HAD TO SHARE THIS

In making an attempt to clean up my hard drive, i came across the essay I've posted below. I saved this back in 2019 and even though I tried to find out who this woman was, there were too many choices, so I'm simply giving her credit for her words of wisdom. 

 By Dominique Browning

There is a lot that is annoying, and even terrible, about aging. The creakiness of the body; the drifting of the memory; the reprising of personal history ad nauseam, with only yourself to listen.

But there is also something profoundly liberating about aging: an attitude, one that comes hard won. Only when you hit 60 can you begin to say, with great aplomb: “I’m too old for this.”

This line is about to become my personal mantra. I have been rehearsing it vigorously, amazed at how amply I now shrug off annoyances that once would have knocked me off my perch.

A younger woman advised me that “old” may be the wrong word, that I should consider I’m too wise for this, or too smart. But old is the word I want. I’ve earned it.

And let’s just start with being an older woman, shall we? Let others feel bad about their chicken wings — and their bottoms, their necks and their multitude of creases and wrinkles. I’m too old for this. I spent years, starting before I was a teenager, feeling insecure about my looks.

No feature was spared. My hairline: Why did I have to have a widow’s peak, at 10? My toes: too short. My entire body: too fat, and once, even, in the depths of heartbreak, much too thin. Nothing felt right. Well, O.K., I appreciated my ankles. But that’s about it.

What torture we inflict upon ourselves. If we don’t whip ourselves into loathing, then mean girls, hidden like trolls under every one of life’s bridges, will do it for us.

Even the vogue for strange-looking models is little comfort; those women look perfectly, beautifully strange, in a way that no one else does. Otherwise we would all be modeling.

One day recently I emptied out an old trunk. It had been locked for years; I had lost the key and forgotten what was in there. But, curiosity getting the best of me on a rainy afternoon, I managed to pry it open with a screwdriver.

It was full of photographs. There I was, ages 4 to 40. And I saw for the first time that even when I was in the depths of despair about my looks, I had been beautiful.

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And there were all my friends; girls and women with whom I had commiserated countless times about hair, weight, all of it, doling out sympathy and praise, just as I expected it heaped upon me: beautiful, too. We were, we are, all beautiful. Just like our mothers told us, or should have. (Ahem.)

Those smiles, radiant with youth, twinkled out of the past, reminding me of the smiles I know today, radiant with strength.

Young(er) women, take this to heart: Why waste time and energy on insecurity? I have no doubt that when I’m 80 I’ll look at pictures of myself when I was 60 and think how young I was then, how filled with joy and beauty.

I’m happy to have a body that is healthy, that gets me where I want to go, that maybe sags and complains, but hangs in there. So maybe I’m too old for skintight jeans, too old for six-inch stilettos, too old for tattoos and too old for green hair.

Weight gain? Simply move to the looser end of the wardrobe, and stop hanging with Ben and Jerry. No big deal. Nothing to lose sleep over. Anyway, I’m too old for sleep, or so it seems most nights.

Which leaves me a bit cranky in the daytime, so it is a good thing I can now work from home. Office politics? Sexism? I’ve seen it all. Watching men make more money, doing less work. Reading the tea leaves as positions shuffle, listening to the kowtow and mumble of stifled resentment.

I want to tell my younger colleagues that it doesn’t matter. Except the sexism, which, like poison ivy, is deep-rooted: You weed the rampant stuff, but it pops up again.

What matters most is the work. Does it give you pleasure, or hope? Does it sustain your soul? My work as a climate activist is the hardest and most fascinating I’ve ever done. I’m too old for the dark forces, for hopelessness and despair. If everyone just kept their eyes on the ball, and followed through each swing, we’d all be more productive, and not just on the golf course.

The key to life is resilience, and I’m old enough to make such a bald statement. We will always be knocked down. It’s the getting up that counts. By the time you reach upper middle age, you have started over, and over again.

And, I might add, resilience is the key to feeling 15 again. Which is actually how I feel most of the time.

But I am too old to try to change people. By now I’ve learned, the very hard way, that what you see in someone at the beginning is what you get forevermore. Most of us are receptive to a bit of behavior modification. But through decades of listening to people complain about marriages or lovers, I hear the same refrains.

