HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY THOR!!!!

          Today is my youngest son’s 40^th birthday, his first one without his dad. His older brother had his first birthday without his dad last September, but I hadn’t begun to write about how John’s death affected me or my sons. I’m sorry for that now because I’m sure it was very difficult for AJ to party barely a month after his dad’s passing and not even ten days after John’s life celebration. I wasn’t thinking about any of this at that point in time. I guess it was too new to process.

          Still, we celebrated AJ’s 49^th birthday last September and today, we’ll celebrate Thor’s 40^th. As I did with AJ’s, I’ll continue with the custom or preparing the celebrant’s favorite dinner, established who knows how many years ago. I’ll make Heart Attack in a Bowl, better known as Baked Potato Soup. It will be served with Caesar salad, garlic bread and crackers. In the past, I’ve made Thor’s favorite, German chocolate cake, but with the cold that’s still sapping my energy, I’ve asked Thor’s wife to take care of getting the cake and ice cream.

          We’ll all be there to watch the candles be lighted, one of the kids will play the little music box of Happy Birthday, and we’ll all sing the Happy Birthday song to Thor. It will be pretty much like years past; except we are all one year older and John’s voice will no longer ring out as we sing.

I cannot speak for Thor or any other family member, but I will miss John’s presence and the way we often looked at each other with pride in the boys we raised. We never discussed it at any length or in great depth, but we both loved these progenies, even when they were the most exasperating individuals in our lives.

 Thor’s baby book carries the story of how and when he was conceived. It was in the back of a 1972 VW camper van in the back yard of Mabel and Bud Owen’s home in Montesano Washington on Memorial Day weekend 1979. John and I were so pleased with AJ and parenthood, we’d decided to have another child, but Mother Nature would not cooperate. We were encouraged to visit our friends in Montesano because everyone there was pregnant…it has to be the water I was told. This was going to be our last attempt because AJ would be ten in 1980 and the house would be paid for…why begin again.

Thor 2/22/80

Mother Nature granted our desire and when we returned to see our friends for the July 4^th weekend, we were happily pregnant. AJ was especially excited and wanted a sister whom he would name Rebecca. John also wanted a girl as did I so we’d have a complete set, but, somehow, I knew during the comfortable and easy pregnancy that I was carrying another boy.

February photos with John must be 

in baby book. This from 8/80.

In addition to my being pregnant, four other women I knew were as well and we were all due in February. I was the last to head for the hospital, five days after the last of the other four went. Of the five of us, two had boys and three had girls, but most importantly, they were all healthy and whole.

Mom walking for her Certificate

Such good posture

Thor was also born on the day of my mother’s graduation from school. Since I couldn’t be there, I insisted John and AJ attend and take photographs. They all came to the hospital the following day. Unfortunately, I did have a problem when I gave birth, so the doctor kept me there an extra couple of days.

The day Thor and I went home had a couple of difficulties. I had no idea I absolutely had to have the baby car seat in the car in order to bring my baby home. After much dithering, we were allowed to leave with Thor, but he and I had to ride in the back seat. The other problem was AJ had become ill. John took him to the doctor on the way to get us, and it turned out he had strep throat. The nurses were very understanding and provided face masks for him to use and instructed him/us about washing his hands, etc., to keep his new baby healthy.

Photo of AJ in mask must be 

in Thor’s baby book

I have photos of AJ in his face mask holding his little brother as soon as we arrived home. That bond strengthened and grew as did the brothers. Just let one of the older kids in the neighborhood give Thor grief and AJ was ready to go take care of the problem. Thor, in turn, looked up to his big brother and potty trained himself before his second birthday. His brother and dad stood up to pee, so forget these diapers and let me at the toilet. Had I to do it all over again, I would have taught my boys to sit down and pee. As it was, once they were each old enough, cleaning the bathroom became their job once a week. After all, I wasn’t the one that “dripped” on the toilet and floor.

As boys grew up and matured, they became less close…ten years does make a difference at some point. AJ was out of school, going to college and Thor was just beginning middle school. AJ found the woman he married, and Thor wasn’t yet sure if he needed a girl/woman in his life. AJ accepted permanent employment with the Seattle Parks Department from which he’ll eventually retire. Thor had some medical issues which sidetracked him from his chosen career of diesel mechanic to working for his father’s company, and then on to several completely different in every way jobs.

Now, at 50 later this year and 40 today, I believe they are supportive of each other. I absolutely love the way they relive old times, share new experiences and laugh together. AJ gave us our granddaughter 18+ years ago. Thor gave us our grandson 5+ years ago, plus an additional two grandchildren that were gifted by his wife who call me Nana and called John Grandpa.

So, today, we’ll celebrate Thor’s 40^th. There will be smiles, laughter, tales told about other birthdays and events. I’ll make sure John’s ball is lighted and know that while his voice will not join with ours today, he’ll still be there in each and every single memory of each and every single birthday celebration we’ve previously held for Thor.

I thought that last paragraph was the last one, but suddenly my eyes are filling and all the memories that have crowded my mind as I looked up old polaroids and photos and wrote this are causing me both pleasure and pain. The pleasure comes from the wonderful memories I have of parenting Thor with John. The pain comes from knowing those memories became finite last August. I’m glad I was numb last September for AJ’s birthday because this happy occasion simply, and unexpectedly, hurts.