GARLIC

          When I left Dianne’s yesterday, as usual, I brought home something I hadn’t brought there…five bunches of garlic she’d grown in her garden. I absolutely LOVE garlic.

          Was it a good visit, you’re wondering? Well, even if you weren’t, it was a GREAT visit.

          When I arrived on Thursday afternoon, after driving through torrential downpours…I think I only used the intermittent windshield wiper setting for about three-minutes total the entire two hours…I met Dianne’s youngest granddaughter, Sylvie. She’s only three and was initially very shy, but warmed up after a while and gave me a huge hug when her mommy came home. Sylvie promised she’d give her daddy a big hug and tell him it was from Auntie Paula. And, Sylvie was so good. I think Di and I talked nonstop for a couple of hours while she amused herself building her own place with blankets, pillows, and other stuff.

          Just as Sylvie was leaving with her mom, the first of Di’s long-time friends arrived. She was followed by three more, all of whom I had met years ago and knew and we settled down to play Shanghai Rummy. I believe they all do this once a month or so. The game was new to me but very fun; and initially, I thought I was going to be the big winner. Then, it was my turn to deal and the tide turned. I didn’t win another hand and ended up in second-to-last place. I didn’t care, it was the best fun I’d had in a while and I’d love to get some of my friends up here to form a Shanghai Rummy club…if you’re interested, let me know.

          Of course, we were all hungry, so we traipsed into town to the local Mexican restaurant and had dinner. It was so very yummy. Back to Dianne’s, we talked some more and then to bed. A very great and tiring day.

          Friday began with more talk about this and that, sharing of memories, etc., and once we were ready for the day we headed for Montesano and Dianne’s moms. I told Mabel I could hardly believe I’d known her for almost 50 years, but it turned out there was (and is) a lot I still didn’t know. Mabel told me about growing up in a Croatian family and about how the whole area had been settled by Croatians. She talked about their holiday customs, making Cro Wine, how most of her parents and their friends had only two children, but her generation each had six. I asked if anyone had written any of this information down and she said nope, but her kids knew most of it.

          I told Dianne she really needed to record what her mom has to say about the old days or begin writing it down. She’s lucky she still has a source that can provide. I no longer have any sources and didn’t do anything about family history. Now, it’s too late and I have a million questions I’d like to get answered, but there’s no one to provide any answers whatsoever. Mable was so interesting that I hope someone in the family…maybe the older granddaughters…takes the time to harness all that knowledge.

          We didn’t do anything else Friday. I encouraged Dianne to go swim with her friend as she always does on Friday. I took my bathing suit and could have gone, but I really just wanted to be on the couch with my book. Before dinner, we had a little Margarita Wine from Costco (I simply have to go buy some). Dianne had made soup for dinner and threw together a great salad (Why are salads always so much better when someone else makes them?) and we finished the wine while we ate. It was very good soup…I love soup.

          After cleaning up, Dianne introduced me to Apple Pie Moonshine. She or one of her friends made it and there’s several quarts in the fridge. It’s pretty sweet, but you cut it with some diet ginger ale and it’s really delicious. There was a lot of laughter during the remainder of the evening, probably at some things that really weren’t that funny. We also joked about whether or not we’d be able to stand and walk when we got up. We did though and slept like angels.

          Except for when the train comes through. Dianne isn’t far from the rails and the law is that every time a train approaches a road that doesn’t have lights or bars, the horn must be sounded. So, the train whistler begins way away and it’s two longish, one short and one longish, a break, and then the series repeats (assume the train has once again reached an unmarked road crossing). Then, it’s right in the room with you (had my window open) and the noise decreases over time as it moves on toward Aberdeen. I rarely hear my noisy cuckoo clock unless I’m listening and Dianne hardly ever hears the train pass by.

          A little more chit-chat this morning, mostly about our upcoming trips. Dianne heard her trip to Viet Nam might be cancelled because of the coronavirus. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she still gets to go, but she’s preparing to be disappointed. We got ready for the day and I put all my stuff back in my car. Big hugs and I was on the road. It didn’t rain all the way home and at times I could turn the wipers off, but I was glad to say farewell to the freeway and back into my own driveway.

          My first venture out on my own far from home. I started out a little nervous, but all went well’ and I had a wonderful time catching up with Dianne, the friends and her mom. Plus, I have some wonderful new fresh garlic…thanks Dianne.

IT DOES, INDEED, WORK

          For years when I was a supervisor, I told my employees (friends, really) that how they felt and what they did about how they felt was a “choice.” It even got to the point where they parroted this back to me on the unusual day when I went to work feeling bad for one reason or another.

