FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF

           

Boy, today is gray, gray, gray with rain falling as though from a hose. It’s nasty outside. Inside, I’m sitting here typing this and feeling sorry for myself…yes, I’m having a pity party. No particular reason. I got up, let Kuma out, had my latte, read the crawl on TV and went back to bed. When I got up, I just felt bad.

          I know I need to and can adjust my mental attitude, but part of me feels justified in having a pity party. Why you, dear reader, ask. Well there are a multitude of reasons. Maybe if I list them all, I will feel better.

          First, I saw the hand doctor yesterday and I will be having surgery on my right wrist, again. I have two ganglion cysts and carpel tunnel for the second time. The surgeon is going to take out the cysts and ease the muscle pressing on the nerve. It isn’t yet scheduled but will probably be within the next couple of weeks. There goes any garden or driftwood sculpture work for at least a month or more. I’ll be able to use my fingers for small stuff, like typing, but nothing that will require a lot of strength or use of my wrist.

          Second, I’m having cataract surgery next Wednesday and it’s not an April
Fool’s joke. My son AJ is going to take me in for the surgery and then back to see the MD the following day. I’ll begin putting drops in my eyes next Monday and will have to continue that for quite a few days after surgery. I’m not real concerned about this surgery, but I do hate having to rely on my son for assistance. It’s not that I believe he begrudges me the time, just that it is a indication of my not being fully competent on my very own.

          There is also an appointment in April with the back doctor, but I think I will cancel that. I really don’t want to begin getting injections in my back. Using my heating pad alleviates most of the pain. Plus, I’m quite able to attend my exercise classes, do my own at home PT and exercises, plus work in the garden. I also do all of my own housekeeping, laundry and the other stuff I have to do on a daily basis without exceptional pain. So, I think I’ll email that doctor and then cancel the appointment. I can always make another one later on.

          I saw my podiatrist in February and the test they performed on my ankles for what I believe is blood pressure showed nothing but red. That is very bad, so I had to get an appointment with a vascular doctor. That’s now scheduled for the beginning of May. Unfortunately, at night I wake from a sound sleep with muscle spasms in my calves and feet. Some times even getting up and walking around doesn’t help these muscle/nerve spasms whatsoever. When I look at my legs and feet, they look perfectly normal with no swelling, discoloration or anything obvious So, I ask myself, if this is happening because of low blood pressure to my feet? I have no idea.

          Hopefully by June, I’ll have had all the necessary procedures required to keep this eighty-year-old body moving along without assistance. That leaves only one item I haven’t addressed here, and that’s loneliness. Being alone, except for Kuma, on a daily basis, no matter how many activities I crowd into my days, sucks. Usually, I can pick up a book, watch TV or find a project to keep me busy. Still, there are times like right now where I’d give almost anything to have John back and being a pain in my as just so I could have a big hug and feel the pressure of another body against mine.. That, of course, isn’t going to happen.

          I suppose it’s good that I can sit here and type all my frustrations and unhappiness and worries out with my fingers. I’m sorry that you, dear reader, read them and think I’m a whiner. Still, I do try to post only happy writings and chapters from my latest book. For today, I’m going to blame the gray, dusk-like light outside the window and pouring rain for my being down.

          Like Little Orphan Annie proclaims, “The sun will come out tomorrow.” And, my attitude will undergo a transformation to the more upbeat person I try to be most times.

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 10

            Maddie was glad she’d taken Gwen into her confidence, but she wasn’t sure she’d be able to take her advice. It seemed quite scary to imagine approaching Spence in an effort to establish a more intimate relationship. Really, Maddie thought, what am I supposed to do, go in Spence’s office and say, “Hey Spence, that was a great fuck a few months ago. Can we do it again?”

          The idea made her laugh and brought up more potential scenarios. How about getting there before him and laying naked on his desk. Wonder if he’d get the idea then? Or, maybe I could invite Spence here and greet him at the door clad in saran wrap. Maddie couldn’t believe the racy ideas that were flowing through her head, but the idea of having sex with Spence again had to be responsible. She’d read about such things, but she’d never participated in any…maybe it was time.

