CRANKY FURNACE???

      

    John and I had what I would call a partnership marriage, at least for the most part. Just yesterday morning, I was wishing I had my partner close to hand. That’s the crummy thing about being a widow (and maybe a widower as well). When your partner is no longer available, it leaves a hole (many holes) in your (my) life.

          After eating my breakfast, I went to get ready for the day. That’s when I realized the house was pretty cold. And it’s frosty and cold outside as well. I checked the thermostat and it said it was 63 degrees. It should say that it’s 68 degrees. I messed around with the dang thing, but the furnace didn’t come on. This is worrisome.

          I went to the furnace closet and the exhaust pipe (I think that’s what it is) was COLD. It didn’t appear the furnace was working. So, I flipped a switch. There are two and I can’t now remember which one I flipped. I think it was the one for the fan which I turn on in the summer when it’s hot outside. Anyway, the furnace rumbled to life and is still going strong about thirty minutes later. The house is warming up.

          This is where having John available would be very desirable. I know nothing about furnaces. That would have been his side of the partnership, a side I never needed to know much about. I did try to call AJ, but he didn’t answer so I just hung up. I’ll have to talk to him later and see what he has to say about the furnace…he’s an HVAC guy

          Meanwhile, this furnace was installed in 2001, so it’s twenty-five years old. When John thought the furnace was making noise in the middle of the night (it was a water hammer) about ten years ago, AJ completely rebuilt the dang thing over three weekends. As far as I know, he didn’t provide a warranty; and had he even done so, I’m sure it would have expired by now.

          When I began this year’s blog, I believe I posted about what I might need to replace in 2026. I think it was a refrigerator and this computer. I guess I need to amend that list and add a new furnace; but only if my HVAC savvy son is unable to keep it going. Still, I wish I had an inhouse partner to help with some of the stuff that needs attention. I sincerely hate having to be the sole responsible person.

"WHAT ME WORRY?"

 

          I guess it’s a good thing I’m doing this blog mostly for my own enjoyment as well as an effort to put some form of stability or routine in my life. It also might be an effort to see just how badly my memory is doing…or good. I’m sure you’d like to know what brought this revelation to light.

          Just the other day…and maybe many other days…I was trying to tell a story about something that happened in my life. As I was recalling and telling, I realized I wasn’t sure about the information I was sharing. Did it happen then? Did it happen like that? Was I mixing up that story with another story? Ah, who the hell knows…I certainly didn’t seem to. So, I gave up telling the story, but it made me more aware of what’s happening in my head…or not happening.

         Should I be overly concerned about this lapse…and others I’ve had/am having? I’m not exactly sure. I do know my own name, where I live, how to get about the streets of my community (and beyond), my financial information, and tons of other information necessary for day-to-day life. It’s the past information I seem to be having a hard time accessing, recalling, or sharing.

          I always thought that as I aged, my memories of long ago would become sharper and clearer rather than not, at least that’s what I’d always heard. And yes, there are definitely memories from my past that remain clear and that I could share without missing a beat.

          So, I guess I’ll choose to not worry about those momentary…or longer…lapses in memory. I guess as long as the important memories remain fresh and available, there’s no need to worry. Rather, when I can’t recall my name, address, bank account and fail to pay my bills, eat, shop, all the normal daily activities, then I should worry…or will the ability to worry leave as well…I certainly hope so because I don’t think I want to know when someone else steps in to run my life. 

          Think I’ll take a lesson from Alfred E. Neuman…”What, me worry?”

ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH

Nothing to say today. Just blogging to say I’ve blogged today. I’ll try to do better in the coming days.

GRANDDAUGHTER MOVES ON

           

My granddaughter has asked me to not talk about her on Facebook, and maybe not on my blog as well, but sometimes I just have to. This is probably because I am so very proud of the young women she has become. And it’s not like her parents have handed her everything on a silver platter, but they did instill an amazing work ethic in this kid.

          What brings her to the forefront of my thoughts at the moment is the fact she has moved into an apartment. By the end of the weekend, she’ll be joined by her significant other, but for almost two weeks, she’s been living on her very own and loving, loving, loving it. I’m sure she’ll love it when he moves in with her as well.

          I could go on for pages about this young woman even were she not my granddaughter. She sailed though high school, taking AP courses and finished almost a year before her actual graduation day. Not to sit back and be bored, she went to a community college and achieved a welding degree. If that wasn’t enough, she decided she’d like to go away to school, so applied to Wyotech in Wyoming to study diesel mechanics. She left there able to work on diesel engines.

          Her true love, if you can call it that, was, however, welding, so she’s been working as a welder for the last two or three years. She met her significant other at school in Wyoming and he, fortunately, lives in the area. Since her return, they’ve been moving between his dad’s house and her parents.

          Now, they’re setting up housekeeping together…is it okay to say housekeeping like that these days??? In any case, my wonderful granddaughter is off on a new adventure, that of being a totally independent adult. Based on her past accomplishments, I know whatever her future holds will be absolutely amazing.

          So, granddaughter, sorry for writing about you again…but dang it, I’m just so fucking  proud of you…so there!!!

REACHING FOR FIVE STARS

             

 I know I’ve written about how I choose what kind of day to have, what kind of attitude to have, what kind of life I want to have. But, it’s not always just that easy. Sometimes it’s so hard to make a positive choice. Sometimes, it almost seems as if making a choice isn’t possible.

