MORE MISCELLANEA

 

Well, here I am again without a prepared post. I did work on WATER RIGHTS today, but just don’t feel comfortable enough with what I’m doing and where I’m going…or rather my characters. With SHE, she burst, or at least seemed to, fully developed into my mind and; as I’ve said before, some days I was able to pound out more than one chapter. I’m hoping as I move forward with Luke and Hannah, they will leap into my mind and practically write themselves for me as SHE did.

Meanwhile, I’ve put all of SHE into one document with the exception of the last three chapters. Once I add those, then I’ll continue putting SHE into an acceptable format for sending off to an agent or publisher of erotica. I’ve already looked them up, but haven’t picked one to whom I’ll send the material once it’s ready.

I also don’t think I bragged about myself yesterday and my ability to take the furnace filter apart, clean it and replace it. AJ showed me a year or so ago, but I wasn’t sure I’d remember. The new thermostat AJ installed is one of those smart ones and told me I needed to clean the filter. Well, once I realized the blinking red light was to indicate I had a message and got the message, I put off my attempt for probably a week. What do I know about furnaces…NOTHING!!!

In any case, I got the first step correct and was able to pull off the filter cover. Then, I removed the two huge electronic sections and put them into the dishwasher. Next, I removed the two smaller silver mesh screens and added them to the dishwasher. A little soap and on it went, to give me clean filters when finished. And, Kathy B., thank you for the dishwasher suggestion.

To say those filters were dirty is to say the sky is blue when it is. I could not believe the filth on those filters. It even included some dead bugs that had apparently gotten into the air returns (AJ told me that, but weren’t you initially impressed I’d know that???) and ended up plastered to the filters. Considering all the dust I get up with the vacuum and dust cloths, I’m surprised there’s anything to go in the air intakes at all. Maybe I should add cleaning the furnace filter to my list of things to do each time the time changes in the fall and spring.

I did call AJ today though because it seemed as though the furnace was making more noise, but apparently, it’s just the sound it makes when the air is able to smoothly flow through without being impeded by dead bugs and lots of dust.

Today (Tuesday) I also got rid of the ancient electric stove (photo above) John had been saving for decades. The boys thought it might make a good piece of yard art, and that’s its future come next spring. I posted pictures and offered it on Buy Nothing and a very nice woman responded and wanted to have it for that purpose. She, her husband and brother-in-law came, loaded it up and it’s gone. Now, if I could just find someone who’d like a sailboard, my driveway would be almost totally empty. I do live in hope.

BORING, BORING, BORING

 

First, thank you all for your comments about my staying or leaving. Isn’t there a song with the words, “…should I stay or should I go now?” In any case, I feel as though that’s my anthem for the moment. I am, of course, leaning toward staying. It would be so much simpler than, as I think it was my sister said, using so much energy to move and establish a new place. Anyway, appreciate your comments and suggestions.

I didn’t get anything written to post today, so I’m writing this now, an hour after my post usually goes up. Yesterday, a group of very nice young men came to my house (okay, yes, maybe I was drooling just a bit) to remove an alder and even up the red maple from where the City Light-retained tree folks (who, in my opinion know nothing about pruning) butchered it. To be fair, there have been a couple of companies in the past where if I went out and made nice, they would do a better job of pruning the maple.

Today, the company who mows my grass and gets up the mountains of leaves will be here. I think the owner may not be happy when he sees the alder gone and maybe he won’t notice the maple. I asked him about the trees and the prices he quoted were like three to four times more than the company I used charged me. Of course, it helps when the company gives you a “family” price because they’ve taken down three huge trees for my son.

I also went to Sky Nursery yesterday and bought four huge bags of soil amendment. Then, I continued with garden clean up and got enough done to spread one bag of the amendment out. What’s done looks terrific and since the sun’s shining right now, I’m wondering if that means I can get back out there this afternoon and complete the area that goes around the deck. Guess I’ll have to see what happens as the day progresses.

Also did a bit of work on the next book. I think I was making the first chapter way too long, so I’ve cut it back into three parts. Also think I’ve decided on a name, WATER RIGHTS, but we’ll see. Depending on how the writing goes…and the thinking because I spend a lot of time thinking about what’s going on the page…maybe I can begin posting chapters this week, surely by next Monday.

