CHAPTER 5

 CHAPTER 5

Thursday morning came much too quickly and it was apparent to Maddie that Sharon had a hang-over. Still, the woman escorted her to Nordstrom, changed the account over to Maddie’s name, and advised her on the proper apparel for the coming Saturday night. Maddie was appalled at the amount of money spent on the dress, shoes and accessories. Sharon insisted, however, that it was a routine practice for events like the one she’d be attending. Maddie also decided she and Spence would have a conversation about this practice in the near future.

Friday’s dinner celebration wasn’t much of one. Both Sharon and Spence seemed uncomfortable and it didn’t last as long as the dinner Maddie had had with Sharon earlier in the week. Maddie did notice that Sharon was much more careful about the amount of alcohol she drank. She also noticed that Spence ordered the same Scotch as she did and like her, kept it to one. Maddie was more than happy to bid both individuals good night after reassuring Spence she’d be ready by 8:00 pm the following night.

Maddie spent Saturday morning doing errands which included returning all the items that had been purchased at Nordstrom on Thursday. She found the very idea of the company paying such exorbitant sums for clothing for one night appalling. And, okay, it wasn’t thousands and thousands, but it was funds that could be better utilized in some fashion within the company. She had plenty of good clothing from which to choose or she could afford to go buy something herself if she needed something more appropriate.

Once the week’s groceries had been put away, Maddie ran herself a bath and used some of the gardenia bath salts she loved. It had been a long time since she had prepared herself for a date, although tonight wasn’t really a date, but still, it felt good to be pampering herself with the goal of looking splendid by the time Spence came to fetch her. She supposed he would have a limo and perhaps she needed to talk to him about the use of those as well. He certainly didn’t seem to adhere to being frugal no matter how many numbers appeared on his computer screens.

Ready and waiting, Maddie smoothed her hand down the soft velvet of the long cape she wore in lieu of a coat. She enjoyed the feel of the soft material, however, the very thin leather gloves she pulled on over her hands felt just as good. She had always known she had a sensuous nature and speculated her sense of touch was quite possibly stronger than any of her other senses. When Maddie saw the limo pull up in front of her house, she opened the door, checked the lock and moved toward the car.

Spence was surprised not only by Maddie being ready to go, but also by the cloak she was wearing and his surprise increased as he helped her into the car. She seemed to know exactly how to handle all the material, as if she’d worn that type of outwear often. Amazingly, even though she was wearing gloves, when he took her hand to help her into the car, there was still a zing. It made him wonder what the cape concealed. Settled in the back of the limo, they exchanged greetings and while Maddie had prepared herself with as much information about the event as possible, she still had some questions.

“Spencer, I was wondering if you had any ground rules when it comes to your EA attending this type of occasion? Are there any individuals you want me to talk to? I guess I just want to know what your expectations might be?”

“To be perfectly honest, I could attend by myself, but then I’d have all kinds of women trying to match me up with someone and I’m definitely not interested in having that happen. All I’d like you to do is to have a good time, talk to whomever you’d like and, of course, if you learn anything that might benefit the company, that would be great.”

“That sounds fairly easy.”

“One other thing and that’s regarding alcohol. You may drink however much or whatever you like as long as you don’t overdo.”

“You don’t have to worry about my drinking too much. I’ve always been very careful. One glass of wine and I get a little silly. Two glasses and I get very silly and three; well, whoever supplies that third glass could undoubtedly have their way with me.” Maddie responded with a chuckle. “I don’t think I’ve ever been really drunk, not even in college.”

For some reason, Maddie’s laughing comment about having three drinks resulting in someone having their way with her left Spencer thinking seriously about how he could entice her to have that third drink. Those thoughts make his tie just a little too tight. And even though they weren’t sitting thigh to thigh, the atmosphere in the back of the limo seemed charged to him in some way. He wondered if Maddie felt it as well, or if she’d felt the same zing he’d felt through her gloves.

