HELP, I'VE FALLEN....

           

It’s hard to believe, but I guess I have a brand-new best friend and it’s not the human kind. I came to the realization just yesterday that I’m spending way too much time on my phone…and it isn’t talking to anyone!!! In fact, it’s Facebook!!!

          I honestly don’t know quite how this happened, but I’m spending way too much time on Facebook. It seems like only recently I would spend maybe thirty minutes in the morning and thirty minutes in the evening looking at stuff on FB. Somehow, I’ve, or quite possibly FB has changed all that and I’m spending way too much time staring at that small screen.

          In an effort to save you, dear reader, from this potential time-wasting exercise, here’s how it happened to me. I found a column about Moose the Great Dane…his owner writes wonderful and very funny stories about all of the things Moose does. I also think, if all the stories are true, that Moose has to cost her a ton of money.

          That Moose led to another Moose, this time a German Shepherd who, according to his owner, doesn’t even have one brain cell. Still, the stories she (or he) writes, are funny and make me laugh.

          Those two would have been plenty, but I love to look at the reels that are offered and therein lies the problem I created for myself. Somehow, I managed to like or follow a country-western singer named Cooper Alan. This man is a prolific writer and performer. It now seems like he’s posting one song after another. And, they are good and I enjoy them, so I listen.

          Then, somehow, I must have liked or followed a stand-up comic. Now I’m getting stand up routines for an additional two, and maybe more, stand-up folks. I like to laugh, so I watched and listened and laughed.

          This is what’s led to my spending way more than an hour a day on my phone on Facebook. This has to stop. It also makes me wonder if there is some AI involved as in FB figured out what I liked and is thereby providing me with the very things I like and that make me laugh. I’m now convinced some of this content that’s wooed me into way more time than I want to give has to be AI.

          But, you know, there’s only one remedy for falling down this rabbit (or AI) hole and that’s to put the phone down and continue with stuff that doesn’t require I squint at a screen for more than that thirty-minutes twice a day. It’s my new goal, or old one actually, and I’ll let you know how it does…maybe you could cross your fingers (or eyes) for me.

UPDATE

 

Just a quick update since I haven't posted since Tuesday and here it is Thursday already. I have been writing, but I've been writing Maddie's story. I think I have a couple more chapters almost finished, but need to look them over again and make some changes, maybe.

      I've also been busy doing other stuff like having my car's oil changed. I hadn't been in for almost a year and, of course, the service tech I've had since 2003 wanted to sell me a tune-up to the tune (pun intended) of $1,400+. I very nicely thanked hi m and went just for the oil change which was $140+. Just when did oil changes become so expensive? When I first began getting the oil changed back in 2003 (and, okay that was 23 years ago), it was only $30+. Guess I'm just busy living in the past when things were cheaper...too bad my income hasn't risen at the same rate. 

      The visit to get the oil changed didn't end there. I came home to get Kuma to take him to the groomers and when I was driving away, I saw there were three lights on on the dash, i.e., check engine, track off and 4-wh drive. That meant I had to return to  Swickard to have them figure out what was the problem...it's only 4.5 miles home from there, so 9 miles when I returned. Apparently something under the hood wasn't fastened tightly enough. What happened to mechanics who knew what they were doing. They did clean my engine while I waited with Kuma inside...dont' know what that really means, but oh well. 

      It's supposed to be nice the next few days, so I don't imagine I'll be sitting in front of the keyboard. There's lots of stuff outside that needs, no, make that DEMANDS attention. Actually, that's where I should be right now because the sun is shining and it's not all that cold. But I've had an already busy day with a two-hour visit to the dealership for my car and then a trip to the groomer's so Kuma could have his nails trimmed. I also thought I'd get a grocery store visit in, but I'm tired and DONE for today.

I HATE CLEANING/DUSTING...ALMOST MAKES ME INSANE

          

 How about you, dear reader, so you ever feel the way I’m feeling at the moment. The key word there is “moment” because I don’t feel like this all the time. If I did, there wouldn’t be much point in continuing on for however much time I have left. I know this paragraph doesn’t really inform you as to how I’m actually feeling, so I guess I’d best get to that so you can decide if you ever have similar feelings.

          There are times when having to spend one more day on earth seems almost more than I can bare. This part of my body hurts and that part hurts; my eyes and ears need fixing and will receive those fixes, but it’s hard being patient for those changes. The parts that cannot be fixed will remain, I guess, as they now are, causing me discomfort on a 24/7 basis. I have no idea who first said, “It’s hell getting old.”, but it was probably Adam or Eve and nothing’s changed in all those centuries.

          It’s funny…actually not…how a human begins life surrounded by love and has so many people around all the time. (I’m sure this isn’t true for everyone, but it was for me.) The human grows up and lives a life that continues to hold numerous people. It’s not always the same ones, some come and some go, but there’s little time for that human to be lonely or feel unloved.

          Then, that human reaches a life stage where all the important work has been accomplished, i.e., growing up, marriage, children, home, school, work, etc. That human’s days are full to the brim and it works toward a time when the responsibilities will lessen and a time of rest and relaxation will arrive…the just desserts for which the human was programmed and has worked for so many years.

          I reached that time about fifteen years ago, but I still had lots of people in my life, although the number began to decline. Then, going on seven years ago, my husband died and the number of people that called, visited, issued invitations lessened even further. I also know this isn’t necessarily that way for every single widow, but it’s the truth of my life.

