TODAY I'M GOING TO ENJOY SPRING

 

      Today, Thursday, February 20th, I’m going to get a huge spring preview…I’m going to the Flower and Garden show. My best friend and I go every couple years to see what’s new and could be incorporated into our gardens once we begin to work in them. I am so looking forward to this little trek today.

First, and most important are the smells…most of the convention center, especially where the display gardens have been installed smells like spring, like blossoming flowers and good growing stuff. I plan to breath deep and breath often as I make my way through the various gardens.

Of course, the majority, if not all, of these gardens are ones I could not replicate no matter how hard I might try. It would require big machinery and lots and lots of money. Still, there might be some small installation or part of an installation I could copy and incorporate into my own garden.

It wasn’t the Flower and Garden show that prompted me to install a water feature in my garden. That came from my one and only tour of the million-dollar homes they used to have once a year. During that visit, almost every single display home had some form of water feature. I decided it couldn’t be that hard to put such a feature into my own garden…so I did and it’s still there adding water music to those lovely summer days. True, it works on winter days as well, but I’m not out there listening.

So, I don’t know what I’ll find during my journey today. I have no plans to spend any money in the section where various companies/people offer garden items for sale. Even so, it’s always nice to look and see what’s new. I’m just going to keep reminding myself of the several purchases I made over the years that I either didn’t use or didn’t work for me…money well wasted.

Today will be a great reminder of what’s to come in the not-too-distant future, a little experience that always helps me get through the remaining gray and cold days. It will also be a reminder for me to begin planning, to think ahead and utilize sunny and warmer days to get my own garden ready to grow and bloom. 

WHAT WAS I THINKING???

 

        What was I thinking??? I have absolutely no idea, just that at the time, it seemed like a GREAT idea. And I’m sure that it will all work out just fine, but it’s been a very long time since I’ve held two more-or-less back-to-back events.

Earlier this month, I had a text from a young man who was like a third son all during high school and beyond for quite a few years. I’ve always missed having him in my life on a more frequent basis. As a result of that text, I invited him to dinner on Tuesday, February 25th. Dinner could have been just me and him, but he was friends with AJ for years and lived with AJ and Angie and Haley when she was small. So, why not expand the invitation list. Now, we will all get to see and talk to Andy at and during the dinner I’m preparing for everyone. 

Initially, I thought son number two’s birthday was on Friday. When I realized it was actually Saturday, I called and offered to make him his favorite meal, i.e., baked potato soup (actually a heart attack in a bowl). He acquiesced although his wife will stay home with the dog that cannot be left alone. So, I’ll prepare soup and a taco salad for those who don’t like that soup…actually folks can eat both if they so choose. I’ll also make a German chocolate cake (both Thor’s and my favorite) and buy some ice cream and candles. Once Thor agreed, I then invited AJ and his family so we can all be together.

To be perfectly honest, I’m looking forward to both of these events. It’s been a very long time since I had family here for dinner (Thanksgiving actually and then Thor’s family didn’t attend). I know what I’m preparing for both dinners…you know too for the one dinner via the previous paragraph. For the second dinner, I’m going to make spicy chicken kebobs, rice, pita bread and salad followed by key lime pie. 

So, all that’s left to do is to finish cleaning house and grocery shop. Then, lots of time in the kitchen on Saturday and Tuesday. I’m sure my cooking will turn out just fine; and, to be perfectly honest, I’m really looking forward to having people, voices, laughter and the odor of yummy food in my home once again…well okay, twice.  

I'D RATHER STAY IN BED

 

      This morning is the last morning until Sunday that I can let Kuma out, have a latte and then return to bed for another hour plus of sleep. The remainder of the week I have commitments that require me to stay up and stay awake.

I love mornings like this one where I get to luxuriate for the additional time in my nice warm bed with Kuma snug against the bend in my legs. True, he sometimes hears something and jumps down to go bark out the living room window, but it doesn’t keep me from dozing off. 