Maddie was also aware of how the very air seemed to hold some form of energy. She’d managed to conceal her hand beneath her cape and rub it on her thigh. It really didn’t make any sense for there to be whatever it was between her and Spencer. She hadn’t even known him a week, but his touch just on her hand made her nipples harden and her imagination run wild. She could barely look at his face because she wanted to stare at his lips.

Neither one of them seemed to have much to say after Spencer had provided his expectations, so they completed the ride in silence. At the hotel, Spencer helped her out of the car and placed her hand on his arm as they entered and proceeded to the ballroom. In front of the cloakroom, Maddie released the cape’s clasp and Spencer removed it prepared to hand it over to the young woman behind the counter. For a few seconds, he couldn’t move because he was hypnotized by what the cape’s removal revealed. Maddie’s arms and back were completely bare right down to her bottom with only strings that criss-crossed the length of that bare skin. At her bottom, the silky black material flowed all the way down to black stilettos.

“Sir, sir, did you want to give me that garment?” released Spencer from his wide-eyed stare at Maddie’s back.

“Oh, yes. Please.” He responded with a small head shake.

Spencer cleared his throat and moved up to stand beside Maddie. He placed his hand in the small of her bare back to guide her into the ballroom. If the touch of hands had made him feel a zing, his entire hand on her almost completely bare skin made his entire arm and perhaps his entire body go on high alert. His cock even twitched which was something that had never happened with any woman previously.

As they moved forward to be greeted by their host and hostess, Spencer could tell that Maddie had either been well-instructed as she grew up or she had attended other events like this one. She smiled and said all the right things, as Spencer introduced her as his new EA. It was during the introductions he got to see the front of Maddie’s amazing dress. A halter top covered her entire chest like a second skin and hugged her torso until it reached the top of the front of a short gathered skirt which left at least half of her beautifully toned thighs bare. Long dangly earrings that appeared to be diamonds or very well-made imitations brought one’s attention to her neck, face and the tendrils of hair that appeared to just have fallen from the loose bun at her neck’s nape. Spencer realized Maddie was a gorgeously beautiful woman. He also realized he desired her more than any other woman he’d ever been with.

In the ballroom, Spencer went to acquire drinks for them only to return and find Maddie in earnest conversation with David MacGuire, a venture capitalist who had a reputation for being a ladies’ man. Spencer handed Maddie her drink, shook hands with David and listened as they continued their conversation about the stock market. David was insisting Maddie should sell all her shares in the Stockton Company and Maddie was insisting right back that the company was sound and would soon see a rise in the worth of each share.

“It’s not the time to sell, David, it’s the time to buy. You wait. You’ll be sorry you sold your shares. Be sure to call me so I can say I told you so.”

“For that I’d need your number sweetheart.” David responded with what Spence considered a leer.

“You can reach me at Spencer’s company. I’m his new EA.”

“Well, well, well, aren’t you the lucky one Spence.” David grinned, winked and slapped Spencer on the back. “If I were you, I’d be looking forward to going to work every single day as well as hate having the day end.”

“Guess Maddie’s lucky I’m not you, David. She’d probably find it extremely hard to do her job while you chased her around the desk.”

David laughed heartily while Spencer again placed his hand on Maddie’s back and urged her forward. They moved around the ballroom reception area, sipping their drinks and nibbling on hor d’ouevres. When the ballroom doors opened, they moved with the crowd, found their table and sat down.

By this time, Maddie’s close proximity, the light and pleasant scent that drifted to Spencer from her skin, his hand on her back or her hand on his arm had Spencer aroused to the point he wanted to toss Maddie over his shoulder and find the nearest dark and quiet spot to ravish her. He’d never felt this way in his entire life and was totally mystified by his reaction to this woman. The evening had barely begun, but Spencer was ready to have it end, to have such tempestuous thoughts removed from his mind. He forced himself to turn to the woman on his other side and make conversation. Even then, his entire left side seemed electrified and totally aware of Maddie just inches away.