          And it’s not as though I spend hours or days feeling sad, lonely or as if continuing on just me, myself and I is more than I can manage…I don’t. I go to my classes, interact with people there, exchange stories and ideas, work on my driftwood and writing projects and garden. I enjoy all those interactions, projects and consider them to be fun.

          Still, there are times like today when the only voices in my house are those projected from the radio.  Times like today when I’m forcing myself to clean house even though I’m perfectly happy with all the dust and debris in the various rooms. There doesn’t seem to be much point except to satisfy me, myself and I…that’s hard when the three of us really don’t care. Those marathon house cleaning times because guests are coming are few and far between.

          Fortunately, I’m close to being finished with cleaning; and to be perfectly honest, am appalled at the amount of dust that was/is on everything. Finished, I do really like the way the glass gleams in the light when free of its gray coating. Done, I’ll shower and shampoo and don a fresh nightie to crawl into my freshly made bed. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and be glad for a new day and thoroughly enjoy how everything shines crystal bright, the result of my endeavor to have a clean house.

        I'll also undoubtedly re-read this post and wonder what the hell I as so down about...it was only cleaning house after all.

CHAPTER 6

 

CHAPTER 6

Maddie had been surprised by Spencer’s decision to not escort her home even while she was extremely grateful to not have had to share the dark back seat with him. If he had escorted her, she just hoped she would have had enough strength to ignore his deadly sex appeal until she could leave the car.

The weekend seemed both too short and too long. Maddie desperately wanted to go into the office and see if she would have the same physical reaction if she was in the same proximity as Spencer, especially without his touching her.

Maddie arrived at work a bit early only to find Spencer already behind his desk. She had her pad and pen in hand when she entered just in case, and sure enough, he had instructions for her. The last item on his list was to ask her for the Nordstrom receipts so he could authorize the expense.

“There are no receipts Spence. Saturday morning, I took back everything Sharon helped me purchase. As I’m sure you saw Saturday night, I have clothing that’s quite suitable for such events. There isn’t any need for the company to purchase appropriate clothing for me, especially since I think those funds could be better utilized in some other fashion, pun intended.” Maddie said with a laugh. “I know your company is doing well, but it really isn’t fair to spend money in such a way that doesn’t really benefit everyone.”

“Sharon believed it was a necessity.”

“Yes, and perhaps it was for her, but during my aunt’s life, I attended a number of functions that required proper clothing. My aunt was also very frugal, so I learned to choose clothing and accessories that might have been expensive at the time but were well-made and the kind of fashion that lasts. In fact, most of the clothing I’ve been wearing was originally my aunt’s. I know it’s a bit too large right now, but I hope to gain back the weight I lost while nursing her. I also like the fact it makes me feel close to my aunt plus, I’m practicing her frugality.

“As for funds, I do have money of my own and can afford to purchase whatever I might need for any occasion. I didn’t elaborate in our interview, but my aunt was an attorney with Clarkson, Jakes, Williams and Morgan…she was the Morgan in the firm. During her life she made good money and invested well. I was her only family and she left me everything including her house in Madison Park. Once I’d completed the terms of her will I sold that house because it held too many memories and bought my little bungalow on Queen Anne.”

“So, you don’t really need a job? You’re just working for the fun of it?” Spencer asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I could probably live comfortably without a job, but I need a job, this job, if you will. Taking care of my aunt took so much of my time for so long, I pretty much lost touch with all my friends. If I didn’t have a job, I’d probably waste away of loneliness.”

“I’m sure you could find something to keep you occupied. There’s always some kind of volunteer function for a wide variety of organizations. Or, you could travel, join some clubs, make some new friends. There has to be more interesting ways to utilize your time, Maddie.”

“Goodness, it sounds as though you’d like me to quit. I thought you were impressed by my skills and the work I did last week. Did I do something wrong Saturday evening? Did someone say something to you about me?”

Spencer had to clench his teeth to keep from shouting, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” at the top of his lungs. He heaved a sigh and looked directly at Maddie said, “No, you didn’t do anything wrong and you did indeed impress me last week. I wouldn’t have hired you otherwise. The fact you don’t need to work just came as a surprise. I always thought that’s what people looked forward to and worked for, the ability to be able to do whatever they please with lots of free time.”

“I am doing as I please Spencer. I like your company and find the challenges offered by the job interesting and rewarding. I like the people who work here and already feel as though I’ve made a couple of friends; friends I could invite to dinner or attend a movie with. Last week was just the beginning for me, so I hope your new knowledge about me won’t interfere with my working for you.”

“No, no, of course not. As long as you’re happy and continue to do an exemplary job, you won’t have any complaints from me.”

“Great. I guess we’d best get to business. I’ll let you know if I’m able to arrange the meetings you want for tomorrow as soon as I’ve made the calls.

When Maddie closed the office door, Spencer leaned back in his chair and softly swore. For a few minutes there, he’d thought he’d be able to release Maddie from working for him. That would have allowed him to pursue her and see if the attraction he felt for her was as strong as it seemed to be. It would have also allowed him to see if she felt an attraction as well. Judging by her responses about working for him, she definitely wasn’t attracted. Well, he’d just have to make sure they didn’t spend much time together.

Seated behind her desk, Maddie breathed a sigh of relief. Spence had taken the news about her inheritance well and seemed to understand her need to work and remain in her position. She was proud of herself for being so calm, so patient when all she really wanted to do was to climb over Spence’s desk and into his lap. Ah well, that’s not going to happen she told herself. Get over it.

