TIGER LILY AND HAPPY TIMES

          My final lily of the year is the Tiger Lily. I don’t know how I ended up with so many in so many different places. I know last year I cleaned the lilies out of the big tub I had in front, but I didn’t think there were very many tigers in there. I love the way their petals fold back and the black dots on them. I wonder if they come in any color besides orange, but then they are probably not called tiger lilies.

       

        I posted about my mental state on Monday, but neglected to look at or talk about what’s actually coming up this week. Tomorrow, 8/12, it will be a year since John died. The day after would have been our 54^th anniversary. I’ve a feeling it’s going to be a roller coaster kind of week. And, unfortunately, there’s going to be no one, aside from the doggies, who can or will comfort me when that roller coaster is in the dips.

In some ways it seems like John’s death happened a long time ago, and in other ways it seems as though it just happened. And, as for 54 years of marriage, whoooooeeeeee, but that seems like a very very very long time ago. And, yet in other ways, when I think about how much we loved each other as we began our lives together, it’s as though it was just last week. We were so very happy so long ago in the beginning and really throughout most of our lives together.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ve been through some of my ups and downs, read about my anger, feelings of betrayal, and, yes, the love I had for John as well. Marriage and a life together is made up of so many different experiences and for this post, I’m going to choose ones that made me happy because, right now, that’s exactly what I need.

I loved sharing my apartment with John even though he didn’t stay 24/7 before we married. He did spend most weekends and some week nights depending on how tired he was after a day’s work. I remember the first meal he cooked for me. He got to the apartment first and when he picked me up and brought me back, there was baked chicken breast, mashed potatoes with butter and green beans. Up to that point, I didn’t know he could cook anything. He did continue to cook even after his health began to deteriorate…nothing fancy, but I surely appreciated his efforts.

John ALWAYS did the dishes. He liked to do them. He said they kept his hands soft and that must have been true because even with all the work he did using them, they never scratched my skin. He even managed to get some of the other husbands in our group to take on the dishes so the wives, tired from cooking, could relax. Even our sons grew up helping John with the dishes and whenever I host something here, it’s the sons who usually do the dishes.

Our honeymoon, which I’ve already written about, remains in my memory as a wonderful, golden time in a land where no one knew us, spoke our language for the most part, and gave us such wonderful one-on-one times together. The best coke I ever had was there…it formed ice crystals when John opened it.

Our puppy, Fang the wonder dog, was the first “child” we raised. Such a cutie that fit in my hand when we brought him home. Fang went every place we went for as long as he was alive. When AJ got big enough to toddle about, Fang was right there with him as though it was Fang’s job to keep him safe.

AJ’s birth…it wasn’t real until it happened and then the look on John’s face the first time he held his boy…words could not do it justice. It was a good thing I didn’t start on the announcements right away because between going home and coming back, John decided to change the spelling…Eric became Arik which became AJ (Johann) when he got to school and every class had six Erics.

Sex…I wrote an entire post about this. It was absolutely positively wonderfully GREAT. I miss it and am thankful we had it.

The way John spoiled Thor after he was born.  Drove me crazy sometimes, but he hadn’t been able to do that with AJ, so I think he made up for it with Thor. Now I can smile and laugh and even appreciate how Thor would turn and look at me with his fingers in his mouth and this big shit-eating grin on his face after Daddeee got him out of his crib for a cuddle.

The year John decided to grow strawberries and built this thing out of old tires. I still have the photo of his crop…one small and one medium strawberry…but I guess they tasted wonderful.

The display station John built when I sold macramé hangers at the elementary crafts fair. It was big and gorgeous and displayed my plants and hangers perfectly. One of the PTA ladies told me she could tell just from the way John looked at me that he loved me so much.

John taking on breakfast, get the kids to school duty since he was a morning guy and I wasn’t either a morning person or a guy. How he cooked dippy eggs with toast for his boys and encouraged them to eat.

AJ’s first driving lesson in the old 1970 VW Campervan. We’re at the ocean and John lets AJ get behind the wheel. I’m in the back and Thor’s leaning between the front seats. John’s directing, AJ’s trying and we end up mired in the sand. John gave some older teens some cash to pull us out to a firmer surface.

Every single one of the birthdays and holidays we shared with each other, our sons, our families and eventually with our son’s families. Each one was special, each one has photos, each one was a very happy time. Imagine, four years with just us and then next month, it will be 50 years with our first child. Each time was different and yet the same and yet so very special.

