4/16/2022

          I was raised with the idea that if you weren’t up and had accomplished something before 8:00 am, then you’d wasted the entire day. I find it amazing that I can still hear my mother and grandmother reciting those words to me whenever I get up late. I know that’s not necessarily true and that the belief has a lot to do with getting farm-like chores done early…I mean, how long can a cow wait to be milked???

          Anyway, Saturday morning, my love for my bed and its accoutrements just could not make me rise up and face the day. I know I woke up a number of times, stretched and snuggled back down in my nice warm bedding. It was actually 10:10 am when I finally pushed the covers back and got myself out of that bed. I tried very hard to ignore my mother’s and grandmother’s voices scolding me for being such a lazybones.

          The new dark shade I purchased and had AJ install really keeps my bedroom dark when the sun comes up. That allows me to ignore the fact the sun is up and I’m not. And, even though my predecessors continued to remind me about how I’d never accomplish the chores I’d decided to do today, I persevered and managed to pretty much complete every thing I’d planned…even taking breaks to read chapters in my latest book on my I-pad.

          Now that it’s just me, myself and I, laundry only gets done every two weeks. I have enough undies, washcloths and other stuff to last me for that entire time. I have to admit I really like not doing laundry every single Saturday. While I miss my doggies, I cannot believe how clean the house is staying without the fur and detritus brought in on the four (or eight when Kaizer was here too) paws each and every time a trip was made to the back yard.

          I did vacuum Saturday, but there wasn’t a lot of stuff to vacuum up. Still, I felt like I’d met one of the day’s goals…I really only clean house every other Saturday as well.

          There will be Key Lime Pie for Easter Dinner on Sunday. I made it late in the afternoon and would have actually had more than a few finger tastes if I hadn’t planned to make something special for Saturday’s dinner. I wanted to be sure to be hungry when it was ready.

          There’s a story behind what I wanted to make for dinner. Decades ago when I worked at the Primate Center at the University of Washington, I almost always brought my lunch, but the hospital cafeteria had two things I absolutely loved. The first was cinnamon rolls, but I didn’t often go there for coffee in the morning unless I went with a friend. The second thing on the menu which always had me putting my lunch in the fridge was fried chicken livers and mushrooms on a piece of toast. I absolutely loved that lunch. And, hopefully, if one of the folks I used to have coffee/lunch with reads this, they’ll let me know they remember too.

          Anyway, I, quite by chance, came across a fairly small container of fresh chicken livers…at $2.10, how could I pass it up. I purchased, brought home and put in the freezer. I took them out Friday night. Late Saturday, I rinsed them in a colander. I washed and cut fresh mushrooms in slices. Then I cut up some onion and garlic before putting flour, salt, and pepper into a bag. Butter was placed in a heated pan, followed by the garlic and onion. While that cooked, I put the mushrooms and chicken livers in the bag with the flour and seasonings. Finally, I added the floured mushrooms and chicken livers to the pan with some more butter.

          That might not sound all that good to you, but I have to admit it certainly tasted like what I remembered that cafeteria cook making all those years ago. It was a very yummy dinner although I wasn’t able to eat the entire pan.  I’ve a feeling I’ll have some leftovers for lunch on either Sunday or Monday, and hope they are just as tasty after being microwaved.

          Tomorrow will be Easter and ham dinner…even though I’m full, the thought of a ham slice between a split roll or biscuit sounds heavenly…not to mention the soup I’ll make with the ham bone.

          You know, I think I like cooking.

4-15/2022

           Once again, I skipped my fitness class but did do my home exercises…yay for me. I did leave the house because I had to go obtain some cash so I could pay for my haircut this afternoon and my nails on Monday. I like to pay cash for some of my expenses so the recipient can have it under the table or put it on their taxes.

          As I drove to and from the bank, the spring beauty was all over the place, and it was a good thing I didn’t look too hard at any one particular item or I would have had a car accident.

          Thought about going outside and doing some gardening, but it felt so cold and the wind was biting…why do they say biting…and sure, I would probably have warmed up as I worked, but my hands were so cold just from driving the car, I scurried back inside where it was warm.

          It was good to catch up with my hair cutter, and she reminded me we are going to be ushers the end of the month at a theater in Everett. We’re going to make an evening of it with dinner and maybe even a drink…will be sure to have gum, so the folks we’re ushering won’t smell the alcohol. I’m looking forward to that and it should be very fun.

