WHAT IS THIS FEELING???

 

          There’s something I’ve been mulling over for a number of days now. I’ve tried to come up with a word, or words, or a description that fits what I’ve felt and nothing seems to fit. I’m in a quandry. Perhaps you, my dear reader, has had this kind of experience and can assist in identification.

          Last week I was driving on a street I don’t often use and saw something new. As a result, I immediately thought of John and what he’d have to say about the change. As I was thinking this, I felt a stutter, a rebound, almost a physical reaction in my chest to my thoughts. It made me suddenly miss him all over again with a more or less physical pain.

Have you ever had that feeling? It’s almost as if my heart missed a beat or my chest was thumped by an outside force. The result is an almost overwhelming sadness for what was there and is now gone, both with regard to the new whatever it was on the street and John.

Anyway, I’ve tried to identify this feeling with a word or words, but perhaps there isn’t a name. I just know there are times when a finding something new in my surroundings or even a memory will make my heart/body/mind stutter. This feeling is always followed by sadness. I always try to follow the sad with a conscious choice to find and remember a time(s) past that makes me feel ever so much better. It doesn't always work, but sometimes, I guess sad can be good?

Please, feel free to share your experiences and/or identification ideas.