WANTS

 

         

          My mom never talked much about her growing up years. She did leave me with a strong impression that she wished she’d been born male. Momma had three older brothers and one younger. I remember her saying it wasn’t fair that the boys got to go swim in the stream when it was really hot and she couldn’t because she was a girl.

          I think there were many other things that weighed on her desire to have been born the other sex. Her family lived in a Tennessee cove and hardscrabble farming was how they survived. I’m sure her chores included hauling water, cooking, cleaning up and in the latter years of my grandfather’s life, helping grandma care for him as if he was a baby, i.e., bedridden and in diapers.

          When the war came along and her brothers went off to fight, she escaped to Baltimore to work in an airplane factory. That was where she met my biological father and ended up going back home with a bun in the oven and a fake story about her poor dead husband.    

          Still, in the old photographs I have of my mom, grandma and me the first year of my life in Tennessee, we all look healthy and happy. When she and grandma left Tennessee for Idaho with me, I’m not sure either one of them realized they’d never return. It was in Idaho mom met the man who became my daddy, and I remember those years as very happy ones.

          There was lots of love and laughter in our little house. I don’t know if mom had been a great baker growing up, but I remember how she baked, I think, almost every single day. I remember pies, cakes, cookies, cinnamon rolls and once, she even tried donuts. I’m also afraid I was a tad bit spoiled because if I didn’t want to eat my breakfast, momma would bribe me with some of whatever had been baked the day before.

          After we moved to Seattle and momma had to go to work, she never baked again, at least not the way she had in Idaho. Grandma took over most of the cooking and she wasn’t a good cook at all. I realize she cooked pork until it was the consistency of dried leather because she’d grown up with pork containing some kind of deadly worm. It was also her custom, and the custom of many I believe, to cook the hell out of whatever came in a can. I was a grown adult before I found fresh vegetables and learned you didn’t have to cook them to mush.

          One item both my mom and grandma could cook that I never ever was able to make were biscuits, and not from any mix either. Without measuring, they’d put flour in the bowl, cut in some lard or Crisco, add a bit of water, mix it all together, and squeeze off pieces to put on the baking sheet. Those biscuits were light and fluffy and flavorful. The closest I’ve come to finding a close facsimile is the McDonald’s biscuit. It’s not quite as good, but it comes close and one of these days I’m going to ask if I could just buy a dozen without any other breakfast goods. Then, I’ll sit down and slather them with butter, jam and possibly honey and eat my fill.

          I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about my mom today. It’s not her birthday or the date of her death and nothing I’ve done has brought her to mind aside from my wanting something really good from the bakery. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to find a bakery that fulfills that desire. All the store bakeries’ baked goods are fairly tasteless. I want something that tastes good and feels wonderful in my mouth, i.e., pie crust, dense chocolate cake, banana pudding made with vanilla wafers.

          When I sit back and really think about this post, I guess what I’d really like is to have momma and grandma sitting at my table sharing coffee and something yummy while they both provide the answers I’ve been wanting to questions I’ve had for a long time. Grandma’s been gone since 1980 and momma since 1998. When I think of them, all I actually really want is to have them hug and comfort me as I hug and comfort them…maybe in the next life (if there is one).

HOT TODDIES AND OTHER BAD HABITS

           

Late yesterday afternoon, I made myself a hot toddy. I was cold and it helped warm me right up. It also made me just a bit dizzy which made me think of my Grandma Ada. She’s the only other person I’ve ever known that drank hot toddies.

My grandma was there when I was born on a cold early morning. She remained a daily part of my life until I was twelve years old. I have many happy memories of her and the contributions she made to my life. Some of the brightest weavings in my life tapestry were by her.

Whenever we were celebrating something or it was a holiday, my daddy would ask grandma if she wanted a drink. She always asked for a hot toddy and that it not be too strong. I remember her getting a little silly by the time she finished her toddy. I also remember snuggling into bed with her and having her laugh because the bed was swirling around the room. It wasn’t swirling for me, but I loved being close and tight and saying I wouldn’t let her fall off the unsteady bed.

Something else my grandma did that I never took up or even came close to wanting to take up was snuff. In the hills of Tennessee, it was a normal thing for women to use snuff. It wasn’t the kind you see men using with a big cud of it in their cheeks. It was soft powdery brown snuff. Grandma only used it after dinner when it was time to relax. Then, she’d use her little silver spoon to put some of that powder in her lower lip in front of her teeth.

Apparently, the caffeine in the snuff relaxed her, but it also made her salivary glands work overtime. As long as she lived with us, she always had her “spit” can. You see, she wouldn’t swallow the brown-tinged saliva, but spit it into her can. We kids were always very careful of her spit can because the last thing we wanted was to knock it over. Even now, just typing this makes my stomach muscles kinda cringe at the very idea.

I don’t remember ever trying or wanting to try grandma’s snuff, unlike wanting to try my parents’ cigarettes. I think that spit can was entirely responsible for my not wanting to indulge. Why my parents’ ashtrays didn’t have the same effect, I’ll never know.

