HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY

         When I began this blog on 1/1/20, I indicated that some days I might not post much more than a single sentence. I think this is that day. I haven’t felt very creative the last few days, and Lord knows, I don’t want to type out whine after whine. So, this is my post today.
          Hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAIZER AND RUBY

          Five years ago, I had a friend who worked at the zoo. When she left, she went to work for the Humane Society. It had been over two years since our last dog, Mia, had died. John and I agreed we wouldn’t get another dog. He didn’t want one because it would probably outlive him. I missed having a dog and so, in some ways, made the stupidest decision possible. I let my friend know I was maybe interested in finding a dog with one or both blue eyes. She told me about Karma.

          Karma, a small mixed breed (vet says Rat Terrier) was surrendered to the Humane Society in Yakima probably because she was hugely pregnant and brought over to the Humane Society in Seattle. A woman took her as a foster dog on her arrival and the following day Karma, who normally weighs about 14 pounds, gave birth to nine (9) puppies.

Karma was apparently quite free with her favors in Yakima. I saw all the puppies and not one looked like the others. It’s entirely possible she had nine mates. I certainly hope she enjoyed herself because that was it as far as her love life goes. All the puppies were different and I now wish I had a photo of the entire litter.

Ruby 12/15

When the puppies were old enough to be adopted, Haley and I went to see the entire litter at the foster mom’s house. I wasn’t interested in getting a puppy, just the mom. Haley was going to get her first puppy. She chose Ruby because that puppy came to her and was more friendly to her than any of the other puppies. I succumbed to puppy love and decided I wanted one as well.

Kaizer was the most different looking puppy who seemed to smile when he looked at you. That’s undoubtedly why I chose him. The vet said his father was probably a Louisiana Catahoula Leopard dog. Never heard of that breed before, but if you look at a photo of a puppy of that breed, that’s Kaizer. The only difference is the actual breed when full grown will have legs way longer than Kaizer’s and most likely weigh double what he weighs which is close to 30 pounds.

Kaizer & Karma 12/15

Since I wanted a dog with blue eyes, I should have chosen the pure white puppy with turquoise eyes…but she didn’t smile like Kaizer. Karma and Kaizer both have what they call merle eyes, meaning the eye isn’t entirely blue, only partially. Karma’s is more blue when her pupils are very small than Kaizer’s.

Today is Kaizer’s and Ruby’s birthday. They are both five today and have brought a lot of joy to their families. Ruby is terribly spoiled…even Haley’s mom feeds her treats from the table and this was anathema when it came to us feeding Mia that way. Ruby gets to sleep under the covers with anyone in the family…I think she usually ends up at Angie’s feet. She gets to go almost everywhere with any member of her family. Ruby visits her mom and brother often.

Many times, I have said getting Karma and Kaizer was the stupidest decision I ever made. I’ve come to realize, however, that they five me a lot of comfort and joy, especially since John died. There’s muchto be said for having these furry critters laying with or on me on the couch, greeting me in the morning or when I come home, or just knowing they are here with me.

I think they are terribly spoiled as well. They don’t get as many treats as when John was alive, but I know I’m sharing way more of what I’m eating than before. Both hang around the kitchen and sit at attention when I am eating and expect to get the last little bite whatever I’m having. The disappointed look on Kaizer’s face when I say, “All gone, all gone.” almost breaks my heart.

Ruby may not come visit her mother and brother today, but I think I’ll have to make Kaizer…and his mom…some kind of special birthday treat. I don’t know what as I’m typing this, but there is some roast beast in the fridge. Whatever I decide to provide, there won’t be any candles, just some extra pats and hugs.

Happy Birthday Kaizer and Ruby…so glad you are in my life…that goes for Karma too.

ELEPHANTS

        Yesterday’s post was about John and the wild bear and AJ feeding Denali and Keema back in 1998. It made me think of all the special times I was extremely fortunate to have at Woodland Park Zoo. Because of my position, I very rarely asked for favors from the keepers. I knew how hard they worked and how little time they had to make room for donors and important people who wanted an experience in exchange for their dollars. The bear experience with AJ was my first and I’d been at the zoo for about seven years. I wouldn’t have asked for that except I’d done something for Carl (cannot remember what now) and he told me to call if I ever wanted to feed the boys.

