SO ACCOMPLISHED???

           

Another day yesterday where I had no words that left my fingers and made sense for this post. Rather than be depressed or upset about that, I’m trying to concentrate on what I did accomplish. I pretty much finished weeding the flowerbed around the deck and water feature. I also spread two huge bags of soil amendment on top of the newly cleared soil. I have one bag to go to finish the south side of the pond and deck. Maybe I’ll get that done today if it stops raining.

I also managed to fall down again…that’s the second time in less than two weeks. This time I don’t seem to have any bruises to show for my klutzy self. I was standing at the edge of the flowerbed and had put a number of wire containers behind me on the grass. These are the ones I put around the dahlias to hold them upright. Anyway, apparently, I wasn’t paying attention, or rather I was paying attention to what was in front of me and stepped back. Boom, down I went on my butt, back and my head got a good knock too. It took me a minute or so to get up and get busy again. I also had a headache for a little bit, but it went away without any pain medication.

So, perhaps instead of thinking about staying here or moving someplace smaller, I should look into assisted living. It’s not something I want to do, but if I’m getting so elderly I cannot stay up on my own two feet, then perhaps it’s time. I’ll have to give it some thought and see if I cannot stay upright from now on. I actually think I just need to pay attention and be more aware of my surroundings, but I’ll see.

On Tuesday, I had my hair cut and Gail, my hair person, was talking about getting a new dog since Douglas had passed on a month or so ago. I jokingly told her she could have one of mine, or even both. She said it would only be fair for her to take my dogs since I took her chickens. I’m torn about sending them off to live with Gail and her husband. Part of me, the part that hates all the dog hair, Kaizer yelping and barking before it’s light outside, and I guess just the responsibility wants to pack them and their stuff and drop them at Gail’s. The other part of me doesn’t want to do that because Karma and Kaizer both each have at least one bad habit that wouldn’t make Gail happy, plus, I think I’d really miss their company, especially when they are laying with/on me on the couch. I do love their warmth and cuddles.

Oh, and I was thinking I wouldn’t leave home today, but it’s a Friday the 13^th and I need to go purchase a lottery ticket. I always say I’m going to do that because 13 is my lucky number and has had a significant impact on my entire life, and then I forget. I’m going to remember today and perhaps, just perhaps my numbers will come up and I’ll be monetarily rich…I’m already rich in many other ways and need to always remember that.

Well, I guess that’s it for today. It will soon be time to publish this post. Then, I’ll feed the doggies and put myself in the rain locker for a shower and shampoo. Clean and dressed, maybe the day won’t seem quite as dark and gray as it is right now.

TIRED AND SLEEPY DAY

           

Sheesh, but I think today (Wednesday) is a day where I have absolutely no “get up and go.” I did get up and had big plans for today, but they were cancelled and so I spent the morning on the couch with the doggies…my go done left before it even got going. Ah well, I do have days where the go can hardly keep up with me, so I shouldn’t complain about my lack of energy and initiative too very much. Perhaps now that I’m sitting at my computer, I’ll even do some work on WATER RIGHTS and begin publishing chapters…and maybe not.

Even though I’ve had a shower and shampoo, am all lotioned up and dressed, I still feel as though climbing back into my bed and hugging my pillow tight while I fall asleep would be my best response today. I think it’s probably a good thing the plans I had were cancelled because I doubt I would have been much fun if I were only barely awake and that’s how I’m feeling.

And, sorry folks, it didn’t get much better as the day progressed. I did visit the grocery store and got take out for linner, but aside from that, I was on the couch with my book(s)…finished one, started another. Maybe tomorrow will be a more creative day. And, perhaps getting out and walking, which I haven’t done once this week because my walking partner has a bad knee, does really help with feeling more energized and less sleepy.

Anyway, here’s hoping we all have a great day today.

MORE MISCELLANEA

 

Well, here I am again without a prepared post. I did work on WATER RIGHTS today, but just don’t feel comfortable enough with what I’m doing and where I’m going…or rather my characters. With SHE, she burst, or at least seemed to, fully developed into my mind and; as I’ve said before, some days I was able to pound out more than one chapter. I’m hoping as I move forward with Luke and Hannah, they will leap into my mind and practically write themselves for me as SHE did.

Meanwhile, I’ve put all of SHE into one document with the exception of the last three chapters. Once I add those, then I’ll continue putting SHE into an acceptable format for sending off to an agent or publisher of erotica. I’ve already looked them up, but haven’t picked one to whom I’ll send the material once it’s ready.

I also don’t think I bragged about myself yesterday and my ability to take the furnace filter apart, clean it and replace it. AJ showed me a year or so ago, but I wasn’t sure I’d remember. The new thermostat AJ installed is one of those smart ones and told me I needed to clean the filter. Well, once I realized the blinking red light was to indicate I had a message and got the message, I put off my attempt for probably a week. What do I know about furnaces…NOTHING!!!

