When Luke woke up the following morning, he was surprised to find himself fully dressed on the couch and his mouth felt as though the less appreciated portions of a barnyard had been deposited there while he slept. He groaned and sat up, putting up his hands to hold his head which hurt badly and suddenly felt ten times its normal size. Even his eyes throbbed and he wanted to keep them closed.
What the hell, he asked himself and
then the previous afternoon came crashing back into his memory. It made his
headache worse and his biggest desire was to go back to sleep so he didn’t have
to think about Hannah and another man or be aware of how his body felt…exactly
like fucking shit. And, it was all her fault. The way he felt was all her
fault.
Luke struggled to his feet and headed
for the bathroom. He groaned from the pain in his head and his back from
sleeping on the couch, but his bladder was full. He needed to piss something
terrific. Once he’d done that, he swallowed a few aspirins with a couple of
handfuls of water from the sink. Then he stripped off his clothes and got into
the shower. He let the hot water pour over his head and shoulders. It helped
remove some of his discomfort. Finished, he turned the knob to cold and stood
there until he got the shivers. Dry and in clean clothes, he had to admit he
felt better, not terrific, but better.
He headed for the café he usually
patronized for breakfast. His lunches at the ranch always left him completely
full, so he rarely ate dinner. Of course, everyone in the café, hell the entire
town for that matter, knew who he was and that he was Stevie’s father. One
older waitress who’d maybe read one too many romance novels and thought she was
clever and cute always had a zinger or two of a question. Luke hoped he could
avoid the tables she served this morning. His luck was as crappy as it had been
the day before.
Kimmie was what her badge said even
though her days of being a Kimmie were long past. As soon as he sat down, paper
in hand, she approached with the coffee pot. “Well, lookee who’s here for
breakfast. When you going to make Hannah an honest woman and eat breakfast at
her table?” She laughed and nudged his shoulder with her free hand. “Stevie
know who you are yet?”
“Look, Kimmeeeee, you may think you’re
funny, but I don’t think so at all. If you wouldn’t mind, a simple good morning
or how are you would be way more welcome than all the comments you have to
offer about Hannah and Stevie. I’d actually like it if you just shut totally up
about those two. Alright? Alright. Great. I’ll have my usual.”
“Well, I never….” Kimmie began, to
which Luke responded, “Yeah, I’ll just bet you never. Thank you, Kimmeeeee,
that will be all for now.”
Luke turned his attention to the paper
and read it while he ate his breakfast and drank about four cups of coffee.
Kimmie didn’t attempt another conversation, but made him know she was unhappy,
slamming the plates on the table, sloshing coffee in his cup and smacking his
bill down. For the first time, when he departed, he left a single
dollar as a tip instead of the usual five. Fuck her too, he thought as he
climbed into his truck.
Ordinarily
he would head for the ranch and Stevie, but this morning, he turned his truck
in the other direction and headed for the larger town an hour or so away. He
told himself he didn’t need to see Stevie, that there was plenty he could find
to do without spending all his time at the ranch. Hell, maybe he should gather
up his stuff and find a place in the next town. Just leave here and never
return. That would serve Hannah right. Let her bring another bastard into the
world. He wondered if the town would be as forgiving this time as they were the
last. Then he realized he was referring to his own child as a bastard as well and it
almost made him cry.
Once Luke arrived in the larger town,
he wondered what he was going to do with himself. He didn’t really know anyone
and the various choices of entertainment didn’t appeal. He didn’t want to see a
movie. He didn’t want to visit the little museum. He wasn’t hungry for lunch.
He didn’t feel like drinking, but that seemed about the only option. Maybe he’d
just order a beer and watch whatever football game was on the bar TV.
Luke managed to make himself a couple
of friends by buying a round of drinks for the few people in the Rocky Saloon.
Before he knew it, he was well on his way to being drunk and feeling very sorry
for himself.
“Hey, you, what’s your name? Tim, am I right?” Luke asked the old guy
who’d moved to sit on the next barstool.
“Yep, that’s me, Tim Farley,” he responded.
“Well, Tim, I got me a problem I could use some help with and you
look to be old enough to maybe give me some advice. What do you say, pal?”
While Tim was thinking it over, Luke ordered a couple more
boilermakers. They were tasting mighty fine he thought.
“Well, depends on what kinda advice yur lookin’ fer.” Tim
responded.
Luke took a big swallow of his fresh drink. “Tim, I found the
woman of my dreams a couple years ago. I had to leave for a while, well, a
couple years really.”