          The next auspicious event was the birth of Hansa, the elephant. The entire zoo staff had been waiting and waiting for this big event. All zoo staff were told to stay away from the elephant barn when the baby was born. Chai would be a new mother and the elephant keepers wanted to make sure mom and baby bonded without any kind of activity that might upset either of them.

          When I went home the night of November 2, 2000, I knew the baby was on its way. My boss called and left me a voice mail at about 4:00 am, saying, “We have a baby girl.” I was so excited and couldn’t wait to get to work even though I wouldn’t be able to go see her right away.

          As it turned out, the Exhibits Crew had to quickly build a platform so the baby could nurse from Chai. They did so and Chai and her little one was so calm, word went throughout the zoo that we could go to the elephant barn…quietly and calmly. I immediately went down, the first of three times that day and each time I cried…tears of wonder and happiness.

          Hansa (she didn’t have a name then) was so unbelievably cute. One of her Aunties was able to stick her trunk through the narrow opening in the door. Hansa was absolutely determined to investigate this. It was pretty funny watching a couple of keepers whose combined weight probably didn’t match that of Hansa trying to turn her back toward her mother.

          A few months later, another zoo staffer and I snuck down to the elephant barn for an unapproved visit to Hansa, her mom and aunties. The keepers were glad to have us, but those in charge wouldn’t have liked us visiting. Hansa was growing, but she didn’t yet have any teeth. She stuck out her little trunk, grabbed my hand, stuffed it into her mouth and began sucking. It was and felt amazing. I went back down a few months later and was just about to give Hansa my hand again when the keeper yelled, “Stop, don’t do that…she has teeth now.”

          John did get to experience the elephants. In 2001, we went on a zoo safari to Kenya and the couple leading the trip were both zoo employees. One of them worked in the elephant barn and invited us come visit after we got home. It was either before or after Halloween because we carried pumpkins filled with fruit from the parking lot to the elephant barn. We got to watch Chai, Hansa and the aunties enjoy our largess and John got to hand feed the elephants as well.

My granddaughter was born almost a year later. When she was big enough, she and her mom would come to the zoo. If I could, I’d wander around with them. One day in 2005 we went to the elephant barn and Chai was being trained to do something. The keepers said hi, but went on with their training. I didn’t think anything of it, but the head keeper caught me almost a week later and apologized for not being able to make time for my granddaughter. He said to let him know when I’d like to bring her back.

          So, I planned a visit with my son and his family. At that point in time Haley couldn’t say elephant properly. It was cute the way she said it, but in the time I spent with her the weekend before the visit, I taught her to say it properly…and was a little sorry because I missed her old way.

          The big day came and AJ, Angie and Haley arrived at the zoo. Haley was excited, but the closer we got to the barn, the slower she walked. When we got to the barn door and knocked, she said, “We go home now, daddy.” We ignored her request and went on into the barn. Haley didn’t want any part of those huge animals. The keepers talked about the difference in the elephants and baby Hansa. AJ and Angie both fed the elephants carrots and Angie took a lot of pictures. Haley wouldn’t go near them, not even for her daddy and she’d do almost anything for him. As you can see by the photo, even Nana tried to get her to give Chai a carrot. Nope, and if you look at her toes, you can see she’s a real primate…she’s holding on to me with those too. I was disappointed she didn’t have a better visit.

          That evening, AJ’s family and Angie’s family got together to celebrate Angie’s birthday. Angie had the photos she’d taken that morning developed. Haley went from person to person with the photos, explaining who was who and what was what. She may not have appeared to be paying any attention, but I don’t think any of us had to correct anything she had to say about the photos and the visit.

          Two years later, June 8, 2007, Hansa was dead from a previously undiscovered herpes virus. Her keeper found her when he came in. He called the Assistant Director and told him and he, in turn told me. I was the third person to know Hansa had died. My immediate response was, “You’re kidding.” Then, I had to call my boss, the President and CEO, and her response was, “You’re kidding.” We just didn’t want to believe little Hansa was gone.