As the weeks and months passed, Spencer came to rely on Maddie more than he’d ever relied on an EA in the past. She was scary smart, almost seemed to have total recall of conversations and the ability to read information once and repeat it back. Not only did Spencer value Maddie’s contributions and knowledge, but other members of the company had come to count on her opinion or advice when Spencer wasn’t available.

The fact that Maddie had seamlessly taken on many of Spence’s responsibilities as she settled into her position and that staff also trusted her to provide answers previously provided by Spencer allowed him to spend more time away from the office. If you’d told him prior to hiring Maddie that this would have been possible, he would have laughed because he was a hands-on boss and preferred being in charge. Spence had to admit he’d come to value and trust Maddie’s abilities. In fact, he sometimes thought he’d become the Lorax figurehead rather than the boss.

Spencer went out of his way to make sure he didn’t touch Maddie. New clients, companies and contacts gave him all the excuses he needed to stay away from the office. Phone calls were their usual and almost daily contact. If Spencer went into the office, he generally tried to do it once he knew Maddie was gone for the day or before he knew she’d arrive. It wasn’t unusual for her to arrive at her desk to find a pile of papers and instructions he’d left the night before. Honest with himself, Spencer knew he used pretty much any valid excuse he could find to stay away from the office and Maddie.

As for Maddie, she came to treasure the fact Spencer and other staff trusted her so very much. She realized she was an actual number two to Spence’s number one. She relished that knowledge and hoped she’d never do anything to alter those perceptions and trust. Still, at times, Maddie found herself drifting just a bit when she thought about Spencer and the way his hand felt on her back at that first event.

 

Their avoidance of each other wasn’t difficult to achieve, even when one of the mandatory charity functions arose and Spencer needed Maddie to attend with him. He became used to the beautiful woman that showed up for these events even though her event appearance was like night and day to that of the office. Maddie made these events even easier by meeting him at the various locations, insisting a limousine was a poor use of company funds. After that first function, Maddie also wore garments that while fashionable showed less skin and/or stressed her sculpted figure. Thankfully, these events weren’t the norm and occurred only now and then.

Meanwhile, Maddie cemented her friendship with Annie and a couple other employees as well. She enjoyed sharing dinners, movies and time with these women. She also reached out to a couple of women who’d been her best friends in college. Lisa was a Microsoftie and loved her job. Teresa had found her true love and was mother to three adorable children. Maddie enjoyed renewing these friendships and found her life full of various events with these women as well as hosting dinners and a book club at her home.

True to his word, David MacGuire had called her at the office following that first event and invited her out. Maddie accepted and while she felt absolutely no attraction to David, she definitely enjoyed the dinners, his laughing and superficial pursuit of her time and attention as the months passed. In fact, Maddie had become a bit concerned about David’s attentions. What had begun as a good time with a fun guy seemed to be developing into a more serious interest on his part. She knew she wouldn’t be going there and had begun to think it was time to call a halt to their dating.

On what Maddie had decided would be her last date with David, Spence just happened to be in the office when he came to pick Maddie up for an early dinner to be followed by attendance at a play given by a touring company. She was looking forward to the company and the play, but not to the talk she planned to have at her house after. As she gathered up her things, she was laughing at something David said when Spence came out of his office.

“Well, hello David.” Spence said, moving to and shaking hands with him. “What brings you by? I didn’t realize we had an appointment.”

“Hi Spence. No, we don’t have an appointment. I’m here for Maddie. We’re off to dinner and then to see “Wicked” at the Paramount.”

Maddie felt Spence’s sudden tension and wondered why he’d gone from very relaxed to a heightened unease. “Was there something you needed Spencer. I’d be happy to stay and take care of whatever it is.”

“No, Maddie, everything’s just fine. You go on and have a good time. Nice to see you, David.” Spence responded as he re-entered his office and closed the door.

He leaned against the door and fought the mental images of Maddie in David’s arms, David’s bed, of her hair loose and spread across his pillow, languid and drowsy from David’s lovemaking. He hated these thoughts and the pictures they produced.

Get a grip man. Stop thinking about your executive assistant like that. You know you set the rules; and you know you have to abide by them. No matter how attracted you are to Maddie, you simply have to ignore that attraction. It’s business, just business. Now, either get to work or go home.

HAPPY, NOW SAD

           

Today was one of the happiest days of my life forty-six years ago. Today, it’s one of the saddest days of my life. It is the forty-sixth birthday of my youngest son. For the first time in all those years, I will not be making dinner for him nor will I be making a German chocolate cake.

          I’ve sent him a happy birthday emoji and wished him a wonderful day and a terrific year. I’ve wished him happy birthday on Facebook. He’s responded with a thank you. Later today I’ll call and talk to him if he answers his phone.

          Undoubtedly, I could go on for paragraphs or even pages about how or why our relationship has reached the stage at which it’s plateaued, but what would be the point. Undoubtedly, we are both to blame for the current status and it’s unlikely it will change any time soon.

          So, I’ll continue with my day, a day like any other now, and concentrate on the memories made in the years past as I attempt to not lament the potential of making new ones.

OOOPS

    

Well, it appears I didn't manage to make a post on Friday, February 20th. For shame. 

TIRED, TIRED, TIRED

               

Today seems to be a very down day. I slept for more than eight hours and still went back to bed for almost another two hours after getting up. I should feel enthusiastic and energized, but I. Do. Not.

          I don’t understand how I can feel so tired after getting so much sleep. In fact, I feel as though I could go back to bed and sleep some more. I don’t feel down or depressed, just tired and sleepy.

