JANUARY'S OVER...ALMOST

             

 Well, here I am, the last day of January 2026 and I’ve managed to post something every single day of the month. While none of it has been note-worthy, of any great significance, or merit republication anywhere else, I did stick to my determination to post every day.

          I feel as though I owe a sincere apology to you, dear reader, for whining, being depressed, lacking amusement or adding much to the pleasure of your day. Still, I am pleased with myself because I followed through. Perhaps now that the coldest and darkest (although the sun shone a lot here) month of the year is over, I’ll find better topics, my funny bone and who knows what else to share with you.

          So, it’s on to February tomorrow, a month that holds many precious memories, i.e., John and I met, our youngest son was born, it’s Valentine’s Day, the forsythia will begin blooming, daffs and tulips are already poking through the ground and pussy willows will be budding out.

          See, look at that…already I’m looking at and for the obviously pleasurable events to come.

DREAMING

               

Usually when or if I dream, I do not remember what the dreams were. Sometimes, there will be bits or pieces, but never the entire thing. Only a few times during my life…and that’s eighty years…have I remembered the dream I had. As an example, Once was when I was a teenager and I dreamed my m other had died. The dream included the funeral and I had to get up out of bed and go to her room to make sure it had been just a dream.

This morning I had one of those dreams. Do you dream? Do remember your dreams? The dream I'm writing about seemed to cover a greater part of my life. I usually go back to bed on the mornings I don’t have to be anywhere early. Today, I went back to bed at 7:30 am. I woke up at 9:19 am and this dream just clung to me.

It began in what was myi bosses’ office at the University of Washington. It was my office and looked out over Union Bay. Then, I was at the northern corner of the Woodland park Zoo where I met up with a friend. Initially, it was someone named Patty, but that soon evolved into Claudia. There were others tehre as well, but I don’t remember who. We were all talking and laughing and having a good time.

Claudia then said she had to walk north on Phinney Avenue in order to get some blueprints made. Even though my car, the 1967 Chevelle I drove in the late 1960s was sitting right tehre, I said I’d walk along. We walked north until we came to a little shop that had a blueprinting machine. It was just like the one I knew how to use back in the late 1960s. I shopped around the store while Claudia went off to make her copies.

Then, I was outside the shop and began to walk north because now I had to walk home. A few blocks later, the trek seemed so long and hard, I pulled my phone  out of my pocket. “It’s about time you answered,” John said angrily. I went on to explain what I’d been doing and he offered to come get me. I responded by suggesting when he came that he take me back to my car so I could drive it home before it got towed because I was sure I left it parked badly.

That’s when I woke up. The entire dream was very clear and I wonder what it means. It included three of the jobs I held in my youth. It included my current best friend. It included a walk up Phinney and Greenwood, something I’ve done in the distant past. At the end, it included an angry husband who was angry because he was worried and a cell phone which wasn’t present in the earlier part of the dream. As he’d done before, John was willing to come rescue me.

When I woke up, the entire dream seemed so very real. I was positive I had been talking to John. I was positive this had all happened right then. When I became fully awake, I realized it had all been a dream, one which I seemed to remember in detail, to the point where I’m typing it out an hour later.

What does it all mean? I have no idea. I know I loved talking to John even though he was angry in the beginning. I loved knowing he was coming to rescue me. I loved knowing I didn’t have to walk for another couple of hours to reach my home. I have no idea, but find myself wondering if this is one of those “end of life” experiences or dreams. Does this dream indicate my life may soon end, that I may soon join John? I have no idea. Wonder if I should send this to a dream reader and get a professional opinion. What do y’all think?

SUBSTACK

          

Have you heard about Substack? I kept seeing references to it, but had no idea what it was. So, this morning, I went online and looked it up. I found a great article at What is Substack & How Does It Work? A Beginner's Guide | Kindlepreneur. I haven’t yet read the entire article but plan to. Once I’ve done that, I’m not sure if I’ll continue to post to my blog or if I’ll begin posting to Substack.

          Basically, it is a newsletter platform which allows the author to send the information directly to readers’ inboxes. It is totally free once you set it up; but if you so desire, you can make it much more complex and actually receive monies for what you post. I don’t believe I have enough readers to warrant a charge for whatever I put there, and most of you wouldn’t want to pay me for my verbiage anyway.

          With people like Robert Reich and Boo Walker posting to this site, I’m not sure I’d even begin to qualify. Mr. Reich writes politically oriented essays with regard to the fool and his minions in Washington DC. Mr. Walker is an author and he posts information about not only his books, but the books written by other individuals.

          I’m sure there are many other popular or well-known individuals who post to this site. The reason I know about the two gentlemen mentioned above is that I received their emails prior to their posting to Substack. I hope the article will tell me how to go about learning who else posts to Substack so I could read other posts.

          To be perfectly honest, I don’t imagine I’ll post to Substack, mainly because I don’t believe I’m a good enough writer or have anything of great importance to say. Originally when I began posting to “Paula’s Widows Mite,” I was writing about how to reimagine and re-engage with life without my husband. It’s been more than six years now, so if I haven’t reimagined or re-engaged by this point, I must be either very stupid or dead.

          I guess I’d need to find a new name for my blog/newsletter if I moved to Substack. I’m not sure what that would be, and I’m also not sure if I’d really have anything to say that anyone would want to read. I feel like the majority of the posts I’ve done for January have been mostly whining about my life. Who wants to read that, and who would come back for more?

          Simply put, I don’t know if taking the time to write something every single day is actually worth the effort or worth trying a new location and trying to increase my readership. Perhaps this is really a waste of my time and yours.

IT'S ONLY A TOOTH

           

Well, I’d certainly like to begin by using a whole bunch of curse words, but that certainly wouldn’t solve a thing. Last night (Monday) I made a new dish that was supposed to be an upgraded macaroni and cheese. It was disappointing, but the worst thing was what happened as I ate it.