I have come to realize that there is comfort in the predictability, even the ritualization, of relationship problems. They become a dance step; each partner can twirl through familiar moves, and do-si-do until the music stops.

Toxic people? Sour, spoiled people? I’m simply walking away; I have little fight left in me. It’s easier all around to accept that friendships have ebbs and flows, and indeed, there’s something quite beautiful about the organic nature of love.

I used to think that one didn’t make friends as one got older, but I’ve learned that the opposite happens. Sometimes, unaccountably, a new person walks into your life, and you find you are never too old to love again. And again. (See resilience.)

GROWING OLD....

 

While searching through my Word files, I came across the quote below which was sent to me by a friend back in 2012. I probably should have printed it ouot in a very large font and posted it in various places around my house. I didn’t do than then and probably won’t do it now, but it just goes to show that it’s all in how you look at yourself. My friend saw me in this and I’m going to take it to heart and concentrate on working harder to remain that “one bitchin’ hot fabulous babe” today and every day. You, dear reader, are welcome to give it a try right along with me.

 

“Growing old is privilege not everyone enjoys, wisdom is a gift that isn't always bestowed, and, besides, you're still one bitchin' hot fabulous babe and don't let anybody tell you different! Put THAT on your @#S##@! Medicare forms.”

SORRY IT'S A DAY LATE...CHAPTER 7

 

Chapter 7

          Maddie had begun working for Spencer just a couple months before the holidays the previous year. She found it hard to believe that she’d already reached and passed her one-year anniversary. She also found it hard to believe that she and Spence hadn’t become better acquainted. No matter what kind of overture Maddie made, he almost always found a way to refuse the invitation or spend whatever time they had together to focus solely on business. Maddie was sure if she was questioned about any of Spence’s favorites, she’d be unable to name more than one or two.

          Spence noted when Maddie’s anniversary rolled around and had flowers sent to her desk which was really no different than what he normally did for his company’s staff. He was responsible for every single hire and so knew everyone who worked for the company. Recognizing each person’s contributions did, he knew, go a long way toward ensuring stability and loyalty. Plus, in almost every case, he genuinely liked the individuals who worked for him.

          As he had done from the very beginning, Spencer began planning the holiday fest the beginning of November. Each year, the holiday party included not only staff, but the staff’s wives, husbands, significant others and children. Santa (Spence in a Santa suit) always attended and handed out gifts to every single person, child and adult. Spence had always tried to give a gift that the recipient could and would enjoy.

Spence did most of his planning on his computer to which Maddie had access. All the documents were under the file name, “holiday plans.doc.” He didn’t invite Maddie to assist him, but somehow, without an invitation, Maddie entered his office one morning with her own holiday plans file. She sat down and said, “Last year I was too new to help with your planning. This year, I believe I know our staff members almost as well as you do. I want to help organize this event.”

Spence was a bit irritated. This was something he’d always done on his own, not even having Maddie’s predecessors help. He gave Maddie a brief smile and said, “There’s no need for you to take that on. I’ve always managed alone, so you don’t need to worry about the holiday opart.”

“I figured you’d say something like that so I came prepared. I reviewed the plans you’ve made so far and prepared some additions and/or suggestions.” Maddie replied, standing and holding out the file in her hand. “Just take a look and feel free to adopt anything I’ve listed there, or totally ignore if that’s your decision.”

Surprised, Spence found himself reaching for the file and actually thanking Maddie. He watched as she turned and walked toward the door, once again struck by the sight of her nice bottom in the tailored pants she wore.

The door closed softly and Spence shook his head, telling himself once again to ignore the attraction he felt. He opened the folder and perused the pages of information there. To say Maddie knew the staff as well as he did wouldn’t have been an overstatement. As a result, she’d offered some genuinely good ideas and Spence knew he’d be a total fool to ignore the information she’d provided.

Over the next month Maddie and Spence worked closely together on the holiday fest. Many of her ideas were incorporated or added to those Spence had already noted. Spence attempted to keep their relationship totally business oriented, but Maddie had a way of getting him to talk about himself without seeming to pry. After each time they spent planning the event, Spence wanted to kick himself for responding or simply reach out and do what he so strongly desired to do.