          So, I guess I’ll post this so I can say I posted something and go back to bed. Perhaps tomorrow will be a more energetic and fulfilling day.

I HATE DUSTING

               

Well, there’s not much to blog about today unless I can come up with a great topic. Actually, I’m attempting to avoid dusting…I haven’t dusted since mid-November. I’ve vacuumed, washed the floors, cleaned the bathroom, changed the bed, washed the couch covers and Kuma’s bed and cleaned up the kitchen, but I haven’t dusted…I HATE DUSTING!!!

          So, just imagine this soft gray film on every single flat surface in my home. Just imagine that gray film on all the stuff I have sitting around on those flat surfaces. I’ve a feeling I’m going to need more than one dust cloth as well as a couple of the Swiffer dusters…that is if I actually dust.

          I got everything out on Monday with the intention of dusting. I turned on the TV and put it on a series I’ve been watching. Well, I managed to dust one thing…the TV…and got caught up in the program which I watched until bedtime, with a couple breaks to get something to eat and drink.

          All the dusting paraphernalia remains in the living room as I type this. I can hear it calling my name; but, you know, I absolutely hate dusting. Guess I’m going to have to respond. At least once it’s done, I can ignore it again for a couple of months…based on my history, that would make it necessary along about May. Wish me luck.

NOW MY FEET ARE BAD

             

 Sheesh, if it isn’t one thing, it’s another. Yesterday I went to see my podiatrist…when you reach my age, you have an MD for just about every aspect of your body. Since I have peripheral neuropathy in my feet due to the breast cancer treatment, and developed diabetes years after that, my health history is of “concern.” So, I need to have my feet checked periodically. In any case, I wasn’t expecting anything other than, “Your feet look fine, keep up the good work.”, which has been the result of all my preceding visits.

          To make sure my feet remain in good condition, I never ever go barefoot except from my bed to the bathroom. The rest of the time, I wear shoes or slippers. That way, I’m not apt to cut my foot or do some other kind of damage. Fortunately, the scabs that appeared on my left toes last month…the result of Kuma’s claws being too long and landing on my toes…fell off just this past week otherwise, I’d have received a lecture.

          Last August, my podiatrist had his assistant perform an ABI test on my feet. I don’t know what ABI actually stands for, but it’s a way to test the arterial blood flow in my legs. At that time, there wasn’t a problem and the blood flow was great…lucky me. Well, the ABI yesterday told a different tale. The podiatrist showed me the graph and all my numbers were RED. Now, this is very serious and means the blood flow to my feet isn’t good AT ALL.

          Considering all the prescription medications I’m taking, I do not understand how the result of these ABIs can be so very different in just six months. In any case, it’s not something to ignore and so a referral to a vascular specialist has been requested. I have no idea what the results of that referral might be, but I guess I’ll just have to pay attention and follow instructions…I really don’t want to lose either or both of my feet.

          So, just in case you’re keeping track, in 2026, I’ll be getting new hearing aids, cataracts removed, crown replaced, and now, perhaps stents in the arteries in my legs. If this kind of stuff keeps up, I may end up having a lot of my parts replaced. It makes me wonder if the middle section of my body will ever come under scrutiny…I’d love a much smaller waist and a bigger butt!!!

CHAPTER 5

 CHAPTER 5

Thursday morning came much too quickly and it was apparent to Maddie that Sharon had a hang-over. Still, the woman escorted her to Nordstrom, changed the account over to Maddie’s name, and advised her on the proper apparel for the coming Saturday night. Maddie was appalled at the amount of money spent on the dress, shoes and accessories. Sharon insisted, however, that it was a routine practice for events like the one she’d be attending. Maddie also decided she and Spence would have a conversation about this practice in the near future.

Friday’s dinner celebration wasn’t much of one. Both Sharon and Spence seemed uncomfortable and it didn’t last as long as the dinner Maddie had had with Sharon earlier in the week. Maddie did notice that Sharon was much more careful about the amount of alcohol she drank. She also noticed that Spence ordered the same Scotch as she did and like her, kept it to one. Maddie was more than happy to bid both individuals good night after reassuring Spence she’d be ready by 8:00 pm the following night.

Maddie spent Saturday morning doing errands which included returning all the items that had been purchased at Nordstrom on Thursday. She found the very idea of the company paying such exorbitant sums for clothing for one night appalling. And, okay, it wasn’t thousands and thousands, but it was funds that could be better utilized in some fashion within the company. She had plenty of good clothing from which to choose or she could afford to go buy something herself if she needed something more appropriate.

Once the week’s groceries had been put away, Maddie ran herself a bath and used some of the gardenia bath salts she loved. It had been a long time since she had prepared herself for a date, although tonight wasn’t really a date, but still, it felt good to be pampering herself with the goal of looking splendid by the time Spence came to fetch her. She supposed he would have a limo and perhaps she needed to talk to him about the use of those as well. He certainly didn’t seem to adhere to being frugal no matter how many numbers appeared on his computer screens.

Ready and waiting, Maddie smoothed her hand down the soft velvet of the long cape she wore in lieu of a coat. She enjoyed the feel of the soft material, however, the very thin leather gloves she pulled on over her hands felt just as good. She had always known she had a sensuous nature and speculated her sense of touch was quite possibly stronger than any of her other senses. When Maddie saw the limo pull up in front of her house, she opened the door, checked the lock and moved toward the car.

