DREAMING

               

Usually when or if I dream, I do not remember what the dreams were. Sometimes, there will be bits or pieces, but never the entire thing. Only a few times during my life…and that’s eighty years…have I remembered the dream I had. As an example, Once was when I was a teenager and I dreamed my m other had died. The dream included the funeral and I had to get up out of bed and go to her room to make sure it had been just a dream.

This morning I had one of those dreams. Do you dream? Do remember your dreams? The dream I'm writing about seemed to cover a greater part of my life. I usually go back to bed on the mornings I don’t have to be anywhere early. Today, I went back to bed at 7:30 am. I woke up at 9:19 am and this dream just clung to me.

It began in what was myi bosses’ office at the University of Washington. It was my office and looked out over Union Bay. Then, I was at the northern corner of the Woodland park Zoo where I met up with a friend. Initially, it was someone named Patty, but that soon evolved into Claudia. There were others tehre as well, but I don’t remember who. We were all talking and laughing and having a good time.

Claudia then said she had to walk north on Phinney Avenue in order to get some blueprints made. Even though my car, the 1967 Chevelle I drove in the late 1960s was sitting right tehre, I said I’d walk along. We walked north until we came to a little shop that had a blueprinting machine. It was just like the one I knew how to use back in the late 1960s. I shopped around the store while Claudia went off to make her copies.

Then, I was outside the shop and began to walk north because now I had to walk home. A few blocks later, the trek seemed so long and hard, I pulled my phone  out of my pocket. “It’s about time you answered,” John said angrily. I went on to explain what I’d been doing and he offered to come get me. I responded by suggesting when he came that he take me back to my car so I could drive it home before it got towed because I was sure I left it parked badly.

That’s when I woke up. The entire dream was very clear and I wonder what it means. It included three of the jobs I held in my youth. It included my current best friend. It included a walk up Phinney and Greenwood, something I’ve done in the distant past. At the end, it included an angry husband who was angry because he was worried and a cell phone which wasn’t present in the earlier part of the dream. As he’d done before, John was willing to come rescue me.

When I woke up, the entire dream seemed so very real. I was positive I had been talking to John. I was positive this had all happened right then. When I became fully awake, I realized it had all been a dream, one which I seemed to remember in detail, to the point where I’m typing it out an hour later.

What does it all mean? I have no idea. I know I loved talking to John even though he was angry in the beginning. I loved knowing he was coming to rescue me. I loved knowing I didn’t have to walk for another couple of hours to reach my home. I have no idea, but find myself wondering if this is one of those “end of life” experiences or dreams. Does this dream indicate my life may soon end, that I may soon join John? I have no idea. Wonder if I should send this to a dream reader and get a professional opinion. What do y’all think?

SUBSTACK

          

Have you heard about Substack? I kept seeing references to it, but had no idea what it was. So, this morning, I went online and looked it up. I found a great article at What is Substack & How Does It Work? A Beginner's Guide | Kindlepreneur. I haven’t yet read the entire article but plan to. Once I’ve done that, I’m not sure if I’ll continue to post to my blog or if I’ll begin posting to Substack.

          Basically, it is a newsletter platform which allows the author to send the information directly to readers’ inboxes. It is totally free once you set it up; but if you so desire, you can make it much more complex and actually receive monies for what you post. I don’t believe I have enough readers to warrant a charge for whatever I put there, and most of you wouldn’t want to pay me for my verbiage anyway.

          With people like Robert Reich and Boo Walker posting to this site, I’m not sure I’d even begin to qualify. Mr. Reich writes politically oriented essays with regard to the fool and his minions in Washington DC. Mr. Walker is an author and he posts information about not only his books, but the books written by other individuals.

          I’m sure there are many other popular or well-known individuals who post to this site. The reason I know about the two gentlemen mentioned above is that I received their emails prior to their posting to Substack. I hope the article will tell me how to go about learning who else posts to Substack so I could read other posts.

          To be perfectly honest, I don’t imagine I’ll post to Substack, mainly because I don’t believe I’m a good enough writer or have anything of great importance to say. Originally when I began posting to “Paula’s Widows Mite,” I was writing about how to reimagine and re-engage with life without my husband. It’s been more than six years now, so if I haven’t reimagined or re-engaged by this point, I must be either very stupid or dead.