          I felt something hard in my mouth. I know sometimes you’ll get a small pebble in pasta and I figured that’s what it was. I spit it out only to discover it was the top to my very back tooth which was a crown on the right lower side. Seeing the dentist today (Tuesday) was not on my list of “todo” things. But I called this morning and was able to see the dentist at 10:00 am.

          I wasn’t too worried because I have dental insurance. I also knew this was my wisdom tooth and that it had had a root canal. I know positively it’s my wisdom tooth because they all came in without a problem after I had four teeth, one on each side, removed when I as twelve…I should tell you about that experience one of these days. Anyway, I was told it wasn’t my wisdom tooth and that it had not had a root canal…I hate root canals so how could I not remember and it is too my wisdom tooth.

          What a disappointment my thirty-minute visit was…although the dentist was a new one and he was very handsome with a great accent. It seems that dentist I loved so very much, only to have her lie to me which resulted in my leaving her practice, had done this crown in 2020. That meant I either had to pay the entire amount for a new crown or wait until after March 11^th so my insurance would kick in and pay half.

          I didn’t quite understand what the receptionist told me. I thought they’d go ahead and give me a new crown today and bill after March 11^th. Nope, I now have an appointment to have my teeth cleaned March 12^th, followed by a new crown immediately after. My original teeth cleaning was scheduled for March 10^th.

          So, I need to be careful until I can go back, i.e., don’t be eating any caramels, chewing anything hard on that side and keep it extremely clean. I’m simply overjoyed.

          I guess this will be my year of dental/doctor appointments. When I see the optician in a couple of weeks, I’m sure she’ll pass me on for cataract removal. I hope that’s all it is because my right eye has been twitching on and off for a couple of days. I sincerely do not want to have to have shots in my eye.

          In April, I also have an appointment with the doctor I saw in the spine clinic a couple of years ago. At that time, we discussed injections in my lower back to alleviate the pain I was experiencing. I chose to wait and see if more exercise, etc., would improve the problem. It did for a while, but now it seems to be getting worse. X-rays have been ordered and I think I’ll wait until march to get those so they are extremely current when I see the doctor.

          I am doing my best to not be horribly depressed or annoyed by my health problems. It’s not like I’m about to have to go live in a nursing home. I am able to do all the work around the house and outside that needs to be done. I’m able to take care of and exercise Kuma. I’m capable of attending my exercise classes and having good times with my friends. So, what’s there to be depressed about…can you offer any suggestions so I can whine further???

DRIFTWOOD AND WRITING BOTH TAKE FINGERS

           

As some of you, maybe most of you, know, I’ve become a “driftwood artist.” I take flotsam and jetsam and turn it into things of beauty…or at least I try. I’ve met some great folks in the process of doing this, taking classes and becoming a member of the Northwest Driftwood Artists.

          I am always amazed at the art that is rendered by the members of NWDA. So many of them and their pieces leave me wondering why on earth I’m attempting to meet the high bar they’ve established. But if I don’t try, then I’ll never get there.

          Right now, I’m working on multiple pieces that when finished will be one set piece. I’m thinking of calling it, “My Armada.” I was given a piece that will serve as the ocean. It looks as though it has a couple of waves. I have another three pieces that look like ships. I’ve placed them on the “ocean” and they look good even unfinished. I’ve already finished one other piece that’s also a ship and it’s mounted on a piece that looks like a rough shore. I’ve called that one, “Shipwreck,” and a photo is at the beginning of this blog piece.

          Prior to this month, it was difficult for me to work on my art in the house. To make myself a space, I pretty much emptied one bedroom to set it up as my driftwood art room. There’s a multiple shelf unit in there that originally held Thor’s CDs and now holds the rough pieces I haven’t gotten to quite yet. There’s also a table and three chairs. The best part of this whole room is the “dust catcher.” (I think it has a proper name, but I cannot recall.)

          My teacher gave me this unit. It had been gifted to her and she already had one. My son helped me obtain the filters for it and I modified the already modified cover by installing new double stick Velcro strips. Now, I can sit in my chair and sand the piece directly in front of the dust catcher. It pulls in all the sanding dust. I’ve barely used it and I can see the dust on the filter so I know it’s working.

          Now that I have a room devoted to this process, I’m getting more excited about my driftwood art. It can now be a year-round interest rather than my having to wait for warmer weather so I can sand outside on the deck. You can only do so much with the wood before you absolutely have to sand it…and that’s my least favorite part.

          Today (Monday) I began work on the ships. I felt like I was accomplishing a lot until my big sander’s battery died. Then, my Dremel died and needed to have its batter recharged. I also used a hand saw to saw off the base of one of the ships. Sheesh, it made me wish I had a band saw. It also made me wonder why in the hell I gave (or sold) all John’s tools. I can’t remember if he had a band saw, and if he did, it was probably so old it would have been unsafe for me to use. Ah well, patience.

          So, between writing every day and trying to driftwood every day, I’m not quite sure how I’m going to accomplish anything else around here. But, for now, with horrible and very cold weather, I’ll let my fingers either dance on the keyboard or grip sculpting tools.

 CHAPTER 2

When Maddie began getting ready for work the following Monday, she was so excited she was all thumbs. She dropped her earrings, hair pins and almost spilled coffee on her suit. She wished she could have shopped and bought new clothes so she could look more like the other women she’d seen waiting for interviews and working in the office. Her aunt, however, had left her a closet-full of very expensive suits, blouses, shoes, and the various miscellanea of scarves and jewelry. Her aunt had also taught her the value of a dollar and while Maddie was more than comfortable financially, she couldn’t in good consciousness throw away money on stuff she didn’t need, even if her aunt’s clothing was a bit old-fashioned and slightly too big for her.

