I HATE CLEANING/DUSTING...ALMOST MAKES ME INSANE

          

 How about you, dear reader, so you ever feel the way I’m feeling at the moment. The key word there is “moment” because I don’t feel like this all the time. If I did, there wouldn’t be much point in continuing on for however much time I have left. I know this paragraph doesn’t really inform you as to how I’m actually feeling, so I guess I’d best get to that so you can decide if you ever have similar feelings.

          There are times when having to spend one more day on earth seems almost more than I can bare. This part of my body hurts and that part hurts; my eyes and ears need fixing and will receive those fixes, but it’s hard being patient for those changes. The parts that cannot be fixed will remain, I guess, as they now are, causing me discomfort on a 24/7 basis. I have no idea who first said, “It’s hell getting old.”, but it was probably Adam or Eve and nothing’s changed in all those centuries.

          It’s funny…actually not…how a human begins life surrounded by love and has so many people around all the time. (I’m sure this isn’t true for everyone, but it was for me.) The human grows up and lives a life that continues to hold numerous people. It’s not always the same ones, some come and some go, but there’s little time for that human to be lonely or feel unloved.

          Then, that human reaches a life stage where all the important work has been accomplished, i.e., growing up, marriage, children, home, school, work, etc. That human’s days are full to the brim and it works toward a time when the responsibilities will lessen and a time of rest and relaxation will arrive…the just desserts for which the human was programmed and has worked for so many years.

          I reached that time about fifteen years ago, but I still had lots of people in my life, although the number began to decline. Then, going on seven years ago, my husband died and the number of people that called, visited, issued invitations lessened even further. I also know this isn’t necessarily that way for every single widow, but it’s the truth of my life.

          And it’s not as though I spend hours or days feeling sad, lonely or as if continuing on just me, myself and I is more than I can manage…I don’t. I go to my classes, interact with people there, exchange stories and ideas, work on my driftwood and writing projects and garden. I enjoy all those interactions, projects and consider them to be fun.

          Still, there are times like today when the only voices in my house are those projected from the radio.  Times like today when I’m forcing myself to clean house even though I’m perfectly happy with all the dust and debris in the various rooms. There doesn’t seem to be much point except to satisfy me, myself and I…that’s hard when the three of us really don’t care. Those marathon house cleaning times because guests are coming are few and far between.

          Fortunately, I’m close to being finished with cleaning; and to be perfectly honest, am appalled at the amount of dust that was/is on everything. Finished, I do really like the way the glass gleams in the light when free of its gray coating. Done, I’ll shower and shampoo and don a fresh nightie to crawl into my freshly made bed. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and be glad for a new day and thoroughly enjoy how everything shines crystal bright, the result of my endeavor to have a clean house.

        I'll also undoubtedly re-read this post and wonder what the hell I as so down about...it was only cleaning house after all.