          After my haircut, my friend Maryanne came over to have a glass of wine with me and catch up. She was limping badly and has a very painful knee. She has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and I’m hoping the MD can help her out. This is a woman who has almost always been a gym rat and participated in some form of exercise. To see her and hear her so worried about her physicality and potential ability to continue yoga and walking made me feel bad for her. But, I’m holding good thoughts, rubbing Buddha’s belly, lighting candles and sending the most positive thoughts possible her way. I simply don’t see Maryanne just sitting on her couch reading books or watching TV.

          My granddaughter called as Maryanne was leaving and we had a nice long chat. Haley provided me with information I never knew and am surprised John never investigated. John’s grandfather immigrated from Sweden via the Boer War, the Boxer Rebellion and the Spanish-American War. The family joke is that he left to be a missionary and became, instead, a mercenary.

          Anyway, Haley had been researching the Karlberg name and found there is a Karlberg Palace in Solna Sweden It was built in 1630 and now houses what is now the Military Academy Karlberg on the Karlberg Canal. There is also a town/city called Karlberg. There is a Karlbergs BK which appears to be a soccer team.  Sofia Karlberg is a popular Swedish singer and songwriter. Wouldn’t be amazing to find out we were all related in some way, even distantly.

          John had an Ancestry account because of research his sister and cousin were doing. I saved what I thought was the log-in information, but, alas, that wasn’t it. On Monday, I’ll have to call Ancestry and see if they’ll let me into the data so I can provide Haley with the information so she can do additional research. I think I’ll also email cousin Kathleen and see what she can provide.

          I like the fact Haley is interested in family history because I have a pile of information, mostly for my side of the family, but cousin Kathleen has reams and reams in comparison. I told Haley when she comes back from school, we’ll spend some time on the information I have. I was wondering what to do with it, but if she’s interested, it’s all hers.

          Another good day with a nice surprise at the end.

4/14/2022

          Had a bit of frustration today, but I persevered and finished what I was doing. I hadn’t moved my bulletin board from my old bedroom to my new one, so that was what I thought would be a simple and small project. HA!!!

          I took the bulletin board down from the wall and measured the distance between the screws that held it in place. I went to the other room and CAREFULLY measured where I needed to place the two screws. Then, praise to me, I was able to get the drill bit to go into the electric drill and stay there. I already knew how to make the drill go both ways. I removed the screws from the first wall and carefully installed them in the other wall. Yay for me.

          Then, without installing the bulletin board, I updated the contents. Not a good idea. When I went to install it on the screws in the wall, I could not get the screws to go into the holes on the board simultaneously. So, I measured again and discovered I had measured incorrectly at some point. So, I removed one screw and remeasured and replaced the screw. Yay, done.

          NOPE, not done. I now have two holes in the wall for the one screw. So, I measure again, and again remove and replace the screw which now makes three holes for the one screw. But, this time, I apparently was able to actually make the correct measurement because both screws went into the proper holes and the bulletin board was on the wall. Yippee!!! What's that old carpenter's adage about measuring twice and cutting (screwing) once??? 

          Meanwhile, all the painstaking work I’d put into revitalizing the contents of the bulletin board was for naught. In all the attempts to get the board to fit on the screws, practically all the items on the board had fallen to the floor. So, I got to redo the bulletin board’s contents for the second time.

          So, project finished. It looks good. And, the two extra holes I made in my freshly painted wall do not show because they are behind the bulletin board. Whoever removes the BB from the wall will undoubtedly be appalled at my poor attempts to get it right…still, only three tries which I believe is great for me because my experience using power tools to accomplish projects like this has been extremely limited.

          There was a post on Facebook about the “Modern Widow’s Club” last week and I decided to follow up. I spent about an hour on the phone with the local leader and learned a great deal about MWC. This is an organization that has been around since about 2009; however, I didn’t find any information about it when I first became a widow. I’ve visited the web site as well and plan to attend their meeting in May. It would be great to make some new single friends, especially other women who would like a travel partner and are compatible with me.

          I also spent some time looking at two Viking cruises in Europe and then deleted the emails. The Ukraine isn’t too terribly close to where I would cruise on either of the trips; however, I decided I’d rather wait and see if that conflict is settled. I’d hate to be there should Putin decide to head further west. Maybe in 2023.