          As for Spence, he’d accepted the fact that Maddie was definitely not interested in him. She hadn’t so much as winked at him or even attempted to flirt in any way since the beginning of the year. He wondered if he could come up with some reason to fire Maddie. Then she’d have to be willing to date him, except he was sure she’d be so pissed she wouldn’t respond to a single phone call. Spence was tired of seeing Maddie every single day and wanting her every single minute of their time together. It was a good thing he sat at his desk so his usual hardon in her presence wasn’t visible. Then, there were the dreams and waking to reach for her only to find a pillow adjacent.

          “Ah Spencer,” he muttered to himself, “it’s a lost cause. You may want her, but she doesn’t want you. Give it up man.”

          As spring began to flower in earnest, Maddie decided she simply had to do something. She went shopping and purchased a few sun dresses and some new heels. Looking in the mirror, she had to admit that in those dresses and wearing those shoes, she seemed pretty hot. She also bought a couple of barrettes and decided to wear her hair pulled away from her face and falling down her back.

          Just before the Memorial Day weekend, when the weather forecast called for temperatures in the seventies and eighties, Maddie wore the red sundress into the office. It was fitted through the chest, with a halter top and the short skirt swirled around her knees. A short jacket with brief sleeves covered her bare back and complimented the hair that streamed down. The red ballet slippers were a perfect match. Throughout the day she received a number of compliments on her attire and/or how she looked. She appreciated the feedback, because she really wanted Spence to notice when she entered his office for their pre-holiday briefing.

          Spence was aware of the bright red behind Maddie’s desk, but felt his eyes widen when she came into his office. She’d never worn anything with such a bright color since the Christmas party. And, it left her shoulders, and maybe her back as well, completely bare. It was all he could do to keep himself from getting up to find out how much of her back was bare.

          Maddie sat down and smiled as she asked, “Any big plans for the three-day weekend Spence? Going to go look for a sailboat or just sail about in one of the ones you can rent at the club?”

          “How do you know I’m thinking about buying sailboat?” he responded.

          “I guess you’ve forgotten I make your lesson appointments, plus I see the emails you get from Captain Ted. Apparently, you’re a fast learner and the captain is more than happy to assist you in your sailboat search.”

          “Oh, yes I guess I had forgotten.” Spence replied, trying to keep his eyes off the firm tan legs that protruded just a bit past the back edge of his desk. He wanted to reach out and stroke that skin.

          Instead, Spence cleared his throat and said, “Judging by the appointments on the calendar, I’m going to be out in the field most of next week. I didn’t see anything that would require me to be in the office, but if something comes up, you can give me a call, text or email.”

          Maddie looked Spence in the eye and gave him a big smile. “Well, you’ll certainly be missed if you’re gone all week. I do think we need to talk about the McClaren contract though. It’s up for renewal and I believe we might get a better price if they think we’re looking at other firms.”

          “McClaren, yes, I’d forgotten. Why don’t you go ahead and take care of that. If you come up with a better deal, let me know.”

          “Okay,” Maddie said standing up, “And you have a great weekend. I look forward to hearing all about your boat search or your sailing time on Tuesday.” As she walked toward the door, she attempted to give her hips just a bit more of a sway than she normally would.  

          When the door closed, Maddie leaned against it and heaved a big sigh. Then, she grabbed her jacket and put it on before anyone else could see that she’d gone into Spence’s office without it. Well, she told herself, maybe you were able to open the door just a bit. Guess we’ll have to wait until next week to see.

          Spence leaned back in his chair and adjusted himself in his slacks. He was extremely thankful he hadn’t had to stand up because his hardon would have been quite obvious. He wondered just what was going on. Maddie was being way more friendly than she’d been in months. He wondered why, but dismissed the idea that she was interested in him and told himself to stop daydreaming about a relationship that would never happen.

          On Saturday, Spence and Captain Ted found the perfect little sailboat. It wasn’t so big Spence couldn’t handle it by himself, but it was big enough that he could anchor it and sleep belowdecks. After the sale was concluded, Spence and Captain Ted went to the bar so he could treat the captain to drink to celebrate. One drink led to another as Spence listened to the various tales, suggestions and locations the captain had to share. When they were done, Spence called an uber for both of them. They’d celebrated too well to drive.