          Choice, in my opinion, is a very powerful word, one that I need to pair with conscious and make a conscious choice about how I am feeling and what I am doing. Since my last post, I’ve made the “conscious choice” to feel good, to look at and list what I’ve accomplished as well as what I’ve still to do.

          I’ve chosen to enjoy the Christmas cards that arrive, to stare at and love the Christmas tree in all its glory, to decorate and prepare my house for my loved ones to come and enjoy on Christmas Eve. I’m also looking forward to making their favorite Christmas cookies and wrapping the gifts I hope they truly enjoy as much as I enjoyed choosing what to give.

          While this could be the most difficult time of the year with John so very absent, I am choosing to make it a good time of the year. I must remember that each and every single day of this season will not be repeatable so I must also choose to make each one a good, if not great, one.

P.S.  Just wanted to point out for my "employees/friends" that the cartoon above is EXACTLY what I looked like each and every day...okay, you can stop laughing now.

SO SAD

           Some days it’s so easy to feel sorry for myself. It seems like everyone I know is busy getting on with their lives while I’m just sitting by the side of the road like some tossed away piece of garbage. And, okay, I’m still sick with this horrid cold and haven’t been to exercise and didn’t walk this morning because it’s so gray and pouring down rain outside. So, there’s reason for feeling sorry for myself, but it really really sucks. 

          Some days it’s difficult to look at what has been accomplished rather than what’s left to do. And, okay it is the Christmas season when I’m writing this, so there’s lots left on the “to do” list. This isn’t a new tradition for me because John was unable to do any shopping or getting about for the last several years. So, everything I’m doing or have done so far isn’t something new that’s been added to my list. The only one whose list got shorter is the older son because this year he won’t have to go buy whatever his dad thinks I should have as a gift and then wrap and deliver it.  

          Just this morning, I completed the remaining four certificates I’m giving as gifts to the grandkids and their parents. Each one is different and is for a different gift. They were fun to make, so why am I not concentrating on a big feeling of accomplishment rather than just feeling ho hum.  

          I’m also not patting myself on the back for the donations I’ve made to several charities nor for the stuffed animals and toys I’ve purchased for the Toys for Tots program. I just need to drop them off today. Plus, with one exception, I think I’ve finished the Christmas gift shopping.  

          I guess I need to stop typing about how sorry I am for myself and proceed to write up a list of ALL the stuff I’ve accomplished and then pat myself heartily on the back for each and every one while saying, “Good job, Paula, good job.” 

          I’ll let you know if it works.

THANKSGIVING 2019

Well, perhaps it was very selfish of me, but I had the best Thanksgiving in 74 years. I didn’t have to go anywhere and I didn’t have to entertain anyone. Perhaps my sons felt abandoned, but it was just something I simply needed to do for myself.

I bought what had to be the most expensive turkey I’ve ever purchased. It was very small, but I wanted to have only the things I like about Thanksgiving dinner the most. So, I had a baked turkey, dressing, gravy, cranberry sauce and dill pickles. I ate one entire leg all by myself…okay, it wasn't all that big and the doggies got a few bites. I had turkey sandwiches for a couple of days and then cleaned the little turkey and made Turkey Tortilla Soup for myself. I still had enough breast for one more sandwich. Also think this is the first time ever I’ve managed to do away with an entire turkey without putting some in the freezer. And, okay, I did toss the carcass, but I’ve never ever liked turkey soup, no matter the recipe. 

          The doggies and I curled up on the couch together; and over the course of the day, I binge-watched a program I’d been wanting to watch for months. I did take time to call my sons and their families and wish them all a Happy Thanksgiving, so, I hope I’m forgiven for not joining their families for dinner or dessert. 

          I simply needed this day all to myself.

LONG-TERM FRIENDSHIP

        

I’m happy I found out how to schedule my blog posts because I’m leaving town for a couple of days.. What you’ll read in the next few days are posts I wrote last November/December. There are only a couple left and then it’s on to new subjects that are more relevant to what’s happening today.

I’m going to drive south to Elma Washington. My good friend Dianne lives there and she is a widow as well. We’ve been friends for almost 50 years. I think AJ was about two when she moved to Seattle to live with my sister and work in the federal building downtown. Besides my sister and their two gay roommates, she didn’t know a soul in Seattle except for me and that was only because of my sister.

          We became fast friends before she decided to return home to Montesano. But, John and I (and AJ) really liked Dianne and over time we got to know her much better and then the man who came into her life, Wild Bill. Actually, he wasn’t really wild, we just liked to call him that.