          I pulled out the fake dogwood blossoms and finally replaced the poinsettias I’d put in the big porch container. It looks great and I still cannot believe the previous owners put it out in front of their house with a free sign. It’s a couple of feet tall with Asian flower designs on it. It also has some Chinese characters and if I can figure out how to download the translation app, perhaps I’ll find out what they mean.

          So, not a lot of accomplishments, but for me it was a good day. Even though I talked to another widow about widow stuff, it didn’t make me want to climb into the closet and stay there in the dark. Spring continues to delight with all the burgeoning leaves, flowers and new growth. I just wish the weather would warm up a bit so I could get out there and get my hands, okay, my gloves dirty.

MUSINGS FROM YESTERDAY

          It’s entirely possible you give a hoot as to how I’m feeling today, but I’m feeling much better. In fact, I had a fairly good day yesterday after whining through my fingers. As the day progressed, some things popped into my brain. 

• As I drove around, I was amazed at how the trees are burgeoning with new growth. It is the most beautiful green and looks as though it would be as soft as a baby’s bum
• Drove by my second favorite tulip (magnolia) tree and it was practically shouting, “look at me, look at me.” My first favorite is down by Green Lake, but I don’t get there often. I have one in my back yard and in 20 years or so, it could possibly take over first place.
•  Enjoyed the sun as it played peek-a-boo with the clouds. I don’t think it rained until after dark, but it was very COLD. I didn’t walk.
• The meeting with the attorney went well and we only have to make simple changes to my will as everything else is still relevant. I didn’t realize they would need to file John’s will, death certificate and community property agreement…should have seen him more than two years ago.
• Finished reading, GOD EMPEROR OF DUNE, and it made me wish I was much better educated. There are things in the book that I didn’t really understand, but I still enjoyed seeing what would happen to Leto II. 

I also find it odd, and maybe it’s that way for everyone, how things just pop into my head that have been residing deep in the file cabinet. Most of the time, the thought/remembrance has absolutely nothing to do with what I’m doing at the time. I guess my old 286 just decides it’s time to push that particular file out of the drawer. Then, like now, when I try to think of them or remember what it was, it's returned to the dark space in which it was residing. Can be frustrating when it was something I wanted to remember. Guess I’ll have to begin making notes. That should be easy because I almost always have my phone and I can just talk to the notes app and then refer back…that’s if I remember to refer back.

I don’t know about you, but I look out the window at my garden and feel so astonished at how it’s changed in just a few short weeks. 

• What was just dirt now has a wide variety of greens and shapes that are seeking to completely cover the dirt.
• The kind of rusty-colored peony stalks are almost a couple feet tall.
• Raspberry vines are covered with small green leaf tufts.
• The Karlberg Memorial Apple Tree has a few blossoms. I wonder if it will become warm enough for the bees to pollinate and give me an apple or two this year.
• Tulips are blooming and the wild bleeding heart is ready to bloom while the regular bleeding hearts are blooming. 

So, there you have it. Today, I looked at yesterday and chose to see the positive. Each day I’m going to try to look at the day before and see if there isn’t something there that will make me smile or sigh with pleasure. I’m going to be  optimistic and look for upbeat thought, fun, great thoughts/remembrances. 

Already, I feel better because I am writing again. Definitely not going to win a Pulitzer or ever get published, but you know what? I don’t really care because I am doing this for me, myself and I…we’re all good.

FOOL'S GOLD

         

Fool’s Gold, that’s what my “golden years” actually are. You would think, having watched my mother, grandmother and even my great-grandmother whom I never met, go through their last years of life alone that I would have expected the same for myself. Not once did I think about, or even inquire about, their “golden years.” They all lived much longer than the age I am now, so I guess or expect to have many more years of Fool’s Gold. It sucks.

          Just this morning I was debating on whether to go to my exercise class. I didn’t go on Monday, so this would be the second time I’d miss. I also didn’t do my home PT/exercises today, although I did do them on Monday and Tuesday. I seriously wondered what the point was/is to trying to keep myself in good physical shape. And, okay, it’s so I can have a longer and healthier life. The only actual benefit of staying physically active, at least in my opinion, is that it will keep me from being put into one of those facilities for old people.

          Then, there’s being the only half of a couple that’s left and all your friends still have their mates. They are off doing fun things or even fighting with and appreciating or not appreciating each other, but they are NOT lonely. They have meals together, work around their homes together, sleep together; pretty much do everything a couple does. I, on the other hand, go for days sometimes without speaking to another human. No one cares if I cook dinner or clean the bathroom. It’s lonely and I’m, quite frankly extremely tired of being lonely.