          I cannot begin to tell you how sad the entire zoo was that day. Memories were shared, tears were shed, everyone felt terrible. The sadness of that day wasn’t to end for me when I went home, however. Haley’s dog, Sadie, had reached the end of her days. She was an American Bloodhound and she had been a member of my son’s family for years and Haley’s life since her birth.

          John and I went out to tell Sadie goodbye. I offered Sadie a cookie and she took it to be polite, but she just didn’t want it and let it fall out of her mouth. She looked at me so apologetically. My tears returned only where during the day, they had been for Hansa, now they were for Sadie who would make her final trip to the vet the next morning.  

          The day Hansa was born was my very best day ever at Woodland Park Zoo. It even surpassed those from when I was a child and the zoo was practically my playground. The worst day at the zoo for me was the day Hansa died. Still, I have many stories from my time at the zoo and I hope to share them with you in future posts…baby snow leopards, jaguars, Jungle Parties, Paul Neuman.

GOOD, THEN BAD???

        It’s absolutely amazing to me how I can go to bed feeling fine and sleep well for part of the night. Then I wake up before it’s time, have some difficulties, cannot get back to sleep and then get up feeling terrible. That’s what happened to me yesterday (Friday).

          And, I had plans for Friday. Maryanne and I were going to pick up Kidd Valley hamburgers and go sit on Claudia’s deck and have lunch. Obviously, I had to cancel. I also canceled my morning walk, haven’t done my physical therapy as I type this, and have just pretty much laid around on the couch with the doggies.

          The only thing I have done is get dressed and that only because my lawn person was coming to cut the grass and I had to go out and clean up after the doggies. I’ve also had something to eat even though I didn’t feel hungry. Of the two lattes I usually drink, the second one is more than half full and sitting on the counter.

I did take my temperature and it’s normal, so it’s unlikely I’ve the coronavirus. I feel sort of like I do when I’ve had more than just my usual tot of gin, i.e., a little spacey, a little dizzy, a little out of it. I don’t often have enough gin or any kind of alcohol to end up feeling this way.

What woke me up early this morning was being too hot. I pushed off the covers and realized my feet and legs from the knee down were all tingly or burny…an uncomfortable feeling. My calves, as I’ve mentioned before, tend to hurt a lot about 1500 steps into my daily walk. A short rest half way through and they’re good to go. How they felt this morning wasn’t anything like that. I also wonder if it could be a side effect of the statin I've been taking for a few weeks. I'll have to email the doctor.

My legs felt as though the peripheral neuropathy I have in my feet…thanks to the breast cancer chemo drug Cytoxan…had moved up to my knees. It didn’t feel good and kept me awake for a couple of hours. Then, I fell back asleep and, as indicated above, felt not so good when I woke up. My legs and feet were good though.

On Thursday, I was jonesing for a bacon cheeseburger and deep-fried mushrooms. My favorite hamburger joint has gone out of business, so Claudia and Maryanne were going to humor me with Kidd Valley. Hopefully, they continued with the plan without me. The thought of a bacon cheeseburger, or any food really, kind of turns my tummy.

I’ve had other days like this, but not for the same reasons as indicated here. They don’t come too often for which I’m thankful. I’d be even more thankful if there was someone here to take care of me. I am so tired of taking care of me, myself and I, all by myself. The idea of being able to curl up on someone’s lap…mom or John or grandma…sounds heavenly. The thought of having someone ask me what they can fix me or get me or how they can help me almost brings tears to my eyes.

And, it’s not that friends don’t ask if they can help or offer to help in however way would be good for me, because they do. It’s just not the same as if someone were actually living here with me, myself and I. For most of my life the idea of having someone take care of just me as always seemed like the perfect ideal. I suppose it’s because for most of my life, I’ve been the person who took care of others.

I also know that being stubborn and independent, the likelihood of my becoming a woman who just sits back and lets others do, isn’t very likely. Should I ever end up in the hospital or a nursing home, I’m sure they’ll hate me before I’ve been there long. I’ll want to run my own show and know exactly how that would go over.