Maddie’s thoughts and her body’s reaction to Spencer being so near was like nothing she’d experienced before. She was aware of every single cell and each time his hand came in contact with her bare back, she could feel the heat spread throughout her body. That heat made her aware of her nipples hardening and her sex becoming engorged and her panties wet. She hoped Spencer was unaware of her response to him because she didn’t want to lose her job the way Sharon had. Maddie was extremely grateful when they finally sat down to dinner and he wouldn’t feel the need to touch her as he directed her around. Still, even though she turned her entire attention to the very nice gentleman on her left, she could feel a pull from Spencer’s body on her right.

Finally, the evening was over and Maddie’s body was safe from Spencer’s touch beneath her all-encompassing velvet cloak. When the limo arrived to pick them up, Spencer helped her into the car and told the driver to take her home.

“You’re not coming?” Maddie asked, looking up at Spencer’s face. While she waited for answer, she noticed how hard he seemed to be clenching his jaw.

“No, Maddie. I have a few things I need to take care of. I hope you don’t mind. I really appreciated you attending with me tonight. I’ll see you in the office on Monday. Good night.” And Spencer closed the door.

As the limo drove off, Spencer heaved a huge sigh. There had been no way he could have climbed into that car, into that dark and comfortable back seat and sat there breathing in Maddie’s scent and not have accosted her before the car was down the block. He turned and began to walk, wondering how he was going to manage working with her come Monday. There had to be some way to ignore his body’s response when near her. He even wondered if he’d need to fire her and hire Sharon back.

ACUPUNCTURE

             

Yesterday I had an appointment for acupuncture. I had acupuncture a couple decades ago for my shoulder and it worked beautifully. Then, I tried it for the peripheral neuropathy in my feet, but that didn’t work. Since I’m not too enthused about getting an injection in my lower spine, I thought I’d give acupuncture a chance to alleviate my lower back pain.

          I was just a bit disappointed today because Dr. Yun focused on my peripheral neuropathy as opposed to my lower back. But we’re just getting started so it’s entirely possible she’s working up to that spot. I’ll ask her at the next appointment to make sure we both have the same goals.

          In any case, it was very relaxing except for one needle in the inside of my right lower calf. I had to ring the bell and have it removed because it began to hurt like the dickens (what does that even mean???) and the nerve felt like it was spasming. Dr. Yun assured me that it’s not supposed to hurt at all.

          She also gave me homework to do. I need to find a golf ball, or maybe two of them and roll them around with the bottom of my feet. I’m to do this several times a day, quite possibly whenever I have to sit down to rest my back on the heating pad. Supposedly, we’re (make that moi) working to reopen the nerve pathways to alleviate the neuropathy. I’m not the doctor and haven’t been trained in acupuncture, but if Dr. Yun thinks it’s possible, then I’ll work toward that.

          My next appointment isn’t until the second week of March, but that’s the soonest they could fit me back in with her. The appointment after that is two weeks later and when I go in for the first one, I’ll make additional ones further out so I’m going in every two weeks.

          Very relaxing and I made some mental headway with Maddie’s story.

SIX LESSONS FOR US OLDER FOLKS

           

Today is the real Valentine’s Day, or at least the one that most folks celebrate if they celebrate. I didn’t send out any cards and only received one from my eldest son. But, that’s okay, since my holiday was actually yesterday.

          I also received a Facebook share from my ex-sister-in-law that was worth sharing, at least in my opinion. I wish I could share it with everyone I know, but not everyone has Facebook. The share was called Wealthnews and talked about six life changes that happen once you turn 71. I listened to the entire talk a couple of times and found I had to agree with some of the information shared therein. I may even decide to sign up for this…$1.00/month, so I think it’s affordable.

          In any case, the gentleman doing the lecturing said there is an invisible line between the late 60s and early 70s. You think you’re slowing down whether you like it or not. I found myself agreeing with that and the fact I sometimes have to give myself a talking to about my abilities and efforts. The six items he shared were much more extensive than what I’ve reiterated below but that’s because I chose the information I felt applied to me.

1.     I.  There is a slow decline of physical urgency. We move differently not because we’re lazy, but because we don’t need to hurry for anyone anymore. This stillness can become a trap because our muscles weaken, our inner fire dims, and it’s not because we’re more peaceful or wise. We stop challenging limits and our body mirrors what our minds believe.