          Some people have jokingly (I think) suggested I visit one of those dating sites on the internet….Silver Singles for example but it’s probably more like silverplate. Can you just imagine what kind of partners would be available for a 76-year-old woman? I can and I’ve already done all the caretaking of a male person that I care to. Nope, no new partner for this woman, dating site or no.

          It wasn’t quite so lonely when I had my puppies. Kaizer went over the rainbow bridge in October. I expected to have Karma for years, but she joined her son just a few weeks ago. Even if they weren’t sitting on me, wanting me to play or wanting to go outside, they were still here. The sounds they made as they moved around the house, or even in their beddies, were comforting. Now, it’s just me and silence unless I play music which I do most of the time.

          I’m not going to get another fur buddy and have given away all the dog/cat paraphernalia to insure I don’t. Still, I see people out walking their dogs and feel a pang. A friend just got a new black lab puppy and I so want to reach through the screen and hug/pet him. It’s kind of like another phase of my life has passed by. And, yes, I could continue the phase of pet ownership, but I’m choosing not to do that. So, you say, quit whining about it.

          Now there’s also the question of travel. I’ve been considering a Viking cruise in Europe, but fear keeps me from making the commitment. I wasn’t the least bit afraid in 2020 when I drove myself to the airport, left my car and took that wonderful Caribbean cruise, and returned home to my car in the middle of the night. I felt much younger than I do now and extremely independent.

Then came the pandemic, but I figured at some point I would get out there and go again. That was before I was seriously ill the end of 2020. Even though I didn’t feel very sick, it did a number on my body and it’s only recently I’ve been able to do as much or as many of the things I did before I got sick.

          What does that have to do with my getting on a plane for foreign places. Well, it’s fear. What happens if I get sick so far from home, become injured in some way or who knows what? How would I get back home? Would one of my kids have to come get me? I have no idea.

          Then, too, there’s the fact I would be traveling alone. When I went to Costa Rica on my own seven years or so ago, practically everyone on the trip was part of a couple. Based on something I heard, some of the women thought I was there trolling for their men…seriously!!! Still, I made a couple of traveling buddies, but at the end of the day, they went to their rooms and I went to mine. There was no one with whom I could rehash the day. It was pretty much the same on the 2020 cruise. It was fun, especially having such warmth and sun in February, but still lonely and not as fun as it could have been.

          Even when it comes to trips that would be more local, I find myself looking, thinking, and then closing the web site because it just seems like so much work for so little return. Right now, the tulip fields are in bloom and I think about driving up there, having lunch in La Connor or coming home by way of Edison and that fabulous bakery and that’s it…I just think about it. I make no plans.

          Anyway, today it appears I’m having “pity party” for myself and have chosen to share it through my blog with you. Perhaps part of the reason for the “pity party” was the notebook I recently made for my son entitled, “Instructions on what to do when I die.” He asked me about what I’d had to do for John and then asked if I could provide him with information. So, I did.

Add to that today’s appointment with my attorney to update my “estate” plan. Seriously, that’s what he calls it…to me, only folks like Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates or Warren Buffet have “estate” plans. So, we’ll talk, make changes to the plan John and I did together years ago. Then, that’s it. Between the upon my death instructions and the estate plan, my kids will know how I expect my “afterlife” to be handled whether it’s next week or 20 years from now.

When I had breast cancer 21 years ago, I decided to CHOOSE how I was going to feel each day and make that choice positive. I felt no fear then because I expected to survive and continue on with my life…and I did. So, why am I not CHOOSING to go on that European trip or even to drive to the tulip fields? I’ve thought about it seriously and think it’s the idea of being older and being afraid of what could go wrong as opposed to go right. That makes it so much easier to hunker down and go nowhere. It’s so much easier to sit on the couch and read a book, work in the garden, binge watch shows on the television.

I guess staying put seems so much safer, but it’s definitely not the way I expected to experience my “golden years.” Guess I’ll eventually learn to appreciate my “Fool’s Gold” experiences such as they are/will be. Or, perhaps once the estate plan has been updated and this pity party of mine over, I’ll feel much more positive and CHOOSE to stop hunkering down and get out there. Time will tell I guess.