“She married when ya got back?”
“No, she isn’t married, but she’s the mother of my child. Now,
seems like she got herself pregnant while I was gone and wants me to be the
father to some other man’s git. Now,
does that seem fair? I ask you; would you father someone else’s kid?”
“Here’s what I say,” Time breathed his bad, beer and whiskey
tainted breath into Luke’s face. “What I say is she’s a whore. She shouldnta
gone behin’ yur back and got herself in trouble. I say it’s her problem, not
yours. Why you wanna have anythin’ to do with a whore like that anyway?”
When Luke heard Tim refer to Hannah as a whore, his hand clenched
so hard, he almost broke his glass. It was all he could do to keep from turning
and smacking Tim into the next county. Hannah was no whore. Tim had no call to
say that and if anyone was gonna say Hannah was a whore, it was him.
“Tim, don’t be calling my woman a whore. She’s not a whore and if
you say it again, I’m gonna beat the absolute shit out of you.”
“Well, fuck, man, you asked my advice. It’s one thing to visit a
whore, but sounded like you were thinkin’ somethin’ more long term, like
marriage.”
“Yeah, well, maybe.”
“You gonna be able to trust her if you have to go away again? How
you gonna feel ever time you look at the secon’ kid? You gonna be able to love
it even if’n it ain’t yurn?”
“Would you Tim? Would you be able to feel the same way about it as
you’d feel about your own kid?”
“Hell no. Ever time I saw it, I’d be reminded another man had been
feastin’ offa my plate. I would’n like it one bit.”
At that point, the favored football team scored a touchdown and
their talk was interrupted. That was okay with Luke. He didn’t like what Tim
had been saying even though Tim said the very things Luke had been thinking off
and on since Hannah had told him she was pregnant.
At some point, Luke moved to a booth and at closing time, the
saloon keeper had to wake him up to throw him out. Of course, it was early
morning, his truck was frozen and it took some time to warm it up and thaw the
windows. As he drove carefully around the town because he stank of booze, he
found there didn’t seem to be any place open anywhere. Finally, he found the
bus station which was open. Luke figured he could hang out there until he
sobered up enough to drive back to his place. Maybe there’d even be some food
available to soak up some of the alcohol.
Inside, it was quiet and warm, but the only food and drink
available was in the various machines lined up against the wall. Luke found a
few crumpled dollar bills in his pocket and wandered back and forth until he
decided on a cup of automatic coffee and some Grandma’s oatmeal cookies. Didn’t
really sound appetizing, but he needed to put something in his belly.
Back at the ranch, Hannah wasn’t getting much sleep either. The
day had been horrible. She’d never seen Stevie act the way he’d acted today.
When it finally became clear Luke wasn’t going to show up and she couldn’t say
why, Stevie threw himself on the dining room floor and proceeded to have the
first ever tantrum she’d seen since his birth. She was ashamed and aghast at
his actions as were the staff members who witnessed his total meltdown.
Stevie had barely eaten lunch he’d been watching so hard for Luke.
And, when Hannah pulled him up off the floor into her arms and started for the
house and naptime, her son struggled, flailing his arms, kicking his legs until
one of the young male staff members had stepped in and scooped him from her
arms. Thrown over his shoulders, Stevie was hauled to his room, Hannah right
behind. She thanked the young man, shut the door and turned to Stevie who was
once again on the floor kicking and screaming.
“I won’t take a nap. I want Luke. Luke naps with me. I don’t want
you, mom, I want Luke. Go away. I hate you.”
That pretty much did it. Hannah grabbed Stevie, yanked him up into
her arms and got them both on the bed. She put her legs over his, wrapped his
arms between them and just held on.
“Okay, Stevie, that’s enough. Calm down. Just calm down, okay.
Mommy’s right here. Mommy will take care of you. It will be okay, Stevie,
promise.”
It took a bit, but eventually, Stevie stopped crying and his body
became limp. Periodically, his little chest rose and fell with the after crying
hiccoughs. Hannah slowly released the tight hold she had on Stevie. He didn’t
want her to let go though because in his sleep, he tried to nestle even closer.
Hannah made herself comfortable, pulled a blanket over them and tried to relax.
Relaxing was almost impossible though because she was so angry
herself. She wouldn’t have minded laying on the floor, kicking and screaming
and carrying on her own self. She also wouldn’t have minded if Luke showed up
so she could kick his ass into the next state. What a mistake she’d made, and
Lord, how many mistakes made up her life now? She should never have allowed
Luke access to Stevie even if he was his father. Luke never vowed to stay even
though he kept after her to be friendlier and to tell Stevie Luke was his
father. She was glad now that she’d held firm on that. Imagine how the poor kid
would be feeling if he’d known Luke was his daddy and not just a man who seemed
to like to spend time with him.