Spence never talked about his childhood or his parents. Most of the people who knew him wouldn’t have been able to supply much information about his early years. His life seemed to begin when he went to university. During one of their holiday meetings, Maddie managed to get him to talk about why the holiday plans for staff were so important.

“Christmases while I was growing up were a nonevent after my grandma died. She lived with us until I was in kindergarten and was the one that took care of me. Once she died, Christmas became just another excuse for my parents to get drunk and fight like two wild dogs in heat. We never had a Christmas tree, stockings or presents after grandma died. She protected me from my parents and afterwards, I couldn’t understand why I didn’t have a good mom and dad. As I grew up, I came to the realization my parents were simply unable to care or show affection. It was only because of those first years and later through the few friends I made that I knew what the holidays should be. I was determined that someday I’d have Christmases like those again.” Spence had spoken softly as he gazed out the big window toward the glittering lights below. He then shook his head and added, “I have no idea why I just told you all that. It’s been years since I’ve thought about my childhood.”

“I believe you’ve taken all those difficult memories and chosen to make sure the Christmases of those you care about are wonderful. Last year, I was simply a participant, or observer, but I could see how much joy the party gave you. Not only that, I could see how delighted your staff and their families were with the gifts and the event. It could have been a totally different occasion if you hadn’t been so sincere. Every single person there, whether staff, a family member or child could see that and it made your gifts, not only those wrapped, but the gift of time and attention all that more meaningful.” Maddie responded, as she tried to hold back the tears his sharing had brought to her eyes.

“Yes, well, the next time I decide to take a trip down bad memory lane, please step in and stop me. I can’t stand talking about or thinking about those times.”

“Are your parents still alive?”

“No, they both died while I was in college. No surprise it was due to all the alcohol they drank. Anyway, enough. Let’s finalize these plans.”

Regardless of Spence’s words, Maddie could see the small child that still inhabited this injured man. She desperately wanted to hug him tight and tell him what a wonderful human he’d grown into all on his own. She knew that would have been both inappropriate and dangerous, so she simply responded, “Okay, we’ve finished with the tree and the menu. I think one last review of the gift list and I can go ahead and order everything. We’ve not a lot of time left to get everything here and wrapped.”

Spence turned his attention to the lists before him, wondering why on earth he’d been so open about his childhood. True, he didn’t mention the beatings, the hunger that gnawed at his tummy some nights or the many other difficulties he’d had to surmount during that time, and he wouldn’t. Not ever, he promised himself. He shook his head and reminded himself this was another reason to avoid alone time with Maddie. She had the gift of teasing out information without it seeming like she was prying. Spence determined he wasn’t going to share anything further with her because that could and most likely would lead to their becoming closer and he couldn’t have that.

The day of the holiday party finally arrived. Maddie and some of the staff had spent the day before and even into the evening decorating the firm’s offices. She was excited to be fully a part of this year’s celebration and couldn’t wait to see her fellow employees and their families enjoy the event. She also wished she had a significant other she could have invited to share the joy with her.

Still, Maggie was determined to have fun. She’d enjoyed herself last year when she didn’t know as many people as she did now. But this year’s party was going to be ever so much more fun because she’d helped with the planning, gift purchasing and because she knew everyone and would be helping Spence, who was playing Santa, pass out the packages. Maddie thought it just might end up being the best Christmas party she’d ever attended.

Maggie had also been careful about imbibing much in the way of holiday spirits. This year, she felt she could probably partake just a bit more of the fancy eggnog that seemed to pack a wallop if you weren’t careful. Maggie also knew she wouldn’t drink all that much because she was going to be Santa’s helper and she had dressed accordingly.

The Holiday Party was a dress-up event, not tuxes and fancy gowns, but fun Christmas attire. Maddie had looked high and low for something she really liked that wasn’t too terribly kitchy. She’d finally found an oversized bright red sweater with a laughing grinch on the front with the grinch’s behind on the back. The edge of the hat, eyebrows and tail were all fluffy material of some kind with the hat a deeper red. The nose was red sequins and the tip of one tooth was a diamond like stone. Quite tacky in some ways, but very fun.