          When the uber arrived, Spence had the captain provide his address. He’d drop him off before he went home. Once the captain left the car, Spence gave his address, but, before he could even think about it, he said, “No, wait, take me to 7942 Fifth Avenue instead.”

          Spence knew he’d had at least one too many drinks. He also knew he’d just given the driver Maddie’s address. You’re a fool he told himself. What if she has a boyfriend you don’t know about? What if she’s not home? What if she answers the door and tells you to get lost? Damnit, you should just go home. As he started to tell the driver his own address, the car stopped in front of Maddie’s home.

          “Here you are sir. That’s be $35.75.” The driver said looking over the back of his seat.

          Spence pulled cash out of his pocket and handed the driver $50.00. “Thanks, and keep the change.”

          Spence stood there on the parking strip wondering what the hell he was doing. He started to walk away and then turned and marched himself up to Maddie’s door. He knocked loudly several times.

          The door cracked open and Maddie’s eyes widened in surprise. “Spence, what are you doing here?”

          “Please let me in Maddie. I really need to talk to you now, while I’m full of false courage.”

          Maddie opened the door all the way. “C’mon in.”

          The door closed behind Spence as he looked around the small hallway. Maddie moved in front of him and took his hand. “Come with me.”

          Spence followed Maddie through what must have been her living room and down a hallway into her bedroom. The television was on and the covers pushed back. Spence assumed Maddie had been in bed watching a movie or something. She let go of his hand and moved to the other side of the bed. She turned the TV off with the remote and began to unbutton her gown. Finished, she looked at Spence still standing in the door and allowed the gown to fall. She was completely naked.

          Maddie kneeled on the bed and held her hand out to Spence. He didn’t say a thing, but began to tear off his clothing until he too was naked. Then, he kneeled on the opposite side of the bed and took Maddie’s outstretched hand in his.

          “You are absolutely the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Spence declared as he knee-walked toward her. She knee-walked toward him as well until their bodies were right up against each other.

          Their lips met in a tentative kiss which immediately became hot and hard. Spence pulled back, saying, “Maddie, I don’t want to rush this. I’ve thought about making love to you so often. Please can we go slow, can we take our time? It’s going to be hard for me to do, but I’d really like that.”

          Maddie’s quiet laugh filled his ears. “Why not have both. Why not have immediate satisfaction followed by a slow and sensuous time.” She asked as she gripped his hard penis. “I really want this.”

          Their lips crushed together again and Spence’s hands squeezed and manipulated Maddie’s breasts. They were both panting and moaning as Spence moved Maddie so she lay beneath him on the bed. He used his knee to spread her legs and moved so his penis grazed her clit. Maddie moaned and arched upward. The second time she arched upward, Spence drove his penis into her hot and wet opening.

          Maddie’s legs came up around Spence’s waist and each time he drove into her, she clasped him even harder. Spence could feel his restraint failing with each thrust and he wasn’t sure how long he could continue when Maddie suddenly said, “OH. MY. GOD.” and tightened her legs around him so hard that he couldn’t pull out. The feel of her vagina rippling with her orgasm brought Spence to his own orgasm.

          They lay there, Spence on top of Maddie, her legs splayed out to either side of them. Both were breathing heavily. They could feel each other’s hearts pounding. If the Christmas sex had been absolutely great, this had been ever so much better.

          Maddie began to laugh and Spence was surprised. “What’s so funny?” he asked, raising up on his hands to look down at her.

          Maddie laughed some more and said, “Hasn’t anything ever felt so enormously fantastic you just had to laugh?”

          “I guess not,” Spence responded with a smile, “but I do have to say this was indeed enormously fantastic.”

          Spence went to move, but Maddie used her legs and arms to hold him exactly where he was. “I like this. I want this. You can’t move just yet. Stay awhile.” She murmured.

          He folded his arms down and pressed his full weight on her. “I like this too.” he responded as he tucked his face into the side of her neck.

          Some time passed and Spence realized Maddie had fallen asleep. Carefully, he eased himself off of her and pulled up the covers. Laying beside her, he pulled her into his arms and closed his eyes.

