Blog Archive

Tuesday, February 24, 2026

I HATE CLEANING/DUSTING...ALMOST MAKES ME INSANE

          


 How about you, dear reader, so you ever feel the way I’m feeling at the moment. The key word there is “moment” because I don’t feel like this all the time. If I did, there wouldn’t be much point in continuing on for however much time I have left. I know this paragraph doesn’t really inform you as to how I’m actually feeling, so I guess I’d best get to that so you can decide if you ever have similar feelings.

          There are times when having to spend one more day on earth seems almost more than I can bare. This part of my body hurts and that part hurts; my eyes and ears need fixing and will receive those fixes, but it’s hard being patient for those changes. The parts that cannot be fixed will remain, I guess, as they now are, causing me discomfort on a 24/7 basis. I have no idea who first said, “It’s hell getting old.”, but it was probably Adam or Eve and nothing’s changed in all those centuries.

          It’s funny…actually not…how a human begins life surrounded by love and has so many people around all the time. (I’m sure this isn’t true for everyone, but it was for me.) The human grows up and lives a life that continues to hold numerous people. It’s not always the same ones, some come and some go, but there’s little time for that human to be lonely or feel unloved.

          Then, that human reaches a life stage where all the important work has been accomplished, i.e., growing up, marriage, children, home, school, work, etc. That human’s days are full to the brim and it works toward a time when the responsibilities will lessen and a time of rest and relaxation will arrive…the just desserts for which the human was programmed and has worked for so many years.

          I reached that time about fifteen years ago, but I still had lots of people in my life, although the number began to decline. Then, going on seven years ago, my husband died and the number of people that called, visited, issued invitations lessened even further. I also know this isn’t necessarily that way for every single widow, but it’s the truth of my life.

          And it’s not as though I spend hours or days feeling sad, lonely or as if continuing on just me, myself and I is more than I can manage…I don’t. I go to my classes, interact with people there, exchange stories and ideas, work on my driftwood and writing projects and garden. I enjoy all those interactions, projects and consider them to be fun.

          Still, there are times like today when the only voices in my house are those projected from the radio.  Times like today when I’m forcing myself to clean house even though I’m perfectly happy with all the dust and debris in the various rooms. There doesn’t seem to be much point except to satisfy me, myself and I…that’s hard when the three of us really don’t care. Those marathon house cleaning times because guests are coming are few and far between.

          Fortunately, I’m close to being finished with cleaning; and to be perfectly honest, am appalled at the amount of dust that was/is on everything. Finished, I do really like the way the glass gleams in the light when free of its gray coating. Done, I’ll shower and shampoo and don a fresh nightie to crawl into my freshly made bed. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and be glad for a new day and thoroughly enjoy how everything shines crystal bright, the result of my endeavor to have a clean house.

        I'll also undoubtedly re-read this post and wonder what the hell I as so down about...it was only cleaning house after all.

Monday, February 23, 2026

CHAPTER 6

 


CHAPTER 6

Maddie had been surprised by Spencer’s decision to not escort her home even while she was extremely grateful to not have had to share the dark back seat with him. If he had escorted her, she just hoped she would have had enough strength to ignore his deadly sex appeal until she could leave the car.

The weekend seemed both too short and too long. Maddie desperately wanted to go into the office and see if she would have the same physical reaction if she was in the same proximity as Spencer, especially without his touching her.

Maddie arrived at work a bit early only to find Spencer already behind his desk. She had her pad and pen in hand when she entered just in case, and sure enough, he had instructions for her. The last item on his list was to ask her for the Nordstrom receipts so he could authorize the expense.

“There are no receipts Spence. Saturday morning, I took back everything Sharon helped me purchase. As I’m sure you saw Saturday night, I have clothing that’s quite suitable for such events. There isn’t any need for the company to purchase appropriate clothing for me, especially since I think those funds could be better utilized in some other fashion, pun intended.” Maddie said with a laugh. “I know your company is doing well, but it really isn’t fair to spend money in such a way that doesn’t really benefit everyone.”

“Sharon believed it was a necessity.”