Maddie completed her outfit with a skirt that hugged her hips then flared out over the top of her tall black boots. Her only accessories were dangly red earrings and a broad red clip that held her hair back and let it cascade down her back.  A grinchy hat completed the ensemble.

Following her ritual bath, Maddie donned the red skimpy undies and bra she’d purchased to wear beneath the sweater and skirt. Only she would know they were there. Completely dressed, including the hat, Maddie stared at herself in the tall mirror and had to admit she thought she looked great. Not only that, she felt attractive, excited and just a bit naughty due to her fancy underwear.

As planned, Maddie arrived early and found Spence already in his Santa suit, but without the beard. He hadn’t added any padding because he wanted the kids to know it was him, not the real Santa who was busy at the North Pole getting ready for Christmas Eve. Maddie walked around him and said, “You just might need that padding if you have all the kids sit on your lap. Some of them will have very bony butts.”

Spence laughed and responded, “Well, that’s what I’ll get for being Santa.” He sat down in the Santa chair they’d prepared and continued, “Want to give it a try?”

It was all Maddie could do to keep from throwing herself onto Spence’s lap, but responded with, “Thanks for the generous offer, but I’m afraid my butt’s not nearly bony enough to give you the proper experience.”  She laughed and turned away, trying not to blush.

Following a quick check on the caterers, the Christmas tree piled with presents and the adult and kids’ bars, it was time for the party to begin. Through the doors came the company’s employees and their families. It wasn’t long before the rooms rang with voices, laughter, the odors of good food and the excitement of everyone having a wonderful time.

The noise level rose and then rose again when Santa began calling out names from his perch by the tree. Maddie did her part, handing off the gifts or delivering them to the kids too shy to come forward. Soon, the sound of ripping paper, exclamations of joy and awe filled the room and added to the noise level.

Maddie had a wonderful time assisting Santa Spence with the gift-giving. She was thoroughly delighted with the children’s excitement and pleasure at the gifts they received. She especially delighted in how the employees and their partners were also immensely pleased with the gifts she and Spence had chosen. It was the best Christmas party Maddie had ever experienced.

Santa Spence thoroughly enjoyed his role. Maddie brought each child to him for a very brief greeting and handed him the gift destined for each one. Some were very shy and others greeted him like a favorite uncle. Even though Spence was busy, he had to make a huge effort to keep his attention on the child or children in his lap. Maddie drew his eye again and again. And even as each child claimed his attention, he remained aware of Maddie’s presence and her activities. As she brought another small tot to him, he imagined her as a mother and thought she’d be absolutely excellent in the role.

Maddie rejoiced in her role as Santa’s helper. She gave no thought to how her skirt became a bit shorter as she leaned down to pick up a little one or reached for a present that was almost out of reach. She wasn’t aware that tendrils of her hair had come loose from the clip, giving her laughing face a more sensuous look. She also wasn’t conscious of her laughter ringing out again and again or how it made the people around her want to laugh as well.

Still, Maddie was also very aware of Spencer, of how he treated each and every child in a solemn but teasing manner, of how even with the most shy, he managed to find something that made the little one relax. She found herself thinking he’d make a great father one day. She also found herself wondering what it would be like to sit on his lap and be the sole focus of his attention. She also knew that the likelihood of her ever knowing that was very unlikely.

At one point, while Santa was tending to the teenagers, Maddie took a moment and watched him. He was talking and laughing and appeared to be having a wonderful time. It looked as though he actually blushed when one of the young girls, delighted with her gift, gave him a huge hug. She felt as though it was that young boy who’d lacked so much at his own Christmases who was really enjoying the event.

Spencer, for his part, didn’t spend a lot of time watching Maddie. He felt as though he was just asking for trouble if he did that. Still, the swirl of her skirt, the click of her boots on the hardwood, her laughing voice as she engaged with her fellow employees drew his eye more than once. She seemed so relaxed and seemed to fit in so well with everyone that attended. He thought she probably had a gift for making friends, no matter who they might have been.