SICK AND TIRED

          

 On Wednesday, I received not one, but two letters from the Democratic National Party (DNCC). One wanted me to renew my membership…had I ever joined? And the other wanted me to fill out a survey so the DNCC would know what I thought about various national problems. Both missives went right into the shredder.

          These aren’t the only communications I’ve received lately. I swear there’s been one in the mailbox almost every other day for weeks. I find myself wondering just where the DNCC is getting all the funds the organization is using in order send out all these communications to folks like me. There have been so many, the earnings from those have to go some way toward supporting the United States Postal Service, which just today said they only have enough funds to last one more year.

          And it’s not as though I don’t care about what’s happening to my country because I most seriously do so. I just don’t see how contributing another $20.00 or filling out some form that probably isn’t seen by anyone of any importance can improve our country. At this point in time, I actually feel as though the only thing that’s going to improve the good old United States is a nationwide uprising of folks like me who are sick and tired of seeing tax monies wasted and the national debt growing by leaps and bounds, day by day.

          I look back to when Bill Clinton left the Presidency. Now, don’t get me wrong because I’m not sure just how great of a president he was, but when he left office, the nation had a surplus…the nation’s budget wasn’t in the red. By the time the next president left office, the budget was not only in the red, but the ink was bright and bloody.

          Again, I don’t understand how our elected politicians can do what they’ve been doing. I, and you as well, get a certain amount of money each and every month whether we have a job or are getting social security or even are on welfare. We know just how much those funds are and we know not to spend more than we get. And yes, there are those of us who have credit cards that are maxed out and the income only allows the minimum payment each month. Still, I, and you as well, make those payments and do our best to keep from having to use red ink.

          And, okay, our elected officials, whether they are serving in congress or in the local city government, have to know just how much money there is to take care of business. Even so, they don’t seem to pay the least bit of attention to just how much the income is as opposed to what has to be paid out. What is the problem there…are they all too stupid to add and subtract???

          True, I’m making this very simplistic, but the fact remains that we have people holding office who should be in jail…even executed…and absolutely nothing is being done to change anything in a serious concerted effort. The same elected officials get elected over and over and nothing changes. Why is that??? I have absolutely no idea, but admit that I’m seriously sick and tired and totally out of patience when it comes to the majority of people holding office be they Republican or Democrat.

          It felt good to shred today’s communiques as well as the ones that came before. It’s not much of a way to protest, but I have to admit the sound of the shredder did make me feel better…now if there could be some major people shredding, that would be wonderful.

NEW LEVI'S???

 

          In yesterday’s blog I made reference to my tummy which seems to have grown larger than I would like. I don’t understand why. I thought perhaps it was due to a couple of new medications I’m taking, but I had a conversation with the Kaiser pharmacist on Tuesday and she assured me that those meds would be more likely to lower my weight.

          And, it’s not that I need to lose weight. My weight has remained about the same within a pound or two, but my tummy has begun to bulge further forward than I would like. It would be perfectly fine if I were six months pregnant…okay, maybe seven months…but I’m not for a couple of reasons. First, I’m too old and second, there’s no one to provide the other needed component to make a baby.

          It’s also not as if I don’t exercise because I do, three times a week…and okay, that’s most weeks, but not every single one. True, I’m not out walking like I used to, but I know someone who walks most every day and doesn’t seem to lose a single pound. I was asked by a friend if I did sit-ups, and I don’t. Do I really need to torture myself even more than I already do with my physical exercise program?

          I also don’t think my diet has a lot to do with my bulging tummy. I don’t eat a lot of sweets and try to eat healthy so I don’t have to go on a diabetic medication. Maybe I’m fooling myself when it comes to my diet. I don’t think so, but what else could it be? And okay, I’m not taking into consideration the tot of gin (or bourbon) I have at the end of each afternoon. Surely that little bit of alcohol couldn’t possibly be responsible…maybe I should check the caloric content.

Still, my Levi’s are getting harder and harder to button. And I absolutely hate that little roll that hangs over the top of the jeans. I think my only alternative at this point in time is to make a trip to the Levi’s outlet store and purchase a larger size, one that has wide legs. They’ll be cheaper there than if I went to Macy’s or some other store like that.