 

I don’t believe this applies to moi. At least not totally. I continue to exercise, work in my garden and do all, or most, of the things I need to do to keep myself stable and self-confident. I haven’t given up, or at least that’s how I feel most days.

 

2.    II. We can become slightly disconnected to the world and its events as well as people. We think we have nothing to say, can feel invisible and become more isolated. This loneliness can rewire our brains and make us feel less here.

 

Perhaps some of this could apply to moi. For instance, I don’t read the paper, watch the daily news or pay close attention to what’s happening in the world. But I am aware of what’s actually happening, not to the extent I could talk about it forever, but to the extent I can hold a conversation and offer my own opinion.

 

3.    III. The structure of our lives collapses. Retired, we have no routine, our anchors fade and time blurs. Yes, it’s wonderful to sleep in and take things slow, but it also allows us to lose our sense of purpose. It’s decay by disuse. We need to provide ourselves with some form of structure.

 

It’s true I don’t have a strict routine as I did when I had a job and/or John was alive. I do, however, have activities in which I participate on a regular basis. It wouldn’t hurt me, however, to pay a bit more attention to setting some kind of schedule when it comes to accomplishing stuff around home.

 

4.    IV. Then, there’s our fear of becoming a burden. We don’t want to bother anyone, family or friends because they all have their own lives. Instead of asking for help, we minimize our needs and allow people to think we’re just “fine.” This gentleman pointed out that we’ve spent a lifetime giving and it’s only fair to allow others to give to us now…that’s balance.

 

Well, I have to admit I’m extremely guilty of this. I don’t want to “bother” my sons, granddaughter or friends unless absolutely necessary. In thinking about this, I believe I’ve put distance between myself and some of those folks for this very reason. I don’t want to be a burden, a bother, or take up very much of their time. Perhaps I need to rethink this aspect of my life.

 

5.    V. Our dreams shrink. It’s not visible to folks on our outsides, but we stop imagining a future or believing that something exciting could be waiting for us. If we stop looking forward, we fade backwards. If we believe our lives are over, then our mind will believe it. We need to challenge ourselves, learn something new, make plans.

 

I can definitely identify with this one. Because of financial considerations, I don’t plan the kind of trips I thought I’d be taking at this time of my life. If I knew how much time I had left, then perhaps I wouldn’t feel as though I need to watch my pennies. On the other hand, perhaps I should just throw those thoughts away and make a plan…I’ll have to think on this. But, I’ve also taken up new activities like driftwood sculpture and classes/meetings for that.

 

6.    VI. The final item on this list was a quiet acceptance of isolation. We stop calling people back, making small talk takes too much effort, we skip lunch or other interactions with family and friends. According to this lecture, solitude brings peace, but disconnection starves mental clarity and allows you to convince yourself that no one really cares. Have you stopped calling folks because they haven’t called you back and if so, are you sure this was their intention. Telling everyone that you’re “fine” only creates more loneliness. . Solitude is peace, disconnection starves it. Disconnection eats mental clarity, convinces no one really cares…just stopped trying after making too many calls.

     The takeaway from this is to stay connected to family and friends. I think in some cases, I’ve pulled back from some folks with the idea that “they don’t care.” I don’t know if this is really the case or not because I’ve never discussed it with them. I do know that over my retirement years, I’ve made some new friends and enjoy the time I spend with them. Perhaps I need to think about putting more energy toward the folks with whom I feel there is now a distance. Something else to put on my, “think about and todo list.”

          So, there you have it, a long blog post about the importance of staying active and connected after you reach 71. In actual fact, this could apply to anyone at almost any age, but perhaps as we get older, we need to make more of an effort. I know that moving forward I’m really going to think about these lessons and see if it’s possible to improve my own life.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

        

  As I wrote on Wednesday, this has been a difficult week. Initially, I didn’t equate how I was feeling with the fact that today is February 13^th. This is the day that John and I met way back in 1965…that makes this the 61^st anniversary of that initial meeting. In some ways it doesn’t seem possible that so much time has passed, or that John isn’t here to celebrate our Valentine’s Day a day early.

