BY JOVE, I THINK I'M HAPPY!!!

 

          Now and then, usually when I’m holding a glass of wine, I tend to reflect on stuff. Just lately, I was reflecting on how things are in my life and came to the conclusion that I’m pretty well off, that I’m pretty happy even though my life doesn’t contain what I thought it would at this point in time.

          After John died, I thought I’d do a lot of traveling, but only got one cruise in before covid shut the world down. Still, I figured that once the world returned to normal, whatever normal may be, I would be flitting about visiting all the places I hadn’t yet been. That hasn’t been the case even though I have friends who are out and about and seem to have wondrous trips be they national or international.

          I guess what I find kind of amazing is that I don’t feel unhappy about the fact my passport doesn’t have any new stamps, that my miles are just sitting there, and my suitcase remains in the closet. In my reflections, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m happy right where I am. Not only that, but I like where I am.

          I’ve lived in this house for fifty-four years. True, there are things I’d like to change but am not willing to spend the funds to make those changes. There are also the projects I’ve done that haven’t turned out well. Still, it’s all mine.

          The house is full of my stuff, stuff I’ve collected during those fifty-four years and, in some cases, before I ever moved in here. I can look around at the various things and am reminded in almost every case of an event or someone who was responsible for a particular item. I can also remember where I found various pieces, none of which could be called object d’art. Each item has meaning for me though and I enjoy all the memories that accompany my acknowledgement of the possessions that surround me.

          Memories and possessions aren’t limited to just inside the house. When I look outside or go outside, there are trees, shrubs and plantings that bring memories alive. The fuchsia that comes back every year makes me thing of Great Aunt Lola and how much she and Uncle Ike enriched my life. Of course, there’s the Karlberg Memorial Apple Tree which provides thoughts about how the boys hated peeling all those apples in August but loved the pies brought out in winter. There are also the memories of each pet and John that now reside beneath that tree.

          John’s grandma’s grape which is now grown high into the trees in the greenbelt. The birds love the grapes, but they never really get big enough to do much with. The raspberries we planted decades ago and how John loved picking them fresh from the vine for his morning cereal. The magnolia purchased by the kids and the pink dogwood given by John’s sister when my mom died. I could probably walk you around and tell you many garden tales.

          I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m happy and content right here in my own space. I don’t feel a particular longing to hop on a plane and go elsewhere although I’m sure I’d be delighted with the trip. Of course, that’s not to say that I won’t decide to travel…the Viking cruise from Budapest to Amsterdam does sound delightful. I may just decide to treat myself to that eventually.

          And, finally when it comes to counting my blessings, there’s Kuma. He’s my anchor; and were I to decide to travel, he would go with me depending on the destination or I’d make arrangements for someone to care for him in his space in my absence. Kuma continues to delight me on a daily basis, and I’ve come to the conclusion he’s decided to mother me whether I like it or not. I wrote a lot about his interactions with me in his birthday post on July 7th. 

          So, regardless of what’s past and what may lie ahead, I am deeply grateful I can acknowledge to myself my gratitude for my life as it is now.