I’ll have to mull this over, check my finances and potentially make that trip to the outlet store. I have to go to Everett today to get my new hearing aids. That makes me at least half way or almost to the outlet store. There just might be a new pair of Levi’s in my future.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

 

          Happy St. Patrick’s Day a day late. It was all my fault. I had the corned beef in the freezer. Then I bought the cabbage, onions and potatoes so I could have an Irish feast yesterday. Well, I forgot to take the corned beef out of the freezer in time to cook it yesterday. And I could have cooked it partially frozen, but I wasn’t sure if it would turn out as well.

          So, I’m having corned beef and cabbage…with onions and potatoes…for dinner today. If you had yours yesterday, I hope you enjoyed the hell out of it. This is the only time of year I eat this food, but I do, indeed, enjoy the hell out of it.

          I do wish I had some Irish whiskey to go with the corned beef and cabbage. Unfortunately, all I have beyond my usual gin is Maker’s Mark bourbon. Perhaps I would like an Irish whiskey better than this bourbon, but I’m not going to go out and buy a bottle of that when I have two perfectly good…and maybe preferable…alcohols on hand. Last night, since I didn’t have any whiskey, I did consume the bourbon and it was, as it always is, yummy.

          Hope you had a great St. Patrick’s day…oh and I forgot to say that when I had my nails done on Monday, I chose the color green. It’s really quite lovely and reminds me of a pair of wide-legged hip huggers I owned back in the day…wish I still had them although they probably wouldn’t fit around my tummy, but that’s a story for another day.

          In any case, hope it was a good day with a good dinner. And I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to those leftovers…you’re probably eating yours already.

CHAPTER 9

 CHAPTER 9

         The weeklong vacation was finally coming to an end and Maddie was both grateful and fearful. She’d spent the days and, even more so the nights, thinking about Spence and what had happened between them after the Christmas party. He hadn’t called and she hadn’t tried to get in touch with him. Still, the memory of the time in his arms seemed to occupy her thoughts both awake and asleep.

          Maddie wasn’t sure what she was going to do when they met up again in the office, but she was determined she was not going to give up her job because of what had happened. And so what if the memory of Spence’s lips, his hands, his cock made her feel as though she were next to a furnace. And so what if her panties got moist every time her mind turned to their wild sex. And so what if there was nothing she wanted more if she were honest with herself than to fuck Spence’s brains, and her own for that matter, out.

          Maddie just knew she wasn’t giving up her job nor was she going to encourage a repeat experience, no matter how much she’d like it, going forward. If necessary, she would get downright nasty about it if need be. That first morning back would tell the tale.

          For Spence, the week seemed interminable. He wanted nothing more than to call Maddie or even just drop by her house, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that since the memory of how she’d run away after the hottest sex he’d ever had. Just thinking about Maddie would cause his cock to get hard. Just remembering his hands on her breasts, inside her cunt, the way her legs wrapped around him was almost enough to make him come in his pants. Spence both looked forward to getting back in the office, although he’d spent considerable time there during the week, and actually feared what would happen when he and Maddie met up again.

          One thing for sure, Spence was determined Maddie would resign and find a replacement so they could both see where their relationship could go. Spence already felt as though he were half in love with Maddie as it was, and it wasn’t because of the great sex. He genuinely liked everything about her, the way she’d assumed such a huge role in his company, the way she seemed to understand him, the way she offered support when he hadn’t even realized he needed it. Yes, Maddie was going to have to quit so they could have a relationship. And okay, a relationship that included more of that great sex.

          January 2^nd arrived as did Maddie at the office. She put her things away, picked up her tablet and pen, and standing in front of Spence’s office door, she drew a huge breath. As she opened the door, she pasted a big smile on her face and entering, said, “Well, Happy New Year Spencer. I hope you had a great week off. I certainly did, although I have to admit I was getting just a bit bored the last day or so.”

          Maddie took her usual place in the chair alongside Spence’s desk.  “So, have you looked at your calendar yet. It looks like a very busy week, actually busy month to me.”

          Spence leaned back in his chair and folded his hands under his chin. “Yes, well, I think there’s something a bit more important for us to discuss before we get to my calendar. I wanted to call you or even see you during the entire time off, but the way you left, well, I....”