FAREWELL 2021

This blog post brings everyone who reads it my very best wishes for whichever holiday you and/or your family celebrate or celebrated as well as for 2022. May Covid stop learning the Greek alphabet, at least at such a fast pace (to steal a quote from a Christmas card I received). Of course, what we’d all like to see is for it to completely disappear or have us all develop a complete immunity as we did to smallpox and polio. And, yes, if wishes were horses (or electric cars) beggars would all ride.  

In my last post in early October, I mentioned my carpel tunnel problem. Well, once they did the nerve conduction study, the pain in my fingers (especially the fuck-you one) became almost unbearable. Some nights I went through two ice packs just to be able to drift off to sleep for a couple of hours. But, that’s all behind me now because I had surgery on 12/23, and it was the best Christmas present I could have received. The pain in my fingers has gone although some numbness remains and there was very little pain involved with the surgery. I get the stiches out on 1/3/22, and will proceed with therapy to strengthen not only my left, but my right hand as well. 

I’ve also decided that 2022 will be (knock wood) illness and physical problem free. I’m thinking positively about not seeing my doctor, not developing any new challenges, and staying as healthy as possible. To do that, I’m going to continue my fitness classes three times a week as well as my daily physical therapy exercises and stretches as well as walking with my neighbor as often as possible. If being positive about how my body feels and works and treating it as well as possible is what is needed, you can bet I’ll be just fine in 2022.   

October, November and December were fairly boring months. I didn’t do anything exciting enough to type about, and typing was a challenge after the nerve conduction test because I couldn’t feel my fingers at all. It’s still a bit of a challenge and I’ll be writing this over a few days because typing causes a bit of pain in my left hand. 

As most of you know, I had to have Kaizer euthanized in October. I still miss him every single day…his dancing on his hind legs as I carry his breakfast/dinner to where he ate, the silly smile he was able to give me because his lower chin stuck out, his enthusiasm when it was time to go outside, the way he’d nestle between my thighs, heave a big sigh and look at me with a smile as if to say, “It sure don’t get much better than this.”

 Karma has stepped up to fill in and spends a lot of time on the couch with me. She doesn’t have the enthusiasm her son had unless she gets a chance to dash out the front door and explore the neighborhood. Then she’s way enthusiastic and runs like a gazelle. I bought two beds, one for the car and try to take her on errands so she learns to like being in the car. The other one is in my bedroom and I allow her to sleep in there. She’s not allowed on my new bed though.  

I do have to admit it is much easier and less expensive with just one doggie. I’ve also come to the realization that some of the “accidents” I blamed on Karma were most likely made by Kaizer. There’s also so much less dog hair, and other detritus that comes in on their paws. Still, I miss my little snuggle bug Kaizer. 

Speaking of bedrooms, I am finally almost finished with what was the marital bedroom.  Going forward, it’s going to be known as my Revitalization Room and I absolutely love it. I painted the ceiling and walls a silvery gray and one wall is purple as is the blind and valance. It was the first time I’ve ever painted a room, so it’s not the great job a professional would do, but I’m happy with it, plus it’s not like I’m going to have visitors come share the space with me. Not only that, it is the last time I’ll do any painting…professional painter is the only way to go in my opinion.   

The furniture finally arrived the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, and the mattress on Wednesday. Then, it was time to wash all the linen and place it on the bed. I think it was another 10 days or so before I actually slept on my new mattress, surrounded by the treasures, pictures and shadow box displays I imported from my old bedroom or other parts of the house. I love, love, love my new bed and its linen, comforter, duvet and new pillows feel thick, comfy and wonderful. I also really enjoy raising and lowering the head so I can read or watch TV. 

Somehow or another, my name has been noticed by whoever or whatever in the ether. First, my bank account was hacked, but not by a lot, so the card wasn’t cancelled. Then, a few weeks later, it was hacked again, this time by crypto.com for quite a bit of money. This time, my card was cancelled while the fraudulent changes were cancelled. When I reported this to AJ and his wife, you would have thought I’d completely lost all my brains. They didn’t even wait to hear my story before chastising me about how I handled everything. They finally listened to what I did and agreed I did the right thing, but now I’m supposed to have a family conference if something like this happens again. 

I switched to another bank account while the first was cancelled and a new card issued, but then I got a message about that one. This bank immediately cancelled the card, subtracted the fraudulent charge and issued a new card. Not long after I got the new card for the first bank, I got another email about a fraudulent change, but checked and it was just plain bullshit. I seriously hope 2022 doesn’t bring me any further difficulties with the various cards I have. 