          Bill owned a dairy farm with his dad and brother on the Wynoochee River. John and I began to go to the farm every Memorial Day, July 4^th and Labor Day weekends. There was always a big potluck (Dianne’s family is huge and they sort of adopted the Karlbergs); and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. John and AJ even went down a time or two to help Bill and his family with farm work. I had a job and couldn’t go. Somewhere in there Dianne and Bill had a daughter, Misty.

Eventually the dairy farm was sold and Dianne and Bill bought some land outside Elma. They built what was to be Bill’s shop (in about 20 years); and I remember one weekend, John wired the whole place for electricity so Dianne could use her washer and dryer and have hot water. This amazing woman did all her cooking on a wood stove, including canning the vegetables she grew, fish they caught, etc. You never went hungry when visiting them; plus, we never ever left without milk or vegetables or something they’d produced on their farm.

          In 1979, John and I had been trying for five years to have another child. Dianne had just had her second daughter, Brie, the previous January.

“You’ll get pregnant when you come down here.” Dianne predicted. “Everyone around here is pregnant. It must be something in the water.”  

So, down we went for Memorial Day weekend as we always did. We slept in our 1970 VW Camper; and it must have been the water because when we went back on July 4^th, I was pregnant with Thor. Dianne seemed a little distracted and I remember telling John she didn’t seem too excited about my pregnancy. Well, Labor Day weekend, I learned the reason for Dianne's distraction...she had gotten pregnant that weekend too and Brie wasn’t even six months old then. Pretty big shock.

Dianne gave birth to a boy, Reese, five days before I gave birth to Thor. For years, John and I and the boys went down to the farm. When they could (which wasn’t often because of horses, cows, crops, etc.) they’d come visit us. Thor would spend a week with Reese in the summer and Reese would spend a week with us.

We had so many good times, meals, adventures, that I have a plethora of memories that include all of us. I could fill pages and pages with those memories, some that would make you howl with laughter, some that would touch your heart, some that are almost unbelievable and each and every one would include both Bill and John.

Since Bill died, the visits have been infrequent and different and now, they‘ll become different again. Like me, Dianne is a strong woman and when Bill died after a long illness, she continued on with her life, maybe not as she’d originally planned, but she continued just as I am now. The two of us continue to have so much in common it amazes me.

I am so looking forward to seeing Dianne (and her family) the next couple of days. I’m looking forward to sharing laughter, food, memories and quite possibly some tears. But, most of all, I’m looking forward to making a new memory, perhaps bittersweet in some fashion, that’s just the two of us “old” widows.

THE SILLIEST THINGS…

can make you sad. Today, (in November) the Gethsemani Farms catalog arrived in the mail. This year I won’t look through it at all because it will make me even more sad. I always ordered John a fruitcake (even though all the carbs and sugar weren’t in his diet plan). But seriously, when you reach a certain age, what kind of gifts are the most satisfying…the ones you can put in your mouth. 

               True, I’d have a small slice or two, but it was never my favorite. This year, Gethsemani Farms can remove me from their mailing list. The first Christmas tradition to be eliminated because John won’t be here.

I'M SICK

        

 It's very rare I become ill with the flu, a cold or anything else, but late one Thursday night, my nose began to run and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't catch it. I hoped it was allergies, but no, it wasn't. I began my regimen of Airborne and zinc lozenges before I went to bed. 

I woke Friday morning with a sore, scratchy throat, a horrible taste in my mouth from the zinc, and before too long, I couldn’t do much of anything but blow my nose. I tried to do a few things, but was just miserable.

          I missed John so much. He would always make sure I had water/juice, fix me chicken noodle soup and/or toasted cheese sandwiches, tapioca pudding, and check to make sure I was alive when I felt as though I was surely going to die. I texted with a few people, and talked to two others to cancel the plans we had for Saturday…it was obvious to me I wouldn’t be going anywhere.

          And, okay, I managed just fine. I made my own soup and sandwiches but didn’t bother with the pudding. I began binge watching The Crown, and the doggies stayed on the couch with me and kept me warm. When the time came for my usual gin at the end of the day, I substituted a couple hot toddies over a period of a few hours and those made me feel much better.

          Still, a kind word from someone in the house, a hug, pat or just reassurance I’d feel better soon would have been very much appreciated…those damn doggies simply won’t learn to speak English. Finally, I’m very grateful I’m still able to take care of myself in situations like this…can’t really ask for much more I believe.