          The fact is I was feeling very sad and alone at the beginning of the week.  All I really wanted to do was to stay in bed and sleep. Of course, I couldn’t do that because I had commitments and Kuma to care for. You would think that after all this time, a stupid date wouldn’t have the ability to make me feel so bad.

          I’ve written before about how John and I met; how the attraction was immediate, how our relationship progressed from, “We just want to have fun with each other, no big deal.” to an engagement ring eight months later. The memories of those months and the years following, while not all rosy and bright, are still able to make me smile and even laugh depending on which memory surfaces. And, there are so many…I could write pages and pages full of them.

          When it came to celebrating Valentine’s Day, we always did so the day before. Usually, we went to dinner, exchanged cards, gifts and had great sex that night. Anticipation almost always filled that entire day, and I must say, was rarely, if ever, rewarded with disappointment.

          I can’t remember when John began to go to See’s candy store and buy me a one-pound box of dark assorted chocolates. They were all mine and I didn’t have to share, although I did offer him his choice. Even when he reached the point where he no longer drove, his chauffeur delivered him to the door and waited. We always exchanged cards, some of them terribly gushy, some funny and fun, some so sincere they made me want to cry. To say I’ve missed this anniversary since John’s been gone would be like saying the ocean is wet.

          The closet contains a box that holds all the Valentine’s Day cards we exchanged over the years…well most of them. The first one I gave John was one I made using two toilet paper rolls, two sticks, and a roll of adding machine paper. It was a scroll. I wrote, pasted mementos I’d saved that whole first year…some were naughty, some were fun and some just tickets to events…to that paper. I enjoyed making that card and am now sorry I destroyed/threw it away when I was going through John’s stuff…it was very big and bulky.

          I suppose I could open that closet door and take a trip down memory lane by looking at all those cards. I probably won’t do that, but there is that option. I also went by See’s today and bought myself a box of dark assorted chocolates which I’ll enjoy one by one, day by day all by myself.

          So, for me, today is a rather sad kind of day, but I’m going to choose to remember all the wonderful times John and I shared over all those years. When I close my eyes, I can see him in all his iterations, i.e., tall, skinny, big belly, with and without a beard, long hair, short hair, and wearing the ubiquitous t-shirt and Levi 501s. Those memories, those mental pictures still make me smile even while I want to cry.

          It’s for certain they won’t hug me, kiss me, provide great sex…you have no idea how much I miss being able to feel his skin against my skin…but at least I have them.  Me, myself and moi, we may be sorrowful, but we’re also grateful and able to still celebrate the fact of those sixty-one years.

          Happy Valentine’s Day, John!!!

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER???

           

Well, I'll just bet the cartoon caught your eye right off the bat. I also am willing to bet you're expecting something a bit racy or at least interesting. Sorry, have to apologize that what follows this paragraph is just STUFF. Also, apologies for not posting first thing today...I was a very busy woman and just now found the time to fling my fingers over the keyboard. So, on to my news:

·       I’m getting new hearing aids. I had my audiology appointment on my calendar for 2:30 and arrived in Everett Kaiser at 2:00. Since I was so early, I sat in the car and looked at Facebook. Imagine my surprise when I went inside to find out that I was like twenty minutes late. But that turned out okay because the MD schedules an hour and we still had thirty minutes and completed everything in less than that. I excited to get new hearing aids for several reasons:

o   The ones I have now are five or six years old and pretty much used up.

o   Instead of Costco, I’m going to Kaiser and the cost will be zero.

o   I’ll have an appointment with the audiologist who will explain how everything works…something I didn’t receive at Costco. I think they gave me a program, but I was too “stupid” to figure it out. This time, I’ll get a full explanation and be able to clarify anything that I don’t understand.

o   Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been with Costco and the same person since 2007 and it’s been great, but I think my hearing has become such that I need to better understand what’s helping me hear.