At one point, presents handed out, Maddie got down on the floor with a toddler who was having a melt-down. Tanya, the child’s mother, told her she didn’t need to do that, that it was past Suzy’s bedtime and she was overstimulated. Spence saw Maddie wave her hand at the mom while saying, “Hey, it’s okay little one. Here, snuggle up with me and we’ll have a little quiet time.” Maddie appeared to begin to hum while her hand moved slowly up and down the child’s back. It was barely moments before the child sagged against her chest, eyes closing. Spence wondered what Maddie would be like with her own child, then wondered why that thought popped into his head.

Not long after, people began to leave. Maggie surrendered Suzy to her dad and with Spence on one side of the door and her on the other, they thanked their employees for coming and helping make the event great and wishing each and everyone of them a “Merry Christmas.”

When the door closed behind the last person, Maddie stretched and said, “Maybe you were right about being exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for a week.”

“Well, we’re not quite finished. There’s one more gift and it has your name on it.” Spence said, going behind the Christmas tree and pulling out a small gift-wrapped package.

“No, I guess we aren’t finished,” Maggie responded. “I’ll be right back.”

Maggie returned quickly with an envelope in her hand. “This is for you Spence.”

“And, this is for you Maggie.” Spence replied.

 

HELP, I'VE FALLEN....

           

It’s hard to believe, but I guess I have a brand-new best friend and it’s not the human kind. I came to the realization just yesterday that I’m spending way too much time on my phone…and it isn’t talking to anyone!!! In fact, it’s Facebook!!!

          I honestly don’t know quite how this happened, but I’m spending way too much time on Facebook. It seems like only recently I would spend maybe thirty minutes in the morning and thirty minutes in the evening looking at stuff on FB. Somehow, I’ve, or quite possibly FB has changed all that and I’m spending way too much time staring at that small screen.

          In an effort to save you, dear reader, from this potential time-wasting exercise, here’s how it happened to me. I found a column about Moose the Great Dane…his owner writes wonderful and very funny stories about all of the things Moose does. I also think, if all the stories are true, that Moose has to cost her a ton of money.

          That Moose led to another Moose, this time a German Shepherd who, according to his owner, doesn’t even have one brain cell. Still, the stories she (or he) writes, are funny and make me laugh.

          Those two would have been plenty, but I love to look at the reels that are offered and therein lies the problem I created for myself. Somehow, I managed to like or follow a country-western singer named Cooper Alan. This man is a prolific writer and performer. It now seems like he’s posting one song after another. And, they are good and I enjoy them, so I listen.

          Then, somehow, I must have liked or followed a stand-up comic. Now I’m getting stand up routines for an additional two, and maybe more, stand-up folks. I like to laugh, so I watched and listened and laughed.

          This is what’s led to my spending way more than an hour a day on my phone on Facebook. This has to stop. It also makes me wonder if there is some AI involved as in FB figured out what I liked and is thereby providing me with the very things I like and that make me laugh. I’m now convinced some of this content that’s wooed me into way more time than I want to give has to be AI.

          But, you know, there’s only one remedy for falling down this rabbit (or AI) hole and that’s to put the phone down and continue with stuff that doesn’t require I squint at a screen for more than that thirty-minutes twice a day. It’s my new goal, or old one actually, and I’ll let you know how it does…maybe you could cross your fingers (or eyes) for me.

UPDATE

 

Just a quick update since I haven't posted since Tuesday and here it is Thursday already. I have been writing, but I've been writing Maddie's story. I think I have a couple more chapters almost finished, but need to look them over again and make some changes, maybe.

      I've also been busy doing other stuff like having my car's oil changed. I hadn't been in for almost a year and, of course, the service tech I've had since 2003 wanted to sell me a tune-up to the tune (pun intended) of $1,400+. I very nicely thanked hi m and went just for the oil change which was $140+. Just when did oil changes become so expensive? When I first began getting the oil changed back in 2003 (and, okay that was 23 years ago), it was only $30+. Guess I'm just busy living in the past when things were cheaper...too bad my income hasn't risen at the same rate. 