Well, she told herself, he hired you looking as you looked during the interview, so just suck it up. If he wanted a fashion-plate, he would have hired one of the other interviewees.

Not knowing what the day would bring, Maddie made herself a healthy lunch and put the lunch bag in her large purse/briefcase. She didn’t expect his assistant would ask her to lunch nor did she expect Mr. Lorax to take her to lunch. Maddie also included her favorite pens and notebooks so she’d feel more comfortable with familiar objects at hand.

Maddie entered the building and went directly to the security desk. A very attractive young man whose name badge said Kevin stood up at her approach. “Good morning, Kevin, I’m Mr. Lorax’s new assistant. I believe I’ll need a proper name badge.”

“Good morning to you too,” he responded, looking down at his clip-board. “Yes, here you are, Ms. Morgan. I’m to provide you with a temporary badge that expires in one week. Now, if you’d step over here, I’ll get a quick photo for the badge and have you on your way in no time.”

“Please, call me Maddie,” she responded as she stepped around the counter and took a position in front of a plain screen.

As Kevin prepared her badge, he asked, “So, you’re just visiting for a week? I heard Sharon, or Ms. Forsythe as she prefers to be called, is leaving.”

“I’m certainly hoping to have you make a new badge by the end of the week, one that doesn’t expire. Mr. Lomax has engaged me for this week and if I meet his approval, then he’ll hire me. Cross your fingers for me since if I cross mine, I won’t be able to type or write.” Maddie responded with a laugh, holding up hands with crossed fingers.

“Happy to do that Ms. Maddie, happy to do that.” Kevin responded, handing her a lanyard and her badge. “Please wear this at all times while you are inside this building.”

“Thank you, Kevin, and please, no Ms., just plain Maddie will do. Now, I’d best get upstairs and get busy so your finger-crossing won’t be in vain.”

Maddie took a huge breath as she exited the elevator on her floor. She approached the reception desk, noted the name in the holder on the desk and introduced herself. “Good morning, Annie, I’m Madeleine, or Maddie, if you prefer, and am….”

“Welcome, Ms. Morgan. Ms. Forsythe is expecting you, so go directly back. I’m sure you remember where she’s located, right outside Mr. Lomax’s office. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if I can be of assistance, Maddie.” Annie said with a wink as she pushed a button that released the door lock to the interior.

Maddie walked slowly down the hall toward what she was determined would become her desk by the end of the week. She reflected on what she’d learned in the last few minutes. Apparently, the EA she would replace was a stickler for what she considered proper. Maddie would have to wait and see, but she figured the woman wasn’t very friendly with the other staff and held herself above the other employees. Like her aunt had always said, you can gather more bees with honey than vinegar.

Sharon was already behind the desk with pods in her ears, typing away. She looked up, motioned Maddie to the chair beside her desk and continued her conversation.

“Yes, Mr. Lorax. Ms. Morgan just walked in. I’ll be sure to share this information with her.” There was a pause as she listened and again responded, “Yes, I remember very well the conversation we had on Friday. I promise to do my very best.” A shorter pause followed by, “Bye and good luck today.”

The printer behind Sharon began to spew out paper which the woman gathered up and handed to Maddie. “Here is Mr. Lorax’s schedule for the next couple of days. He won’t be in the office until Wednesday, so that will give us plenty of time to go through files and for me to acquaint you with his preferences as well as his dislikes.”

Sharon rose from her chair saying, “We may as well begin in his office since he isn’t here. To access, you need to push this button under the left side of the desk to unlock the doors.”

Maddie got up and followed Sharon into “his” office, thinking that Sharon certainly must put the man on a pedestal the way she used his name and the emphasis she placed on the word his.

Once inside, Maddie walked to the corner where the large glass plates came together and offered a more than 180-degree view of the city and the sound. It was a glorious day, sun shining brightly, sparkles jumping off the water and flags flying happily in the wind. “This is such a great view.” She said without turning around. “I could probably stand here all day and find something new every single minute.”

“Well, that’s not going to get you hired at the end of the week, so you’d best come over here with your pad and pen and start taking notes. I don’t want to have to go through the information more than once.”

Maddie rolled her eyes before turning around and moving toward “his” desk where his soon to be late assistant waited. “Yes, Ms. Forsythe. I’m ready to begin. I just thought perhaps we could spend a few minutes becoming better acquainted with each other.”

“What would be the point of that Ms. Morgan? It’s not as if we are going to be co-workers or best friends any time soon. Now, this drawer Mr. Lorax always keeps locked. I’ve never tried to get inside and have no idea what’s in there. I suggest your curiosity not get the best of you. And, this file drawer here contains all the….”

That’s the way the morning went. Ms. Forsythe continued to go through the various files both in the desk and on the computer without allowing much time for Maddie to ask questions. Once again, Maddie was grateful for shorthand because she was able to put down every single word the woman said. Her fingers were cramping by the time Ms. Forsythe called a halt for lunch. She didn’t invite Maddie to eat with her and left saying, “I’ll be back promptly at 1:00 pm, so be ready to begin with my desk and computer at that time.”

When the door closed, Maddie crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue. “Yes, Ms. Forsythe, no Ms. Forsythe, screw yourself Ms. Forsythe, you cold bitch.” Then Maddie began to laugh before she clapped a hand over her mouth. “Way to go Maddie, way to go. What if there’s a camera aimed directly at you. God, I hope  not.”

As she turned away and took her lunch out of her bag, there was a knock at the door. She walked over and opened it to find Annie standing there. “I figured Ms. Forsythe hadn’t invited you to lunch because I don’t think she’s had lunch with anyone that’s not Mr. Lorax or a board member ever.”