I just wrote about Kenya, so I don’t need to say much here. But we also went to China for almost three weeks where we were treated like royalty. That trip was the highlight of our lives I do believe. I’ll write more about it in another post.

If I were to get the photos out or begin to scroll through all the ones on this computer, I could undoubtedly fill pages and pages of good memories from my life with John, but I’m not going to do that. The ones here are the ones that popped to the forefront of my mind as I sat here typing.

SELF-PITY TIME

           It probably has something to do with my mental state which is the result of the pandemic, the shingles diagnosis, and maybe the medication, but when I was writing the Kenyan Safari, Post II, it occurred to me that none of the photograph albums or scrapbooks I’ve done over the last 50+ years are probably the least bit important in the long run.

Yes, I’ve kept photos of my parents and grandparents and other family over the years. I’ve even gone so far as to identify who is who and the year on the back. What’s going to happen to them once I’m gone? Is anyone going to really want to have them or even bother to go through and see if there’s anything they’d like to have. Especially when it comes to family and friends my sons never even met…what would be the point of hanging on to a photograph of Great Uncle or Aunt whoever? And, even then, say AJ and Thor want some of them, will Haley or Xander really give a rat’s ass once their father’s have passed on as well?

So many times when I’ve gone to antique stores and malls, I’ve seen really old photos that must have been important to someone at some point in time. At that point, they are for sale for pennies on the dollar or just being given away. The people and the memories that kept them alive are long gone and no one, including the person doing the selling, has any idea as to where or when or who. It always made me very sad. Now, I’m being sad on my very own behalf.

 I know that Haley will remember me far into the future because she grew up having Nana close by and doing things like shopping, plays, movies, holidays and birthdays together. She’ll also remember Pa because she was almost 18 when he died. Xander, on the other hand, isn’t going to remember Grandpa at all because he was only five when Grandpa died. It’s also likely he’s not going to remember his Nana because I haven’t seen him but twice, maybe three times, this entire year. With the pandemic, who knows when I’ll be able to take him to the zoo or have him overnight again. I may be such a stranger by then he won’t want to go anywhere with me.

I’ve also been to those estate sales and garage sales where they’ve hired a company to come in and price and sell the stuff. In most cases, the people who lived there have died and the children don’t want much of anything out of the house. Perhaps if I arrived early in the day, I wouldn’t see what a mess of everything the buyers have made of a variety of stuff, i.e., books, puzzles, bedding, towels, dishes, papers…if you can think of it, I’ve seen it in a big mess.

That’s one of the reasons I wanted to have a big garage sale and eliminate everything I could that the kids didn’t want. I don’t want to have strangers come in here and price stuff and then have dozens and dozens of strangers come through handling everything that’s meant something to me over the years. I can't explain how doing it my own self would be different, but somehow it would.

Still, it’s just stuff, right? The only problem is that I can take you through my house and in almost every instance I can tell you where or from whom a particular item came. I’ve kept these things a lot of times because they were gifts from people whom I cared about. When I’m gone, no one will remember who gave me what.

Okay, yes, I think I’m wallowing in a huge vat of self-pity as I write this, but it’s exactly how I’m feeling right now. And, I know I won’t continue to wallow for too long because it’s no fun, especially when there isn’t someone nearby who can hug me or offer me a Kleenex to dry my tears…but you have absolutely no idea how hard I seriously wish there was someone to comfort me.

Anyway, I have a good friend that when she heard about shingles, offered to send me a big ladder when I’m ready to climb my way out of a vat of self-pity were I to end up there. I actually didn’t think I would...just goes to show she knows me pretty well. I responded to her email by writing I hoped the ladder would be brought by several of those hunky firemen who pose for those calendars…that would almost make this worth it, and surely lift my spirits and bring a huge smile to my face. But, that’s not likely, so I’m just going to have to CHOOSE to get over this. I’m sure tomorrow’s post will be much more positive.

KENYAN SAFARI, PART II

          The next morning, we didn’t make the game drive. I had had a horrible night with terrible muscle cramps in my legs. John made me stay in bed and get more rest. Then, we lounged around the pool and used our binoculars and telescope to look out at the valley and the animals out there. It was very pleasant. 

