If you read the previous post, it may seem
as though we had a wonderful marriage of almost 53 years; however, that isn’t
necessarily true. We did have difficulties over the decades that led to
separation, marriage counselling, trust issues and questions as to why on earth
we just didn’t divorce.
When we separated after four years of marriage, I
received two valuable pieces of advice. The first was from a good friend’s
husband. They’d had to get married because she was pregnant and had just
welcomed their third child. He told me that he knew her better than anyone in
the whole world, so why would he ever think he could make another marriage work
with someone he barely knew if he couldn’t make it work with her. The second
piece came from my best friend who said that there were times in her marriage
where she walked alone in the deepest darkest valley where the light-filled
mountains appeared to be so far above her she’d never reach them. But, she said
she persevered and eventually climbed back into the light on the mountain.
I guess I took that advice to heart because no matter how bad things became between John and I, I persevered…or I was just too frightened or cowardly to try to go it alone on my own...or I guess I really loved him.
The last few years were especially
difficult. John’s health deteriorated over time until pretty much on a
quarterly basis we were calling 911, going to the hospital, followed by rehab
prior to returning home. He was Mr. Crabbypants, but who wouldn’t be when they
don’t feel well and are unable to do more than walk with a walker from room to room.
I was Mrs. Crabbypants due to the fact John's ill health
was mostly due to his own lack of care for himself, i.e., he ate what he wanted and ignored dietary suggestions from the doctor and/or nurse. He also didn't willingly exercise at all unless he was in rehab or the physical therapist came to our home. As long as John was in rehab, either at home or away, his physical activity improved greatly. When the directed PT stopped, so did John's exercise routine. As a result, it was up to me to care for him...I learned why "in sickness" comes before "in health." This was not how I imagined my/our retirement would be in our "golden" years.