Finished off yesterday by making myself a very nice salad to go with the frozen lasagna. How many of you have tried or use Stouffer’s lasagna or mac and cheese? The little boxes are just the right size for one person and I love them. Even when I used to feed the whole family, I would buy Stouffer’s or Kirkland big pans of lasagna. You add more mozzarella cheese just before it’s done and it’s perfect. I haven’t made lasagna from scratch for probably a decade or more.

Well, that’s it for this boring post. I haven’t had breakfast yet either, so it’s time to go fix my oatmeal with raisons and decide what I’m going to do today. Y’all have a very busy, happy and pleasant day.  

MISCELLANEA

         

              I don’t know how many of you have kept count or noticed when I went over 300 posts. Today’s post is 315 which means I only have 51 to go before I meet my goal of making some kind of a post every single day of 2020. Of course, when I set that goal on January 1, 2020, I had no idea all our lives would change so dramatically. I thought I’d be out and about and making lots of interesting posts about wherever I was or whatever I was doing.

Still, this goal led me to actually begin and finish writing a book. Nothing like the original book I wrote in the mid ‘90s and revised in the early 2000s, but still, it’s a lot of words that I somehow spewed out through my fingers and created another individual who also had a goal and desires and a pandemic-free world in which she could travel about, meet new people, have new experiences, etc. I’m proud of the fact I managed to write a chapter a day, sometimes two, and get them posted for you, the reader’s, enjoyment. Of course, to be perfectly honest here, I absolutely enjoyed the hell out of it as well.

I also have to admit I could not have accomplished this alone. I have friends who told me stories, shared their experiences, shared their ideas and supported my efforts even when I was rather aghast at what I’d written.

In particular, I want to thank Ernie Rose. I think he was the only male person who read SHE, or at least he was the only male’s name I saw that liked or commented on a particular day’s chapter. Not only that, but he initiated almost daily phone calls to critique and edit SHE. Ernie is a great writer himself and you'd know that if you read his posts on Facebook. Those posts are nonfiction about his zoo and climbing experiences. More than one person has suggested he compile them into a book of essays. Anyway, I had a lot of fun talking to Ernie and hearing what he had to say and then thinking about his suggestions for upcoming chapters. I believe Ernie could write fiction just as well as he does his nonfiction…maybe a novel entitled HE would be a good start…what do you think Ernie???...I’d be happy to critique and edit your chapters for you as you did mine???

Anyway, I’ve begun a new book and have written the first chapter, but there’s a lot I don’t know about this particular topic so I need to do a bit of research. I’m hoping I can think of a title and begin posting sometime this coming week. It would be quite an accomplishment were I to end 2020 with two completed first draft books under my fingers.

At least writing kept me from whining about my life, the pandemic and the election. Finally, regardless of what trump thinks he can do in court, we’re going to get a new President who will put the welfare of us all ahead of his interests or the interests of his rich friends. I sincerely hope that come January 21, 2021; tRump is hauled away in handcuffs. In fact, were they to haul him away from President Biden’s swearing-in in handcuffs, I’d perform one hell of a happy dance and shout HALLEULIA.

As for the pandemic, it’s only getting worse and about all we can do, those of us who want to survive and believe the scientists, is wear a face mask, limit close contact, wash our hands…a lot…and continue to limit our exposure to other folks as best we can. Hopefully, at some point in 2021, there will be a vaccine for COVID-19; and also hopefully, the world has learned a valuable and extremely important lesson from COVID-19, so that when COVID-?? shows up, and science says it will, the world and its leaders will have learned from this experience and step up immediately and save us from another year like 2020. We really must live in HOPE.

Then, there’s my life. Nothing much has changed although I made a lot of progress in eliminating stuff thanks to the assistance of my boys and granddaughter. John’s bed is completely clear of stuff so I could have overnight visitors when and if that ever becomes a viable option. His closet is another story, but I figure over the winter I’ll take out one box at a time and deal with whatever’s inside.

The garage is also cleaned out, at least enough for me to park my car in there for the first time in 51.5 years. There’s still stuff that needs to go, but I’m thinking about an estate sale in the spring and perhaps those last big things can be eliminated then.

I’ve also had a real estate agent out for a walk through and discussion. I’ve asked my boys for their opinion with regard to my selling and moving. At this point, the only decision I’ve made is that I won’t be buying property and building…getting permits alone could make me a really old woman (and I am one already) before the first nail was driven.