          I guess I’d need to find a new name for my blog/newsletter if I moved to Substack. I’m not sure what that would be, and I’m also not sure if I’d really have anything to say that anyone would want to read. I feel like the majority of the posts I’ve done for January have been mostly whining about my life. Who wants to read that, and who would come back for more?

          Simply put, I don’t know if taking the time to write something every single day is actually worth the effort or worth trying a new location and trying to increase my readership. Perhaps this is really a waste of my time and yours.

IT'S ONLY A TOOTH

           

Well, I’d certainly like to begin by using a whole bunch of curse words, but that certainly wouldn’t solve a thing. Last night (Monday) I made a new dish that was supposed to be an upgraded macaroni and cheese. It was disappointing, but the worst thing was what happened as I ate it.

          I felt something hard in my mouth. I know sometimes you’ll get a small pebble in pasta and I figured that’s what it was. I spit it out only to discover it was the top to my very back tooth which was a crown on the right lower side. Seeing the dentist today (Tuesday) was not on my list of “todo” things. But I called this morning and was able to see the dentist at 10:00 am.

          I wasn’t too worried because I have dental insurance. I also knew this was my wisdom tooth and that it had had a root canal. I know positively it’s my wisdom tooth because they all came in without a problem after I had four teeth, one on each side, removed when I as twelve…I should tell you about that experience one of these days. Anyway, I was told it wasn’t my wisdom tooth and that it had not had a root canal…I hate root canals so how could I not remember and it is too my wisdom tooth.

          What a disappointment my thirty-minute visit was…although the dentist was a new one and he was very handsome with a great accent. It seems that dentist I loved so very much, only to have her lie to me which resulted in my leaving her practice, had done this crown in 2020. That meant I either had to pay the entire amount for a new crown or wait until after March 11^th so my insurance would kick in and pay half.

          I didn’t quite understand what the receptionist told me. I thought they’d go ahead and give me a new crown today and bill after March 11^th. Nope, I now have an appointment to have my teeth cleaned March 12^th, followed by a new crown immediately after. My original teeth cleaning was scheduled for March 10^th.

          So, I need to be careful until I can go back, i.e., don’t be eating any caramels, chewing anything hard on that side and keep it extremely clean. I’m simply overjoyed.

          I guess this will be my year of dental/doctor appointments. When I see the optician in a couple of weeks, I’m sure she’ll pass me on for cataract removal. I hope that’s all it is because my right eye has been twitching on and off for a couple of days. I sincerely do not want to have to have shots in my eye.

          In April, I also have an appointment with the doctor I saw in the spine clinic a couple of years ago. At that time, we discussed injections in my lower back to alleviate the pain I was experiencing. I chose to wait and see if more exercise, etc., would improve the problem. It did for a while, but now it seems to be getting worse. X-rays have been ordered and I think I’ll wait until march to get those so they are extremely current when I see the doctor.

          I am doing my best to not be horribly depressed or annoyed by my health problems. It’s not like I’m about to have to go live in a nursing home. I am able to do all the work around the house and outside that needs to be done. I’m able to take care of and exercise Kuma. I’m capable of attending my exercise classes and having good times with my friends. So, what’s there to be depressed about…can you offer any suggestions so I can whine further???

DRIFTWOOD AND WRITING BOTH TAKE FINGERS

           

As some of you, maybe most of you, know, I’ve become a “driftwood artist.” I take flotsam and jetsam and turn it into things of beauty…or at least I try. I’ve met some great folks in the process of doing this, taking classes and becoming a member of the Northwest Driftwood Artists.

          I am always amazed at the art that is rendered by the members of NWDA. So many of them and their pieces leave me wondering why on earth I’m attempting to meet the high bar they’ve established. But if I don’t try, then I’ll never get there.

          Right now, I’m working on multiple pieces that when finished will be one set piece. I’m thinking of calling it, “My Armada.” I was given a piece that will serve as the ocean. It looks as though it has a couple of waves. I have another three pieces that look like ships. I’ve placed them on the “ocean” and they look good even unfinished. I’ve already finished one other piece that’s also a ship and it’s mounted on a piece that looks like a rough shore. I’ve called that one, “Shipwreck,” and a photo is at the beginning of this blog piece.

