“Couldn’t one of you just hit me in the head with a hammer?” Charlie asked plaintively. She and her crew had finished for the week and were indulging in their usual Friday afternoon beers at the pub. “Tomorrow’s that damn fucking party my mamma’s planned and I haven’t been able to find a way to get out of being there. If one of you would put me in the hospital, I’d have a damn fucking excuse.”
Her crew members laughed and Todd refilled
her glass. It had to be her third one, maybe fourth. “Now, honeychile, you jes
know yur jes gonna have the time of yur life. Wearin’ a pretty dress, all
fancied up for whatever stud yur mamma’s invited.” Todd’s elaborate drawl even
made Charlie laugh, but it really wasn’t funny.
“Go ahead and laugh you guys. You’re
not gonna have to get all gussied up and make nice with a bunch of my mamma’s
old friends as well as, like Todd said, whatever stud or studs she’s invited. I
haven’t seen the guest list, but I think I’m gonna need a shot or two of
bourbon before I meander down those steps, on display once again for whatever
society members attend.”
“Well boss lady, be sure and have
someone get some photos so we can see what you look like when you’re all
cleaned up.” Gordy advised her and the rest of the crew nodded in agreement.
“It would serve ya all right if I fell
for whoever mamma’s invited and gave up being the boss lady to stay home barefoot
in the kitchen with a bun in the oven most all the time.”
They all hooted and Todd responded, “Like
that would ever happen. Don’t care who the guy is that you finally hook up
with, but he won’t be keeping you barefoot and pregnant and off a job site.
Knowing you as long as I have, you’ll be on the job until the labor pains are
so bad you have to stop. And, after the birth, you’ll be right back with the
kid on your back or in a sling on your front.”
Gordy added, “And, when you do find
Mr. Right, I think we all need to take him aside and make him understand what
he’s getting himself into.”
“That’s if’n he hasn’t already figured
it out and run for the hills.” Sam, the youngest crew member was brave enough
to add. When he’d first come on the crew, he’d had a pretty big crush on
Charlie, but he’d gotten over it once he found the young woman he was going to
marry in the fall. Usually, Sam didn’t have much to say.
“Damn it, you’d think I’d get a lot
more sympathy and a lot less aggravation from you guys since I’m such a fucking
good boss lady. Y’all just disgust me. I’m going home and finish drowning my
sorrows in the comfort of my own room, that’s unless mamma’s waiting and wants
to talk a whole bunch more about tomorrow night. Maybe I’ll just stay here and
drown my sorrows, or go back to my house and simply drown. Fuck, but I can’t
wait until Monday comes.”
Charlie sort of wove her way to the
bar and handed over her card. “Thanks for putting up with us every Friday Bubba.
The boys and I really appreciate it.”
Back at the table, Todd took one arm
and Gordy took the other. “It’s not safe for you to be driving, so Gordy’s
gonna drive your truck. Since he rides with Sam, Sam will follow and take Gordy
home from there.”
Charlie tried to argue with them, but
they didn’t release her until they had her keys and she’d been plopped into the
passenger seat. Even then, she tried by telling them, “You should let me do
this myself. If I got stopped, I’d have to go to jail and I wouldn’t use my
phone call until Sunday. C’mon guys, that’s how desperate I am to avoid
tomorrow night. Perfect excuse, that’s what I say.”
Todd shut the passenger door as Gordy
fired up the truck. “That may be true, but you’re not getting a DWI on our
watch. Be a man, or woman, Charlie and you’ll be just fine tomorrow night. It’s
only gonna be a few hours and thank about how happy your momma will be.” He
chucked her under the chin and stepped back, saying, “Y’all have a great
weekend.” With a lot of emphasis on the great.
As Gordy pulled away, Charlie gave
Todd the finger and slumped down in the seat. “God, I hate some parts of my life.
Why couldn’t I have been a boy?”
Gordy didn’t respond and Charlie fell
asleep as he drove her to her house.
“Hey boss lady, we’re here. Time to
wakey-wake and act like you only had one beer instead of four. If you’re quick,
maybe your mamma won’t look out the window and see you had to be driven home.”
Gordy said with a chuckle as he handed her the keys and climbed out of her
truck to get into Sam’s.
Charlie heaved a big sigh and got out
of the truck. In the mudroom, she took off her dirty sweaty clothes and yanked
on a chenille bathrobe. When she entered the kitchen, she said, “Mamma, I’m
just so hot and dirty, I’m gonna get right in the shower.”
She rushed through the kitchen to the
back stairs, her mother’s voice following, “Well, don’t be taking too long. I’ve
almost got dinner ready and me and your dad are hungry. If you’re not back here
in ten minutes, I’m gonna come up there and drag you down by your hair.”