So, I’m going to lay out my thoughts here and hopefully some of you may be willing to chime in with your thoughts, positive or negative.

If I stay in this house:

1.     Get bids from a few foundation repair companies and see if it would be worth it to get the house level again.

2.    Get bids for window replacements, i.e., two skylights and three other windows have broken seals.

3.    Get PSE to come out and do a free heat evaluation and see what needs to be done, if anything, to make the house warmer.

4.    By staying here, I’m close to my older son and his family. As his wife pointed out, if I need them, they are only five miles away and could come at almost any time if I needed them. That won’t be possible were I to move to Mt. Vernon. Of course, if I moved to Snohomish, then Thor would be close if I needed help.

5.    I say the house is too big and too difficult for me to keep up. Were I to hire a landscape company to do the hard work in the spring and the fall, then I could just do the fun stuff. Right now, I have a company that comes to mow and take care of all the leaves. And, maybe a cleaning company once a month for inside.

If I decide to sell and move:

1.     Sell the house as is without doing anything about the foundation or the windows. One person I know who recently did this told me to only accept offers that don’t require an inspection in case there are other problems about which I know nothing.

2.    I would want a smaller house, no condo or apartment, with a garden.

3.    It would need to be fairly close to one of the boys and their families.

4.    It would need to be affordable.

5.    It would need to be in great condition.

As you can see, I’m torn about what to do or not do. I’d welcome any and all comments or ideas or thoughts. Somehow, I always envisioned my “golden years” as being free of any big decisions or problems. I thought I’d just sail through those years because I’d planned ahead, I’d prepared, I’d be ready. Well, it certainly doesn’t look that way from where I’m sitting right now. Or, am I making a mountain out of a little molehill??? I just don’t know.

Of course, what I should be is really really thankful rather than fussing about what I should or shouldn’t do. After all, I am healthy, have an income, have a roof over my head, have healthy family and friends nearby, have a neighborhood where everyone knows me and I them, two puppies who love to cuddle on/with me, an obviously healthy imagination, the drive to get things done (when I really want to), and lots of other things I cannot bring to mind right now. So, to answer my own question above…I think/believe what I have is a molehill.

ALONE AND LONELY

 

It’s late, I’m tired and have probably had too much gin, but the words are running rampant in my head, so I’m here at the keyboard to see if they’ll make any kind of sense. I’m lonely and alone. It’s most likely that at my age I’ll remain alone and lonely for the remainder of my life. Sure, there are people who find each other and end up together, but I don’t believe that will be me. One and done, you know.

Tonight, I deeply regret I didn’t take advantage of my husband John and seek as much skin-to-skin as possible when it was available. Why we allowed our difficulties to push us further apart instead of bringing us together remains a mystery to me. One of my favorite memories is of how I fit perfectly beneath his chin and he could hug my head. I loved having my head hugged. Some people might say it was a deep-seated memory of the birth canal, but all I know and remember is that when were pressed together and he hugged my head, I felt so comforted, so loved, so complete, so safe. That feeling is no longer available to me and I so regret I didn’t have a head hug every single day he was alive.

Then there is the feeling of another person’s body next to mine, John’s. Now I sleep alone, lay alone and lonely and wish for the comfort of his chest against my back or my chest against his; his arms around me or mine around him, our legs intertwined in some fashion. We didn’t sleep like this every single night, in fact, we slept separately for several years before he died. But, the option of seeking out that comfort was just across the hall, it was available if I needed or wanted it and vice versa for him.

To fall asleep in the comfort of his nearness was such a blessing and one I didn’t fully appreciate until it was no longer available to me. I remember decades ago making him promise to let me die before him because I loved him so much and didn’t think I could or would survive if he went first. He broke that promise and here I am, just me, myself and I and somehow the three of us do not in any way shape or form provide the comfort I so want and crave tonight.

It’s not often, if ever, that I go to bed and then get up again to sit at the keyboard and type out what’s running through my head. Tonight, I couldn’t settle, couldn’t make myself comfortable because I wanted, no needed, to snuggle and my pillow simply wasn’t providing the comfort I sought. I seriously doubt these words on this page will provide the comfort either, but maybe, by putting them down on paper…or electronically if you will…they’ll leave my head and allow me to close my eyes and sleep…alone and lonely.