Spence was surprised not only by Maddie being ready to go, but also by the cloak she was wearing and his surprise increased as he helped her into the car. She seemed to know exactly how to handle all the material, as if she’d worn that type of outwear often. Amazingly, even though she was wearing gloves, when he took her hand to help her into the car, there was still a zing. It made him wonder what the cape concealed. Settled in the back of the limo, they exchanged greetings and while Maddie had prepared herself with as much information about the event as possible, she still had some questions.

“Spencer, I was wondering if you had any ground rules when it comes to your EA attending this type of occasion? Are there any individuals you want me to talk to? I guess I just want to know what your expectations might be?”

“To be perfectly honest, I could attend by myself, but then I’d have all kinds of women trying to match me up with someone and I’m definitely not interested in having that happen. All I’d like you to do is to have a good time, talk to whomever you’d like and, of course, if you learn anything that might benefit the company, that would be great.”

“That sounds fairly easy.”

“One other thing and that’s regarding alcohol. You may drink however much or whatever you like as long as you don’t overdo.”

“You don’t have to worry about my drinking too much. I’ve always been very careful. One glass of wine and I get a little silly. Two glasses and I get very silly and three; well, whoever supplies that third glass could undoubtedly have their way with me.” Maddie responded with a chuckle. “I don’t think I’ve ever been really drunk, not even in college.”

For some reason, Maddie’s laughing comment about having three drinks resulting in someone having their way with her left Spencer thinking seriously about how he could entice her to have that third drink. Those thoughts make his tie just a little too tight. And even though they weren’t sitting thigh to thigh, the atmosphere in the back of the limo seemed charged to him in some way. He wondered if Maddie felt it as well, or if she’d felt the same zing he’d felt through her gloves.

Maddie was also aware of how the very air seemed to hold some form of energy. She’d managed to conceal her hand beneath her cape and rub it on her thigh. It really didn’t make any sense for there to be whatever it was between her and Spencer. She hadn’t even known him a week, but his touch just on her hand made her nipples harden and her imagination run wild. She could barely look at his face because she wanted to stare at his lips.

Neither one of them seemed to have much to say after Spencer had provided his expectations, so they completed the ride in silence. At the hotel, Spencer helped her out of the car and placed her hand on his arm as they entered and proceeded to the ballroom. In front of the cloakroom, Maddie released the cape’s clasp and Spencer removed it prepared to hand it over to the young woman behind the counter. For a few seconds, he couldn’t move because he was hypnotized by what the cape’s removal revealed. Maddie’s arms and back were completely bare right down to her bottom with only strings that criss-crossed the length of that bare skin. At her bottom, the silky black material flowed all the way down to black stilettos.

“Sir, sir, did you want to give me that garment?” released Spencer from his wide-eyed stare at Maddie’s back.

“Oh, yes. Please.” He responded with a small head shake.

Spencer cleared his throat and moved up to stand beside Maddie. He placed his hand in the small of her bare back to guide her into the ballroom. If the touch of hands had made him feel a zing, his entire hand on her almost completely bare skin made his entire arm and perhaps his entire body go on high alert. His cock even twitched which was something that had never happened with any woman previously.

As they moved forward to be greeted by their host and hostess, Spencer could tell that Maddie had either been well-instructed as she grew up or she had attended other events like this one. She smiled and said all the right things, as Spencer introduced her as his new EA. It was during the introductions he got to see the front of Maddie’s amazing dress. A halter top covered her entire chest like a second skin and hugged her torso until it reached the top of the front of a short gathered skirt which left at least half of her beautifully toned thighs bare. Long dangly earrings that appeared to be diamonds or very well-made imitations brought one’s attention to her neck, face and the tendrils of hair that appeared to just have fallen from the loose bun at her neck’s nape. Spencer realized Maddie was a gorgeously beautiful woman. He also realized he desired her more than any other woman he’d ever been with.

In the ballroom, Spencer went to acquire drinks for them only to return and find Maddie in earnest conversation with David MacGuire, a venture capitalist who had a reputation for being a ladies’ man. Spencer handed Maddie her drink, shook hands with David and listened as they continued their conversation about the stock market. David was insisting Maddie should sell all her shares in the Stockton Company and Maddie was insisting right back that the company was sound and would soon see a rise in the worth of each share.

“It’s not the time to sell, David, it’s the time to buy. You wait. You’ll be sorry you sold your shares. Be sure to call me so I can say I told you so.”

“For that I’d need your number sweetheart.” David responded with what Spence considered a leer.

“You can reach me at Spencer’s company. I’m his new EA.”

“Well, well, well, aren’t you the lucky one Spence.” David grinned, winked and slapped Spencer on the back. “If I were you, I’d be looking forward to going to work every single day as well as hate having the day end.”

“Guess Maddie’s lucky I’m not you, David. She’d probably find it extremely hard to do her job while you chased her around the desk.”

David laughed heartily while Spencer again placed his hand on Maddie’s back and urged her forward. They moved around the ballroom reception area, sipping their drinks and nibbling on hor d’ouevres. When the ballroom doors opened, they moved with the crowd, found their table and sat down.

By this time, Maddie’s close proximity, the light and pleasant scent that drifted to Spencer from her skin, his hand on her back or her hand on his arm had Spencer aroused to the point he wanted to toss Maddie over his shoulder and find the nearest dark and quiet spot to ravish her. He’d never felt this way in his entire life and was totally mystified by his reaction to this woman. The evening had barely begun, but Spencer was ready to have it end, to have such tempestuous thoughts removed from his mind. He forced himself to turn to the woman on his other side and make conversation. Even then, his entire left side seemed electrified and totally aware of Maddie just inches away.

