I’m afraid I
was a naughty dog owner yesterday evening. When I decided to tackle that Costco
chicken, I was so hungry, I pretty much
stood by the sink dismantling the poor thing. I ate some as I did this, but
even worse, I let my doggies have way more than they really should have had. As a
result, they both left me a gift…or gifts depending on how you look at it.
It’s
hard for me to believe I did not see their gifts when I put them in their
houses last night. That is unless they have mastered opening their houses, leaving
the gifts and then reclosing the latches. I don’t think so. In any case, it was
my fault because I should not have been so generous with that greasy chicken
and skin. I didn’t punish them, but it certainly got me off my butt and now I have
a completely clean kitchen, computer area and dining room. I did make them wait in the laundry room until
I’d finished vacuuming (they hate that anyway) and mopping the floors.
In
the process, I again realized the biggest reason for why I really hate to clean
my house. It’s because as I pursue the dirt, dust etc., I see each and every poor job John did
when it came to making repairs or changing stuff in this house. That’s also the
biggest reason why I’d like to empty it out and sell it off.
I don’t know just when John’s
attention to detail and lack of care about the home we shared began. I’m not
sure it began because that was his business and he was always busy fixing
something for someone else, working seven days a week during spring, summer and
fall, so we’d make it through the winter. I don’t know if it ended up being his
passive-aggressive way of getting back at me for whatever fault(s) he found
with me.
It’s very discouraging though to go
through my house and see what could have been done ever so much better. It’s
also discouraging when I think about what it would cost to have someone come in
and correct what’s wrong. In talking to one of my sons, he suggested I just
sell the house as is and let the new owners fix whatever they want fixed. He
figures they’ll probably change it to suit themselves anyway. But what if I
have to stay here for another two years or more…who knows how long this
pandemic is actually going to last, right?
Leaving things as they are also
continues to cause me a certain amount of pain because I don’t understand how
or why John couldn’t have done the kind of job for me, he did for all his
customers. I worked, raised our kids, and kept a very nice house, at least in
my opinion. The house was always clean, well kept, and I did my very best to
decorate it in a pleasing, attractive and comfortable manner. I didn’t leave
piles of crap all over the place and let the windows become grimy. I also kept
up the yard. The most John ever did there was to mow the grass until the boys
were old enough to take over. After that, we hired the neighbor’s boy.
Take my wonderful bathroom as an example. John
last remodeled in there in 1984. It was wonderful. Since then, I think he had
to replace the skylights and the shower door. Thor replaced the toilet for me. I
was given this little half circle table which I wanted to use in the bathroom.
I didn’t like the legs on the table and explained to John how I wanted them
made smaller. Every time I sit on the toilet, I see those legs and the piss-poor job
he did. I could have done as well myself.
Then,
there’s the second shower door. I loved the first one. It was solid glass. I
came home and thought something looked strange while I was going potty. It was
the shower door which had shattered into a pile of pieces in and out of the
shower. John said he couldn’t find one like it and installed this other one
that is ugly, has aluminum side bars and he glued a piece of wood at the top supposedly
to keep the door from breaking somehow.
When
I decided to paint the bathroom, probably when he put in the second set of
skylights, I also wanted to do the cupboards. I painted the cupboards black,
and he sanded, stained, and maybe shellacked the doors. You can tell looking at
the doors that it was a crappy job. He also didn’t provide any instructions
when it came to painting the cupboards black. I didn’t know I should have put a
base coat on first, so, the black paint hasn’t adhered well in some places the
way it should have. When it came to painting the walls and the skylight insets,
if you look, you can see that the painting job wasn’t done very well…a second
coat would have made it perfect.
At
one point after I retired, I redid the caulking around the toilet. That meant
removing the old caulking and installing new. I did a great job. I took a trip
to California and while gone wanted Thor to install this vinyl strip between
the linoleum and tub and shower. He did, but it was the kind of job his father
would have done, so I figure John supervised. He also put new caulking over the
caulking I’d put around the toilet and it’s white rather than the clear I used.
I
know I’m whining again about John and the way he did and/or left things. How
could I post just yesterday about missing him and wishing he were here to
welcome me home, talk to me, whatever. It seems like I get to a point where I’m
going along just fine and then I do something stupid like clean house. I try
not to let it bug me, but I just don’t understand why he couldn’t have done his
best for me the way I always tried to do my best for him.
Of
course, the perfect solution to this is to no longer clean house. If it’s going
to send me down this road and make me blog about John and his lack of
understanding or passive aggressive tendencies, perhaps it’s the best solution
all round…especially since I can’t have company anyway. Still, I do have to
admit I really like sitting here surrounded by a shiny floor, sparkling glass,
and a dust-free computer screen. It’s probably time I just get on with it and stop trying to figure out the
whys and wherefores since I’ll never ever actually get an answer.