TODAY, I'M MISSING YOU ALL

         

I just finished writing my birthday blog post but feel compelled to write this addendum. While I’m happy enough to be eighty, I’m also very sad. I miss all the loved ones that have crossed the rainbow bridge ahead of me. I cannot begin to express what it would mean to receive one last hug from grandma, mom, dad, and most especially John. 

          My birthday was celebrated by family and friends last Sunday and while I thought of missing family members, I especially missed John. Somehow, all the hugs and good wishes I received that day (and since) didn’t fill the void his absence has left. Again, I cannot express what it would mean to have his arms around me, his body pressed tightly to me, and his lips against mine. I can almost hear his voice as he wishes me Happy Birthday. But that’s not ever going to happen unless there really is a rainbow bridge and he’s waiting on the other side.

          So, while memories don’t exactly do much to keep me warm, at least I have countless great ones from all the years past. These thoughts of family members, and especially of John, bring me comfort and make me smile on this special day.

HAPPY 80TH BIRTHDAY TO MOI!!!

         

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MOI!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, today I am officially eighty years old. I can remember thinking that fifty, nay, even thirty was OLD, OLD, OLD. Now, I’ve surpassed all those other milestones by quite a lot which is a surprise to me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like eighty crept up on me; it didn’t, it came year by year by year, and suddenly, here it is…amazing.

          My mother made it to seventy-seven and my grandma made it to eighty-nine, so I’ve lived longer than my mom, but have almost another decade to go before I reach my grandma’s age. Of course, once I was diagnosed with breast cancer at fifty-five, I began to live my life in a more healthy manner, so that’s probably why I’m still around to celebrate such a milestone.

          I’m sure my grandma could have lived longer than eighty-nine if she hadn’t fallen and broken her hip. I have no idea how far medical miracles had progressed in 1980 when she fell, but I don’t remember her having any kind of surgery. When she left the hospital, she went to a nursing home…such horrible places then…because my dad had died three years before and my mom had had to go to work. I was pregnant with my second child and worked outside the home, so I couldn’t take grandma in either. Looking back now, I’m positive it was being housed in a nursing home that led grandma to die sooner rather than later.

          Mom, of course, was a different story. From the time daddy died, all she wanted was to be able to join him in the after-life. She lived for an additional twenty-one years, but I’m afraid they weren’t particularly happy years. I’m sorry for that but one has to choose to have a happy life and then make a serious effort to have it and Mom didn’t make that choice.

          So, here I am, poised on the threshold of a brand-new decade with each and every year commencing with an eight. For the most part, I feel just fine and don’t expect to succumb to the grim reaper any time soon. True, I have aches and pains but nothing that prevents me from living alone with my dog and taking care of my financial and daily living needs. Family and friends add to the pleasure of being alive and capable enough to pretty much do anything I choose to do.

          And, there’s my favorite word…CHOOSE. Yes, I’m eighty today, and the coming years may bring me more pain, illness, and sadness, but as long as I can wake up and CHOOSE to have a great…okay, good…day, then that’s what I’m going to CHOOSE. And with the right choices and a little luck, I just may make enough great…okay good…choices to be writing a blog post celebrating my ninetieth year.

I JUST DONT GET IT

 

          I just don’t get it. How can I go from feeling great and accomplishing a whole bunch of stuff followed by a fairly good night’s sleep to waking up and feeling as though I’ve been run over by a bus? I just don’t get it.

          Yesterday, I cut down all the plants in the back garden, literally filling up my entire yard waste can. I also changed my bed, did laundry, made my dinner, took a shower and washed my hair. I felt good and proud of myself for what I’d accomplished when I went to bed…a very good feeling. I even had a fairly good night’s sleep although calf cramps woke me up a couple of times. My Fitbit says I slept eleven hours and twenty-eight minutes…that includes the hour and twenty-three minutes from going back to bed this morning.

          So, how could I wake up feeling as though I’d barely slept. I logged almost nine hours of sleep, although I do think my Fitbit didn’t record it properly…I was up for at least a half hour because I needed to use the potty and that doesn’t appear to be recorded as other than a short awake time. Yet, here I am grousing through my fingers about still feeling tired.

So, I’m not going to my exercise class although I will do my stretches and physical therapy when I leave this keyboard. Even so, I don’t feel as though I want to do them…I’d just like to go right back to bed. I still feel extremely tired. I just don’t get it.

MAKE A CHOICE!!!

 

          Well, there’s nothing like having five great days only to have them followed by a day that looks as though it won’t be very good at all; that is provided I allow myself to simply sink into the couch with a book and ignore everything that’s on my “need to accomplish” list. There’s no actual reason for this with the exception of all I have to do is look out the window, or turn off all the lights in my house…it’s dark and dreary out there…and would be in here without electricity.

          Still, there’s really nothing I can do about what’s outside, so I need to address myself, i.e., “Self, get off your ass and get busy!!!”, so I think that’s what I’ll CHOOSE to do.