Unfortunately, there is a problem with my laziness…and that is I’m not accomplishing much of anything during that time or even later in the day. I have no idea what’s happened to my git-up-and-go, but it seems to be gone. I know I’m much older now than I was in the past (which is why it’s the past dummy), but how much of my inertia is due to my body being older and slowing down or simply to my brain focusing far too much on how old I am today…and every day, a day older.

Lists…I make lists of stuff I need to do. I faithfully cross off the ones I accomplish; however, there are fewer cross offs than in the past. Is that because I simply cannot complete everything on the list or because I choose not to continue to completion? I honestly don’t know.

What do I know? Well, I know I’d rather cuddle up on the couch with a good book than vacuum or dust. I know I’d rather spend time at the computer doing much of nothing in lieu of tidying the house. I know I’d rather make lists of chores and then totally ignore them. I know I’d rather stay home than go to my exercise class, or even on some days to stay home instead of meeting a friend(s) for lunch or some activity. 

I also know that spring is on the way and there is a myriad of chores that await outside. I encourage myself by envisioning just how beautiful everything is going to be once it grows and blooms. I tell myself I don’t have to work in the garden every single day for hours; that an hour or two a day will suffice. Still, based on what I don’t accomplish inside the house, I find myself wondering if I’ll be able to manage even that hour or two…there’s always a good book calling my name and Kuma likes to cuddle.

Anyway, even though I already went back to bed once this morning, the idea of snuggling back down under the covers is very enticing. But I need to be firm with myself. I need to make one of those lists and begin to work on getting some of those chores done. I may still feel tired once I’ve crossed out some of them, but I’m sure I’ll also be feeling a huge sense of accomplishment…and that great book I’m reading, well, it isn’t going anywhere for another nineteen days. 

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS

 

      Growing up, birthdays and birthday celebrations were extremely important family occasions. It wasn’t that anyone received expensive gifts, but that the family recognized “your” special day. I continued that into my married life with my family; however, it now seems to have reached a point where there is little to no celebration of any one family member’s birthday.

My daddy became a baker, so while the presents may not have been terribly expensive, the cake was always superb and the desired flavor. Daddy eventually learned how to decorate, so I believe our cakes were decorated by him at some point. I always looked forward to my “special” day and cannot remember ever being horribly disappointed by the gifts, cake, ice cream or celebration.

Once I began celebrating birthdays in my own home, I always asked the celebrant what kind of cake was wanted. Then, I tried to bring this desire to fruition. It wasn’t always easy, i.e., there was the time one son asked for a cake that had like eight layers. It took an entire day just to bake the damn cake. The other son was easy and always wanted German chocolate. John wasn’t much of a cake person and preferred pies, i.e., lemon meringue, cocoanut, butterscotch…any of those would do.

Right up until the year of John’s death followed six months later by Covid, I still prepared a dinner and a cake for family members. Of course, with Covid, there was no gatherings to celebrate any event whatsoever. And, since Covid restrictions have been more or less eliminated, it seems that folks are happy with the celebrations implemented during that period. 

Still, with the youngest son’s forty-fifth birthday in the near future, I’m going to miss making baked potato soup and German chocolate cake. But, even more than the food, I’m going to miss having all the family around the table to celebrate.

DID I OR DIDN'T I???

         

       Yesterday I had lunch with a couple of friends and we were talking as friends do. They very kindly asked me to send them the link to this blog. I just did so. In sharing past tales of my (our) life, one of them also asked me if I'd blogged about the tale I'd just told. I wasn't actually sure, which meant I'd need to go back into my blog, which is now five years old and try to figure out if that had been a subject. I'll need to set aside some time in order to do that. 

        You must know how it is...the older I get, the less I seem to retain. It's entirely possible I blogged about the couple of tales I shared, but it's also possible those tales slipped my mind. I'll need to write the ideas down and then go back and see if the tale has already been told. If it hasn't, you, dear reader, can look forward to some new...and amusing?...tales in the near future.

MATH IS HARD

         

       

       It wasn't until Friday morning when our eldest son texted, "Then I came along 4 years later." in response to a text I sent him, "Your dad and I met 58 years ago last night." that I realized my math was wrong, wrong, wrong. 