Finally, I decided to give up Facebook for a while, and wouldn’t you know that the first time I went back on, I was hacked and new friend requests were sent out. I immediately changed my password and notified FB friends that I’d been hacked. Again, I hope that’s it with FB, but I’m not spending any time there, so it doesn’t really matter. And, it’s not that I don’t miss some of the friends I have on FB, it’s more I just can’t stand the bullshit that keeps on coming whether I want it or not. 

I haven’t seen my Snohomish son and his family since the end of August. Only his wife is immunized and with three auto-immune diseases under my belt, I haven’t had the courage to just go there and take my chances. However, with people getting the delta or omicron variant even when fully immunized, perhaps I just need to take a chance and figure if I get it, I get it and it won’t be too bad. This damn Covid has certainly fucked up my life for the last almost two years…yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, you’re all thinking, “So, what’s so special about you??? ALL our lives were/are fucked up. Get over yourself.” 

AJ and his family are all totally vaccinated, so I do see them and am so grateful to both AJ and Angie and Haley for their assistance with various things. I sometimes think maybe Thor and his family aren’t vaccinated so they don’t have to deal with me. Anyway, AJ has spent many hours here working on the various “honey-dew” lists I email him. I try very hard not to be too demanding or ask for too much. I’m always surprised that what I think is a huge list only takes him an hour or two to complete. 

Angie, of course, was of great assistance when it came time for surgery on my wrist. I’d originally told Thor it was his turn, but since he’s not vaccinated, he couldn’t accompany me. She did a swell job of taking me and returning me home with my meds and fresh pizza. It’s very comforting to know I can call on her when needed. 

For the last couple of years, I’ve had someone who came to mow and edge my yard. This also included cleaning up the tons of leaves that fell in the fall. I don’t know what happened to him, but I finally called someone else who came and did the last mow, rake and put my garden in winter mode. It was way more expensive than the original person, but it’s done and looks great when not covered by snow. I’ll have to figure out what I’m going to do come spring and investigate hiring another firm to mow and edge every other week or so. 

A new erotic fiction book was begun and so far, four chapters are complete. Once my wrist heals and I can type again, I plan on working on Merciless Madeleine. I also researched agents and publishers of erotic fiction and will be emailing off submissions by the end of January. I seriously hope there is an agent or publisher who’d love to read my work and publish it as well. If that doesn’t work, I’m going to investigate self-publishing, first through Amazon, but there are other ways that will need some research as well. 

So, that pretty much brings y’all up to date for the rest of 2021. As I said in the beginning of this blog post, I wish you all the best 2022 has to offer. I also wish myself the best for 2022 as well with the goal of getting published and planning a river trip from Budapest to Amsterdam in 2023.

 

 

WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO BESIDES NOT WRITING -- PART III

 It’s been so long since I posted anything to my blog, I had to look back to see what I said the last time. Could not believe that post was dated 7/5/21…that’s three months today provided I get this posted. Wish I could report I’ve been travelling the world or lazing about eating chocolates, reading books and watching movies, but, nope…well, except for reading and watching Yellowstone. This is likely to be a looooooooong report. 

I began the last report talking about my health. Well, it’s improved somewhat and I learned the recurrent shingles diagnosis was wrong, wrong, wrong. The red marks and itching returned in July and one afternoon, I was so miserable I called Kaiser and told them I wanted someone to look at them in person and I didn’t care if it was the devil in hell. I got an appointment the next day and that MD (not my PCP) told me unequivocally it was not shingles. What’s interesting is that my body’s inflammation level was high according to the blood test that MD ordered. So, there may be a correlation between the itching and the inflammation and most like due to some form of allergy. The allergy quite possibly may be to the nightshade family, tomatoes in particular. I ate a whole bunch two nights in a row this week and have been trying not to scratch myself raw since. I LOVE tomatoes, especially the ones I grow myself. 

Of course, at my age, there’s always something new with the body that demands attention. I knew I had carpel tunnel in my left wrist (surgery on right in 1989), and have been damning the L&I MD who convinced me to not have the surgery on my left about 15 years ago. I made an appointment to see my MD in October to talk about surgery because the numbness and pain were increasing, even with wearing a brace. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I spent over two hours on the freeway which was the longest time I’d spent behind the wheel of a car since early 2020. I did wear my brace and didn’t think anything of the time I spent holding the steering wheel. Early the next morning, I woke feeling as though I held a grapefruit-sized ball of fire in my left hand. Long story short is the Consulting RN moved up my MD appointment and I now have a date for an EMG test and a consultation, both in November. I’ll most likely have surgery in December or January. Meanwhile, my middle finger is pretty much numb with first finger and thumb running a close second. And, even though they are “numb,” they all feel as though they are electrified. 

