GOOD, THEN BAD???

        It’s absolutely amazing to me how I can go to bed feeling fine and sleep well for part of the night. Then I wake up before it’s time, have some difficulties, cannot get back to sleep and then get up feeling terrible. That’s what happened to me yesterday (Friday).

          And, I had plans for Friday. Maryanne and I were going to pick up Kidd Valley hamburgers and go sit on Claudia’s deck and have lunch. Obviously, I had to cancel. I also canceled my morning walk, haven’t done my physical therapy as I type this, and have just pretty much laid around on the couch with the doggies.

          The only thing I have done is get dressed and that only because my lawn person was coming to cut the grass and I had to go out and clean up after the doggies. I’ve also had something to eat even though I didn’t feel hungry. Of the two lattes I usually drink, the second one is more than half full and sitting on the counter.

I did take my temperature and it’s normal, so it’s unlikely I’ve the coronavirus. I feel sort of like I do when I’ve had more than just my usual tot of gin, i.e., a little spacey, a little dizzy, a little out of it. I don’t often have enough gin or any kind of alcohol to end up feeling this way.

What woke me up early this morning was being too hot. I pushed off the covers and realized my feet and legs from the knee down were all tingly or burny…an uncomfortable feeling. My calves, as I’ve mentioned before, tend to hurt a lot about 1500 steps into my daily walk. A short rest half way through and they’re good to go. How they felt this morning wasn’t anything like that. I also wonder if it could be a side effect of the statin I've been taking for a few weeks. I'll have to email the doctor.

My legs felt as though the peripheral neuropathy I have in my feet…thanks to the breast cancer chemo drug Cytoxan…had moved up to my knees. It didn’t feel good and kept me awake for a couple of hours. Then, I fell back asleep and, as indicated above, felt not so good when I woke up. My legs and feet were good though.

On Thursday, I was jonesing for a bacon cheeseburger and deep-fried mushrooms. My favorite hamburger joint has gone out of business, so Claudia and Maryanne were going to humor me with Kidd Valley. Hopefully, they continued with the plan without me. The thought of a bacon cheeseburger, or any food really, kind of turns my tummy.

I’ve had other days like this, but not for the same reasons as indicated here. They don’t come too often for which I’m thankful. I’d be even more thankful if there was someone here to take care of me. I am so tired of taking care of me, myself and I, all by myself. The idea of being able to curl up on someone’s lap…mom or John or grandma…sounds heavenly. The thought of having someone ask me what they can fix me or get me or how they can help me almost brings tears to my eyes.

And, it’s not that friends don’t ask if they can help or offer to help in however way would be good for me, because they do. It’s just not the same as if someone were actually living here with me, myself and I. For most of my life the idea of having someone take care of just me as always seemed like the perfect ideal. I suppose it’s because for most of my life, I’ve been the person who took care of others.

I also know that being stubborn and independent, the likelihood of my becoming a woman who just sits back and lets others do, isn’t very likely. Should I ever end up in the hospital or a nursing home, I’m sure they’ll hate me before I’ve been there long. I’ll want to run my own show and know exactly how that would go over.

You’ll be reading this Saturday morning, and by then I’ll undoubtedly be over this little setback. I’ll be ready to get up and walk, work in the garden, do laundry or whatever else is on my list of chores. But, for today, I think I’ll continue lazing around on the couch with the dogs and maybe have some chicken soup later. As they…whoever they are…say tomorrow’s another day.