Maddie’s thoughts and her body’s reaction to Spencer being so near was like nothing she’d experienced before. She was aware of every single cell and each time his hand came in contact with her bare back, she could feel the heat spread throughout her body. That heat made her aware of her nipples hardening and her sex becoming engorged and her panties wet. She hoped Spencer was unaware of her response to him because she didn’t want to lose her job the way Sharon had. Maddie was extremely grateful when they finally sat down to dinner and he wouldn’t feel the need to touch her as he directed her around. Still, even though she turned her entire attention to the very nice gentleman on her left, she could feel a pull from Spencer’s body on her right.

Finally, the evening was over and Maddie’s body was safe from Spencer’s touch beneath her all-encompassing velvet cloak. When the limo arrived to pick them up, Spencer helped her into the car and told the driver to take her home.

“You’re not coming?” Maddie asked, looking up at Spencer’s face. While she waited for answer, she noticed how hard he seemed to be clenching his jaw.

“No, Maddie. I have a few things I need to take care of. I hope you don’t mind. I really appreciated you attending with me tonight. I’ll see you in the office on Monday. Good night.” And Spencer closed the door.

As the limo drove off, Spencer heaved a huge sigh. There had been no way he could have climbed into that car, into that dark and comfortable back seat and sat there breathing in Maddie’s scent and not have accosted her before the car was down the block. He turned and began to walk, wondering how he was going to manage working with her come Monday. There had to be some way to ignore his body’s response when near her. He even wondered if he’d need to fire her and hire Sharon back.

ACUPUNCTURE

             

Yesterday I had an appointment for acupuncture. I had acupuncture a couple decades ago for my shoulder and it worked beautifully. Then, I tried it for the peripheral neuropathy in my feet, but that didn’t work. Since I’m not too enthused about getting an injection in my lower spine, I thought I’d give acupuncture a chance to alleviate my lower back pain.

          I was just a bit disappointed today because Dr. Yun focused on my peripheral neuropathy as opposed to my lower back. But we’re just getting started so it’s entirely possible she’s working up to that spot. I’ll ask her at the next appointment to make sure we both have the same goals.

          In any case, it was very relaxing except for one needle in the inside of my right lower calf. I had to ring the bell and have it removed because it began to hurt like the dickens (what does that even mean???) and the nerve felt like it was spasming. Dr. Yun assured me that it’s not supposed to hurt at all.

          She also gave me homework to do. I need to find a golf ball, or maybe two of them and roll them around with the bottom of my feet. I’m to do this several times a day, quite possibly whenever I have to sit down to rest my back on the heating pad. Supposedly, we’re (make that moi) working to reopen the nerve pathways to alleviate the neuropathy. I’m not the doctor and haven’t been trained in acupuncture, but if Dr. Yun thinks it’s possible, then I’ll work toward that.

          My next appointment isn’t until the second week of March, but that’s the soonest they could fit me back in with her. The appointment after that is two weeks later and when I go in for the first one, I’ll make additional ones further out so I’m going in every two weeks.

          Very relaxing and I made some mental headway with Maddie’s story.

SIX LESSONS FOR US OLDER FOLKS

           

Today is the real Valentine’s Day, or at least the one that most folks celebrate if they celebrate. I didn’t send out any cards and only received one from my eldest son. But, that’s okay, since my holiday was actually yesterday.

          I also received a Facebook share from my ex-sister-in-law that was worth sharing, at least in my opinion. I wish I could share it with everyone I know, but not everyone has Facebook. The share was called Wealthnews and talked about six life changes that happen once you turn 71. I listened to the entire talk a couple of times and found I had to agree with some of the information shared therein. I may even decide to sign up for this…$1.00/month, so I think it’s affordable.

          In any case, the gentleman doing the lecturing said there is an invisible line between the late 60s and early 70s. You think you’re slowing down whether you like it or not. I found myself agreeing with that and the fact I sometimes have to give myself a talking to about my abilities and efforts. The six items he shared were much more extensive than what I’ve reiterated below but that’s because I chose the information I felt applied to me.

1.     I.  There is a slow decline of physical urgency. We move differently not because we’re lazy, but because we don’t need to hurry for anyone anymore. This stillness can become a trap because our muscles weaken, our inner fire dims, and it’s not because we’re more peaceful or wise. We stop challenging limits and our body mirrors what our minds believe.

 

I don’t believe this applies to moi. At least not totally. I continue to exercise, work in my garden and do all, or most, of the things I need to do to keep myself stable and self-confident. I haven’t given up, or at least that’s how I feel most days.

 

2.    II. We can become slightly disconnected to the world and its events as well as people. We think we have nothing to say, can feel invisible and become more isolated. This loneliness can rewire our brains and make us feel less here.

 

Perhaps some of this could apply to moi. For instance, I don’t read the paper, watch the daily news or pay close attention to what’s happening in the world. But I am aware of what’s actually happening, not to the extent I could talk about it forever, but to the extent I can hold a conversation and offer my own opinion.

 

3.    III. The structure of our lives collapses. Retired, we have no routine, our anchors fade and time blurs. Yes, it’s wonderful to sleep in and take things slow, but it also allows us to lose our sense of purpose. It’s decay by disuse. We need to provide ourselves with some form of structure.

 

It’s true I don’t have a strict routine as I did when I had a job and/or John was alive. I do, however, have activities in which I participate on a regular basis. It wouldn’t hurt me, however, to pay a bit more attention to setting some kind of schedule when it comes to accomplishing stuff around home.