In any case, I got the first step correct and was able to pull off the filter cover. Then, I removed the two huge electronic sections and put them into the dishwasher. Next, I removed the two smaller silver mesh screens and added them to the dishwasher. A little soap and on it went, to give me clean filters when finished. And, Kathy B., thank you for the dishwasher suggestion.

To say those filters were dirty is to say the sky is blue when it is. I could not believe the filth on those filters. It even included some dead bugs that had apparently gotten into the air returns (AJ told me that, but weren’t you initially impressed I’d know that???) and ended up plastered to the filters. Considering all the dust I get up with the vacuum and dust cloths, I’m surprised there’s anything to go in the air intakes at all. Maybe I should add cleaning the furnace filter to my list of things to do each time the time changes in the fall and spring.

I did call AJ today though because it seemed as though the furnace was making more noise, but apparently, it’s just the sound it makes when the air is able to smoothly flow through without being impeded by dead bugs and lots of dust.

Today (Tuesday) I also got rid of the ancient electric stove (photo above) John had been saving for decades. The boys thought it might make a good piece of yard art, and that’s its future come next spring. I posted pictures and offered it on Buy Nothing and a very nice woman responded and wanted to have it for that purpose. She, her husband and brother-in-law came, loaded it up and it’s gone. Now, if I could just find someone who’d like a sailboard, my driveway would be almost totally empty. I do live in hope.

BORING, BORING, BORING

 

First, thank you all for your comments about my staying or leaving. Isn’t there a song with the words, “…should I stay or should I go now?” In any case, I feel as though that’s my anthem for the moment. I am, of course, leaning toward staying. It would be so much simpler than, as I think it was my sister said, using so much energy to move and establish a new place. Anyway, appreciate your comments and suggestions.

I didn’t get anything written to post today, so I’m writing this now, an hour after my post usually goes up. Yesterday, a group of very nice young men came to my house (okay, yes, maybe I was drooling just a bit) to remove an alder and even up the red maple from where the City Light-retained tree folks (who, in my opinion know nothing about pruning) butchered it. To be fair, there have been a couple of companies in the past where if I went out and made nice, they would do a better job of pruning the maple.

Today, the company who mows my grass and gets up the mountains of leaves will be here. I think the owner may not be happy when he sees the alder gone and maybe he won’t notice the maple. I asked him about the trees and the prices he quoted were like three to four times more than the company I used charged me. Of course, it helps when the company gives you a “family” price because they’ve taken down three huge trees for my son.

I also went to Sky Nursery yesterday and bought four huge bags of soil amendment. Then, I continued with garden clean up and got enough done to spread one bag of the amendment out. What’s done looks terrific and since the sun’s shining right now, I’m wondering if that means I can get back out there this afternoon and complete the area that goes around the deck. Guess I’ll have to see what happens as the day progresses.

Also did a bit of work on the next book. I think I was making the first chapter way too long, so I’ve cut it back into three parts. Also think I’ve decided on a name, WATER RIGHTS, but we’ll see. Depending on how the writing goes…and the thinking because I spend a lot of time thinking about what’s going on the page…maybe I can begin posting chapters this week, surely by next Monday.

Finished off yesterday by making myself a very nice salad to go with the frozen lasagna. How many of you have tried or use Stouffer’s lasagna or mac and cheese? The little boxes are just the right size for one person and I love them. Even when I used to feed the whole family, I would buy Stouffer’s or Kirkland big pans of lasagna. You add more mozzarella cheese just before it’s done and it’s perfect. I haven’t made lasagna from scratch for probably a decade or more.

Well, that’s it for this boring post. I haven’t had breakfast yet either, so it’s time to go fix my oatmeal with raisons and decide what I’m going to do today. Y’all have a very busy, happy and pleasant day.  

MISCELLANEA

         

              I don’t know how many of you have kept count or noticed when I went over 300 posts. Today’s post is 315 which means I only have 51 to go before I meet my goal of making some kind of a post every single day of 2020. Of course, when I set that goal on January 1, 2020, I had no idea all our lives would change so dramatically. I thought I’d be out and about and making lots of interesting posts about wherever I was or whatever I was doing.

Still, this goal led me to actually begin and finish writing a book. Nothing like the original book I wrote in the mid ‘90s and revised in the early 2000s, but still, it’s a lot of words that I somehow spewed out through my fingers and created another individual who also had a goal and desires and a pandemic-free world in which she could travel about, meet new people, have new experiences, etc. I’m proud of the fact I managed to write a chapter a day, sometimes two, and get them posted for you, the reader’s, enjoyment. Of course, to be perfectly honest here, I absolutely enjoyed the hell out of it as well.