You’ll be reading this Saturday morning, and by then I’ll undoubtedly be over this little setback. I’ll be ready to get up and walk, work in the garden, do laundry or whatever else is on my list of chores. But, for today, I think I’ll continue lazing around on the couch with the dogs and maybe have some chicken soup later. As they…whoever they are…say tomorrow’s another day.

A GARDEN FULL OF MEMORIALS

         Memorial Day is just around the corner, but it’s not likely there will be any big parties or BBQs or any kind of celebratory gatherings. Just another example of how this coronavirus pandemic has changed our way of doing things. At least I don’t have to make a trip to a cemetery to visit John. All I have to do is go into the back yard and sit in a chair under the apple tree.

          This holiday and the fact John is under the apple tree with all the pets has made me wonder about my decision to sell the house. I’d intended to do that this summer until the pandemic changed my plans. Now, I’m wondering if that’s such a good decision. There are so many memories I’d be leaving behind and not just memories of John.

          Looking out the window, I can see John’s grandmother’s grape vine which has gone absolutely crazy in the last few years. It looks as though it plans to take over the entire greenbelt behind the fence. It’s only the last few years that the grapes have gotten big enough to actually enjoy. Haley picked buckets full a couple of years ago and I made grape jelly…won’t be doing that again. Still, I always think of Grandma Ebba and our times with her when I see the grapevine.

          There’s my Great Aunt Lola’s fuchsia. She’s been gone for a very long time, but her fuchsia grows and blooms every single year. She also gave me a pampas grass start, but I managed to kill it in the process of finding just the right spot in the garden. I moved it once too often. Auntie Lola’s also the woman who taught me to make pickles and can beans. My reminders of her would continue when it came to making pickles, but I’d miss the fuchsia.

          The tulip tree is past is blooming prime now, but it was a gift in honor of my mother after she passed away. I love the way it’s branches form and make it look like a giant candelabra when it blossoms in the spring. There’s also the pink dogwood, John’s sister gifted after my mom died…that’s in the front yard. And, yes, I’d still think of my mom without those living reminders, but I’d miss their beautiful glory in the spring.

          I cannot forget the apple tree. John and a neighbor saved it decades ago. It was so loaded with baby apples and grew leaning toward the west, that it fell over. I opened the garage door to hang laundry on my clothesline only to be faced with a wall of green. I called John at work and he told me to cover the roots. I did, and that evening he and a neighbor used a chain fall and a tree behind the fence to hoist it back into place. He shimmed it up with three four-by-fours until it was strong enough to stand on its own. We had dozens of apple pies and jars of applesauce from that tree. True, it hasn’t produced much in the recent past, but I can always hope.

          The lilacs in both the back yard and front came from either John’s mother or his sister or maybe both. They are my favorite smelly shrub and I love to bring a bouquet into the house when they bloom. There wasn’t much on the ones in back this year because they were pretty heavily pruned last fall. Next spring, they should be glorious.

          If I moved someplace else, I couldn’t replace the little water feature I built in the garden. I knew exactly what I wanted and John told me it would never work. I dug the hole, lined it with plastic, covered that with rocks and positioned the huge concrete birdbath John had given me at the edge. Being the good sport he was, he went ahead and made the piping I needed to get the water from the little pond up to the birdbath. When I placed it, I’d fixed it so it was tipping toward the water, the idea being the water could cascade over the edge and into the pond, making a nice water noise.

          Well, John was right, it didn’t work, but not for the reasons he gave. The water went up the pipe and into the birdbath, but instead of cascading into the pond, it simply ran over the edge and continued to flow down the outside of the birdbath and onto the supporting column…no water noise at all. To make it work, the birdbath would have had to be at such an angle, it would have fallen over. John was right about that part. He did help me figure out what I needed to do in the way of a small pump that sends water arcing from the edge to the center and provides the soothing noise I wanted.

          In the front yard, there are two trees. One is a spruce that was the live Christmas tree of the folks who lived in the house before us. It wasn’t that big when we moved in, but now it towers over the neighborhood. One winter, it snowed a lot and the power went down. That tree was strung with big Christmas lights. John ran a cord from the generator to the tree. We had neighbors calling to find out why we had power and they didn’t…very funny.