 

4.    IV. Then, there’s our fear of becoming a burden. We don’t want to bother anyone, family or friends because they all have their own lives. Instead of asking for help, we minimize our needs and allow people to think we’re just “fine.” This gentleman pointed out that we’ve spent a lifetime giving and it’s only fair to allow others to give to us now…that’s balance.

 

Well, I have to admit I’m extremely guilty of this. I don’t want to “bother” my sons, granddaughter or friends unless absolutely necessary. In thinking about this, I believe I’ve put distance between myself and some of those folks for this very reason. I don’t want to be a burden, a bother, or take up very much of their time. Perhaps I need to rethink this aspect of my life.

 

5.    V. Our dreams shrink. It’s not visible to folks on our outsides, but we stop imagining a future or believing that something exciting could be waiting for us. If we stop looking forward, we fade backwards. If we believe our lives are over, then our mind will believe it. We need to challenge ourselves, learn something new, make plans.

 

I can definitely identify with this one. Because of financial considerations, I don’t plan the kind of trips I thought I’d be taking at this time of my life. If I knew how much time I had left, then perhaps I wouldn’t feel as though I need to watch my pennies. On the other hand, perhaps I should just throw those thoughts away and make a plan…I’ll have to think on this. But, I’ve also taken up new activities like driftwood sculpture and classes/meetings for that.

 

6.    VI. The final item on this list was a quiet acceptance of isolation. We stop calling people back, making small talk takes too much effort, we skip lunch or other interactions with family and friends. According to this lecture, solitude brings peace, but disconnection starves mental clarity and allows you to convince yourself that no one really cares. Have you stopped calling folks because they haven’t called you back and if so, are you sure this was their intention. Telling everyone that you’re “fine” only creates more loneliness. . Solitude is peace, disconnection starves it. Disconnection eats mental clarity, convinces no one really cares…just stopped trying after making too many calls.

     The takeaway from this is to stay connected to family and friends. I think in some cases, I’ve pulled back from some folks with the idea that “they don’t care.” I don’t know if this is really the case or not because I’ve never discussed it with them. I do know that over my retirement years, I’ve made some new friends and enjoy the time I spend with them. Perhaps I need to think about putting more energy toward the folks with whom I feel there is now a distance. Something else to put on my, “think about and todo list.”

          So, there you have it, a long blog post about the importance of staying active and connected after you reach 71. In actual fact, this could apply to anyone at almost any age, but perhaps as we get older, we need to make more of an effort. I know that moving forward I’m really going to think about these lessons and see if it’s possible to improve my own life.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

        

  As I wrote on Wednesday, this has been a difficult week. Initially, I didn’t equate how I was feeling with the fact that today is February 13^th. This is the day that John and I met way back in 1965…that makes this the 61^st anniversary of that initial meeting. In some ways it doesn’t seem possible that so much time has passed, or that John isn’t here to celebrate our Valentine’s Day a day early.

          The fact is I was feeling very sad and alone at the beginning of the week.  All I really wanted to do was to stay in bed and sleep. Of course, I couldn’t do that because I had commitments and Kuma to care for. You would think that after all this time, a stupid date wouldn’t have the ability to make me feel so bad.

          I’ve written before about how John and I met; how the attraction was immediate, how our relationship progressed from, “We just want to have fun with each other, no big deal.” to an engagement ring eight months later. The memories of those months and the years following, while not all rosy and bright, are still able to make me smile and even laugh depending on which memory surfaces. And, there are so many…I could write pages and pages full of them.

          When it came to celebrating Valentine’s Day, we always did so the day before. Usually, we went to dinner, exchanged cards, gifts and had great sex that night. Anticipation almost always filled that entire day, and I must say, was rarely, if ever, rewarded with disappointment.

          I can’t remember when John began to go to See’s candy store and buy me a one-pound box of dark assorted chocolates. They were all mine and I didn’t have to share, although I did offer him his choice. Even when he reached the point where he no longer drove, his chauffeur delivered him to the door and waited. We always exchanged cards, some of them terribly gushy, some funny and fun, some so sincere they made me want to cry. To say I’ve missed this anniversary since John’s been gone would be like saying the ocean is wet.

          The closet contains a box that holds all the Valentine’s Day cards we exchanged over the years…well most of them. The first one I gave John was one I made using two toilet paper rolls, two sticks, and a roll of adding machine paper. It was a scroll. I wrote, pasted mementos I’d saved that whole first year…some were naughty, some were fun and some just tickets to events…to that paper. I enjoyed making that card and am now sorry I destroyed/threw it away when I was going through John’s stuff…it was very big and bulky.

          I suppose I could open that closet door and take a trip down memory lane by looking at all those cards. I probably won’t do that, but there is that option. I also went by See’s today and bought myself a box of dark assorted chocolates which I’ll enjoy one by one, day by day all by myself.

          So, for me, today is a rather sad kind of day, but I’m going to choose to remember all the wonderful times John and I shared over all those years. When I close my eyes, I can see him in all his iterations, i.e., tall, skinny, big belly, with and without a beard, long hair, short hair, and wearing the ubiquitous t-shirt and Levi 501s. Those memories, those mental pictures still make me smile even while I want to cry.

          It’s for certain they won’t hug me, kiss me, provide great sex…you have no idea how much I miss being able to feel his skin against my skin…but at least I have them.  Me, myself and moi, we may be sorrowful, but we’re also grateful and able to still celebrate the fact of those sixty-one years.