As Annie was saying this, she glanced down to see Maddie’s lunch in her hand. “Oh, great, you brought your lunch. If you’d like, you can come with me and we can go to the employee lounge. You’ll be able to meet some of the other staff and Spence stocks great coffee and tea, not to mention a wide variety of sodas if that’s your preference.”

“Thank you, Annie. I’d be delighted to have lunch with you and other staff members. Being the new person can be very difficult if one isn’t welcomed or welcoming back.”

In addition to her lunch, Maddie brought along her pad and pen. If it was okay with the people she met, she wanted to make a note on her pad that included their name, position and a bit of a description in shorthand. She didn’t ask a lot of questions, but responded to the ones asked of her. By the end of lunch, everyone there knew her age, college major, the fact she cared for her aunt until her death and that this would be her first real job in the corporate world, that is if she were hired. Maddie was careful to smile often and use the person’s name when responding. She believed she had made a good impression on the individuals with whom she hoped to be working on a permanent basis. If nothing else, Mr. Lorax…they all called him Spence, but she’d wait until invited to do so…should receive positive comments about her if he cared to ask his employees.

By the end of the day, Maddie was exhausted, more from the cold reception she received from Sharon. She couldn’t understand why the woman was so hostile toward her. Really, she thought, if she wanted to continue working here, why was she leaving? From the time they had spent together, Maddie’s opinion was that the woman really was an excellent EA; and Maddie couldn’t see a reason why Mr. Lorax would fire her. Besides, if he’d fired her, she wouldn’t have been kept on to instruct Maddie on his likes and dislikes.

Still, it was fine. Annie and Kevin and a couple of other employees with whom she rode down in the elevator smiled and wished her a good evening. It felt enjoyable to smile and extend her own good wishes, to feel as though she was part of a team.

One the way home, Maddie stopped at her favorite Chinese restaurant and ordered dinner to go. She’d have leftovers for lunch tomorrow and not having to cook just for herself would give her that much more time to go over all the notes she’d made and list any items she’d want Sharon to clarify the next morning.

PROGRESS IS MADE

        

  What a great prediction when it came to my sleeping like a dead person Friday night….I did!!! Kuma and I went to bed before 8:00 pm and my Fitbit says I was asleep at 7:57 pm. I barely remember getting up to pee prior to waking up at 6:16 am. I might have slept longer, but Kuma wanted/needed to go out to do his pee.

          Friday’s lunch was terrific. I love a good, or GREAT, bacon cheeseburger so me and my friend went to Burgermaster on Aurora. It was, as always, excellent, although my friend and I discussed how burgers in general seem to be smaller than in the past, i.e., just as thick, but the diameter of the buns has decreased. For once, I didn’t order onion rings or fries because I thought that would be just too much food. I did miss those onion rings though.

          Once home, I began my effort to watch the movies that are up for an Academy Award. Frankenstein was the first one to pop up, so I watched that. It was an entirely different take on the old Frankenstein movies I’d watched before. I did enjoy it; and while I have no idea the name of the actor who played “Victor,” he was certainly very handsome regardless of his attire. Again, I have no idea of the name of the actress who played the love interest of the two brothers, but sheesh, the amount of clothing, with the exception of her nightdress, she had to wear. It must have weighed almost as much as she did. So glad we don’t have to dress like that now.

          Prior to Frankenstein, I did work on Madeleine until I reached either a stopping point or my imagination decided to wither. I’m going to try to write a bit more today (Saturday) and see where it goes. I certainly didn’t have time to fantasize last night because I went to sleep so quickly.

          I also completed the refabrication of my dust machine. Following that, I sanded the boat for a piece I hope to call, “Armada,” but I have to complete several “ships” prior to completion. I worked on one of the ships today (Saturday) and made some progress. Between Madeleine and my driftwood, I didn't have time for anything else.

A GREAT DAY!

          

 Thursday was a GREAT day. Kuma went to Hippie Hounds for a spa day and I returned home to clean, clean, clean. I felt really good, having completed a number of items on my “todo” list. Then, it came time for bed…what a huge disappointment.

          I got ready for bed as I always do and Kuma and I climbed into bed, ready to call it a day. He was tired from his spa adventure and I was tired from all the cleaning. Kuma didn’t have a problem going right to sleep. Moi, on the other hand couldn’t seem to find sleep no matter how hard or easy I tried. It SUCKED.

          It was after 3:00 am before I finally sort of dozed off. My Fitbit says I slept way longer than that, but I don’t think it reads correctly when the only thing that’s moving is my eyes…open, close, open, close, hour after hour.  I tried leaving the TV on, turning it off, turning it back on, all to no avail.

I even tried writing a new Madeleine chapter in my head. That didn’t help either because her adventure just made me wish I could spend some time with Spence…naked and pleasing each other immensely. I don’t recommend thinking about having GREAT sex if you are trying to go to sleep.

Anyway, I’m writing this the following morning for posting on Saturday. I’m seriously tired, but going to my exercise class anyway and then on to lunch with a friend. The only good result from such a lack of sleep…well there may be two…is that I’ll probably sleep like a dead person tonight and I just have to type out Madeleine’s and Spence’s new experience.

Don’t wait eagerly for that chapter…it’s going to be either six or seven…remember, patience is a virtue.

A NEW ENDEAVOR???

           

I began what I’m posting below a couple of years ago and then put it aside. I don’t yet have a title for it, and it may not ever get finished. However, maybe posting a first chapter will give me the impetus to continue…or at least dwell on the life of Madeleine rather moi.

