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…where I feel even older than my eighty years. I got out of bed feeling tired, had my latte and then went back to bed for another almost two hours. And I’m still tired. It’s just one of those days that no one ever told me about and/or no one actually talks about nowadays.
It’s hard being
as old as I am and living alone. And yes, I have Kuma, but he cannot talk; and
while he gives me lots of attention and cuddles, it’s not the same as having a
human in the house able to provide hugs and physical touches when they seem
most needed.
Life also seems harder when my
calendar is full, which it has been for the last couple of weeks. Once this
week is over, my life should become less busy. True, I’ve really enjoyed the
last couple of weeks with birthday celebrations, Thanksgiving, ushering tasks and
spending time with family and friends, but I think I’m ready to have life
become just a bit slower.
My space today
also seems very empty. Ordinarily, I keep myself busy with projects or reading
or television, but today, I just feel like going back to bed and vegetating.
Unfortunately, I cannot actually do that since I have my evening driftwood
class tonight, and I plan on making jam tomorrow so have to go to the grocery
store for more small jars.
So, until I
need to leave for class, I’m going to indulge myself with feeling sad, lonely,
alone, needy, sorrowful, and just plain negative about my life today. But that’s
only for today. Tomorrow, or maybe sooner, I’ll remember my time is finite and
it’s best to spend it looking forward and enjoying each day as it comes. Also,
I’m sure tomorrow I probably won’t feel as tired as today.
In case you
haven’t reached the conclusion that I’ve given myself permission to be on the
negative side of my life, that’s where I am today, but only for today.