Meanwhile, through all this I’ve continued to walk and go to my fitness classes and seem to be getting stronger although there are some days when that doesn’t seem true. I saw a physical therapist and learned that my right shoulder pain was mainly due to my sleeping position…on my tummy with my arm up above my head. I couldn’t believe how much better it felt the first morning I kept my arm down, but it’s still a struggle to keep it down. And, like my MD, the physical therapist encouraged me to remain as active as possible. 

Not long after I wrote the above, I received a call about the mammogram I had last week…they wanted me to return. I spent almost 24 hours totally terrified because it brought the year 2000 back full bore and my experience then was what I went through again except this time the radiologist came in and said, “Everything’s just fine.”, rather than “We want to do a biopsy. Part of the terror, okay a huge part of the terror was facing the fact that if the diagnosis came back as breast cancer, this time I wouldn’t have anyone who would hold my hand for each and every MD appointment, chemo treatment, etc. This time I would have to do it alone which led me to think about how absolutely wonderful John was during that time and how alone I’m going to be no matter what the future brings with regard to health problems. Still, I’m feeling pretty good about my boob being just fine. 

And, my final health/body whine is that I’ve gained weight. It’s between six and ten pounds and that’s not a lot, but it’s all around my middle. I can barely button some of my jeans. Time to give in and just wear sweats or whatever has an elastic  waist. 

After all this, you know what?  I think I’m just about ready to give up all physical activity and become a couch/bed potato. There’s really been no big reward for all the toil and sweat so far. I feel a lot like Sisyphus rolling the rock up the hill day after day. Doesn’t there come a time when you just leave the rock where it is and use it as a chair or pillow??? Anyway, enough whining…on to better stories (I hope). 

My five fuchsia pots have outdone themselves with growth and blossoms. They are gorgeous and I forgot I had different ones, but I like the combinations I made without realizing what I was doing. I’m going to hate cutting them back and storing them away, but they should do well again next year. 

 

My dahlias did not do well this year. I have one plant that barely flowered. It’s probably because they need to be dug up and divided. I’m planning to dig them all up, divide and store them in the garage. I don’t think the garage freezes and I’ll winter them in boxes filled with paper shreds…cross your fingers and let me know if you want any tubers. I’m bound to have a lot. 

Claudia gave me a whole bunch of zinnia starts and I didn’t plant them immediately, so they were all rooted together. I pulled them apart and planted them in various places and they did absolutely wonderful. I’ve never had such luck with zinnias before and think I could plant them in every single location in the garden and not be disappointed. Now trying to collect zinnia seeds which I plan to mix with cosmos and poppy seeds and sprinkle all over the place. If they all come up in the spring, it should be glorious. 

Since I’m staying here, I went ahead and ordered some bulbs from Michigan Bulb. I don’t remember now what I ordered, but I’ll add them to what I’ve already established when they arrive. 

The really hot weather in June fried a lot of the tomato blossoms, but they finally began to produce tomatoes. I’m not too fond of the big yellow heritage ones because they seem to have very little taste. That plant produced a lot of largish tomatoes but they just weren’t very tasty. The chocolate cherry tomatoes finally began to produce and neighbors and family members were recipients of the surplus. I also had red cherry tomatoes, but they didn’t do well and were small but tasty. The yellow small pear tomatoes were fairly tasteless as well. Peas and beans didn’t survive the hundred-degree temps. Pumpkin plants were a bust, but zucchini and delicata squash produced. Also had some home-grown lettuce and may still get another serving depending on the weather. 

There’s lots of fall work waiting in the garden and I’m not looking forward to it, especially as my best helper, Haley, has gone east to school. I’ll just have to do what I can when I can. Of course, I strongly wish I’d been able to find something smaller without much of a yard and move, but oh well, it is what it is. 

By now, you probably figure I’ve updated the marital bedroom and moved in. Well, you’ve figured wrong. I found and bought a duvet cover I loved and took one of the pillow shams to Home Depot and purchased two colors…a sort of silvery gray and a lightish purple. As of today, I’ve painted the ceiling and walls the gray, but haven’t returned to paint the purple wall nor have I painted the closet doors. This was, of course, before my left wrist started acting up. I’m hoping to finish by the end of this month, but if you’ve stuck with my updates, you know that can change practically overnight. 