I did find my parents’ cigarettes disgusting as well, but then I wasn’t trying to smoke a virgin one. I tried smoking a couple of the butts left in the ashtray…so very very nasty. Oh, and I didn’t say they were Camel and Lucky Strike straights…even worse.

Even when I began smoking at the age of twenty-three or -four, I didn’t choose one of their brands or even my husband’s brand. I chose Virginia Slims and had no idea how addictive those skinny and oh so very cool cigarettes would become. I don’t think they were all that strong, because eventually I moved on to a stronger filter cigaretteS…never those Marlboroughs though.

It took many years and many attempts to give up cigarettes and even now, I can’t believe I actually smoked those things. Just today I had to walk by a group of people with at least one of them smoking…it STANK a lot. To think my house, car, clothes, body, hair all stank like that at various times in my life seems almost unbelievable now.

These days I’m extremely pure although like my grandma, I do like me a hot toddy now and then.

TAX TIME

 

          I  opened the drawer in which I toss papers to be filed and was instantly reminded tax time is upon me once again. Prior to retirement, I used Turbo Tax (TT) and continued to do so while John was alive. I used TT because I had more than enough deductions to go long form and TT made sure I got what was coming to me.

          For the last couple of years, I have continued to use TT and pay what to me seems like an exorbitant sum to file my taxes electronically, especially since I cannot go long form now because I do not have enough deductions. So, it makes no sense to me to pay TT to do my taxes when I can do them myself…and pay myself.

          So, I’m going to research what it means for me to do my own taxes. I think there’s a form 1040 Easy that only requires you list your income and the income taxes you’ve already paid. It gives you the correct deduction. I’m assuming I’ll get back most of the taxes I paid, but I don’t really know.

          How do you do your taxes? Do you do them yourself?  Do you pay someone to do them? If so, who do you pay?

I FAILED!!!

         

An entire month of 2023 hasn’t passed and already I’ve fallen behind with my decision to post to my blog every single day even if it’s only a sentence or two. I was in bed last night, and it was approximately 11:30 pm when I realized I hadn’t written my blog post. I thought seriously about getting up and getting it done before midnight, but my bed was warm, Kuma was warm and I simply couldn’t drag up the energy to move. And, it’s entirely possible the wine from the neighbors’ had something to do with it as well.

          Last fall my neighbors asked if I would take care of their houseplants in my house while they traveled. Their original idea was to leave then, come back for a short time for the holidays and then leave again. Unfortunately, the mother of one of the neighbors is in very poor health and so she needs to remain close by. Her husband also believes the economy is going to take a serious downturn, so travel and spending might not be the best idea.

          In any case, they asked if they could come retrieve the plants. I assured them I’d be here whenever they wished to come. When they arrived, we began talking, so the decision was made for them to take the plants home and then return so we could talk more about neighborhood stuff. Then they texted asking if they could bring wine. Of course!!!

          So, the three of us spent a couple of enjoyable hours sipping wine and talking about a wide variety of topics. My neighbor retired from the police force, so he had some very interesting stuff to talk about. We also talked about the economy, our elected officials and how society seems to be on a downward slope, but it was all interesting and we didn’t have any major disagreements. I added some zoo stories of my own to the mix,

          Their visit was followed by a rather late dinner and a bit more wine. So, I simply couldn’t manage to blog. So glad I didn’t make an actual New Year’s resolution because if I had, I would have failed and I hate failing at anything. 

KUMA'S BALLS

         

It’s time to begin thinking seriously about having Kuma’s balls removed. He’s going on seven months now, so whatever hormones they’ve provided up to this point will have done their job in offering him a healthy life. Besides Kaizer and our very first dog, Fang the Wonder Dog, the others have been females. We never had Fang neutered, but then he only had one testicle but just having one didn’t prevent him from visiting the ugliest dog down the street when she was in heat and procreating what became our second dog, Tusk who we did have spayed.

          With all the other dogs, we weren’t allowed to bring them home until they had been spayed or neutered. Karma was, of course, over a year old and had had nine puppies so her being spayed didn’t raise any red flags. With Midnite, Mia, and Kaizer, we could not bring them home until they’d had the procedure, so they were fixed very early in life. Now I understand that’s not a good idea because it affects the animal’s future health.

          I already have an appointment at the vet for Kuma later on this year, but the fee is $500-700 for the procedure. That’s a lot of money. A friend told me about the Seattle Humane Society and how you can get your dog fixed for a whole lot less…$150 for a dog Kuma’s size.

          I’ve been looking into this possibility. It’s for low-income folks, i.e., I cannot make more than $68,000 and change in a year. Hell, I don’t make anywhere close to that figure, so I guess I would be considered low, low, low-income. The thing is you have to be able to get on their schedule. They open the appointments for one day only each month. I don’t know if the appointments are available at 12:01 am or at 8:00 am of that day. I’m going to hedge my bets and try the early time and keep at it until I get an appointment for Kuma.