     There I was criticizing my son for his poor math skills, i.e., his dad and I had met in 1965 and married in 1966, so it was four years after the marriage that he came along. At this point, it occurred to me that it was now 2025 and if I subtracted 1965 from 2025, I'd get sixty, not fifty-eight. Had to change the blog post I made earlier in the week to reflect the correct number.

    Yep, my son is truly mine, especially when it comes to math...we both suck.

SIXTY YEARS AGO...ALMOST

      At the very end of January, I went to see Nephew Michael. He is John’s sister’s son and I hadn’t been to his house in decades (shame on me!!!). We had a wonderful visit and he toured me around his home. I was amazed at all the changes, additions and extremely hard work Michael had done. He told me that it was his Uncle John who had taught him how to perform most of the work involved in the renovations and changes. 

Michael also told me that he didn’t have one photo of his Uncle John and asked if I could send him some. Apparently, I’m not the only person Michael has told about his Uncle John being responsible for his learning how to renovate/Improve. He said whenever he talked about his Uncle John and his teachings, he would sometimes be asked for a photo. So, I went through the photos I have on this computer. Of course, they only go back so many years because while I went through all the hard copies and organized them by date, I never scanned them into the computer…and I won’t either.

So, I spent a few hours traversing memory lane for as far back as the photos went. Our photos brought back so many great memories of the wonderful times John and I had together as well as memories that are recorded on the hard copies. It also made me remember family and friend times we shared. I didn’t end up crying, but I did feel my heart grow a few sizes. I also felt my mouth smile a lot and my ears were treated to the sound of my laughter when certain memories were evoked. 

This was certainly a timely request from Michael and effort on my part. You see, come the day before Valentine’s Day, it will be sixty years since John and I met. I’ve never forgotten that first meeting at the home of mutual friends, how my eyes began at John’s shoes and travelled upward to meet his golden-brown eyes. I also remember the way my heart/mind jolted as our eyes connected. Love at first sight? Lust at first sight? It was probably a combination of the two.

Exactly one and a half years later, almost to the hour, we married and began a life together that spanned one day short of fifty-three years. Together we created a home, produced children, loved and fought our way through all those years. And, those years contain way more love and happiness than anger and sadness. Most of the anger and sadness were lodged in our final years together. John’s health was failing and I so wanted him to do and get better. That goal was unobtainable and made us both wrathful and miserable with each other. 

Of course, I’m sorry now for not being more patient and understanding during that time, but as anyone whose been there, done that will most likely agree, it’s hard, so very hard to watch someone you’ve spent your life with, someone you’ve loved for all those years slowly diminish. It was scary to think John wouldn’t keep on in my life. It was scary to think I’d end up alone like all the women in my family before me. Being scared made me angry.

My anger didn’t dissipate with John’s death. It hung around for a while longer as I angrily became adjusted to being alone. And, being alone after all those years is hard, so very hard. Some days once the anger was replaced by grief, I didn’t think I’d be able to get to the next day. And this feeling isn’t one I felt anyone else who hadn’t been there and done that would actually understand, so not a lot of folks with whom I could share how hard and lonely life was (and still is) at times.

But, as John had left my life, the anger finally left as well. It was followed by deep feelings of grief that eventually became a bit numb, although there are times those emotions can return and feel almost as raw as they were early on. I learned to live life on my own, comforted by the great memories and lifetime we shared. Michael’s request for photos became this year’s early Valentine’s Day present. While I won’t be getting big hugs, a terrific early Valentine’s Day gift, or great sex, my trip down that photographic memory lane reminded me how fortunate we were to have been so in love/lust for so long, to have shared so many years together. 

I still miss John. I probably always will, but remembering and cherishing what we shared during our life together does bring me comfort. I’m also thankful for our nephew giving me a reason to take a good long look back. For the reminder of how grateful I am even now for the warmth and joy all those trips down our very long memory lane engendered so close to the very date we entered one another’s lives. 

      And, since John isn’t here to provide that See’s one-pound box of dark chocolates in remembrance of our pre-Valentine’s Day anniversary, I’ll make the trip myself and eat them all myself in celebration of the years full of love and memories we shared beginning February 13th, 1965.