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Well, I just finished paying the bills for April, including the property tax bill. There’s a part of me that feels good because the funds were there, and while they are now more or less nonexistent, at least the bills are all paid in full. But there’s another part of me that would like to see a high remaining balance, or at least way more than what’s in there now.
Somehow, I always thought I would reach a point in my life where I wouldn’t need to worry or be concerned about having enough money to do whatever I want to do. Soon to begin my eighth decade, I’m pretty sure I’ll never reach a point where I can simply purchase whatever I want without having to consider just how I’ll pay for whatever that acquisition might be.
Once my grandmother moved to California when I was twelve years old, my mother began confiding in me rather than my dad her concerns about the family’s financial status. So, I began worrying at an early age about how the bills would get paid, how to rob Peter to pay Paul and vice-versa. I assumed somehow that once I was all grown up and responsible for just myself (or my family), those worries would no longer be present because I’d be in control.
Well, you know what they say about early programming…it sticks. So, throughout my entire life, regardless of the debits and credits in my financial life, I’ve continued to fret about having enough money to pay the bills, and never mind having enough left over to do with as I choose. Even right now, with the bills paid and a small balance, I’ll move on to worry about future months and whatever expenses I incur.
Provided nothing absolutely insane is activated by that asshole in DC, I’m pretty sure I have more than enough money to get me through the remainder of my life. There might even be a few dollars left for the kids and grandkids to share amongst themselves. So, why am I devoting even a moment (let alone this blog post) to thinking about having enough money?
I would guess it was that early programming; and even were I to win a huge lottery (fat chance since I don’t purchase tickets), I’d still undoubtedly spend time and energy worrying about my potential for lack of funds. But for now, I can put aside that concern…at least for April.