          Prior to this month, it was difficult for me to work on my art in the house. To make myself a space, I pretty much emptied one bedroom to set it up as my driftwood art room. There’s a multiple shelf unit in there that originally held Thor’s CDs and now holds the rough pieces I haven’t gotten to quite yet. There’s also a table and three chairs. The best part of this whole room is the “dust catcher.” (I think it has a proper name, but I cannot recall.)

          My teacher gave me this unit. It had been gifted to her and she already had one. My son helped me obtain the filters for it and I modified the already modified cover by installing new double stick Velcro strips. Now, I can sit in my chair and sand the piece directly in front of the dust catcher. It pulls in all the sanding dust. I’ve barely used it and I can see the dust on the filter so I know it’s working.

          Now that I have a room devoted to this process, I’m getting more excited about my driftwood art. It can now be a year-round interest rather than my having to wait for warmer weather so I can sand outside on the deck. You can only do so much with the wood before you absolutely have to sand it…and that’s my least favorite part.

          Today (Monday) I began work on the ships. I felt like I was accomplishing a lot until my big sander’s battery died. Then, my Dremel died and needed to have its batter recharged. I also used a hand saw to saw off the base of one of the ships. Sheesh, it made me wish I had a band saw. It also made me wonder why in the hell I gave (or sold) all John’s tools. I can’t remember if he had a band saw, and if he did, it was probably so old it would have been unsafe for me to use. Ah well, patience.

          So, between writing every day and trying to driftwood every day, I’m not quite sure how I’m going to accomplish anything else around here. But, for now, with horrible and very cold weather, I’ll let my fingers either dance on the keyboard or grip sculpting tools.

 CHAPTER 2

When Maddie began getting ready for work the following Monday, she was so excited she was all thumbs. She dropped her earrings, hair pins and almost spilled coffee on her suit. She wished she could have shopped and bought new clothes so she could look more like the other women she’d seen waiting for interviews and working in the office. Her aunt, however, had left her a closet-full of very expensive suits, blouses, shoes, and the various miscellanea of scarves and jewelry. Her aunt had also taught her the value of a dollar and while Maddie was more than comfortable financially, she couldn’t in good consciousness throw away money on stuff she didn’t need, even if her aunt’s clothing was a bit old-fashioned and slightly too big for her.

Well, she told herself, he hired you looking as you looked during the interview, so just suck it up. If he wanted a fashion-plate, he would have hired one of the other interviewees.

Not knowing what the day would bring, Maddie made herself a healthy lunch and put the lunch bag in her large purse/briefcase. She didn’t expect his assistant would ask her to lunch nor did she expect Mr. Lorax to take her to lunch. Maddie also included her favorite pens and notebooks so she’d feel more comfortable with familiar objects at hand.

Maddie entered the building and went directly to the security desk. A very attractive young man whose name badge said Kevin stood up at her approach. “Good morning, Kevin, I’m Mr. Lorax’s new assistant. I believe I’ll need a proper name badge.”

“Good morning to you too,” he responded, looking down at his clip-board. “Yes, here you are, Ms. Morgan. I’m to provide you with a temporary badge that expires in one week. Now, if you’d step over here, I’ll get a quick photo for the badge and have you on your way in no time.”

“Please, call me Maddie,” she responded as she stepped around the counter and took a position in front of a plain screen.

As Kevin prepared her badge, he asked, “So, you’re just visiting for a week? I heard Sharon, or Ms. Forsythe as she prefers to be called, is leaving.”

“I’m certainly hoping to have you make a new badge by the end of the week, one that doesn’t expire. Mr. Lomax has engaged me for this week and if I meet his approval, then he’ll hire me. Cross your fingers for me since if I cross mine, I won’t be able to type or write.” Maddie responded with a laugh, holding up hands with crossed fingers.

“Happy to do that Ms. Maddie, happy to do that.” Kevin responded, handing her a lanyard and her badge. “Please wear this at all times while you are inside this building.”

“Thank you, Kevin, and please, no Ms., just plain Maddie will do. Now, I’d best get upstairs and get busy so your finger-crossing won’t be in vain.”

Maddie took a huge breath as she exited the elevator on her floor. She approached the reception desk, noted the name in the holder on the desk and introduced herself. “Good morning, Annie, I’m Madeleine, or Maddie, if you prefer, and am….”

“Welcome, Ms. Morgan. Ms. Forsythe is expecting you, so go directly back. I’m sure you remember where she’s located, right outside Mr. Lomax’s office. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if I can be of assistance, Maddie.” Annie said with a wink as she pushed a button that released the door lock to the interior.