          Not having Kuma’s regular vet do the surgery makes me feel a bit bad because I do like the doctor and all her employees. Still, to be able to save up to $500 or a bit less rather than paying such a huge sum seems to be good sense. I was telling a friend about this today and she was horrified and offered, “I’ve got a pair of scissors I can bring over.” That did make me cringe.

           Kuma is already such a wonderful companion, I’m wondering if having his nards removed will change his personality in any way. We had a very nice cat decades ago that had a complete personality switch when he was neutered. It was like we sent in a wonderful cat and got back a cat from some horror show. A little something else for me to consider. There's also the fact that never having a male dog (Fang the Wonder Dog doesn't count) with testicles before, I have to admit they look kind of cute nestled in his feathery fur when he's spread-eagled on the couch. 

          Anyway, if you rub Buddha’s belly, light candles, pray, think positively, please do so with regard to Kuma’s upcoming appointment…I’d really like to pay the lesser figure rather than the higher one.

WHO KNEW...CERTAINLY NOT MOI

         

         As we age, we, or at least I, find some portions of my anatomy do not work as well as previously. When my MD put me on the low-dose anti-depressant at bedtime to help me go to sleep, I found the sphincter controlling my bladder’s exit ceased to work quite as well as it had prior to the medication.

          I emailed with my MD and she suggested I see a physical therapist to learn about pelvic floor exercises. I agreed although I actually didn’t see how that would be of any assistance since I do exercises almost every single day of the week, including kegel exercises. Well, let me tell you I was seriously mistaken.

          This afternoon I met with the physical therapist and after answering a multitude of questions was informed that my problem was most likely due not to my pelvic muscles being relaxed but to their being too tight. Boy, did this woman give me an education about my pelvic floor and abdominals. I learned so many things I didn’t know as well as the fact that some things I knew were wrong. She gave me five exercises to do every day with the goal being the relaxation of my pelvic floor muscles and the strengthening of my abdominals.

          Prior to this I had been doing kegal exercises religiously thinking they would remedy my leaky bladder problem. Turns out I need to do reverse kegel exercises to relax, strengthen and elongate the muscles in the pelvic floor. Who knew, right? I certainly didn’t.

          The exercises don’t stop there, however, but include an additional four exercises that are aimed at lengthening and strengthening my abdominal muscles. It looks as though I’ll be able to eliminate two exercises I already do in lieu of the five new ones.

          Sheesh, it’s not as though I’ve been sitting on my butt and doing absolutely nothing about my physical abilities. I mean, really, Enhanced Fitness three times and week and I just added River Walk exercise twice a week. Those are in addition to the daily home exercises I’ve been doing since I had hip and shoulder surgery years ago. I actually thought I was in pretty good shape, and maybe I am for the most part, but my pelvic floor apparently is in need of a daily workout that wasn't provided by my other exercise programs.

          Ah well, if I work hard, who knows, maybe not only will my leaky bladder stop being leaky, but I’ll develop six-pack abdominals…hey, a girl can dream, especially when she’s putting in all this effort.

READING, DUSTING...LAZY, LAZY, LAZY

         

All I really wanted to do today was curl up on the couch with Kuma beneath my wondrous quilt and read my book. I started out that way after I attended my fitness class, prepared both my lunch and dinner and ate my lunch. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for my I-pad to indicate it needed to be charged. I kept reading until finally, the screen went black. It’s plugged in and charging as I type.

          So, I had to do something with myself. I decided I would dust my bedroom, not that it needed it…hah!!! I gathered up my equipment and worked for a while to make the reddish-black furniture look reddish-black as opposed to gray. I also removed, dusted and replaced all the various things I had sitting around the room. I attempted to remember when I last did this and hate to admit it may have been in mid-September of last year. Shame on me, but really, I hate to dust and it’s not like I have daily or even monthly visitors in my bedroom.

          After that I sat down to look at a magazine I was given by my nail person…I asked to borrow and she gave. I found myself wondering who reads these magazines anymore. It was Good Housekeeping and I found little of value on any of the pages. I’m sure a young woman just starting out would have found the decorating, cooking, and skin-care tips all helpful and fascinating. Still, it’s pretty much the same stuff I read when I was that young woman. Funny how everything changes but it all stays the same.

          Tonight is Kuma’s third training class. I’d like to skip this too, but how will he learn stuff if I don’t learn what it is I need to teach him. We practiced down this week and walking on a leash. He did well with both exercises although unless I’m leading with a treat, he doesn’t want to do down. I wonder if he’ll eventually do “down” without being led by a treat between my fingers.

          According to the booklet, we’re going to work on “Take it, Leave it, and Drop it.” I think we have an advantage when it comes to these lessons since we’ve been doing something similar only I use “Bring it.” I know we definitely will need to work on drop it and leave it. Still, Kuma is a smart puppy and I’m sure we’ll master those in no time.

          The weatherman indicates tomorrow and Friday are supposed to be sunny. Even though it was sunny just yesterday, I’m ready for more sun. If that’s the case, Kuma and I will be out and about enjoying the day.