Spruce & pink dogwood

          The other tree is a red oak. It was given to me decades ago by someone who hasn’t been a friend in decades as well…and not because of the tree. Anyway, it had lived in a five-gallon bucket forever. I took it out and planted it in the corner with no idea of how big it would really become. For several years it did nothing, just sat there and John wanted to pull it out. I made him leave it and now, I have this HUGE red maple that I’m a little sorry I ever planted. The one year I did all the leaf control myself, I had like three yard-waste bins and seven of those beige yard waste bags full of leaves…what a CHORE.

          Then, there’s the companies that go out and prune big trees like the red maple for Seattle City Light. I’ve always tried to be home when they do this so I can sort of supervise and make sure they don’t absolutely butcher the tree. Sometimes the company folks were agreeable and helpful and other times…like the last time…not so much. I think come this fall I’m going to need to have my garden care person prune the side the last company didn’t touch…it’s very lopsided. I don’t think I’d miss the red maple at all, and probably not the spruce either were I to leave.  Who knows, maybe whoever came to live here would eliminate both of them.

          Of course, the most important thing I'd be leaving is John. He's beneath that apple tree where I can sit and talk to him. I do have the glass ball AJ had made from some of his ashes, so unlike all the trees and shrubs, I would take him with me wherever I went.

         They say…whoever they are…you shouldn’t make any big decisions until at least a year after your spouse dies. Maybe the pandemic is making sure I didn’t rush anything. Maybe the shelter-in-place order is insuring I do take the time to evaluate what I want to do next. I guess, based on what I’ve typed here, I’d be leaving more than just an empty house were I to move.

NANA'S HELPER

          When I wrote the post about Haley, there was one thing I mean to include. She sent me a text after the event saying, “Thank you for coming out today to support me! I’m really glad you got to be there for this. I love youuuuu and I bet Pa was right next to us there too.” The text was followed by an emoji with a halo, a big heart and a graduation cap.

          Her text warmed my heart as well as brought tears to my eyes. To know she thought of her Pa either before, during or after the event was delightful to know. It also made me miss him more than usual because I’m sure he would have been there. I know it would have been difficult for him, but we could have driven him to the site and he could have rested on a chair. It makes me sad to think of all the wonderful events he’s going to miss this year and in the coming years. I can certainly see why people like to think of their loved ones in heaven looking down.

          Today, (Thursday) she came over after school and we spent two hours in the garage sorting through Pa’s stuff. We now have more piles of stuff for her dad and  uncle to go through. More piles of screw drivers, hammers, drill bits, files, saw blades, staples and staple gun, more socket sets and another container of metal for recycling. There’s another box that has stuff Thor may or may not want.

          We got through the metal filing cabinet with the big drawers and moved on to the big red tool chest. There wasn’t a lot of room, so Haley squeezed in there and began going through the drawers. I was the runner, taking whatever she found and putting it on the appropriate pile. I believe I added over 2000 steps to my day’s total just doing that. At one point, I did hear her say, “Oh Pa,” and heave a little bit of a sigh because she was saddened at her Pa’s inability to be disciplined. I believe Haley is like her dad and me…she likes stuff, especially her tools, organized.

          We didn’t finish the red tool chest before she had to leave to meet her friend. We did talk about what’s next. Haley plans to come every Wednesday to help Nana sort through Pa’s stuff. And, Nana is most grateful for this wonderful young woman’s assistance. I love her enthusiasm about some of the stuff we’re finding, as well as her ability to say, “garbage,” whereas her Nana might just want to add it to another pile.

          We work well together, Ms. Haley and her Nana…yes, we do indeed.

HALEY AUTUMN KARLBERG...2020 GRADUATE

Haley, Just  Born

         When she was born, I was there. I didn’t expect to be because her mother said no one was going to be in the delivery room but her daddy. When I arrived at the hospital, I expected her to have already been born. Not the case, so I sat down to read my book and wait. The next thing I knew, her sister’s calling my name and telling me to hurry up or I’d miss it. Turns out Haley’s grandma and aunt were already in the room, so one more, moi, would be just fine. Haley Autumn was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen. And, it was so special to be able to photograph Haley with her dad when she was only a few minutes old.