CHAPTER 1 

Madeleine couldn’t believe she had scored an in-person interview, especially since her work background was so sketchy, but she was very grateful to be seated in the elegant reception area of the Lorax Company. She gazed around the room, noting the beautiful art on the walls, the cushy carpet on the floor and the kind of furniture that made you want to curl up with a good book. She even found the colors pleasing…a soft silvery gray with accents of bright and bold orange and blue in the pillows and beautiful glass items placed on dark wood tables around the room. She was so lost in her thoughts about the décor she didn’t hear her name called. When she did, she realized the individual waiting on her was a bit annoyed she hadn’t responded by jumping up immediately. Ah well, Maddie thought as she followed the beautifully dressed and coiffed woman down the hall.

Spencer was seated at his desk, working away when his soon-to-be-ex-assistant knocked and opened the door. He stood and waited while Sharon came into the room followed by a woman whose appearance was the exact opposite of Sharon’s.

“Spencer, this is Madeleine Marlow. She is your next interview for the position as your Executive Assistant. Ms. Marlow, this is Mr. Spencer Lomax.”

Madeleine took a very shallow deep breath and walked across the carpet toward the very tall and very attractive man behind the desk. He stood, held out his hand and she surrendered her much smaller one to his grasp. Almost immediately, there was a tingle up her arm. She felt as though she’d been zapped by a live wire and her eyes opened wide. She pulled her hand back as quickly as she was able and watched Mr. Lomax. His eyes, too, had widened at the contact and he reflexively rubbed his hand on his pants.

“Ms. Marlow, I’m delighted to meet you. Why don’t we move to the sitting area? It’s much less formal and I find it makes me as well as the interviewee feel more comfortable.” Seated, he continued, “I found your resume very interesting. Could we begin by having you tell me a bit about yourself?”

Maddie cleared her throat and sat up straight. “I realize employers no longer are allowed to ask certain questions, but I believe the more information one provides, the easier it is to reach a decision. I’m twenty-nine years old, and as you saw on my resume, graduated from college magna cum laude with a degree in marketing as well as art studies. I didn’t look for employment immediately because my aunt, the woman who raised me, was diagnosed with a serious cancer. Even though she didn’t want me to put my life on hold, I loved her dearly and made the decision to care for her until she either got well or passed. She died this past spring. I spent the following months clearing out her home and executing the instructions she left in her will. Now, I’m free to pursue a life of my own which I hope includes a career as the right hand of the CEO of a company like Lorax.”

“You realize your lack of employment history is a serious impediment to qualifying for and obtaining an Executive Assistant position?”

“Yes, I certainly do; however, I strongly believe I am far more capable of providing the assistance you would need than my resume would indicate. In fact, I so strongly believe in my abilities that I’m willing to work for you for a week gratis and if you’re not satisfied with my performance at the end of that time, I’ll go on my way. But, if my work is more than satisfactory, then I’d expect you to hire me full-time and pay me for the week I spent on probation.”

Spencer looked at Maddie and back at the resume he held in his hand. “It says here you know shorthand. I didn’t think they taught that skill any longer.”

“My aunt taught me and practically worked my fingers to the bone drilling me on my ability until she believed I was more than competent. I know it certainly came in handy during my college years as well as toward the end of her life when the doctors or nurses had extensive instructions for me about her care.”

Spencer stood up, indicating the interview was at an end. As he walked her to the door, he told her he had a couple more applicants to interview and would definitely get back to her regardless of his decision. Maddie thanked him, offered her hand wondering if there would be another zing. It was there and Spencer held on to her hand for a bit before releasing it, all the time looking into her eyes.

Maddie resisted the urge to rub her hand on her skirt until she was safely in the elevator. Even then, rubbing her hand hard against the material didn’t totally eliminate the small electrical charge she still felt. She wondered why Mr. Lomax affected her in such a way. No one, man or woman had ever before given her such a feeling. She rather liked it and wondered what would happen if she was actually hired. As the elevator doors opened on the first floor, she shrugged her shoulders and walked out, thinking she wouldn’t be back there any time soon. Mr. Lomax undoubtedly need someone with lots of experience.

Spencer was again seated behind his desk and thinking about Madeleine Marlow. Her appearance was the opposite of any of the candidates he’d seen so far. She’d worn a summer suit of obviously very good quality, but it looked as though it was a size or two bigger than she would need. The sleeves went down to her hands and the collar of the blouse was close around the neck. The suit skirt was fairly long and the shoes she wore were more like something a much older woman would wear. Then there was her hair and total lack of make-up, or at least it certainly didn’t appear as though she were wearing any. Her hair looked to be a beautiful color, neither blond nor red, but a combination of the two. She had it pulled back so tightly into a thick bun at the base of her head, it was really hard to see what it might actually look like loose. He found he’d very much like to see that hair loose; and he expected it would be fairly long considering the bun’s size. Her eyes were large when opened wide and a blue so dark it almost looked black. Spencer thought her eyes would be her best feature if she wore a little make-up and darkened the reddish-gold lashes with mascara. And, finally, what about that little zap he got both times their hands met. It didn’t exactly go directly to his cock, but it did make him wonder what it would feel like to press himself against her from head to toe. What kind of a zap would he feel then?

“Earth to Spence, earth to Spence.” His assistant said barely keeping the irritation out of her voice. “Here’s your next interviewee. Ms. Ralston, this is Mr. Lomax.”

The following day, when Spence rendered his decision about who to hire to replace Sharon, she appeared horrified. “You can’t possibly be serious about hiring that Marlow woman.” She almost spit out the words. “She doesn’t have any experience to speak of and I don’t know if they still use the word dowdy, but she’d be right at home in the dictionary as an example. I also still don’t understand why you have to replace me. And, okay, I got a bit out of line on a personal basis, but I can promise that won’t happen ever again. Let’s just stop this process and leave things as they are.”

“Sharon, we’ve already been through this several times. I know you’re sorry for your actions and I do trust that you’d never make that kind of mistake with me again. The problem is me. I feel very awkward around you now and part of that awkwardness I feel is because I really wanted, and still want if I’m being honest, to take complete advantage of all you offered. But I cannot and will not. And, I cannot and will not continue to work with you feeling as uncomfortable as I do.”