COMPUTERS...

 

can just drive me crazy. For that matter, just about everything these days that has to do with electronics is capable of making me absolutely nuts. My computer is the reason there is no SHE today. When I sat down to write yesterday, my computer wouldn’t allow me to visit any of the internet sites I needed for reference so SHE could sound as though she was actually in Salt Lake City. I’ve never been there, so I have no personal reference information.

So, I messed about with my computer, trying this and that and the next thing. I emptied my recycle bin, rearranged all the icons on my desktop, and tried a bunch of other stuff. Still, nothing changed and I finally broke down and called my daughter-in-law who knows way more about this stuff. She tried to walk me through some various steps, but nothing changed. So, she said she’d come by after work today and in return I said I would make dinner.

On to other stuff, and while I was doing that, I thought about how I’d tried everything except unplugging comcast and then reconnecting. So, I gave that a try and guess what…everything returned to the way it had been before and I could once again access the internet sites I needed…have I told you just how much I HATE comcast. Unfortunately, it was too late in the day for me to write a new chapter. Angie and AJ are still coming for dinner though, so that was a plus resulting from the computer mess.

And, as long as I’m complaining about electronics, let me add my phone to the mix. My phone used to knock when I had a message. It also used to show a number by the message icon as to how many messages I had not yet read. I’ve gone to settings and done everything I can think of, and still my phone refuses to knock or show numbers. People probably think I’m just ignoring them, but unless I choose the message icon, I don’t know I have messages.

Then there’s the people who have the ability to talk to their phones and get a response to their questions. The only time this works for me is when I access maps. Then, my phone will talk and give me directions. Angie showed me one day that I do have little microphone icons for various icons on my phone, i.e., the internet, Google, messages, etc. Somehow, after she showed me those little microphones, they all disappeared. I can’t find them anywhere. Maybe I can get her to show me again after dinner today.

Now that I’ve begun my morning…and yours…whining, I’ll get this posted and move on with my day. Somewhere amongst chores, I plan to get another chapter written for posting tomorrow. It won’t be titillating or have any erotica since the old woman is in charge for a few chapters, or at least until SHE arrives at her final destination. And, you know, those chapters are the most fun to imagine and write. Maybe that’s another reason I’m not writing SHE every day…it’s just not as much fun when SHE’s not being naughty.

JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS

 

On Monday, the 12^th, it will be 14 months since John died…14 months that I’ve been alone attempting to sort through all the crap he left behind. Yes, I’ve made progress and I’ll detail that in a bit, but today, it seems as though he and his presence has been gone from my life a far shorter time. Does this grieving ever end or does it keep returning when least expected and smack you right upside the head…or heart…or whatever?

So, rather than dwell on loss, I’ll report on progress. Some of you may already know that I had a garage sale. It lasted three days, but only four hours on the third day. At times, depending on what walked away from the driveway and on how cheaply it went, I’d look up over the house, expecting to see the Karlberg Memorial Apple Tree in flames or at least smoking. What didn’t sell at the garage sale took three trips to Goodwill with the back of Ravi filled to the brim and there’s quite possibly one trip to go.

Still, John got even with me for getting rid of his stuff at the garage sale. I drove Ravi on Thursday night so Haley could put up the signs. Then I parked her across the end of the driveway and she didn’t move again until Sunday afternoon when it was time to take down the signs. When I started Ravi, three dashboard lights came on, including the “check engine” light. So, Monday I called Magic Toyota and got an appointment for the afternoon. Turns out it was an oxygen sensor at a cost of $509 and change. I figure John crept out from under the tree on Saturday night and broke it on purpose. Still passive-aggressive in death.

Just this past week, I called the 1-800-GOT JUNK folks and they came out and hauled away five filing cabinets and a bunch of metal. Yes, I had to pay them, but it’s all gone and won’t be coming back. Just this week, I also parked Ravi in the garage…the first time a car of mine has resided in the garage in 51.5 years. Ravi really likes it in there and I do too. I’ll especially love it when it freezes and I don’t have to scrape the windows to see.