          Happy Valentine’s Day, John!!!

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER???

           

Well, I'll just bet the cartoon caught your eye right off the bat. I also am willing to bet you're expecting something a bit racy or at least interesting. Sorry, have to apologize that what follows this paragraph is just STUFF. Also, apologies for not posting first thing today...I was a very busy woman and just now found the time to fling my fingers over the keyboard. So, on to my news:

·       I’m getting new hearing aids. I had my audiology appointment on my calendar for 2:30 and arrived in Everett Kaiser at 2:00. Since I was so early, I sat in the car and looked at Facebook. Imagine my surprise when I went inside to find out that I was like twenty minutes late. But that turned out okay because the MD schedules an hour and we still had thirty minutes and completed everything in less than that. I excited to get new hearing aids for several reasons:

o   The ones I have now are five or six years old and pretty much used up.

o   Instead of Costco, I’m going to Kaiser and the cost will be zero.

o   I’ll have an appointment with the audiologist who will explain how everything works…something I didn’t receive at Costco. I think they gave me a program, but I was too “stupid” to figure it out. This time, I’ll get a full explanation and be able to clarify anything that I don’t understand.

o   Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been with Costco and the same person since 2007 and it’s been great, but I think my hearing has become such that I need to better understand what’s helping me hear.

·       I got my income tax done yesterday and am getting money back. I expected that, just not how much. Apparently there’s a $6,000 deduction for people over 65…and I definitely am…so that’s mainly why. I tried to do the taxes myself, but couldn’t find all of the info I needed and probably would have missed that deduction in any case.

·       I made an appointment with an acupuncturist for this coming Saturday. It’s with a MD who was referred to me by a driftwood buddy. According to her, she could barely walk before going there and now moves around just fine. I have an appointment with a spine MD in April, but if acupuncture will make my back better, I’d rather that than have an injection. Maybe I’ll be able to cancel that appointment.

Well, I guess that was way more than I thought I had to share. Hopefully, tomorrow’s post will be better…and I’m continuing to work on Maddie’s story.

NOTHING TODAY.

 

Today is Wednesday in case you hadn't noticed, and I'm afraid I'm not having a very good week. I think I finally realized why last night and will address my "problem" in another post. Meanwhile, sorry I didn't have anything prepared for today, so this is it.

SUNDAY...SUNDAY....

          

 It’s Superbowl Sunday and I’m here alone except for my puppy, Kuma. This is perfectly fine and I’m not feeling lonely or depressed, but it has made me reflect on how things have become during my eighty years of life.

          First, there was no Superbowl back when I was a kid. Sundays were family time and if we didn’t eat together as a family at home, we went to grandparents or other family members’ homes for Sunday dinner. It was also Sunday school day and I went regularly, wearing a nice dress and shoes…no jeans or other inappropriate clothing allowed.

          Once I grew up and got married, this didn’t change very much. True, my parents had moved from Seattle, but the expectation was that my husband and I would travel to my parents’ home at least one weekend of the month. When my parents returned to the area, Sunday dinners were no longer the rigorous expectation of the past. Part of that may have been due to the fact John and I had separated.

          In any case, I still saw my parents at least once a week if not more often. They thought nothing of just stopping by my house any day of the week for a visit. And I was welcome to arrive at their place in the same manner. No need to call first. No need to make an appointment to see each other…it just happened.

          Not only were these impromptu visits the norm, but there were also the phone calls. I probably talked to my mother almost every day and my grandmother at least once a week unless my folks were gone and then it was my responsibility to talk to Grandma daily and make sure she was okay. We didn’t have Sunday dinners as had been the habit of years prior, but we did see each other fairly often for coffee and/or meals.

          I don’t know quite when everything changed so very much. It was probably when I/we became so busy with jobs, rearing children, participating in school and sports activities as parents were required to do, but the visits and phone calls began to become less and less over the years. At the time, I didn’t think all that much about it, but my life was busy and the idea of being alone and lonely hadn’t even put in an appearance.

          These days, or make that these years, times have definitely changed from what they were when I was a kid or young adult. I know that this isn’t necessarily true for some of my friends/acquaintances who are in regular contact with their entire families. I’m not sure what I could have done or could do differently to have a family more like those.

          As it is, I send my son an emoji each morning so he knows I survived the day before and the night. He emojis me back. Then, we talk at least once a week, but the phone calls, for the most part, are rather like two strangers talking to each other. There are times when he has information he shares and vice versa, but for the most part, I don’t know how his week(s) went, how his wife is doing and he doesn’t know a lot about how my week(s) developed.

          There have been no conversations with his younger brother since December. I haven’t seen those grandchildren since October or before.

          There are no Sunday dinners or special get-togethers for things like the Superbowl. True, I could issue invitations to my home with the expectation everyone would attend; however, only one son and his family came to my eightieth birthday party last November. It’s not likely an invitation for Sunday dinners, especially on a regular basis, would be welcome.

          Hopefully, as you read this you don’t think I’m depressed or terribly lonely because, for the most part I’m not. I’m doing okay. It’s just the fact that the life I led, that my family led, so many decades ago was so different from my life now. It makes me wonder what the lives of my grandchildren will be like in fifty or sixty years. Will their lives be completely insular? Will they look back as I have at their own youth and think/believe the times were better then?

          Unfortunately, I don’t have a crystal ball with which to view the future. I can only hope that the times change and families return to the wonderful habit of Sunday dinners and more time spent together.