Sharon sighed and said, “I know it’s all my fault and I do appreciate the great recommendation and severance package you’re giving me, but I did and do so love this job.”

“In that case, get ready to share your knowledge with Ms. Marlow. I’m going to call her and tell her to report for work on Monday. I know you think this is a mistake, but she impressed me with her desire to be hired. She offered to work for free for a week and if I’m not impressed and don’t want to hire her at the end, she’ll walk away. Anyone who thinks they are that good and is willing to put themselves out there like that deserves a chance. And, Sharon, don’t you dare try to make her life a misery or make sure she doesn’t succeed. If you aren’t professional and helpful, I’ll void the letter of recommendation and severance package and simply fire you. Understood.”

Sharon acquiesced even though it made her quite angry. If she’d had her way, she’d have done everything possible to make the Marlow woman fail. At least that way, she’d continue in her position for a while longer and just maybe Spence would change his mind. Ah well she thought, maybe she’ll manage to fail on her own.

Maddie was curled up in her favorite chair with a soft blanket, her cat and a great mystery when her phone rang. She picked it up and said hello, expecting it to be another nuisance call.

“Hello Ms. Marlow. This is Spencer Lomax and I’ve called to tell you I’m accepting your offer to work for a week for free to see if it’s possible for you to meet the job requirements. Hello, are you there Ms. Marlow?

When Maddie realized who was on the phone, she’d sat up so fast her blanket, book and cat tumbled to the floor. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Yes, I’m here, just surprised to hear from you. I know there were undoubtedly a number of applicants much more qualified than me. When shall I report for work?”

“Be in the office at 8:00 am on Monday. Sharon, my current assistant, is expecting you and will begin the training. There won’t be any need for a visit to Human Resources until you are actually hired, if you are hired. We’ll deal with that then.”

“Thank you so much Mr. Lomax. You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to showing you what I am capable of doing. You aren’t going to be disappointed; I promise you. Goodbye.”

Maddie scooped up her annoyed feline and danced around the room which only made the cat even more unhappy. When she flopped back into her chair, she held and petted the cat until he was purring. “How about that Topper? How about that? I’m going to have a job. I know you aren’t going to like it because you’ll be here all day by yourself, but I’m so happy. Promise I’ll give extra pets and hugs every evening. Oh, Topper, this is so exciting.”

TO BLOG OR NOT TO BLOG

         

Somehow, I thought that writing and posting to my blog just once a day would be a breeze. After all, I’m a very fast typer but unfortunately not a fast thinker or at least unable to think as fast as I type. My problem with writing and posting is, I think, two-fold. First, I don’t want to be boring and second, I don’t’ want to use this merely to whine about whatever is annoying me at the moment.

          So, what does that leave me with when it comes to writing and blogging. I’m not altogether sure. It’s not like I’m living a hugely exciting life. I’m not traveling anywhere, don’t have a lover, or even a close male friend, haven’t assumed any new bad or good habits, and don’t participate in any activities that are noteworthy. In fact, my life is quite boring and I wouldn’t read anything written by me if I were the reader as opposed to the writer.

          Not only that, but I’m having a very hard time keeping a positive attitude for a variety of reasons. I guess the biggest reason for my negativity is the fact that there is just me, myself and I when it comes to the day-to-day living. I suppose I should be proud of myself for being able to move along without having much in the way of constructive criticism or having anyone that tells me how great I am. Still, it would be good to receive a pat on the back now and then…more now than then.

          I find myself wondering if other people (women mostly I guess) reach a point in their lives, as I seem to have reached in mine, where there doesn’t seem to be much of a point or reward for getting through each and every day. True, I have Kuma who provides me with lots of affection and attention, but it’s not the same as the affection and attention garnered from family and friends thirty or forty years ago.

          It’s as though I’ve reached a plateau where I sit, just me myself and I, waiting for the final chapter of my life. Should I not wake up tomorrow, just how many people would actually miss me going forward. As it stands now, with the exception of a very few, I truly believe I could slip off that plateau and be missed by fewer people than the fingers on one hand. That idea makes me rather sad.

          I guess you could say I’m having a pity party for myself as I write this. I believe it’s mainly because I don’t feel very clever or original when it comes to blog posting. It was supposed to be something fun, that would engage my creative side and provide me with some positivity in my life…don’t think that’s actually happening.

          So, I guess I’ll go ahead and put this up for tomorrow’s publication. Whether I continue to add to this blog on a daily basis feels like a mystery at this point. Perhaps a good night’s sleep, the elimination of things on  my “to do” list, and a huge effort on my part to look through rose-colored glasses might make it all better...or that's at least my hope.

CRANKY FURNACE???

      

    John and I had what I would call a partnership marriage, at least for the most part. Just yesterday morning, I was wishing I had my partner close to hand. That’s the crummy thing about being a widow (and maybe a widower as well). When your partner is no longer available, it leaves a hole (many holes) in your (my) life.

          After eating my breakfast, I went to get ready for the day. That’s when I realized the house was pretty cold. And it’s frosty and cold outside as well. I checked the thermostat and it said it was 63 degrees. It should say that it’s 68 degrees. I messed around with the dang thing, but the furnace didn’t come on. This is worrisome.

          I went to the furnace closet and the exhaust pipe (I think that’s what it is) was COLD. It didn’t appear the furnace was working. So, I flipped a switch. There are two and I can’t now remember which one I flipped. I think it was the one for the fan which I turn on in the summer when it’s hot outside. Anyway, the furnace rumbled to life and is still going strong about thirty minutes later. The house is warming up.

