SECOND FAVORITE AND HAPPY ANNIVERSARY JOHN

This is my second favorite dahlia. This is the third year it’s remained in the ground and perhaps it’s time to dig it up and separate. It’s been a huge bush with big flowers in the last two years, but not so much this year. Perhaps it’s telling me it needs a bit of love and care. Sheesh, when I think about all the dahlias and lilies that would benefit from being dug up and replanted, I almost feel faint. But, the secret to this, if I manage to do it, is to do one or two at a time or just a section at a time. We’ll see what 2021 brings.

Today would have been our 54^th wedding anniversary. I’ve written other blogs about anniversaries and how I wished I’d been more amenable to celebrating the 50^th. We really did deserve to celebrate because we’d managed to stay together no matter what.

At this time, I also want to share the fact that there were some other men in my life. With the exception of one, they happened while John and I were separated. And there wasn’t a plethora of them because I needed to know the person before I could open my bedroom door. I remember one med student that came by for a piece of cheesecake because what I’d taken to work was gone by the time he got to the lab. I hardly knew him and was appalled that he thought the cheesecake was me. I served the actual cheesecake and sent him on his way.

The one man I was involved with while we were together but going through a very difficult time was wonderful. Aside from John, he was the only person for whom I ever felt a real attraction. We had so much more in common than John and I did, but he had one huge problem…alcohol. I believe I would have left John for him except for that and the fact I wouldn’t have an alcoholic help raise AJ.

I feel I need to share the fact I wasn’t a total innocent, because I think the last post where I really talked about John I was extremely angry and hurt because of a long-term relationship he had about which I knew nothing until I was going through John’s papers. There was no way John had any kind of an in-person relationship with that woman because I would have definitely known about it. She lived first in California and then Tennessee. So, telephone calls and letters/emails must have assuaged some kind of need John had that I could not fulfill. As for any other women with whom John dallied during our marriage, all I have to say to that is he always returned here and never stayed there wherever there was. I actually feel mostly sorry for those women. John was handsome, fun, flirty, complimentary and had sex appeal…how could they say no?

John did love me because he stayed with me. He did his best to protect me from knowing about those other women, but he/they didn’t take into account just how smart I actually am. While I’m only positive about three, including the one in Tennessee, there may have been others. I still remember what the first woman said to me the only time I talked to her. I had filed for divorce and wanted to let her know John would soon be available. By that time as far as I knew, they’d been involved for more than a year. She told me getting a divorce wouldn’t matter, that she’d already broken it off; said she’d come to the conclusion that he was never ever going to leave me. He really loves you and his son and there’s not a chance that will ever change.

So, on this, our 54^th anniversary, I’ve made the decision to let go of the past, to let the anger fade over old or new hurts and to remember all the good times and events and memories I shared with John. When we got married 54 years ago, tonight at 8:00 pm, we repeated vows…”…for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish….”  Following the pronouncement that we were husband and wife, we honored and preserved those, the most important vows, throughout our marriage. Over time, it was the “…forsaking all others….” we each managed to forget and break.

It does take two people to make a marriage. I believe John and I made and had a good marriage, maybe not for all 54 years, but for the majority. It is that majority I will continue to remember and to celebrate today.