I also have to admit I could not have accomplished this alone. I have friends who told me stories, shared their experiences, shared their ideas and supported my efforts even when I was rather aghast at what I’d written.

In particular, I want to thank Ernie Rose. I think he was the only male person who read SHE, or at least he was the only male’s name I saw that liked or commented on a particular day’s chapter. Not only that, but he initiated almost daily phone calls to critique and edit SHE. Ernie is a great writer himself and you'd know that if you read his posts on Facebook. Those posts are nonfiction about his zoo and climbing experiences. More than one person has suggested he compile them into a book of essays. Anyway, I had a lot of fun talking to Ernie and hearing what he had to say and then thinking about his suggestions for upcoming chapters. I believe Ernie could write fiction just as well as he does his nonfiction…maybe a novel entitled HE would be a good start…what do you think Ernie???...I’d be happy to critique and edit your chapters for you as you did mine???

Anyway, I’ve begun a new book and have written the first chapter, but there’s a lot I don’t know about this particular topic so I need to do a bit of research. I’m hoping I can think of a title and begin posting sometime this coming week. It would be quite an accomplishment were I to end 2020 with two completed first draft books under my fingers.

At least writing kept me from whining about my life, the pandemic and the election. Finally, regardless of what trump thinks he can do in court, we’re going to get a new President who will put the welfare of us all ahead of his interests or the interests of his rich friends. I sincerely hope that come January 21, 2021; tRump is hauled away in handcuffs. In fact, were they to haul him away from President Biden’s swearing-in in handcuffs, I’d perform one hell of a happy dance and shout HALLEULIA.

As for the pandemic, it’s only getting worse and about all we can do, those of us who want to survive and believe the scientists, is wear a face mask, limit close contact, wash our hands…a lot…and continue to limit our exposure to other folks as best we can. Hopefully, at some point in 2021, there will be a vaccine for COVID-19; and also hopefully, the world has learned a valuable and extremely important lesson from COVID-19, so that when COVID-?? shows up, and science says it will, the world and its leaders will have learned from this experience and step up immediately and save us from another year like 2020. We really must live in HOPE.

Then, there’s my life. Nothing much has changed although I made a lot of progress in eliminating stuff thanks to the assistance of my boys and granddaughter. John’s bed is completely clear of stuff so I could have overnight visitors when and if that ever becomes a viable option. His closet is another story, but I figure over the winter I’ll take out one box at a time and deal with whatever’s inside.

The garage is also cleaned out, at least enough for me to park my car in there for the first time in 51.5 years. There’s still stuff that needs to go, but I’m thinking about an estate sale in the spring and perhaps those last big things can be eliminated then.

I’ve also had a real estate agent out for a walk through and discussion. I’ve asked my boys for their opinion with regard to my selling and moving. At this point, the only decision I’ve made is that I won’t be buying property and building…getting permits alone could make me a really old woman (and I am one already) before the first nail was driven.

So, I’m going to lay out my thoughts here and hopefully some of you may be willing to chime in with your thoughts, positive or negative.

If I stay in this house:

1.     Get bids from a few foundation repair companies and see if it would be worth it to get the house level again.

2.    Get bids for window replacements, i.e., two skylights and three other windows have broken seals.

3.    Get PSE to come out and do a free heat evaluation and see what needs to be done, if anything, to make the house warmer.

4.    By staying here, I’m close to my older son and his family. As his wife pointed out, if I need them, they are only five miles away and could come at almost any time if I needed them. That won’t be possible were I to move to Mt. Vernon. Of course, if I moved to Snohomish, then Thor would be close if I needed help.

5.    I say the house is too big and too difficult for me to keep up. Were I to hire a landscape company to do the hard work in the spring and the fall, then I could just do the fun stuff. Right now, I have a company that comes to mow and take care of all the leaves. And, maybe a cleaning company once a month for inside.

If I decide to sell and move:

1.     Sell the house as is without doing anything about the foundation or the windows. One person I know who recently did this told me to only accept offers that don’t require an inspection in case there are other problems about which I know nothing.

2.    I would want a smaller house, no condo or apartment, with a garden.

3.    It would need to be fairly close to one of the boys and their families.

4.    It would need to be affordable.

5.    It would need to be in great condition.

As you can see, I’m torn about what to do or not do. I’d welcome any and all comments or ideas or thoughts. Somehow, I always envisioned my “golden years” as being free of any big decisions or problems. I thought I’d just sail through those years because I’d planned ahead, I’d prepared, I’d be ready. Well, it certainly doesn’t look that way from where I’m sitting right now. Or, am I making a mountain out of a little molehill??? I just don’t know.