          This is where having John available would be very desirable. I know nothing about furnaces. That would have been his side of the partnership, a side I never needed to know much about. I did try to call AJ, but he didn’t answer so I just hung up. I’ll have to talk to him later and see what he has to say about the furnace…he’s an HVAC guy

          Meanwhile, this furnace was installed in 2001, so it’s twenty-five years old. When John thought the furnace was making noise in the middle of the night (it was a water hammer) about ten years ago, AJ completely rebuilt the dang thing over three weekends. As far as I know, he didn’t provide a warranty; and had he even done so, I’m sure it would have expired by now.

          When I began this year’s blog, I believe I posted about what I might need to replace in 2026. I think it was a refrigerator and this computer. I guess I need to amend that list and add a new furnace; but only if my HVAC savvy son is unable to keep it going. Still, I wish I had an inhouse partner to help with some of the stuff that needs attention. I sincerely hate having to be the sole responsible person.

"WHAT ME WORRY?"

 

          I guess it’s a good thing I’m doing this blog mostly for my own enjoyment as well as an effort to put some form of stability or routine in my life. It also might be an effort to see just how badly my memory is doing…or good. I’m sure you’d like to know what brought this revelation to light.

          Just the other day…and maybe many other days…I was trying to tell a story about something that happened in my life. As I was recalling and telling, I realized I wasn’t sure about the information I was sharing. Did it happen then? Did it happen like that? Was I mixing up that story with another story? Ah, who the hell knows…I certainly didn’t seem to. So, I gave up telling the story, but it made me more aware of what’s happening in my head…or not happening.

         Should I be overly concerned about this lapse…and others I’ve had/am having? I’m not exactly sure. I do know my own name, where I live, how to get about the streets of my community (and beyond), my financial information, and tons of other information necessary for day-to-day life. It’s the past information I seem to be having a hard time accessing, recalling, or sharing.

          I always thought that as I aged, my memories of long ago would become sharper and clearer rather than not, at least that’s what I’d always heard. And yes, there are definitely memories from my past that remain clear and that I could share without missing a beat.

          So, I guess I’ll choose to not worry about those momentary…or longer…lapses in memory. I guess as long as the important memories remain fresh and available, there’s no need to worry. Rather, when I can’t recall my name, address, bank account and fail to pay my bills, eat, shop, all the normal daily activities, then I should worry…or will the ability to worry leave as well…I certainly hope so because I don’t think I want to know when someone else steps in to run my life. 

          Think I’ll take a lesson from Alfred E. Neuman…”What, me worry?”

ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH

Nothing to say today. Just blogging to say I’ve blogged today. I’ll try to do better in the coming days.

GRANDDAUGHTER MOVES ON

           

My granddaughter has asked me to not talk about her on Facebook, and maybe not on my blog as well, but sometimes I just have to. This is probably because I am so very proud of the young women she has become. And it’s not like her parents have handed her everything on a silver platter, but they did instill an amazing work ethic in this kid.

          What brings her to the forefront of my thoughts at the moment is the fact she has moved into an apartment. By the end of the weekend, she’ll be joined by her significant other, but for almost two weeks, she’s been living on her very own and loving, loving, loving it. I’m sure she’ll love it when he moves in with her as well.

          I could go on for pages about this young woman even were she not my granddaughter. She sailed though high school, taking AP courses and finished almost a year before her actual graduation day. Not to sit back and be bored, she went to a community college and achieved a welding degree. If that wasn’t enough, she decided she’d like to go away to school, so applied to Wyotech in Wyoming to study diesel mechanics. She left there able to work on diesel engines.

          Her true love, if you can call it that, was, however, welding, so she’s been working as a welder for the last two or three years. She met her significant other at school in Wyoming and he, fortunately, lives in the area. Since her return, they’ve been moving between his dad’s house and her parents.

          Now, they’re setting up housekeeping together…is it okay to say housekeeping like that these days??? In any case, my wonderful granddaughter is off on a new adventure, that of being a totally independent adult. Based on her past accomplishments, I know whatever her future holds will be absolutely amazing.

          So, granddaughter, sorry for writing about you again…but dang it, I’m just so fucking  proud of you…so there!!!

REACHING FOR FIVE STARS

             

 I know I’ve written about how I choose what kind of day to have, what kind of attitude to have, what kind of life I want to have. But, it’s not always just that easy. Sometimes it’s so hard to make a positive choice. Sometimes, it almost seems as if making a choice isn’t possible.

          Currently, (Friday morning) I’m having excruciating pain in my left hip/buttock. I have no idea why this is happening aside from it being another symptom of old age. I’m trying to be proactive about the problem. I’ve researched how long hip replacements are supposed to last; and apparently, mine should be good for another fifteen years if not more.

          Years ago, I saw a spine doctor. My lower spine, i.e., the vertebrae and disks between them are in the process of degenerating, probably due to arthritis. This doctor told me I could have injections to help with the problem; however, I decided I wanted to put that treatment off as long as possible…guess that long as possible has arrived.

          I’ve emailed my doctor asking for a referral back to the spine doctor since I couldn’t find him on my list of providers…guess it’s been too long and he’s fallen off. I don’t know what she’ll say…probably get a response from someone else and likely that someone else may not have English as a first language and not understand my request…my experience with the last two emails I’ve sent.

          In any case, it will probably be weeks, or even months, before I’m seen by anyone unless I want to walk into Urgent Care and spend a day waiting for someone to see me, provide a diagnosis and schedule some form of treatment. Being an HMO member doesn’t always provide care when you want it, but regardless, I think the entire health industry works just that way.

          Besides whining here, I’ve done all my home physical therapy/exercises, eaten my breakfast, gone through my emails and made an online visit to my health provider. All that accomplished, it’s time to get up off this chair and begin my day. I’ve lots of stuff to do, i.e, tidy up the house, clean up the kitchen, make a dish for this afternoon’s potluck, make a huge salad for myself before the salad makings go bad, and clean up the kitchen again. This is all before I get myself dressed and ready to attend this afternoon’s retirement party.

