I managed to give myself a
horrible birthday present. I received my second shingles shot yesterday and my
arm is so sore I can barely sit here and type, plus my head feels way too big
to be sitting on my shoulders. It’s only temporary and I didn’t have any big
plans for today anyway. I think I’ll just snuggle down with my doggies and doze
on the couch. What follows is what I wrote yesterday. I’m not happy with it,
but it’s all I’ve got prepared.
This morning, round about
4:00 am, I turned 75 years old. Absolutely amazing as far as I’m concerned. I
never ever thought about having this many years, even as they continued to
multiply with each passing year. I look back at my Grandma and my mom and know
that I’m in far better shape at 75 than they were when they gained that number.
I believe both Grandma and mom died at 79. It’s a little sobering to think I
may only have a few more years before I’m done and the oven gets turned off.
I do, however, have things
going for me that they did not. Grandma used snuff and mom smoked Lucky Strike
straights right until the bitter end, and the end was bitter because they took
away her cigs and with them, I think, her will to go on living. I smoked once
upon a time, but finally was able to stop. But I probably smoked far longer
than I really should have.
I exercise and walk.
Neither mom nor grandma did. When grandma fell and broke her hip, that was
pretty much the end for her. I’ve had both hips replaced, and judging from the
fall I took election night, I know they are holding up very well and will
undoubtedly continue to do so.
Anyway, enough comparisons
and thinking about how short four years really is. I should be writing about
what I’ve learned over the last 75 years and/or what I’m most thankful for on
this particular birthday. And, actually, the first thing that popped into my
head is that there is no such word as “should.” I will or won’t, can or cannot,
but according to one of the counselors I had decades ago, there is absolutely NO
should. I always try to remember that, but I’m not always successful.
What I am most thankful
for on this birthday is the life I’ve led up till now. I was so fortunate in my
marriage to John and the life we shared. True, the last few years were horrid a
lot of the time, but during those five plus decades, we shared so much. It’s
the memories of those shared times and events that brings a smile to my face.
Then, there’s my children, and it’s so hard to think of them as children when
one is 50 and the other 40. They, too, are responsible for some of the best
memories and experiences we’ve shared since their arrival in my life.
When it came to the women
they married, I was very lucky there too. AJ’s wife, Angie, has been front and
center for both my hip replacements and my shoulder repair. I literally could not
have survived those without her help…okay, I’m sure I would have survived, but
having her help made a huge difference. Thor married Amber who came with two
children from previous relationships. Her daughter calls Thor Dad because he’s
been her dad since she was three or younger. It seems a bit karma-ish that Thor
became daddy to a little girl in the same way my daddy became my dad and almost
at the same age
And, of course the icing on the top of the
family cake are my grandkids. I was there when Haley came into the world, the
same way I was there for Xander. I cannot begin to describe the feeling I had
as I watched the birth of my grandchildren. And then, to have them both be such
a huge part of my life from the get go brought love and rewards that continue
to multiply exponentially as time passes. I’m not sure if Arayli remembers her
life before I came along, but she and I have shared special moments and times
that bring me happy memories as well.
As for extended family, my
younger brother passed away a couple of years ago, but my younger sister is
still full of get-up and go and living on her own as am I. And let’s not forget
the new extended family I found six years ago. I remain in close touch with
younger brother in Tennessee and he keeps up me up-to-date on all the other family
members. I had really hoped to visit again, but maybe next year after COVID
leaves.
Then, there are my
friends, the ones I talk to every week and who have always brought so much with
them into my life. Their love and support was so important after John died and
I’m so thankful they were there. And the friends I don’t see or talk to so
often, but whenever we do connect, it’s as though no time has passed at all. Of
course, it has, but we slot right into our places and enjoy each other just as
if it hadn’t.
Last year I expected my
birthday to be rather sad since it was the first one in almost 55 years that
John hadn’t been present. It was my friends who stepped up and made sure I had
a great day with lunch out, gifts, the birthday song and cards. It made the day
extra special and I’m still so thankful for their efforts on my behalf. This year
will be different and that’s perfectly fine. I think I’ll order out from this
Mexican restaurant, maybe go to Trader Joe’s for some of those carrot cake
muffins and listen to family and friends wish me a happy birthday or sing me
the birthday song over the telephone.
When I sat down to write
this, I wasn’t sure where I’d end up with it. I do feel as though it should be
full of wisdomey nuggets, sage advice, ideas for making your/my life better,
but I don’t think that’s happening. I think I’m just rambling from one topic to
another, but it’s what’s in my head and coming out my fingers. I did think
about doing a bullet point list of everything I’m grateful for, but decided no
one really wants to read a list of stuff. In fact, I don’t want to get bogged
down making a list and leaving off something that might be really important.
Actually, to be perfectly
honest, I’m just not feeling it, the writing I mean. My head feels as though it’s
stuffed with cotton which isn’t allowing those fabled thoughts of mine to
surface or my wonderful humor to bring any delighted laughter forth. I find
myself wondering and being slightly concerned about this. Does turning 75 cause
some of your brain cells to be replaced with cotton? Am I suddenly going to
fall asleep just sitting on the couch? Is my inability to remember shit going
to increase? Did I tell you I don’t remember cleaning out the dishwasher last
night. I swear the doggies or the cat had to have done it. Ah well, as long as
it’s not something really important like where I live, I’m sure I’ll be just
fine.
Still, it’s sobering to
think about how little time may be ahead of me. My financial advisor projects
my life to 94, and it would be great to make that number and go beyond provided
I don’t end up in a wheelchair in a hallway somewhere drooling on my shirt.
That is a goal to which I have no intention attaining.
I wish I could think of
some way to end this that would leave both you and I laughing…I think I’m
closer to tears than the laughter. I guess at this point in my life, all I can
do is work hard to remain independent, catch and enjoy whatever wonders come my
way, live in the day I’m actually experiencing instead of trying to cross
bridges I haven’t reached (am I mixing my metaphors?), and be grateful I've had so much for so long while hoping it continues to 94 and beyond.
So, altogether now: Happy birthday to me
Happy
birthday to me
Happy birthday dearest moi
Happy birthday to me.
Thank you all for the great
birthday wishes!!!!