·       I got my income tax done yesterday and am getting money back. I expected that, just not how much. Apparently there’s a $6,000 deduction for people over 65…and I definitely am…so that’s mainly why. I tried to do the taxes myself, but couldn’t find all of the info I needed and probably would have missed that deduction in any case.

·       I made an appointment with an acupuncturist for this coming Saturday. It’s with a MD who was referred to me by a driftwood buddy. According to her, she could barely walk before going there and now moves around just fine. I have an appointment with a spine MD in April, but if acupuncture will make my back better, I’d rather that than have an injection. Maybe I’ll be able to cancel that appointment.

Well, I guess that was way more than I thought I had to share. Hopefully, tomorrow’s post will be better…and I’m continuing to work on Maddie’s story.

NOTHING TODAY.

 

Today is Wednesday in case you hadn't noticed, and I'm afraid I'm not having a very good week. I think I finally realized why last night and will address my "problem" in another post. Meanwhile, sorry I didn't have anything prepared for today, so this is it.

SUNDAY...SUNDAY....

          

 It’s Superbowl Sunday and I’m here alone except for my puppy, Kuma. This is perfectly fine and I’m not feeling lonely or depressed, but it has made me reflect on how things have become during my eighty years of life.

          First, there was no Superbowl back when I was a kid. Sundays were family time and if we didn’t eat together as a family at home, we went to grandparents or other family members’ homes for Sunday dinner. It was also Sunday school day and I went regularly, wearing a nice dress and shoes…no jeans or other inappropriate clothing allowed.

          Once I grew up and got married, this didn’t change very much. True, my parents had moved from Seattle, but the expectation was that my husband and I would travel to my parents’ home at least one weekend of the month. When my parents returned to the area, Sunday dinners were no longer the rigorous expectation of the past. Part of that may have been due to the fact John and I had separated.

          In any case, I still saw my parents at least once a week if not more often. They thought nothing of just stopping by my house any day of the week for a visit. And I was welcome to arrive at their place in the same manner. No need to call first. No need to make an appointment to see each other…it just happened.

          Not only were these impromptu visits the norm, but there were also the phone calls. I probably talked to my mother almost every day and my grandmother at least once a week unless my folks were gone and then it was my responsibility to talk to Grandma daily and make sure she was okay. We didn’t have Sunday dinners as had been the habit of years prior, but we did see each other fairly often for coffee and/or meals.

          I don’t know quite when everything changed so very much. It was probably when I/we became so busy with jobs, rearing children, participating in school and sports activities as parents were required to do, but the visits and phone calls began to become less and less over the years. At the time, I didn’t think all that much about it, but my life was busy and the idea of being alone and lonely hadn’t even put in an appearance.

          These days, or make that these years, times have definitely changed from what they were when I was a kid or young adult. I know that this isn’t necessarily true for some of my friends/acquaintances who are in regular contact with their entire families. I’m not sure what I could have done or could do differently to have a family more like those.

          As it is, I send my son an emoji each morning so he knows I survived the day before and the night. He emojis me back. Then, we talk at least once a week, but the phone calls, for the most part, are rather like two strangers talking to each other. There are times when he has information he shares and vice versa, but for the most part, I don’t know how his week(s) went, how his wife is doing and he doesn’t know a lot about how my week(s) developed.

          There have been no conversations with his younger brother since December. I haven’t seen those grandchildren since October or before.

          There are no Sunday dinners or special get-togethers for things like the Superbowl. True, I could issue invitations to my home with the expectation everyone would attend; however, only one son and his family came to my eightieth birthday party last November. It’s not likely an invitation for Sunday dinners, especially on a regular basis, would be welcome.

          Hopefully, as you read this you don’t think I’m depressed or terribly lonely because, for the most part I’m not. I’m doing okay. It’s just the fact that the life I led, that my family led, so many decades ago was so different from my life now. It makes me wonder what the lives of my grandchildren will be like in fifty or sixty years. Will their lives be completely insular? Will they look back as I have at their own youth and think/believe the times were better then?

          Unfortunately, I don’t have a crystal ball with which to view the future. I can only hope that the times change and families return to the wonderful habit of Sunday dinners and more time spent together.