      The visit to get the oil changed didn't end there. I came home to get Kuma to take him to the groomers and when I was driving away, I saw there were three lights on on the dash, i.e., check engine, track off and 4-wh drive. That meant I had to return to  Swickard to have them figure out what was the problem...it's only 4.5 miles home from there, so 9 miles when I returned. Apparently something under the hood wasn't fastened tightly enough. What happened to mechanics who knew what they were doing. They did clean my engine while I waited with Kuma inside...dont' know what that really means, but oh well. 

      It's supposed to be nice the next few days, so I don't imagine I'll be sitting in front of the keyboard. There's lots of stuff outside that needs, no, make that DEMANDS attention. Actually, that's where I should be right now because the sun is shining and it's not all that cold. But I've had an already busy day with a two-hour visit to the dealership for my car and then a trip to the groomer's so Kuma could have his nails trimmed. I also thought I'd get a grocery store visit in, but I'm tired and DONE for today.

I HATE CLEANING/DUSTING...ALMOST MAKES ME INSANE

          

 How about you, dear reader, so you ever feel the way I’m feeling at the moment. The key word there is “moment” because I don’t feel like this all the time. If I did, there wouldn’t be much point in continuing on for however much time I have left. I know this paragraph doesn’t really inform you as to how I’m actually feeling, so I guess I’d best get to that so you can decide if you ever have similar feelings.

          There are times when having to spend one more day on earth seems almost more than I can bare. This part of my body hurts and that part hurts; my eyes and ears need fixing and will receive those fixes, but it’s hard being patient for those changes. The parts that cannot be fixed will remain, I guess, as they now are, causing me discomfort on a 24/7 basis. I have no idea who first said, “It’s hell getting old.”, but it was probably Adam or Eve and nothing’s changed in all those centuries.

          It’s funny…actually not…how a human begins life surrounded by love and has so many people around all the time. (I’m sure this isn’t true for everyone, but it was for me.) The human grows up and lives a life that continues to hold numerous people. It’s not always the same ones, some come and some go, but there’s little time for that human to be lonely or feel unloved.

          Then, that human reaches a life stage where all the important work has been accomplished, i.e., growing up, marriage, children, home, school, work, etc. That human’s days are full to the brim and it works toward a time when the responsibilities will lessen and a time of rest and relaxation will arrive…the just desserts for which the human was programmed and has worked for so many years.

          I reached that time about fifteen years ago, but I still had lots of people in my life, although the number began to decline. Then, going on seven years ago, my husband died and the number of people that called, visited, issued invitations lessened even further. I also know this isn’t necessarily that way for every single widow, but it’s the truth of my life.

          And it’s not as though I spend hours or days feeling sad, lonely or as if continuing on just me, myself and I is more than I can manage…I don’t. I go to my classes, interact with people there, exchange stories and ideas, work on my driftwood and writing projects and garden. I enjoy all those interactions, projects and consider them to be fun.

          Still, there are times like today when the only voices in my house are those projected from the radio.  Times like today when I’m forcing myself to clean house even though I’m perfectly happy with all the dust and debris in the various rooms. There doesn’t seem to be much point except to satisfy me, myself and I…that’s hard when the three of us really don’t care. Those marathon house cleaning times because guests are coming are few and far between.

          Fortunately, I’m close to being finished with cleaning; and to be perfectly honest, am appalled at the amount of dust that was/is on everything. Finished, I do really like the way the glass gleams in the light when free of its gray coating. Done, I’ll shower and shampoo and don a fresh nightie to crawl into my freshly made bed. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and be glad for a new day and thoroughly enjoy how everything shines crystal bright, the result of my endeavor to have a clean house.

        I'll also undoubtedly re-read this post and wonder what the hell I as so down about...it was only cleaning house after all.

CHAPTER 6

 

CHAPTER 6

Maddie had been surprised by Spencer’s decision to not escort her home even while she was extremely grateful to not have had to share the dark back seat with him. If he had escorted her, she just hoped she would have had enough strength to ignore his deadly sex appeal until she could leave the car.

The weekend seemed both too short and too long. Maddie desperately wanted to go into the office and see if she would have the same physical reaction if she was in the same proximity as Spencer, especially without his touching her.

