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Today is the real Valentine’s Day, or at least the one that most folks celebrate if they celebrate. I didn’t send out any cards and only received one from my eldest son. But, that’s okay, since my holiday was actually yesterday.
I also received
a Facebook share from my ex-sister-in-law that was worth sharing, at least in
my opinion. I wish I could share it with everyone I know, but not everyone has
Facebook. The share was called Wealthnews and talked about six life changes
that happen once you turn 71. I listened to the entire talk a couple of times and
found I had to agree with some of the information shared therein. I may even
decide to sign up for this…$1.00/month, so I think it’s affordable.
In any case,
the gentleman doing the lecturing said there is an invisible line between the
late 60s and early 70s. You think you’re slowing down whether you like it or
not. I found myself agreeing with that and the fact I sometimes have to give
myself a talking to about my abilities and efforts. The six items he shared
were much more extensive than what I’ve reiterated below but that’s because I
chose the information I felt applied to me.
1. I. There is a slow decline of physical urgency. We
move differently not because we’re lazy, but because we don’t need to hurry for
anyone anymore. This stillness can become a trap because our muscles weaken,
our inner fire dims, and it’s not because we’re more peaceful or wise. We stop
challenging limits and our body mirrors what our minds believe.
I don’t believe this applies to moi. At least
not totally. I continue to exercise, work in my garden and do all, or most, of
the things I need to do to keep myself stable and self-confident. I haven’t
given up, or at least that’s how I feel most days.
2.
II. We can become slightly disconnected to the world
and its events as well as people. We think we have nothing to say, can feel
invisible and become more isolated. This loneliness can rewire our brains and
make us feel less here.
Perhaps some of this could apply to moi. For
instance, I don’t read the paper, watch the daily news or pay close attention
to what’s happening in the world. But I am aware of what’s actually happening,
not to the extent I could talk about it forever, but to the extent I can hold a
conversation and offer my own opinion.
3.
III. The structure of our lives collapses. Retired, we
have no routine, our anchors fade and time blurs. Yes, it’s wonderful to sleep
in and take things slow, but it also allows us to lose our sense of purpose.
It’s decay by disuse. We need to provide ourselves with some form of structure.
It’s true I don’t have a strict routine as I
did when I had a job and/or John was alive. I do, however, have activities in
which I participate on a regular basis. It wouldn’t hurt me, however, to pay a
bit more attention to setting some kind of schedule when it comes to
accomplishing stuff around home.
4.
IV. Then, there’s our fear of becoming a burden. We
don’t want to bother anyone, family or friends because they all have their own
lives. Instead of asking for help, we minimize our needs and allow people to
think we’re just “fine.” This gentleman pointed out that we’ve spent a lifetime
giving and it’s only fair to allow others to give to us now…that’s balance.
Well, I have to admit I’m extremely guilty of
this. I don’t want to “bother” my sons, granddaughter or friends unless
absolutely necessary. In thinking about this, I believe I’ve put distance
between myself and some of those folks for this very reason. I don’t want to be
a burden, a bother, or take up very much of their time. Perhaps I need to
rethink this aspect of my life.
5.
V. Our dreams shrink. It’s not visible to folks on
our outsides, but we stop imagining a future or believing that something
exciting could be waiting for us. If we stop looking forward, we fade
backwards. If we believe our lives are over, then our mind will believe it. We
need to challenge ourselves, learn something new, make plans.
I can definitely identify with this one. Because
of financial considerations, I don’t plan the kind of trips I thought I’d be
taking at this time of my life. If I knew how much time I had left, then perhaps
I wouldn’t feel as though I need to watch my pennies. On the other hand,
perhaps I should just throw those thoughts away and make a plan…I’ll have to
think on this. But, I’ve also taken up new activities like driftwood sculpture
and classes/meetings for that.
6. VI. The final item on this list was a quiet acceptance of isolation. We stop calling people back, making small talk takes too much effort, we skip lunch or other interactions with family and friends. According to this lecture, solitude brings peace, but disconnection starves mental clarity and allows you to convince yourself that no one really cares. Have you stopped calling folks because they haven’t called you back and if so, are you sure this was their intention. Telling everyone that you’re “fine” only creates more loneliness. . Solitude is peace, disconnection starves it. Disconnection eats mental clarity, convinces no one really cares…just stopped trying after making too many calls.
The takeaway from this is to stay connected to family and friends. I think in some cases, I’ve pulled back from some folks with the idea that “they don’t care.” I don’t know if this is really the case or not because I’ve never discussed it with them. I do know that over my retirement years, I’ve made some new friends and enjoy the time I spend with them. Perhaps I need to think about putting more energy toward the folks with whom I feel there is now a distance. Something else to put on my, “think about and todo list.”
So, there you
have it, a long blog post about the importance of staying active and connected
after you reach 71. In actual fact, this could apply to anyone at almost any
age, but perhaps as we get older, we need to make more of an effort. I know
that moving forward I’m really going to think about these lessons and see if it’s
possible to improve my own life.