up and it's called hairy bittercress weed. I’d swear very few of those seeds were able to proliferate, but you wouldn’t think that if you saw all the little green starts that are all over the place. I hate those things.

          The sun and breeze felt absolutely wonderful, and I ended up taking off my sweatshirt. I didn’t have my usual tank top beneath, so I wasn’t as bare as I usually am. I was grateful for the long-sleeved flannel shirt.

          Doing all this today and it getting close to Washington’s actual birthday of February 22^nd made me think of my old professor. He loved snow peas and every single year on Washington’s birthday, he planted. He dug up the soil, added compost and mixed it all together before carefully placing his seeds. I always enjoyed hearing him talk about his efforts, and the one time I saw his garden in Madison Park, I was extremely impressed.

          I won’t be planting snow peas on Washington’s birthday unless it’s another nice day like this. Even then, it probably won’t happen because I still have to clean and sterilize my planters as well as haul home bags of dirt. And I won’t do as the professor did, but simply put the seeds right into the dirt once the planter is filled. No extra prep on my part.

          Anyway it was a gorgeous day…send me more, please, please, please.

SNIPPETS

 

          Just some snippets of news for my post today, especially since I’m writing this at 5:55 pm on Wednesday and Kuma has to be at his training class at 7:00…he should graduate tonight…with honors??? I really don’t know. Anyway:

•       My granddaughter now has a job as a welder. She’ll begin on February 20^th and have to give up her two part-time jobs and take a pay cut as a result. I don’t know for who, but the company is located in South Park. Still, she’ll be working in her trade, so good for her.

·       My chat with my MD this morning resulted in my being able to continue with my river exercise class. When I began, I suffered from shin splints almost immediately and for the entire hour. The instructor suggested I get some pool shoes (who knew there was such a thing). I did and the shin splints began to improve. Now, they are usually gone after about half an hour and that might decrease as well as I continue.

·       The weather channel says it’s supposed to get up to 56 degrees tomorrow afternoon. That’s great news and I think it means I’ll be out in the garden doing several things after my river exercise.

·       One of the things I’ll be doing is re-establishing Kuma’s potty area. I thought for sure that after months of being directed to one area, he would automatically return there. My tree trimmers were here yesterday and moved all the flower cages I used to provide a barrier. Kuma’s first two trips had him going directly to one flowerbed to pee. Then, it was like, oh hey, I’ve got the whole yard for a bathroom now. And, I thought he was so smart.

·       I managed to ignore all this year's flower and garden catalogs, but Breck’s just won’t give up. They recently sent me two catalogs. One is just all kinds of lilies and the other is all kinds of hostas. I’ve gone through and picked out what I’d like to have, but have not placed an order. I don’t know if I will or not.

·       Next week is the Flower and Garden Show. I guess if I don’t purchase anything there, I may allow myself to order the lilies and hostas. Of course, I keep telling myself I’m not going to be in this house working in this garden for decades so I really shouldn’t bother, that I already have enough…but, sheesh, these are ones I don’t have and they’re lovely.  

That’s it. Time to load up my pockets with treats so Kuma will respond appropriately and make sure I have everything I need for class…out of five previous classes, I’ve only arrived fully prepared for four of them. Amazingly, I’ve managed to get Kuma to all the classes.

FRIENDS

          

So blessed by and grateful for: Friends who visit. Friends who bring me flowers. Friends who always have time for a latte. Friends who share their joy in the purchase of a wedding dress. Friends who want to read what I write. Friends who share their worries. Friends who share their accomplishments. Friends who want to have lunch. Friends who share their lives. Friends whose lives add so much to the tapestry of my own life. Thank you, one and all, for making my life richer with your love, experiences, and most of all, your sharing with me your daily lives. I’m a very wealthy individual thanks to y’all.

MY EARLY VALENTINE

 

         

In six more days, it will be 58 years since John and I first met. We decided we were each other’s Valentine even though we didn’t do cards or candy that first Valentine’s Day. I did my usual grocery shopping today and there were all kinds of stuff that could be purchased as a Valentine gift for your honey. Me, myself and I debated as to which of us should be the Valentine this year and receive the gift and which of us should be the gifter. The final decision was to not purchase any of the items for any of us…sweet stuff just doesn’t appeal.

          I find it rather amazing that we met on February 13^th (58 years ago) married on August 13^th (57 years ago) and John died on August 12^th (3.5 years ago). It all seems sort of preordained somehow. I find myself wondering what the numbers will be when it’s time for me to join John wherever he is now.

Of course, I’m thinking about John all those years ago and how the attraction was immediate. I’d never felt that way about any boy/man in my entire life. Even the boy I went steady with for two years didn’t have that effect on me. Amazingly, that attraction never really left either one of us although there were times and events that certainly muted the feelings. As a matter of fact, those last few years were so hard, the loving feeling disappeared and didn’t return, at least for me, until John had been gone for over a year. Amazing how I can look back now and see what a bitch I was and what a real prick he was during that time. That’s when I wish I’d been kinder and much more patient with both of us.

You know how it is though, you don’t get a do-over. What’s done is done and cannot be changed. Today, looking back what I’m remembering is arriving at my friend’s house dressed in a blue skirt topped by a blue and white sweater. Of course, I was wearing a girdle and nylons…that was the dress code then.  When I stepped inside the door, I had to bend over to keep the dog from snagging my nylons. John was across the room and my view of him began with his shiny loafers, moved up khaki pants with a sharp crease, a thin belt and a short-sleeved, fresh from the cleaners, shirt. His brown hair was neatly combed, his face freshly shaved and his lips curved in a wonderful smile.

When I finally stood, our eyes met and there seemed to be a current that connected us. For me, it was love at first sight. I’m so very thankful we shared so many February 13^ths. Me, myself and I will raise a glass to our early Valentine come next Monday.