Hannah knew one thing for absolutely positively sure. If, or when,
Luke came back, he wasn’t going to be welcomed with anyone’s opened arms,
including Stevie’s. She carefully eased out of the bed, made sure Stevie was
safe and covered. Back in her own kitchen, she used her radio to ask Jo, Dave,
Dale, and Anita to come to her there. She asked they do it quietly so Stevie
wouldn’t wake. When they’d all arrived and sat down at the table, Hannah began.
“When we’re done here, I want the gate by the highway closed and
locked. Anita, you can put up the sign asking people to buzz for entry.” Hannah
took a deep breath and continued, “I do not want Luke to return to the ranch,
not even for a minute. You all saw how Stevie reacted this morning when Luke
didn’t show up. I made a huge mistake letting Luke have such easy access.”
Hannah took a sip from her water glass. “Now, I’ll tell you what
happened yesterday to cause Luke to disappear, at least for today and maybe
forever. The truth of the matter is I’m about two months pregnant.”
Eyebrows were raised, her friends looked at each other and Anita was bold enough to say, “I don’t see how that’s possible unless it’s the second
coming. You haven’t been on a real date
since you had Stevie.”
“Yeah, well, it was no angel who made me pregnant. I won’t go into
any details because you don’t need them. Let’s just say I had a lot to drink,
was totally unsupervised and made the mistake of responding to compliments,
soft touches, and the idea I was still attractive. All it takes is one time and
that was it, one very forgettable and uncomfortable time.
“Yesterday I decided I needed to be honest with Luke, especially
since I love him so much. The way he’s been with Stevie, I thought perhaps he
had a big enough heart to take on a child that wasn’t his. I was wrong. Luke’s
reaction and words were definitely not what I wanted to hear. He was actually
rather nasty in some ways. In any case, I hoped it wouldn’t change his
relationship with Stevie, but as we can all tell from his absence, that isn’t
the case.”
“Well, I find that real disappointin’,” Joe offered. “We were all
real pleased he was back and trying so hard to win you back. Maybe Luke just
needs some time to think.”
“Yeah,” Dave added. “I bet he’ll be back in the morning
apologizing all over the place and asking forgiveness.”
“And if he’s not,” Dale said, “I’ll just put something in his food
to make him real sorry.”
“Thank you, gentlemen and Anita. I appreciate your support, but once
I got Stevie settled in for his nap, I decided I cannot have another day like
this one with him. So, Luke is persona non grata from here on out. Folks may
look at me and talk about me behind my back once I start showing, but I had
Stevie and I can have this one on my own as well. Y’all are part of my big
family. I know you may be disappointed in me, but I really didn’t set out to
have sex with an almost complete stranger. My only excuses are that I was so
lonely, so hungry for a bit of kindness, flirting, a little bit of skin-to-skin
time. That wasn’t exactly what I got, but there is a new life as a result.”
“And I bet I know just who it was that took advantage,” Anita said
quietly.
“Yes, you may or may not know and it’s not important. I won’t be
seeing that person ever again. I also have no intention of sharing this news
with him. Just as Stevie is mine, and all of ours, this Little Mite will become
a new member of our family and we’ll love him or her just as we do Stevie.
“And, finally, feel free to share my news with other staff
members, especially when it comes to Luke being unwelcome here. I did this once
before and I can do it again, especially with everyone’s love and support. I
also hope y’all know how much I love and appreciate each and every one.”
As her staff got up to leave, Hannah got up as well. Hugs were
exchanged and words murmured before they went out the door. Hannah watched
through the window as they went down toward the dining hall. Anita soon
reappeared, hopped into one of the little electric carts and headed for the
highway. When she returned, the sign she’d placed in the cart was gone and
Hannah knew Luke would now not have any access.
She turned away from the window, rubbed her flat belly and said, “Sure
hope your big brother isn’t as upset tomorrow as he was today. Maybe if I tell
him about you, my second Little Mite, he’ll be so excited and happy about a
sibling, he’ll not feel Luke’s absence quite so much.
Hannah beat her pillow into a new shape and put her head back on it. She told herself to stop thinking about her day, Stevie and Luke, and concentrate on getting some sleep. She'd need to be at her best should Luke show up tomorrow, well, it was really today now wasn't it.