“Yes, and perhaps it was for her, but during my aunt’s life, I attended a number of functions that required proper clothing. My aunt was also very frugal, so I learned to choose clothing and accessories that might have been expensive at the time but were well-made and the kind of fashion that lasts. In fact, most of the clothing I’ve been wearing was originally my aunt’s. I know it’s a bit too large right now, but I hope to gain back the weight I lost while nursing her. I also like the fact it makes me feel close to my aunt plus, I’m practicing her frugality.

“As for funds, I do have money of my own and can afford to purchase whatever I might need for any occasion. I didn’t elaborate in our interview, but my aunt was an attorney with Clarkson, Jakes, Williams and Morgan…she was the Morgan in the firm. During her life she made good money and invested well. I was her only family and she left me everything including her house in Madison Park. Once I’d completed the terms of her will I sold that house because it held too many memories and bought my little bungalow on Queen Anne.”

“So, you don’t really need a job? You’re just working for the fun of it?” Spencer asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I could probably live comfortably without a job, but I need a job, this job, if you will. Taking care of my aunt took so much of my time for so long, I pretty much lost touch with all my friends. If I didn’t have a job, I’d probably waste away of loneliness.”

“I’m sure you could find something to keep you occupied. There’s always some kind of volunteer function for a wide variety of organizations. Or, you could travel, join some clubs, make some new friends. There has to be more interesting ways to utilize your time, Maddie.”

“Goodness, it sounds as though you’d like me to quit. I thought you were impressed by my skills and the work I did last week. Did I do something wrong Saturday evening? Did someone say something to you about me?”

Spencer had to clench his teeth to keep from shouting, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” at the top of his lungs. He heaved a sigh and looked directly at Maddie said, “No, you didn’t do anything wrong and you did indeed impress me last week. I wouldn’t have hired you otherwise. The fact you don’t need to work just came as a surprise. I always thought that’s what people looked forward to and worked for, the ability to be able to do whatever they please with lots of free time.”

“I am doing as I please Spencer. I like your company and find the challenges offered by the job interesting and rewarding. I like the people who work here and already feel as though I’ve made a couple of friends; friends I could invite to dinner or attend a movie with. Last week was just the beginning for me, so I hope your new knowledge about me won’t interfere with my working for you.”

“No, no, of course not. As long as you’re happy and continue to do an exemplary job, you won’t have any complaints from me.”

“Great. I guess we’d best get to business. I’ll let you know if I’m able to arrange the meetings you want for tomorrow as soon as I’ve made the calls.

When Maddie closed the office door, Spencer leaned back in his chair and softly swore. For a few minutes there, he’d thought he’d be able to release Maddie from working for him. That would have allowed him to pursue her and see if the attraction he felt for her was as strong as it seemed to be. It would have also allowed him to see if she felt an attraction as well. Judging by her responses about working for him, she definitely wasn’t attracted. Well, he’d just have to make sure they didn’t spend much time together.

Seated behind her desk, Maddie breathed a sigh of relief. Spence had taken the news about her inheritance well and seemed to understand her need to work and remain in her position. She was proud of herself for being so calm, so patient when all she really wanted to do was to climb over Spence’s desk and into his lap. Ah well, that’s not going to happen she told herself. Get over it.

As the weeks and months passed, Spencer came to rely on Maddie more than he’d ever relied on an EA in the past. She was scary smart, almost seemed to have total recall of conversations and the ability to read information once and repeat it back. Not only did Spencer value Maddie’s contributions and knowledge, but other members of the company had come to count on her opinion or advice when Spencer wasn’t available.

The fact that Maddie had seamlessly taken on many of Spence’s responsibilities as she settled into her position and that staff also trusted her to provide answers previously provided by Spencer allowed him to spend more time away from the office. If you’d told him prior to hiring Maddie that this would have been possible, he would have laughed because he was a hands-on boss and preferred being in charge. Spence had to admit he’d come to value and trust Maddie’s abilities. In fact, he sometimes thought he’d become the Lorax figurehead rather than the boss.

