There’s
something I’ve been mulling over for a number of days now. I’ve tried to come
up with a word, or words, or a description that fits what I’ve felt and nothing
seems to fit. I’m in a quandry. Perhaps you, my dear reader, has had this kind
of experience and can assist in identification.
Last week I was
driving on a street I don’t often use and saw something new. As a result, I
immediately thought of John and what he’d have to say about the change. As I
was thinking this, I felt a stutter, a rebound, almost a physical reaction in my chest to
my thoughts. It made me suddenly miss him all over again with a
more or less physical pain.
Have you ever had that feeling?
It’s almost as if my heart missed a beat or my chest was thumped by an outside
force. The result is an almost overwhelming sadness for what was there and is
now gone, both with regard to the new whatever it was on the street and John.
Anyway, I’ve tried to identify
this feeling with a word or words, but perhaps there isn’t a
name. I just know there are times when a finding something new in my surroundings or even a memory will make my heart/body/mind
stutter. This feeling is always followed by sadness. I always try to follow the sad with a conscious choice to find and remember a time(s) past that makes me feel ever
so much better. It doesn't always work, but sometimes, I guess sad can be good?
Please, feel free to share your
experiences and/or identification ideas.