Of course, what I should be is really really thankful rather than fussing about what I should or shouldn’t do. After all, I am healthy, have an income, have a roof over my head, have healthy family and friends nearby, have a neighborhood where everyone knows me and I them, two puppies who love to cuddle on/with me, an obviously healthy imagination, the drive to get things done (when I really want to), and lots of other things I cannot bring to mind right now. So, to answer my own question above…I think/believe what I have is a molehill.

ALONE AND LONELY

 

It’s late, I’m tired and have probably had too much gin, but the words are running rampant in my head, so I’m here at the keyboard to see if they’ll make any kind of sense. I’m lonely and alone. It’s most likely that at my age I’ll remain alone and lonely for the remainder of my life. Sure, there are people who find each other and end up together, but I don’t believe that will be me. One and done, you know.

Tonight, I deeply regret I didn’t take advantage of my husband John and seek as much skin-to-skin as possible when it was available. Why we allowed our difficulties to push us further apart instead of bringing us together remains a mystery to me. One of my favorite memories is of how I fit perfectly beneath his chin and he could hug my head. I loved having my head hugged. Some people might say it was a deep-seated memory of the birth canal, but all I know and remember is that when were pressed together and he hugged my head, I felt so comforted, so loved, so complete, so safe. That feeling is no longer available to me and I so regret I didn’t have a head hug every single day he was alive.

Then there is the feeling of another person’s body next to mine, John’s. Now I sleep alone, lay alone and lonely and wish for the comfort of his chest against my back or my chest against his; his arms around me or mine around him, our legs intertwined in some fashion. We didn’t sleep like this every single night, in fact, we slept separately for several years before he died. But, the option of seeking out that comfort was just across the hall, it was available if I needed or wanted it and vice versa for him.

To fall asleep in the comfort of his nearness was such a blessing and one I didn’t fully appreciate until it was no longer available to me. I remember decades ago making him promise to let me die before him because I loved him so much and didn’t think I could or would survive if he went first. He broke that promise and here I am, just me, myself and I and somehow the three of us do not in any way shape or form provide the comfort I so want and crave tonight.

It’s not often, if ever, that I go to bed and then get up again to sit at the keyboard and type out what’s running through my head. Tonight, I couldn’t settle, couldn’t make myself comfortable because I wanted, no needed, to snuggle and my pillow simply wasn’t providing the comfort I sought. I seriously doubt these words on this page will provide the comfort either, but maybe, by putting them down on paper…or electronically if you will…they’ll leave my head and allow me to close my eyes and sleep…alone and lonely.

COMPUTERS...

 

can just drive me crazy. For that matter, just about everything these days that has to do with electronics is capable of making me absolutely nuts. My computer is the reason there is no SHE today. When I sat down to write yesterday, my computer wouldn’t allow me to visit any of the internet sites I needed for reference so SHE could sound as though she was actually in Salt Lake City. I’ve never been there, so I have no personal reference information.

So, I messed about with my computer, trying this and that and the next thing. I emptied my recycle bin, rearranged all the icons on my desktop, and tried a bunch of other stuff. Still, nothing changed and I finally broke down and called my daughter-in-law who knows way more about this stuff. She tried to walk me through some various steps, but nothing changed. So, she said she’d come by after work today and in return I said I would make dinner.

On to other stuff, and while I was doing that, I thought about how I’d tried everything except unplugging comcast and then reconnecting. So, I gave that a try and guess what…everything returned to the way it had been before and I could once again access the internet sites I needed…have I told you just how much I HATE comcast. Unfortunately, it was too late in the day for me to write a new chapter. Angie and AJ are still coming for dinner though, so that was a plus resulting from the computer mess.

And, as long as I’m complaining about electronics, let me add my phone to the mix. My phone used to knock when I had a message. It also used to show a number by the message icon as to how many messages I had not yet read. I’ve gone to settings and done everything I can think of, and still my phone refuses to knock or show numbers. People probably think I’m just ignoring them, but unless I choose the message icon, I don’t know I have messages.

Then there’s the people who have the ability to talk to their phones and get a response to their questions. The only time this works for me is when I access maps. Then, my phone will talk and give me directions. Angie showed me one day that I do have little microphone icons for various icons on my phone, i.e., the internet, Google, messages, etc. Somehow, after she showed me those little microphones, they all disappeared. I can’t find them anywhere. Maybe I can get her to show me again after dinner today.

Now that I’ve begun my morning…and yours…whining, I’ll get this posted and move on with my day. Somewhere amongst chores, I plan to get another chapter written for posting tomorrow. It won’t be titillating or have any erotica since the old woman is in charge for a few chapters, or at least until SHE arrives at her final destination. And, you know, those chapters are the most fun to imagine and write. Maybe that’s another reason I’m not writing SHE every day…it’s just not as much fun when SHE’s not being naughty.