What’s really holding me up now is there is no rush to finish because the bedroom furniture I went out and ordered won’t reach the warehouse until 11/27 and who knows how soon they’ll deliver and set up in my room. I also ordered a mattress which could have been delivered immediately, but they’re holding it until the furniture arrives. Now I need to order bed linen as well as window coverings. Spend, spend, spend...that's me.

I believe I wrote about ordering new glass for the windows where the seal had failed and the fact, I was told the current frame for the huge front window might not keep the glass from falling out. So, a new frame was ordered some time the beginning of June. I finally followed up the middle of August and was told the frame is due to be delivered on 12/11.  

The side shed didn’t get removed during the summer because everyone’s schedules couldn’t be matched up. It’s fine and I’ll hire someone to do it after the first of the year. That’s also when I’ll get bids and hire (maybe the same person) to replace the deck roof. So, I’m moving, although very slowly, on getting stuff done around here. 

Besides seeing Haley about once a week when she came to help me out, I also got to spend time with Arayli and Xander this summer. Now that school’s started, I’m not going to see them as often, but they say it’s not the frequency but the quality of time I’ll spend with them that counts. I’ve promised them both something absolutely wonderful in January if their report cards are outstanding as well. Between now and then I’ll give them gentle reminders about how great it is to learn and receive good grades. Also, between now and then, I’ll be looking for something wonderful to give each of them, i.e., some kind of experiences that a 13-year-old girl and a 7-year-old boy would be totally blown away by. Suggestions extremely welcome.

My weekly visits with Haley have come to a halt. She left for Wyoming and school and won’t be home until Christmas and then for only a week. I’m so thankful for cell phones, my I-pad and her I-phone because I’ll be reaching out at least once a week to see how she’s doing. Plus, her birthday is next month and it will be the first one since the day I saw her come into the world that I won’t be able to give her a birthday spanking, hug and kiss. Still, I’m very proud of her drive and initiative and know whatever the future might bring her, it’s going to be rock solid. 

Speaking of spending money, my puppy Kaizer has developed a horrible cough.
Aside from the cough, he's eating well, doesn't have a temperature an seems just fine otherwise. I thought it was kennel cough, but where he could have gotten it, I have no idea. I checked in with the groomer because it started the day after he was there. Even so, it takes 5-7 days for it to appear, so it couldn't have been that. When we talked, she told me that for some small dogs, coughing can be a sign of a heart problem. I ordered some cough medicine and if it isn't better in another day, I'll be making an appointment with the vet and you know just how expensive those can be, especially if they have to do a lot of tests. 

Of course, while you’ve enjoyed the hell out of this missive, I know you’re wondering when I’m going to begin writing again and posting chapters on a daily basis. I have to say I don’t know. I’ve updated and finalized SHE as well as written a submission letter. Now all I have to do is send them off to an agent. Meanwhile, when I can I need to finalize and update WATER RIGHTS and UNDER CONSTRUCTION so they can be sent out into the world as well. 

I have written one chapter of a book that might be called Merciless (thank you Claudia for the M word) Madeleine and have kind of outlined a few additional chapters. As the weather brings us more gray and wet, I’ll have and/or take the time to sit here at the computer and write more. It’s something I really do enjoy and something that makes me feel good. 

Finally, as I posted in Facebook on the anniversary of Joh’s death and our wedding anniversary, enough time has passed the anger I felt has dissipated and the good memories surfaced. In fact, just recently, I’ll be driving and see something that makes me think of him and my entire body feels a huge pang of loss. Or, I’m busy around here, see something, hear a song, watch something on TV and the same thing happens. While I’m grateful for the good memories, those pangs bring a moment of sadness that he’s not here so we can make more memories together like that. I also have come to believe that he’d be proud of me for how I’ve moved on and ahead with my life, the pets, house and garden. Still, I think I miss him more with each day that passes than I did initially. It is very lonely. Those of you who still have a partner, please cherish your time together. 

Okay, that’s pretty much it for this missive. I’ll try to do better with regard to writing something new and posting for your reading pleasure. Meanwhile, y’all take care, get your vaccinations, wear your masks, be positive and upbeat as well as careful when you venture out into the world.