          Unfortunately, most of the above efforts will require my standing up and that will make the pain very prevalent. I suppose I’ll be interspersing the work with trips to lean against my heating pad. That helps some, but I’d give almost anything for a good pain medication. I have some very old Percocet, but I don’t think it will be of any help with this problem.

          So, I’m choosing to have as good a day as possible…maybe not a five-star day, but the sun is shining, I’m alive, and have a party to attend…time to be positive and reach for at least four stars.

JEALOUS...GUESS NOT

          

 When I was writing yesterday’s post, I wondered exactly why that had come up as a topic in my mind. Once finished, I realized it was the result of a conversation at my Driftwood Sculpting class.

          There is a gentleman in the class who was there when I began three or so years ago. He was a week into a new relationship with a woman ten years his senior, i.e., she was 90. That relationship bloomed and they are still together. He mentioned this week that they are going to design “engagement” rings and have them made, but they won’t be getting married. The rings are just something they both want to commemorate their relationship as it is.

          During this discussion, another gentleman was mentioned whose wife had died. Apparently, he’s now dating and is quite happy with the woman that’s come into his life. My driftwood friend hopes these individuals become a couple.

          Then, there’s a good friend whose husband died. She was quite happy being on her own, travelling and enjoying life the way she wanted it to be. I learned some time last summer that she now has a man in her life and he’s wonderful. In fact, they actually went to the same high school and graduated the same year.

I have to admit there was a part of me that was/is hugely jealous of these individuals and their “new” relationships. I, too, would like to have someone in my life; but at the same time, I don’t want the bother of developing a liaison and going through all the various ways in which I, and he, would have to learn to communicate and compromise.

          There’s also the fact that in the small circle I travel, available men are few and far between. There hasn’t been a single one that’s caught my eye since John passed. And I know, how can I possibly be so picky at my age…but I am.

          So, I guess having grass green eyes when it comes to new relationships for other friends will just have to be the norm for me. Of course, I should never say never because who knows what’s waiting around the corner. Seriously, though, I doubt there will ever be a new man in my life. Kuma and I will soldier on.

WANTING/NEEDING COMFORT

          

 Do you remember what it was like when you were very young and something happened that was either small or huge and made you feel awful…lots of times sending the tears flowing? I do. I also remember being picked up by an adult, usually mom, grandma or daddy, or when I got bigger, being able to crawl into their laps/arms for a cuddle. Do you remember how wonderful it was to have all the “pain,” whether physical or mental practically erased by the time the tears dried? I do.

          Even today, I can remember how my mom smelled. She smelled like soap, cigarettes and sometimes mouthwash. Daddy smelled like cigarettes, flour and sweat sometimes. Grandma’s odor was different. She smelled like her clothing which always seemed clean and fresh, but sometimes, she also smelled like the snuff she put in her lower lip. All those smells and all those arms and hands, not to mention the voices provided so much solace and reassurance. I can remember how whatever my problem had been, it was solved by the time I moved away from them.

          These days, I wish it were possible to have this eighty-year-old body and mind comforted in just that way. Unfortunately, there’s no adult in my life that could sooth my physical or mental hurts in any fashion. Kuma will allow me to give him as many hugs and pets as I could possibly want, but it’s more for his pleasure than my consolation. I will admit though that there is a great amount of comfort to be had from Kuma and I’m grateful for him and his presence.

          I believe I’ve written about this before. Long ago in an English class, there was a short article about the importance of skin. Newly born, growing up, being in a relationship, becoming a parent were all discussed because there was an abundance of skin, i.e., touch during those times. The article ended by discussing how older folks suffered from a lack of skin which might be detrimental to those folks’ health.

          There was also an article about how many hugs is necessary for good health. This was just discussed at my exercise class last week. The minimum necessary per day is four. The best number is twelve hugs each day. Anything beyond those twelve is icing on the cake. Well, damn, I don’t have the cake, let alone the icing.

          I guess the best I can do with all this reflection is to remember the comfort given and received during all those times there was a lot of skin in my life, and to be thankful for those memories.

ZERO COSTCO VISIT

          

 Today I went to Costco. Big deal right? Well, it really was a big deal because I walked out empty handed!!! How about that!!!

          My purpose in going there was to have new connectors put on my hearing aids. I’m having a hearing test next week and wanted to make sure the aids were in tip-top shape. I was told it would be about twenty minutes before they’d be ready.

          I went and ordered a slice of cheese pizza. No need for a soda since I had my water bottle from exercise class. While I ate, I looked at my phone…like every single other person there…before I took up watching the folks who’d gone through the checkout line and were leaving. I’m always amazed at the amount of product that ends up in other people’s carts. I don’t think I’ve ever bought that much stuff at one go in my life. But then, I haven’t ever had a huge family to feed either.

          Finished with the pizza, I decided to walk around and look at all the stuff I don’t ordinarily look at. Usually when I go to Costco, I have a list, know where what I’m there for is located, so don’t wander up and down the other aisles. It was interesting.

          What was more interesting, at least to me, was my thoughts about all the products I saw. There were so many that I would have loved to buy except for one small thing…well, two small things. First, my need for anything I looked at, including the women’s clothing, is pretty much nil. I already have more than enough stuff to use and wear without adding anything else.

The second small thing is cost. I’ve determined I’m going to be frugal this year. No spending to gain something I merely want as opposed to need. I don’t know how successful this new campaign will be as the year progresses, but so far, I haven’t purchased anything that wasn’t/isn’t necessary…good for me, right? Right!!!

I must admit that as I walked out Costco’s door, I felt very proud of myself even though there was a bit of regret over what I’d really liked but denied myself.