Spencer went out of his way to make sure he didn’t touch Maddie. New clients, companies and contacts gave him all the excuses he needed to stay away from the office. Phone calls were their usual and almost daily contact. If Spencer went into the office, he generally tried to do it once he knew Maddie was gone for the day or before he knew she’d arrive. It wasn’t unusual for her to arrive at her desk to find a pile of papers and instructions he’d left the night before. Honest with himself, Spencer knew he used pretty much any valid excuse he could find to stay away from the office and Maddie.

As for Maddie, she came to treasure the fact Spencer and other staff trusted her so very much. She realized she was an actual number two to Spence’s number one. She relished that knowledge and hoped she’d never do anything to alter those perceptions and trust. Still, at times, Maddie found herself drifting just a bit when she thought about Spencer and the way his hand felt on her back at that first event.

 

Their avoidance of each other wasn’t difficult to achieve, even when one of the mandatory charity functions arose and Spencer needed Maddie to attend with him. He became used to the beautiful woman that showed up for these events even though her event appearance was like night and day to that of the office. Maddie made these events even easier by meeting him at the various locations, insisting a limousine was a poor use of company funds. After that first function, Maddie also wore garments that while fashionable showed less skin and/or stressed her sculpted figure. Thankfully, these events weren’t the norm and occurred only now and then.

Meanwhile, Maddie cemented her friendship with Annie and a couple other employees as well. She enjoyed sharing dinners, movies and time with these women. She also reached out to a couple of women who’d been her best friends in college. Lisa was a Microsoftie and loved her job. Teresa had found her true love and was mother to three adorable children. Maddie enjoyed renewing these friendships and found her life full of various events with these women as well as hosting dinners and a book club at her home.

True to his word, David MacGuire had called her at the office following that first event and invited her out. Maddie accepted and while she felt absolutely no attraction to David, she definitely enjoyed the dinners, his laughing and superficial pursuit of her time and attention as the months passed. In fact, Maddie had become a bit concerned about David’s attentions. What had begun as a good time with a fun guy seemed to be developing into a more serious interest on his part. She knew she wouldn’t be going there and had begun to think it was time to call a halt to their dating.

On what Maddie had decided would be her last date with David, Spence just happened to be in the office when he came to pick Maddie up for an early dinner to be followed by attendance at a play given by a touring company. She was looking forward to the company and the play, but not to the talk she planned to have at her house after. As she gathered up her things, she was laughing at something David said when Spence came out of his office.

“Well, hello David.” Spence said, moving to and shaking hands with him. “What brings you by? I didn’t realize we had an appointment.”

“Hi Spence. No, we don’t have an appointment. I’m here for Maddie. We’re off to dinner and then to see “Wicked” at the Paramount.”

Maddie felt Spence’s sudden tension and wondered why he’d gone from very relaxed to a heightened unease. “Was there something you needed Spencer. I’d be happy to stay and take care of whatever it is.”

“No, Maddie, everything’s just fine. You go on and have a good time. Nice to see you, David.” Spence responded as he re-entered his office and closed the door.

He leaned against the door and fought the mental images of Maddie in David’s arms, David’s bed, of her hair loose and spread across his pillow, languid and drowsy from David’s lovemaking. He hated these thoughts and the pictures they produced.

Get a grip man. Stop thinking about your executive assistant like that. You know you set the rules; and you know you have to abide by them. No matter how attracted you are to Maddie, you simply have to ignore that attraction. It’s business, just business. Now, either get to work or go home.

Sunday, February 22, 2026

HAPPY, NOW SAD

           


To
day was one of the happiest days of my life forty-six years ago. Today, it’s one of the saddest days of my life. It is the forty-sixth birthday of my youngest son. For the first time in all those years, I will not be making dinner for him nor will I be making a German chocolate cake.

          I’ve sent him a happy birthday emoji and wished him a wonderful day and a terrific year. I’ve wished him happy birthday on Facebook. He’s responded with a thank you. Later today I’ll call and talk to him if he answers his phone.

