GRADUATIONS

         Today marks a third high school graduation, not counting my own, that is going to be exceedingly different from the two that proceeded the one today. Haley’s Grandpa won’t be there in person as he was for his sons’ graduations. I don’t know if they will play Pomp & Circumstance which always makes me cry, even when I simply hear it on television. I think the only time it didn’t make me cry was at my own graduation…I was far too happy to be finished with high school.

          Haley’s graduation will be on YouTube and I’ll be able to watch it as many times as I wish. She’s not going to have a huge celebration because of the pandemic, but a few of us will gather at her house to eat, drink and wish her well in her future endeavors. 

          Thanking of Haley’s graduation reminds of her father’s back in 1989 or 31 years ago. The ceremony was held at Hec Edmundson Pavilion at the University of Washington. AJ had to be there early, so he and I left ahead of the rest of the family and friends who were attending. I wore make-up then, including mascara and seriously hoped I wouldn’t cry when they played the march. My mascara ran ever so much sooner than that.

          Driving down I-5, AJ says to me, “Mom, you know what I wish?”

          “No,” I responded, “What?”

          “I wish Grandpa were here today.”

          “I’m sure he’s with us in spirit,” was my response.

          “You know what I really wish though? I wish Grandpa could have seen me play ball.”

          That was it for the mascara. AJ was especially close to my dad. He spent a lot of time with my folks as a kid and Grandpa had died of a brain tumor when he was only seven. AJ took basketball very seriously and was the high school’s star center for three of his four years there.

          Trying not to sob aloud while keeping my eyes clear enough to see the road, my response was, “Honey, I’m sure Grandpa saw every single game you played.”

          Even today, typing those words, tears come to my eyes. In college, AJ had to write a poem about someone important and he chose his Grandpa. He gave it to Grandma and she framed and hung it on her wall. The last time I saw it, it was hung on AJ’s bedroom wall.

          Today also makes me think of Thor’s graduation which was also a celebration, but with sad undertones. Thor hated high school and his circle of friends were all seniors who graduated as he moved into his sophomore year. He took it upon himself to investigate an alternative and came to me and his dad with a plan to leave his high school and go to Lake Washington Vocational Technical School (LWVT). His dad was adamant about him receiving an actual diploma. The program Thor would take included a high school diploma. We agreed to the change.

          For two years, Thor drove to the eastside to go to school. Before he finished, he already had a job as a diesel mechanic at a firm in Falls City. Then, his world turned upside down. The beginning of June, he suffered a seizure, although we didn’t know that’s what it was. His trip to the hospital was explained away as a reaction to some chemicals he was using.

          His high school graduation happened on a Friday night. It was wonderful to see him up there in his cap and gown. His graduation from LWVT’s program was to be held the following Friday…lucky kid, he got two graduation ceremonies. On the Monday following the first graduation, he had another seizure at a friend’s home. His friend’s mother was an LPN and knew it for what it was, a grand mal seizure. He was taken to Harborview from where I picked him up, not knowing he’d taken his own IV out and left without permission.

          I went to work the next morning and when I got home, Thor’s friend’s mom had called and talked to John. She had explained exactly what she saw. John could barely say the words he was so upset. I talked to her and the following morning, called Thor’s doctor and demanded an MRI yesterday. John I were absolutely terrified because that’s how my dad’s brain tumor had presented, with seizures.

          To make a long story short, the MRI showed a bright spot you’ll sometimes see when an older person has had a stroke. Thor went on medication and after a year against the advice of his doctors, weaned himself off. He hated the way the medication made him feel. Since then, no more seizures for which I am very grateful.

          Back to his second graduation. Yes, he did attend, but his face was pretty much purple (to match his gown) on one side from when he seized and fell to the floor. We were very proud of him for his success in a program that he had chosen for himself.

          Both my sons had wonderful celebrations recognizing the end of one part of their lives and the beginning of the next. I do so wish we could have had a huge celebration in Haley’s honor, but the few of us that will gather will celebrate on behalf of all who cannot be there to wish her well…we know they do from afar. And, today, thinking of my two sons and now Haley, Pomp & Circumstance aside, I’ll most likely tear up just a bit.