Maddie walked slowly down the hall toward what she was determined would become her desk by the end of the week. She reflected on what she’d learned in the last few minutes. Apparently, the EA she would replace was a stickler for what she considered proper. Maddie would have to wait and see, but she figured the woman wasn’t very friendly with the other staff and held herself above the other employees. Like her aunt had always said, you can gather more bees with honey than vinegar.

Sharon was already behind the desk with pods in her ears, typing away. She looked up, motioned Maddie to the chair beside her desk and continued her conversation.

“Yes, Mr. Lorax. Ms. Morgan just walked in. I’ll be sure to share this information with her.” There was a pause as she listened and again responded, “Yes, I remember very well the conversation we had on Friday. I promise to do my very best.” A shorter pause followed by, “Bye and good luck today.”

The printer behind Sharon began to spew out paper which the woman gathered up and handed to Maddie. “Here is Mr. Lorax’s schedule for the next couple of days. He won’t be in the office until Wednesday, so that will give us plenty of time to go through files and for me to acquaint you with his preferences as well as his dislikes.”

Sharon rose from her chair saying, “We may as well begin in his office since he isn’t here. To access, you need to push this button under the left side of the desk to unlock the doors.”

Maddie got up and followed Sharon into “his” office, thinking that Sharon certainly must put the man on a pedestal the way she used his name and the emphasis she placed on the word his.

Once inside, Maddie walked to the corner where the large glass plates came together and offered a more than 180-degree view of the city and the sound. It was a glorious day, sun shining brightly, sparkles jumping off the water and flags flying happily in the wind. “This is such a great view.” She said without turning around. “I could probably stand here all day and find something new every single minute.”

“Well, that’s not going to get you hired at the end of the week, so you’d best come over here with your pad and pen and start taking notes. I don’t want to have to go through the information more than once.”

Maddie rolled her eyes before turning around and moving toward “his” desk where his soon to be late assistant waited. “Yes, Ms. Forsythe. I’m ready to begin. I just thought perhaps we could spend a few minutes becoming better acquainted with each other.”

“What would be the point of that Ms. Morgan? It’s not as if we are going to be co-workers or best friends any time soon. Now, this drawer Mr. Lorax always keeps locked. I’ve never tried to get inside and have no idea what’s in there. I suggest your curiosity not get the best of you. And, this file drawer here contains all the….”

That’s the way the morning went. Ms. Forsythe continued to go through the various files both in the desk and on the computer without allowing much time for Maddie to ask questions. Once again, Maddie was grateful for shorthand because she was able to put down every single word the woman said. Her fingers were cramping by the time Ms. Forsythe called a halt for lunch. She didn’t invite Maddie to eat with her and left saying, “I’ll be back promptly at 1:00 pm, so be ready to begin with my desk and computer at that time.”

When the door closed, Maddie crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue. “Yes, Ms. Forsythe, no Ms. Forsythe, screw yourself Ms. Forsythe, you cold bitch.” Then Maddie began to laugh before she clapped a hand over her mouth. “Way to go Maddie, way to go. What if there’s a camera aimed directly at you. God, I hope  not.”

As she turned away and took her lunch out of her bag, there was a knock at the door. She walked over and opened it to find Annie standing there. “I figured Ms. Forsythe hadn’t invited you to lunch because I don’t think she’s had lunch with anyone that’s not Mr. Lorax or a board member ever.”

As Annie was saying this, she glanced down to see Maddie’s lunch in her hand. “Oh, great, you brought your lunch. If you’d like, you can come with me and we can go to the employee lounge. You’ll be able to meet some of the other staff and Spence stocks great coffee and tea, not to mention a wide variety of sodas if that’s your preference.”

“Thank you, Annie. I’d be delighted to have lunch with you and other staff members. Being the new person can be very difficult if one isn’t welcomed or welcoming back.”

In addition to her lunch, Maddie brought along her pad and pen. If it was okay with the people she met, she wanted to make a note on her pad that included their name, position and a bit of a description in shorthand. She didn’t ask a lot of questions, but responded to the ones asked of her. By the end of lunch, everyone there knew her age, college major, the fact she cared for her aunt until her death and that this would be her first real job in the corporate world, that is if she were hired. Maddie was careful to smile often and use the person’s name when responding. She believed she had made a good impression on the individuals with whom she hoped to be working on a permanent basis. If nothing else, Mr. Lorax…they all called him Spence, but she’d wait until invited to do so…should receive positive comments about her if he cared to ask his employees.