Maddie arrived at work a bit early only to find Spencer already behind his desk. She had her pad and pen in hand when she entered just in case, and sure enough, he had instructions for her. The last item on his list was to ask her for the Nordstrom receipts so he could authorize the expense.

“There are no receipts Spence. Saturday morning, I took back everything Sharon helped me purchase. As I’m sure you saw Saturday night, I have clothing that’s quite suitable for such events. There isn’t any need for the company to purchase appropriate clothing for me, especially since I think those funds could be better utilized in some other fashion, pun intended.” Maddie said with a laugh. “I know your company is doing well, but it really isn’t fair to spend money in such a way that doesn’t really benefit everyone.”

“Sharon believed it was a necessity.”

“Yes, and perhaps it was for her, but during my aunt’s life, I attended a number of functions that required proper clothing. My aunt was also very frugal, so I learned to choose clothing and accessories that might have been expensive at the time but were well-made and the kind of fashion that lasts. In fact, most of the clothing I’ve been wearing was originally my aunt’s. I know it’s a bit too large right now, but I hope to gain back the weight I lost while nursing her. I also like the fact it makes me feel close to my aunt plus, I’m practicing her frugality.

“As for funds, I do have money of my own and can afford to purchase whatever I might need for any occasion. I didn’t elaborate in our interview, but my aunt was an attorney with Clarkson, Jakes, Williams and Morgan…she was the Morgan in the firm. During her life she made good money and invested well. I was her only family and she left me everything including her house in Madison Park. Once I’d completed the terms of her will I sold that house because it held too many memories and bought my little bungalow on Queen Anne.”

“So, you don’t really need a job? You’re just working for the fun of it?” Spencer asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I could probably live comfortably without a job, but I need a job, this job, if you will. Taking care of my aunt took so much of my time for so long, I pretty much lost touch with all my friends. If I didn’t have a job, I’d probably waste away of loneliness.”

“I’m sure you could find something to keep you occupied. There’s always some kind of volunteer function for a wide variety of organizations. Or, you could travel, join some clubs, make some new friends. There has to be more interesting ways to utilize your time, Maddie.”

“Goodness, it sounds as though you’d like me to quit. I thought you were impressed by my skills and the work I did last week. Did I do something wrong Saturday evening? Did someone say something to you about me?”

Spencer had to clench his teeth to keep from shouting, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” at the top of his lungs. He heaved a sigh and looked directly at Maddie said, “No, you didn’t do anything wrong and you did indeed impress me last week. I wouldn’t have hired you otherwise. The fact you don’t need to work just came as a surprise. I always thought that’s what people looked forward to and worked for, the ability to be able to do whatever they please with lots of free time.”

“I am doing as I please Spencer. I like your company and find the challenges offered by the job interesting and rewarding. I like the people who work here and already feel as though I’ve made a couple of friends; friends I could invite to dinner or attend a movie with. Last week was just the beginning for me, so I hope your new knowledge about me won’t interfere with my working for you.”

“No, no, of course not. As long as you’re happy and continue to do an exemplary job, you won’t have any complaints from me.”

“Great. I guess we’d best get to business. I’ll let you know if I’m able to arrange the meetings you want for tomorrow as soon as I’ve made the calls.

When Maddie closed the office door, Spencer leaned back in his chair and softly swore. For a few minutes there, he’d thought he’d be able to release Maddie from working for him. That would have allowed him to pursue her and see if the attraction he felt for her was as strong as it seemed to be. It would have also allowed him to see if she felt an attraction as well. Judging by her responses about working for him, she definitely wasn’t attracted. Well, he’d just have to make sure they didn’t spend much time together.

Seated behind her desk, Maddie breathed a sigh of relief. Spence had taken the news about her inheritance well and seemed to understand her need to work and remain in her position. She was proud of herself for being so calm, so patient when all she really wanted to do was to climb over Spence’s desk and into his lap. Ah well, that’s not going to happen she told herself. Get over it.