Charlie muttered a very inappropriate
comment, but was back downstairs fresh and clean with almost a whole minute to
spare. They were eating in the kitchen because of the next night’s party and,
of course, that’s exactly what her mamma wanted to discuss. Charlie listened as
she stuffed her face, in a lady-like manner, with fried chicken, mashed
potatoes, gravy, fresh green beans and garden salad.
“Momma, I don’t know how you make such
perfect fried chicken every single time. I know you’ve tried to teach me, but
it never ever, no matter what, comes out so crispy and tasty like yours. And,
it was a good idea to have gardener Glen put in your garden because these beans
and the salad are so fresh and yummy.”
Charlie was given a very solemn look
by her mother. “Don’t be thinking if you compliment me enough about anything at
all that I’ll let you skip tomorrow night. If you’d look at the guest list, you’d
see I invited some younger folks, so it won’t all be us fuddy duddies. I just
know you’ll have a wonderful time.”
Ruth Ann continued to talk about the
party and her expectations for her daughter. Charlie’s father nodded every now
and then and added, “You listen to your mamma, now y’hear.” a couple of times. Charlie
also listened and nodded and tried to smile now and then even though her teeth
were clenched. It finally became almost too much when her mother said, “I
bought you a new dress and shoes for tomorrow night. You’re just going to love
them and the color is almost exactly the same shade as your eyes.”
Mamma, I didn’t need a new dress or
shoes. My closet is stuffed with clothes you’ve bought and I seldom wear.”
“Well, daughter, a mamma can live in
hope. For me, it’s the hope you’ll discover your more womanly side and spend
more time in dresses and heels. Of course, if you were to fall in love with a perfect
man, you’d have no trouble dressing up then.”
“Mamma, we’ve had this conversation
over and over. If this perfect man ever shows up, he’s gonna have to like me as
I am. If it takes a fancy dress and fuck me shoes….”
Ruth Ann’s eyebrows were almost at her
hairline at Charlie’s language.
“Oh mamma, I’m sorry, please excuse my
French. I meant to say six-inch heels.”
“That’s what happens when you spend
more time with men, especially men that aren’t gentlemen. You forget your
lady-like ways and mouth. Now, get these dishes cleaned up. I’m gonna go sit in
the garden.”
As her mamma left, Charlie glanced at
her dad. He was trying hard not to laugh and just shrugged his shoulders. She
got up and began to clean up the table and kitchen. Finished, she found her
mother in the garden. “Mamma, I’m so sorry for my language and I promise I’ll
be a good southern girl tomorrow night. I’m going to bed now so I’ll be fresh
in the morning and can help with whatever you need.”
Charlie bent to give her mamma a kiss.
“It’s okay darlin’ I forgive you. And, I’m not giving this party just to put
you on display like you think. I want the chance to see some of the friends I’ve
been missing with all the traveling your dad and I have been doing.”
“I’m sure it will be a lot of fun.
Good night mamma.”
There really wasn’t much to do the
following day. Her mamma had lined up the caterers, florists, wait staff and
had the house and grounds cleaned and tidied up so everything sparkled and
looked fresh. It surely wasn't the first party she'd ever hosted. Charlie was grateful it wasn’t going to be a sit-down dinner, but
wine, champagne and a huge buffet of heavy hor d’oeuvres. The pool had been
covered so there was a dance floor and a small stage erected at one end for the
band Ruth Ann had also hired.
When the party staff began to arrive,
Charlie retreated to her room and bathroom. She filled her bathtub and added
her favorite gardenia bath oil. She rarely used it or the scented lotion in the
cupboard, but she was determined to keep her promise to her mother and smelling
wonderful was something a southern girl learned early-on. She read a book
while adding hot water as needed and emerged from her bath all pruney, but the
wrinkles would go away before she had to join the festivities.
Charlie took her time, coating herself
with the gardenia lotion, brushing and coiling her hair into a soft mound at
the back of her head. She knew as she moved, a few tendrils would escape and
curl around her face and neck. She took her time applying make-up. Her eyebrows
were already dark, but a bit of eyeliner and several coats of mascara made her
eyes look huge. A little frosting of a peachy powder made her skin glimmer.
Lips usually bare were extremely noticeable once she’d lined them and applied
the lipstick and gloss.
It was time to don her underthings and
she found her mamma had purchased new panties and a barely there bra in the
same color as the dress. Thigh-high stockings in a very pale tan slid easily up
her legs and hugged her upper thighs. Finally, Charlie pulled up the dress and
pushed her feet into the heels. From her jewelry box she added the requisite
strand of pearls and a slim gold chain that nestled a diamond at the top of her minimal cleavage. Diamond and pearl earrings, pearl bracelet on one wrist and diamond
tennis on the other, she was ready.