          “Stop right there Spencer!” Maddie demanded. “We are not going to discuss what happened after the Christmas party. It was a mistake, one I believe we both enjoyed, but a mistake nonetheless.” Maddie held up her had as Spence opened his mouth. “No, no discussion about our lapse of judgement, our lapse of good office behavior, our lapse of imposing on the other’s personal space. We’d both had too much to drink and were so happy. The Christmas party was such a huge high. Well, what happened between us after, it was a huge mistake, one that neither you nor I need to pay for beyond what’s already happened.”

          Maddie looked at Spencer and raised one eyebrow. “Have I made myself perfectly clear.”

          “I think I ought to have something to say about what happened.” Spencer replied sitting forward and reaching for Maddie’s hand. “I’m not sorry and can’t believe you are either. We just need to find your replacement so we can see how our relationship develops.”

          “Spencer, I hoped I wouldn’t have to say this to you, but you aren’t leaving me much choice. I will not relinquish my position as your EA. If you are determined to make our combined lapse of judgement an issue, then I’ll have to bring suit against you for sexual harassment. Do you understand me now?”

          “Maddie,” Spece began, “Be reasonable….”

          Before he could continue, Maddie got up out of the chair and started for the door. Once there, she looked back over her shoulder and said, “I’ll have my attorney get in touch with you if you insist.”

          Spence could tell Maddie was serious. She wasn’t play-acting. She wasn’t trying to be difficult. She seemed to totally believe what they’d experienced had been a lapse in judgement. He couldn’t see a way around what was apparently his problem.

          “Okay Maddie, okay. I guess I put more emphasis on what happened between us than you did. I’ll not refer to it again and apologize for my behavior. Come on back and we’ll review my calendar.”

          The next couple of months found Maddie and Spence working together just fine; however, the ease they’d had before was gone. Maddie’s appearance changed slightly in that she stopped allowing curls to fall out of her bun. She’d also gone back to the looser clothing she’d worn before the Christmas party. It was if she was trying to make herself less attractive.

          Spence wasn’t happy with how things stood, but he couldn’t take the chance Maddie would seek out an attorney. And since her aunt had been part of one of the best law firms in the city, it was a foregone conclusion that her suit for sexual harassment would carry some weight. Neither Spence nor his company could afford such a scandal.

          So, Spence continued, as he’d done for most of Maddie’s employment…he stayed away from the office, only going in early mornings or late afternoons. It was a good thing he trusted Maddie and that she had such a great grasp of the company and its employees. If nothing else thrived between the two of them, the company certainly did.

Spence was thankful for that, but the memory of Maddie in his arms, her lips and mouth responding to his, her hard nipples, how hot and wet she was after he yanked her panties off just wasn’t erasable from his memory. There were many nights he woke with a raging hardon, reaching out for her only to find himself alone and so hard and horny it hurt.

As for Maddie, she was extremely grateful Spence had acquiesced to her threat without her having to actually follow through...she wasn't totally sure she could have followed through. Their experience hadn’t left her mind either and she often dreamed about Spence and being in his arms, responding to his physical demands to the point she’d wake up on the verge of an orgasm, her undies wet. In those cases, she pulled her little friend out of the bedside table and gave herself an orgasm…an orgasm that wasn’t anywhere near the one she’d had up against that door.

Maddie was also thankful that Spence continued to absent himself from the office during most of the days. It was gratifying to know he believed she was capable enough to deal with whatever might arise. Anything she couldn’t handle, she deferred to him via emails or the small talks they had either at the beginning or end of each day. Still, Maddie found herself daydreaming at times about what a relationship with Spencer could be like. It was a daydream that made her either very happy or very depressed depending on what else was happening in her life.

It was late spring when Maddie’s best friend said, “What’s going on with you? You’ve been sort of down lately and that’s not like you. Is everything okay with your job and that luscious boss?”

Maddie could feel herself blush but responded, “Oh Gwennie, you must be imagining things. I’m just fine. A bit tired from working so much, mostly outside in the garden. But, when everything comes into bloom, it will be worth it. I’ll sit there with my wine and enjoy the hell out of what I produced.”