By the end of the day, Maddie was exhausted, more from the cold reception she received from Sharon. She couldn’t understand why the woman was so hostile toward her. Really, she thought, if she wanted to continue working here, why was she leaving? From the time they had spent together, Maddie’s opinion was that the woman really was an excellent EA; and Maddie couldn’t see a reason why Mr. Lorax would fire her. Besides, if he’d fired her, she wouldn’t have been kept on to instruct Maddie on his likes and dislikes.

Still, it was fine. Annie and Kevin and a couple of other employees with whom she rode down in the elevator smiled and wished her a good evening. It felt enjoyable to smile and extend her own good wishes, to feel as though she was part of a team.

One the way home, Maddie stopped at her favorite Chinese restaurant and ordered dinner to go. She’d have leftovers for lunch tomorrow and not having to cook just for herself would give her that much more time to go over all the notes she’d made and list any items she’d want Sharon to clarify the next morning.

PROGRESS IS MADE

        

  What a great prediction when it came to my sleeping like a dead person Friday night….I did!!! Kuma and I went to bed before 8:00 pm and my Fitbit says I was asleep at 7:57 pm. I barely remember getting up to pee prior to waking up at 6:16 am. I might have slept longer, but Kuma wanted/needed to go out to do his pee.

          Friday’s lunch was terrific. I love a good, or GREAT, bacon cheeseburger so me and my friend went to Burgermaster on Aurora. It was, as always, excellent, although my friend and I discussed how burgers in general seem to be smaller than in the past, i.e., just as thick, but the diameter of the buns has decreased. For once, I didn’t order onion rings or fries because I thought that would be just too much food. I did miss those onion rings though.

          Once home, I began my effort to watch the movies that are up for an Academy Award. Frankenstein was the first one to pop up, so I watched that. It was an entirely different take on the old Frankenstein movies I’d watched before. I did enjoy it; and while I have no idea the name of the actor who played “Victor,” he was certainly very handsome regardless of his attire. Again, I have no idea of the name of the actress who played the love interest of the two brothers, but sheesh, the amount of clothing, with the exception of her nightdress, she had to wear. It must have weighed almost as much as she did. So glad we don’t have to dress like that now.

          Prior to Frankenstein, I did work on Madeleine until I reached either a stopping point or my imagination decided to wither. I’m going to try to write a bit more today (Saturday) and see where it goes. I certainly didn’t have time to fantasize last night because I went to sleep so quickly.

          I also completed the refabrication of my dust machine. Following that, I sanded the boat for a piece I hope to call, “Armada,” but I have to complete several “ships” prior to completion. I worked on one of the ships today (Saturday) and made some progress. Between Madeleine and my driftwood, I didn't have time for anything else.

A GREAT DAY!

          

 Thursday was a GREAT day. Kuma went to Hippie Hounds for a spa day and I returned home to clean, clean, clean. I felt really good, having completed a number of items on my “todo” list. Then, it came time for bed…what a huge disappointment.

          I got ready for bed as I always do and Kuma and I climbed into bed, ready to call it a day. He was tired from his spa adventure and I was tired from all the cleaning. Kuma didn’t have a problem going right to sleep. Moi, on the other hand couldn’t seem to find sleep no matter how hard or easy I tried. It SUCKED.

          It was after 3:00 am before I finally sort of dozed off. My Fitbit says I slept way longer than that, but I don’t think it reads correctly when the only thing that’s moving is my eyes…open, close, open, close, hour after hour.  I tried leaving the TV on, turning it off, turning it back on, all to no avail.

I even tried writing a new Madeleine chapter in my head. That didn’t help either because her adventure just made me wish I could spend some time with Spence…naked and pleasing each other immensely. I don’t recommend thinking about having GREAT sex if you are trying to go to sleep.

Anyway, I’m writing this the following morning for posting on Saturday. I’m seriously tired, but going to my exercise class anyway and then on to lunch with a friend. The only good result from such a lack of sleep…well there may be two…is that I’ll probably sleep like a dead person tonight and I just have to type out Madeleine’s and Spence’s new experience.

Don’t wait eagerly for that chapter…it’s going to be either six or seven…remember, patience is a virtue.