Over these 14 months, AJ, Thor and Haley have each hauled stuff to their homes to keep as well as a couple truckloads of stuff to the dump. I personally recycled boxes of magazines at the Shoreline Waste Management location. I also took two truckloads of hazardous stuff to the hazardous waste collection site in Seattle.

Last weekend, Thor came and loaded up all the collectible cards John had acquired, including the Coco Cola and Harley Davidson Gold cards. He’s much more savvy about selling on E-Bay, so perhaps at some point I’ll get a few dollars from those. It doesn’t really matter because at least I do not have to spend time sorting and cataloguing and trying to figure out how much any of them are worth.

And, did you know they make collectible smut cards? I believe I reported on finding porn in John’s room and closet about a year ago and how he took it from friends whose wives found it and said it had to go. I never saw him with any of it and I also knew he couldn’t have watched the videos or DVDs because he couldn’t operate those players. Well, apparently, he actually purchased these cards, about the size of a card from a deck of cards. Not only that, but he organized them in three-ring binders and in some cases in plastic baggies with notations about which ones he didn’t have. He even flattened and saved the boxes in which they came. He must have done all this while I was still working because I didn’t have any idea about smut cards until I began cleaning out one of the safes.

How can you live with a man for almost 55 years and not have any idea about some of his interests and hobbies? I really thought I knew him well, but after spending the last year going through all the crap in the garage and his room, I must have spent a couple of decades or more with a stranger even though it didn’t seem that way. So why do I still have days like this where I miss him so much.

So, things are moving along here. About the only thing left to finish up are the stamps. I began organizing them last fall and will complete that this winter. Then, the boys can take their notebook of airmail stamps to their homes and one of them can keep the remainder of the collection or they can split it. I do have to say that it’s a good thing we didn’t depend on John’s collectibles for our retirement. If that had been it, we’d have been living on the street in no time. It’s like the saying about one man’s treasure being another man’s gold…the problem is you have to find someone who thinks your treasure is their gold and that’s not easy to do.

I’ve tentatively made plans for the future. What I’d like to do is hire a company to do an estate sale around about May 2021. With the exception of the things I want to keep, the remainder can be purchased by whoever comes by looking for a deal. Then, the house will go on the market in May/June 2021.

Meanwhile, once a week or so, I go to Redfin and look at property for sale. I would love to have something on a small river or lake so I could kayak first thing in the mornings. That may not be possible, but a piece of land that already has utilities available would be good and if it had a view even better.

I’m also looking at tiny houses…not the really tiny ones, but 1,000 square feet or less. I’d love to be my own project manager having it built just the way I want it on the property I find. Time will tell if I can manage to work all this out.

Of course, my ideal plan would find me in Costa Rica November through March each year enjoying the tropical breezes and great weather. And who knows, maybe I can make that happen once I’ve sold the house and whatever plans I make come to fruition.

Still, no one really talks much about how a 24/7 period can stretch out so it seems more like an entire month. Of course, no one planned on this pandemic either and I’m sure my life would be a lot different than it is if I could have followed that one February cruise with additional trips to here and there and everywhere.

When days like this rise up and smack me one, I try to remember it’s up to me to CHOOSE how I react. I remind myself life could be much worse, i.e., I could LACK an income, family, friends, neighbors, good health, Facebook, good books, gardening, the ability to amuse myself with writing SHE chapters, etc. Instead, I’m fortunate to have all those things in my life and they all make my life ever so much better. On days like this, I am very grateful for what I do have.

ANOTHER THREAD HAS BROKEN

 

Once again, I didn’t have a SHE episode to post for today. A friend passed away yesterday morning. He was a colleague at Woodland Park Zoo, and there are many many of us who are going to miss this caring and devoted man. I know he read my blog because he told me so. He read it because I became a widow and he wanted to have some idea of what his wife, as a widow, might experience. He never commented on SHE, but it’s my hope he was continuing to read and that he saw my writing of SHE as a positive, that once time passed, I was able to become creative again.

I miss knowing he is out there living amongst us. I believe I’ve said something like this in the past, that my life (your life?) is made up of all these threads and it resembles a tapestry that grows and grows over time as more and more threads are woven into it. Eventually, that tapestry begins to lose a thread here and a thread there. Each time the loss of that thread leaves a hole in the tapestry. Today, there is another hole in my tapestry and my heart hurts for all those who loved this man and the thread of his life that was woven into each of their tapestries.