          Currently, (Friday morning) I’m having excruciating pain in my left hip/buttock. I have no idea why this is happening aside from it being another symptom of old age. I’m trying to be proactive about the problem. I’ve researched how long hip replacements are supposed to last; and apparently, mine should be good for another fifteen years if not more.

          Years ago, I saw a spine doctor. My lower spine, i.e., the vertebrae and disks between them are in the process of degenerating, probably due to arthritis. This doctor told me I could have injections to help with the problem; however, I decided I wanted to put that treatment off as long as possible…guess that long as possible has arrived.

          I’ve emailed my doctor asking for a referral back to the spine doctor since I couldn’t find him on my list of providers…guess it’s been too long and he’s fallen off. I don’t know what she’ll say…probably get a response from someone else and likely that someone else may not have English as a first language and not understand my request…my experience with the last two emails I’ve sent.

          In any case, it will probably be weeks, or even months, before I’m seen by anyone unless I want to walk into Urgent Care and spend a day waiting for someone to see me, provide a diagnosis and schedule some form of treatment. Being an HMO member doesn’t always provide care when you want it, but regardless, I think the entire health industry works just that way.

          Besides whining here, I’ve done all my home physical therapy/exercises, eaten my breakfast, gone through my emails and made an online visit to my health provider. All that accomplished, it’s time to get up off this chair and begin my day. I’ve lots of stuff to do, i.e, tidy up the house, clean up the kitchen, make a dish for this afternoon’s potluck, make a huge salad for myself before the salad makings go bad, and clean up the kitchen again. This is all before I get myself dressed and ready to attend this afternoon’s retirement party.

          Unfortunately, most of the above efforts will require my standing up and that will make the pain very prevalent. I suppose I’ll be interspersing the work with trips to lean against my heating pad. That helps some, but I’d give almost anything for a good pain medication. I have some very old Percocet, but I don’t think it will be of any help with this problem.

          So, I’m choosing to have as good a day as possible…maybe not a five-star day, but the sun is shining, I’m alive, and have a party to attend…time to be positive and reach for at least four stars.

JEALOUS...GUESS NOT

          

 When I was writing yesterday’s post, I wondered exactly why that had come up as a topic in my mind. Once finished, I realized it was the result of a conversation at my Driftwood Sculpting class.

          There is a gentleman in the class who was there when I began three or so years ago. He was a week into a new relationship with a woman ten years his senior, i.e., she was 90. That relationship bloomed and they are still together. He mentioned this week that they are going to design “engagement” rings and have them made, but they won’t be getting married. The rings are just something they both want to commemorate their relationship as it is.

          During this discussion, another gentleman was mentioned whose wife had died. Apparently, he’s now dating and is quite happy with the woman that’s come into his life. My driftwood friend hopes these individuals become a couple.

          Then, there’s a good friend whose husband died. She was quite happy being on her own, travelling and enjoying life the way she wanted it to be. I learned some time last summer that she now has a man in her life and he’s wonderful. In fact, they actually went to the same high school and graduated the same year.

I have to admit there was a part of me that was/is hugely jealous of these individuals and their “new” relationships. I, too, would like to have someone in my life; but at the same time, I don’t want the bother of developing a liaison and going through all the various ways in which I, and he, would have to learn to communicate and compromise.

          There’s also the fact that in the small circle I travel, available men are few and far between. There hasn’t been a single one that’s caught my eye since John passed. And I know, how can I possibly be so picky at my age…but I am.

          So, I guess having grass green eyes when it comes to new relationships for other friends will just have to be the norm for me. Of course, I should never say never because who knows what’s waiting around the corner. Seriously, though, I doubt there will ever be a new man in my life. Kuma and I will soldier on.

WANTING/NEEDING COMFORT

          

 Do you remember what it was like when you were very young and something happened that was either small or huge and made you feel awful…lots of times sending the tears flowing? I do. I also remember being picked up by an adult, usually mom, grandma or daddy, or when I got bigger, being able to crawl into their laps/arms for a cuddle. Do you remember how wonderful it was to have all the “pain,” whether physical or mental practically erased by the time the tears dried? I do.

          Even today, I can remember how my mom smelled. She smelled like soap, cigarettes and sometimes mouthwash. Daddy smelled like cigarettes, flour and sweat sometimes. Grandma’s odor was different. She smelled like her clothing which always seemed clean and fresh, but sometimes, she also smelled like the snuff she put in her lower lip. All those smells and all those arms and hands, not to mention the voices provided so much solace and reassurance. I can remember how whatever my problem had been, it was solved by the time I moved away from them.

          These days, I wish it were possible to have this eighty-year-old body and mind comforted in just that way. Unfortunately, there’s no adult in my life that could sooth my physical or mental hurts in any fashion. Kuma will allow me to give him as many hugs and pets as I could possibly want, but it’s more for his pleasure than my consolation. I will admit though that there is a great amount of comfort to be had from Kuma and I’m grateful for him and his presence.

          I believe I’ve written about this before. Long ago in an English class, there was a short article about the importance of skin. Newly born, growing up, being in a relationship, becoming a parent were all discussed because there was an abundance of skin, i.e., touch during those times. The article ended by discussing how older folks suffered from a lack of skin which might be detrimental to those folks’ health.

          There was also an article about how many hugs is necessary for good health. This was just discussed at my exercise class last week. The minimum necessary per day is four. The best number is twelve hugs each day. Anything beyond those twelve is icing on the cake. Well, damn, I don’t have the cake, let alone the icing.

          I guess the best I can do with all this reflection is to remember the comfort given and received during all those times there was a lot of skin in my life, and to be thankful for those memories.