          Undoubtedly, I could go on for paragraphs or even pages about how or why our relationship has reached the stage at which it’s plateaued, but what would be the point. Undoubtedly, we are both to blame for the current status and it’s unlikely it will change any time soon.

          So, I’ll continue with my day, a day like any other now, and concentrate on the memories made in the years past as I attempt to not lament the potential of making new ones.

Saturday, February 21, 2026

OOOPS

    


Well, it appears I didn't manage to make a post on Friday, February 20th. For shame. 

Thursday, February 19, 2026

TIRED, TIRED, TIRED

               


Today seems to be a very down day. I slept for more than eight hours and still went back to bed for almost another two hours after getting up. I should feel enthusiastic and energized, but I. Do. Not.

          I don’t understand how I can feel so tired after getting so much sleep. In fact, I feel as though I could go back to bed and sleep some more. I don’t feel down or depressed, just tired and sleepy.

          So, I guess I’ll post this so I can say I posted something and go back to bed. Perhaps tomorrow will be a more energetic and fulfilling day.

Wednesday, February 18, 2026

I HATE DUSTING

               


Well, there’s not much to blog about today unless I can come up with a great topic. Actually, I’m attempting to avoid dusting…I haven’t dusted since mid-November. I’ve vacuumed, washed the floors, cleaned the bathroom, changed the bed, washed the couch covers and Kuma’s bed and cleaned up the kitchen, but I haven’t dusted…I HATE DUSTING!!!

          So, just imagine this soft gray film on every single flat surface in my home. Just imagine that gray film on all the stuff I have sitting around on those flat surfaces. I’ve a feeling I’m going to need more than one dust cloth as well as a couple of the Swiffer dusters…that is if I actually dust.

          I got everything out on Monday with the intention of dusting. I turned on the TV and put it on a series I’ve been watching. Well, I managed to dust one thing…the TV…and got caught up in the program which I watched until bedtime, with a couple breaks to get something to eat and drink.

          All the dusting paraphernalia remains in the living room as I type this. I can hear it calling my name; but, you know, I absolutely hate dusting. Guess I’m going to have to respond. At least once it’s done, I can ignore it again for a couple of months…based on my history, that would make it necessary along about May. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, February 17, 2026

NOW MY FEET ARE BAD

             


 Sheesh, if it isn’t one thing, it’s another. Yesterday I went to see my podiatrist…when you reach my age, you have an MD for just about every aspect of your body. Since I have peripheral neuropathy in my feet due to the breast cancer treatment, and developed diabetes years after that, my health history is of “concern.” So, I need to have my feet checked periodically. In any case, I wasn’t expecting anything other than, “Your feet look fine, keep up the good work.”, which has been the result of all my preceding visits.

          To make sure my feet remain in good condition, I never ever go barefoot except from my bed to the bathroom. The rest of the time, I wear shoes or slippers. That way, I’m not apt to cut my foot or do some other kind of damage. Fortunately, the scabs that appeared on my left toes last month…the result of Kuma’s claws being too long and landing on my toes…fell off just this past week otherwise, I’d have received a lecture.

          Last August, my podiatrist had his assistant perform an ABI test on my feet. I don’t know what ABI actually stands for, but it’s a way to test the arterial blood flow in my legs. At that time, there wasn’t a problem and the blood flow was great…lucky me. Well, the ABI yesterday told a different tale. The podiatrist showed me the graph and all my numbers were RED. Now, this is very serious and means the blood flow to my feet isn’t good AT ALL.

          Considering all the prescription medications I’m taking, I do not understand how the result of these ABIs can be so very different in just six months. In any case, it’s not something to ignore and so a referral to a vascular specialist has been requested. I have no idea what the results of that referral might be, but I guess I’ll just have to pay attention and follow instructions…I really don’t want to lose either or both of my feet.

          So, just in case you’re keeping track, in 2026, I’ll be getting new hearing aids, cataracts removed, crown replaced, and now, perhaps stents in the arteries in my legs. If this kind of stuff keeps up, I may end up having a lot of my parts replaced. It makes me wonder if the middle section of my body will ever come under scrutiny…I’d love a much smaller waist and a bigger butt!!!