As the weeks and months passed, Spencer came to rely on Maddie more than he’d ever relied on an EA in the past. She was scary smart, almost seemed to have total recall of conversations and the ability to read information once and repeat it back. Not only did Spencer value Maddie’s contributions and knowledge, but other members of the company had come to count on her opinion or advice when Spencer wasn’t available.

The fact that Maddie had seamlessly taken on many of Spence’s responsibilities as she settled into her position and that staff also trusted her to provide answers previously provided by Spencer allowed him to spend more time away from the office. If you’d told him prior to hiring Maddie that this would have been possible, he would have laughed because he was a hands-on boss and preferred being in charge. Spence had to admit he’d come to value and trust Maddie’s abilities. In fact, he sometimes thought he’d become the Lorax figurehead rather than the boss.

Spencer went out of his way to make sure he didn’t touch Maddie. New clients, companies and contacts gave him all the excuses he needed to stay away from the office. Phone calls were their usual and almost daily contact. If Spencer went into the office, he generally tried to do it once he knew Maddie was gone for the day or before he knew she’d arrive. It wasn’t unusual for her to arrive at her desk to find a pile of papers and instructions he’d left the night before. Honest with himself, Spencer knew he used pretty much any valid excuse he could find to stay away from the office and Maddie.

As for Maddie, she came to treasure the fact Spencer and other staff trusted her so very much. She realized she was an actual number two to Spence’s number one. She relished that knowledge and hoped she’d never do anything to alter those perceptions and trust. Still, at times, Maddie found herself drifting just a bit when she thought about Spencer and the way his hand felt on her back at that first event.

 

Their avoidance of each other wasn’t difficult to achieve, even when one of the mandatory charity functions arose and Spencer needed Maddie to attend with him. He became used to the beautiful woman that showed up for these events even though her event appearance was like night and day to that of the office. Maddie made these events even easier by meeting him at the various locations, insisting a limousine was a poor use of company funds. After that first function, Maddie also wore garments that while fashionable showed less skin and/or stressed her sculpted figure. Thankfully, these events weren’t the norm and occurred only now and then.

Meanwhile, Maddie cemented her friendship with Annie and a couple other employees as well. She enjoyed sharing dinners, movies and time with these women. She also reached out to a couple of women who’d been her best friends in college. Lisa was a Microsoftie and loved her job. Teresa had found her true love and was mother to three adorable children. Maddie enjoyed renewing these friendships and found her life full of various events with these women as well as hosting dinners and a book club at her home.

True to his word, David MacGuire had called her at the office following that first event and invited her out. Maddie accepted and while she felt absolutely no attraction to David, she definitely enjoyed the dinners, his laughing and superficial pursuit of her time and attention as the months passed. In fact, Maddie had become a bit concerned about David’s attentions. What had begun as a good time with a fun guy seemed to be developing into a more serious interest on his part. She knew she wouldn’t be going there and had begun to think it was time to call a halt to their dating.

On what Maddie had decided would be her last date with David, Spence just happened to be in the office when he came to pick Maddie up for an early dinner to be followed by attendance at a play given by a touring company. She was looking forward to the company and the play, but not to the talk she planned to have at her house after. As she gathered up her things, she was laughing at something David said when Spence came out of his office.

“Well, hello David.” Spence said, moving to and shaking hands with him. “What brings you by? I didn’t realize we had an appointment.”

“Hi Spence. No, we don’t have an appointment. I’m here for Maddie. We’re off to dinner and then to see “Wicked” at the Paramount.”

Maddie felt Spence’s sudden tension and wondered why he’d gone from very relaxed to a heightened unease. “Was there something you needed Spencer. I’d be happy to stay and take care of whatever it is.”

“No, Maddie, everything’s just fine. You go on and have a good time. Nice to see you, David.” Spence responded as he re-entered his office and closed the door.

He leaned against the door and fought the mental images of Maddie in David’s arms, David’s bed, of her hair loose and spread across his pillow, languid and drowsy from David’s lovemaking. He hated these thoughts and the pictures they produced.

Get a grip man. Stop thinking about your executive assistant like that. You know you set the rules; and you know you have to abide by them. No matter how attracted you are to Maddie, you simply have to ignore that attraction. It’s business, just business. Now, either get to work or go home.