Gwen wasn’t willing to drop it. “That’s a good try, but you’re not going to evade me or the fact you’ve seemed just a bit off for some time now. You haven’t made an effort to date anyone for the last couple of months. When I offered to introduce you to Henry’s best friend when he moved to Seattle, you didn’t appear the least bit interested. What’s really going on with you.”

“Nothing Gwen. Really, nothing. As for wanting to date Henry’s friend, I’m just at the point where I’m not the least bit interested in getting to know someone new. It’s such a waste of time when I know even before we’ve spoken that it would become just one more mistake in my dating history.”

“Stop it Maddie, just stop. Seriously, you seem to have lost your joie de vivre. If we weren’t such good friends, I probably wouldn’t have noticed, but I have. What’s really going on?” Gwen said quietly, leaning forward and grasping Maddie’s hand.

Somehow, those quiet words and gentle touch opened up the tear ducts and tears began to stream down Maddie’s face. They were accompanied by huge sobs. Gwen got up and moved to the couch beside Maddie. She pulled her best friend into her arms and held her, smoothed her hand up and down her back until Maddie’s sobs became huge shudders and hiccoughs.

“I think I’m in love.” Maddie whispered between hiccoughs. “and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m afraid I ruined any chance we would have had. Now, it’s too late and I’m so sorry.”

Gwen pulled some tissues from a nearby box and told Maddie, “Wipe your eyes and nose and tell me all about it.”

So Maddie did. She told Gwen about how wonderful the Christmas party had been, how successful she felt when it was over and how pleased she’d been by Spence’s gift and what had happened after.

“So, it was the best sex you’ve ever had. What’s wrong with that?” Gwen exclaimed.

“Spence is my boss and he has a strong and firm rule about relations between staff. That’s how I got the job. He fired his last EA because she attempted to seduce him. I didn’t do that, but I cooperated enthusiastically when he gave me the chance. And, when we went back to work, he wanted me to find my replacement and resign.”

“What’s wrong with doing that?” Gwen asked.

“I love my job. I don’t want to give it up. And, I threatened to sue Spence and his company for sexual harassment if he insisted I do that.” Maggie responded, blowing her nose again.

“So how are things between you now?”

“Fine, just fine. We are cordial. We get the work done, but there’s nothing personal between us at all. I miss the comradery we had before this happened.”

“Well, it sounds to me like the ball is in your court, so to speak. If you want your current relationship to change, then you’re going to have to do something to change it.”

“Yes, but what? What if he isn’t the least bit interested anymore? What if my threat killed any feeling he had for me? Oh Gwen, I don’t know what to do about this. It’s a mess.”

Gwen reached out and gave Maddie a big hug. “Hey girlfriend, you’re smart and clever and have always gone after what you wanted, at least until now. What have you got to lose if you let him know you are definitely interested? You have to ask yourself what you actually want. Do you want your job? Or, and this is the big one, do you want Spencer?”

SNOW

             I seriously thought we’d get through this winter without a spec of snow. I was wrong because I woke up this morning to find snow, big fat flakes, falling. My car was covered as was the lawn and the entire garden. Fortunately, the streets were bare, so while it was cold enough to snow, it wasn’t cold enough to make it stick there.

          Of course, I took this opportunity to forego my exercise class because it snowed. Later I learned that none of the schools in the area were cancelled or even had a late start. So, I could have bitten the bullet and gone to my exercise class. And, I probably would have except I had a horrid night and couldn’t get my eyes to close for longer than a few minutes at a time. I have no idea why unless it was the medication they injected into my gums in the morning so they could do a crown. I know it does contain some form of ephedrine so perhaps that was it.

          Still, I didn’t feel horribly tired and didn’t really sleep when I opted to return to bed. It’s now noon and the snow is turning into rain, so all the white stuff will undoubtedly be gone by the end of the day. I do have a couple of errands to run and am meeting friends for lunch, so I’ll be venturing out in just a few minutes.

          I seriously hope this is the only snow we’ll receive this winter. I prefer the rain because I can still go and do without worrying about anything. Ah, for those days of youth when snow was an exciting event. Now old, I do find it quite pretty, but don’t like the idea that it can cause havoc with any plans I’ve made.