As Haley grew, I was blessed to be an important part of her life. John and I would go out for dinner and a movie at her house. I loved holding her, rocking her and watching her develop from a little baby to a toddler who walked at nine months. And, I loved buying girlie clothes and playing dress up. I’m so glad I enjoyed it while she was amenable because eventually, girlie clothes were replaced by jeans, shirts and hoodies.

Then, there was being allowed to babysit. That first night, Haley slept between John and I in our king-sized bed. The next morning, she was still sleeping when I woke up and looked across at John. I honestly think you could have held the love in our room in your hands. Such a special feeling to look at each other and know the little mite in the middle was descended from the two of us.

Haley’s parents went to the Bahamas when Haley was three. We stayed at her house and took care of her while they were gone. Even though she was big enough to climb out of her crib by herself, she’d fallen the first time she tried and was reluctant to try again. When she woke up, she’d call, “Naaaaanaaaaa, Naaaaanaaaa.”, until I got up and rescued her from her little jail. The three of us had such fun while mom and dad were gone.

When Haley climbed on the school bus for kindergarten, I was there. Watching those little feet climb those stairs into the bus almost brought me to tears. Was she afraid, did she hold back…nope, she was ready for school. I think that was the same year we began going to The Nutcracker every December. In addition, I would ask Haley if she would like to see a certain show or play and purchase tickets. Those were always such fun.

Haley as Macavity

We went to see Cats, while Haley was in elementary school. As a result, she decided to perform Macavity the Mystery Cat at that year’s talent show. I thought she’d be lip sinking, but she actually sang the song. Her costume and make up were marvelous thanks to her mother’s assistance. Nana was so proud of her that night because even in her old age, Nana could not have danced and sang in front of anyone, let alone an entire room of strangers.

As her school years passed, her parents always thought to include John and I, or just me if John wasn’t available. I attended swimming and gymnastic lessons, school plays and talent shows. We went to basketball games, orchestra concerts and just about anything we were invited to attend. And, of course, there were the birthdays each and every year.

Of course, I cannot forget our trip to Glacier National Park the year Haley was turning 16. She had passed all her driving tests, including a 100% on the driving part…have never known anyone to get a perfect score on the driving part; but, just another example of how exemplary this young woman was, is and will be. I’ll forever have those memories; and who knows, maybe at some point in the future we can travel together again.

Mom & Dad Gauntleters

          Tuesday, the 2020 graduates picked up their caps and gowns at Meadowdale High School…Cap and Gown Day. They had been encouraged to decorate their cars or trucks beforehand. Then, after getting the cap and gown, to drive over to Meadowdale Middle School and drive through a gauntlet of well-wishers. We, the gauntleters, clapped and cheered all the 2020 graduates who drove past us while we waited for our girls.

Destiny

Haley

Haley’s and her best friend Destiny’s trucks were exceptional, stupendous, and wonderfully remarkable as you can see in the photos. No other cars or trucks were quite so heavily decorated. Besides all the balloons and signs, Haley took her truck mudding before, so it may appear to be beige, but it’s really red. In addition, she and her dad installed a train horn in her truck last fall. Yes, a horn that sounds exactly like a train whistle. Did Haley blow her horn…you bet she did!!! Nana took a video and wishes she could include it here so you could hear how awesome that horn actually is. Her folks, neighbors and friends all held up signs, clapped and cheered Haley and Destiny as they drove past.

          Meadowdale graduation doesn’t actually happen until June 13^th, but no one knows exactly what that will be, as it has been and will be in so many important occasions like this one because of the pandemic. If there is some kind of event, you can bet Nana will be in attendance.

          Meanwhile, Haley knows exactly what she’ll be doing the next few years. She plans to graduate with a degree in Mechanical Engineering in 2023. She’s also taking welding and may or may not have a certificate for that. Then, in the fall of 2023, her plan is to go to Wyoming and take Diesel Tech at Wyo-Tech. There’s no doubt in Nana’s mind that Haley will achieve her future plans triumphantly.

          Now, go ahead and ask me if I’m proud of Ms. Haley Autumn Karlberg, graduate of the class of 2020!!!!

Haley & Nana