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Sometimes
I just need to slap myself and change my thought pathways. That happened this
morning as I was doing my hated exercise program. I was lamenting internally
about how difficult it is to keep to this regimen and being pissed off about
having to do it at my age. I mean, really, why can’t I simply sit on the sofa,
eat bonbons and grow old peacefully.
Well,
I know the answer to that, as do we all…I want to remain independent for as
long as possible, preferably until the grim reaper shows up to claim me. The
idea of having to enter one of those holding facilities for old and ill people
scares the absolute hell out of me. The idea that I could lose control of my
life, my assets, my choices add to my worry about the future.
Why
is it no one told me how difficult being old would be. And, okay, I saw it for
myself with my grandmother and my parents as they grew older and lost their
right to make choices about how they wanted their lives to be. Why did I not
see then what I’m feeling and thinking now? I have no idea aside from the fact
I was young and potentially stupid when it came to their reality. Of course, it
could also have been the fear engendered by what I was seeing and experiencing.
But if that were so, why didn’t I see it then. Why is it that I’m now realizing
what I could have known then?
What
this whole diatribe is leading up to is the fact the balloon expanded over my
head during my exercise program, i.e., I was looking at the whole thing with
the wrong attitude. I need/should be thankful I can do all these exercises that
allow me to live alone, do my own gardening, cooking, shopping, driving and any
other activity that allows me to remain independent.
The
result is I am going to begin being thankful every single day for every single
task I can perform without assistance. I’m going to be thankful I am able to
live alone, cook my own meals, do my own laundry, garden, play with Kuma, shop,
type this missive, handle my finances…I guess it means I need to give thanks
and be thankful for each minute I’m able to do for myself.
Now
that’s certainly a much better attitude…at least in my opinion and that’s what
counts.