Charlie walked across the room to the
full-length mirror and had to admit she looked damn good. Her mother was right
about the color of the dress. That and the dark eyeliner and mascaraed lashes
made the turquoise of her eyes pop right out of her face. Charlie’s phone
buzzed and when she checked, there was a text from her mamma, “Be downstairs in
10 minutes or else…please.” First, though, she went back to the mirror and took
a selfie, well actually a couple of selfies. She’d be ready to show them what they'd missed come Monday when the
crew teased her about the party.
Downstairs, Charlie joined her mother
and father in the entry way. A couple of guests had already arrived, so she’d
missed saying hello, but she’d make her way to them later. “Darling, don’t you
look simply divine. Robert, doesn’t our girl look wonderful.”
Charlie gave her mother a soft hug and
air kiss, then turned to her dad for a hug. “You do look absolutely beautiful
Charlie-girl. Sometimes I can’t believe you came from my loins.”
“Now Robert, you stop that. Charlie is
a Charlotte tonight. If it weren’t for you and her granddad, she’d be married
with a bunch of babies by now.”
“Now Ruth Ann,” her dad gave right
back, “if Charlie had wanted a man and children, nothing would have stood in
her way and you know that. Now, let’s stop all this and have us some fun.” To
make his point, he gave Ruth Ann a little swat on her behind. She blushed and
pushed his hand away.
That’s really why I’ve never found the
right man because I want a relationship like theirs. They’re still in love
after so many years and the disappointment of only one child and a girl at
that. Charlie also knew they still had a healthy sex life even though her
mother would die of embarrassment if she ever brought up the topic. She could
just tell when she was around the following morning, or even the odd afternoon.
They both always looked so relaxed and happy and so more like one individual
than two. She envied them that and hoped that someday she’d have a very similar
relationship.
Charlie’s reverie was interrupted with
the next guests. For the next hour or more, she stood with her parents,
greeting the invitees, answering questions, promising to catch up later in the
evening or over lunch or some social event at some point in time. Of course,
most of those promises were empty and she probably wouldn’t see most of the
people again until the next party.
Charlie was attempting to get the old roué Mr. Desmond to move on into
the other room. He was attempting to hug her yet again so he could pat her
bottom and hopefully, look down the top of her dress. Mr. Desmond had always
been like this even when his wife was alive. Every teenage female learned early
it was best to say, “Why hi there Mr. Desmond. I’ll see you later.” And escape
before he could grab hold and give the unlucky girl a big shmushy kiss. His
lips seemed to have no tone and were always very wet. Charlie had always needed
to brush her teeth or rinse her mouth if she was the unlucky one and she’d only
been that a couple of times.
So it was with relief and surprise she
heard a familiar voice, “Well, bless your heart, but you clean up right good
now doncha?”
“I’ll talk to you later Mr. Desmond. Oh,
hello Rebecca. Welcome and how nice to see you again.” Charlie said, giving the
normal hug and air kiss.
“It’s really nice to see you looking
like a real southern girl that benefited from all those classes we took. And,
you know Adam, your neighbor and my date.”
Charlie let go of Rebecca and extended
her hand to Adam. A true southern girl didn’t hug men she barely knew. Adam
took her hand in his and Charlie was positive he had to feel the same electrifying
impulses she was feeling. Again, every hair on her body was standing at
attention and if her nipples got any harder, they were going to poke through
the fabric. Since she was looking directly at Adam this time, she knew he felt
something because his eyebrows drew together and he looked a little bewildered.
He practically snatched his hand back.
Adam cleared his throat and said, “Hi
Charlie. Nice to see you again. You’ll have to find Rebecca and me later and
tell us how the house is coming, I mean progressing.”
Charlie actually laughed at Adam’s
discomfort over his word usage. She made a mental note to tease him about it
later. “Rebecca, hope you don’t mind if I steal a dance from your date? Promise
it will only be just one. And, did you know my mamma invited Ricky Simmonds
tonight as well. Maybe you could partner him one time.”
Rebecca put her arm through Adam’s and
responded, “Well, we’ll just have to see who you end up with tonight. If it’s
someone as handsome and fun as Adam, I wouldn’t mind sharing one dance.”
Charlie was watching Adam and saw him
almost roll his eyes. “Yes, well, y’all go on in and make yourselves at home. I’ll
be along later after I’ve finished my hostess duty.”
Well, well, she thought to herself as
she greeted the next couple. I wonder if Adam has any idea Rebecca expects to
be his bride by fall. I think I’ll just have to find out, but more than that, I
have to know why his touch is so shocking. Would the feeling be entirely astonishing
if we were naked and skin-to-skin? Charlie was dying to know the answer.