Then we were on the road again. And, let me say something about the roads in Kenya, at least back then. They were horrible and the guide/driver drove very fast because that way the van didn’t go into every single little crevasse, it merely went from the top of one to the next. I only rode in the shotgun seat once and as soon as I saw how fast Timothy was going, I decided I’d never sit there again…there was no airlift to Harborview Hospital (or any hospital for that matter) clear out there.

There’s something else I want to speak to and that is the fact that with the exception of Anthony, all the guides (L-R, Tom, John, Timothy and Anthony) were dead from AIDS the next time I saw Anthony at the zoo. It was, maybe still is, a definite plague in Africa. Anthony told us a story  about how if a male comes home and there’s another man’s spear in front of his home, he cannot go in. Anthony also told us about his wife’s family coming to visit. Now, protocol is such that you welcome them, no matter how many, make them feel at home, feed and entertain them. You may not ask when they will be leaving and returning to their own home(s) because that’s considered very rude and is simply not done. Sometimes relatives can stay for weeks or even months. I’ve heard nothing about Anthony for a very long time now and hope he is doing well. Anthony also had many stories about his country and I enjoyed learning some of Kenya's history from him. 

Our next stop was Lake Nakuru National Park. There was lots of territory to cover between Samburu and Lake Nakuru. We saw lots of different kinds of housing, went through a few towns, stopped for gas which was taken care of by uniformed attendants supervised by a woman, had a flat tire which the men in our group helped Timothy change. We saw Mt. Kenya, rain showers falling way far away, Thompson Falls and finally the Great Rift Valley. We stopped at the Subukia View Point and all got out to take photos. There’s one of John and I holding hands (only have large framed one of this) on top of a platform that scared the crap out of me…it was made out of pieces of lumber or wood that I might not have even put in my fireplace. In the photo you can see the Rift valley in the distance and a few of the boards that scared the heck out of me. 

We saw baboons on the drive and learned that they are extremely nasty. They’d sooner rip you apart than not. You need to be very careful around them. There was also a tree where a lion or leopard had stashed its kill for later meals. We also saw a white rhino, actually 14 of them even though they are quite endangered. And they do have those birds on their backs eating whatever it is they eat. We also saw a fish eagle high in a tree.

We stayed at Lion Hill Lodge which provided a view of the lake. The lake is actually pink…pink from all the pink flamingos. It’s amazing how many there actually are. When night comes, they move toward the center of the lake to avoid predators. There are also a lot of pelicans in this location. We drove down, close to the lake and it’s very smelly. It doesn’t have sand like a regular beach, but this inches thick mixture of salt and pink flamingo poop. You can see depressions from large animals who visit after dark to drink from the lake. Nakuru is also the location of the largest candelabra tree forest in the world. That's us lounging on the porch of our cabin and a photo of the lake from that porch.

The next day we travelled again and on our way to our next and final location, we stopped at an elementary school. We had each brought books, school supplies and things like soccer balls for the school. Again, it was very interesting to see the Kenyan take on school. This school’s motto was, “Education is a weapon”, and its mission was “To provide quality education which will be a weapon against ignorance.” Another sign which I found terrific was, “There are three kinds of minds: 1) Simple minds – discuss people; 2) Ordinary minds – discuss events; 3) Great minds – discuss ideas.” The school taught Form 1 through Form 8 classes and the teachers went from room to room rather than the children changing rooms. One of the teachers was wearing a brand new (at least they looked that way) pair of light blue Levi brand levis (how come the stock dropped after I bought some stock???).

We visited several different Form classes. Blackboards consisted of walls that had been painted black and then written on with chalk almost to the point of being unreadable. In each room, there were many teaching aids on the walls. These were on large pieces of cardboard and hand printed. At the time, my zoo was in the process of building the African Village. The project manager for that was on this trip and there was discussion about purchasing these “authentic” aids. There were those of us who pointed out that the people in this school couldn’t just go to the local store and purchase new pieces of cardboard to make replacements. Instead, I took photos of every single thing and gave them to the project team when we returned. I should also say that whenever it was possible to obtain “authentic” things like plastic tubs and food containers for our home exhibit, we did so.

We were each invited to ask the children any questions we’d like. I asked what they did after school, i.e., free time, play time. The children did not understand this concept because after school, they help their parents do whatever needs doing whether it’s herding cattle, gardening, cooking. There is no play time.

The fact that if a child doesn’t pass his or her Form 8 exams, s/he will have no future. School is required and children are expected to do well. I asked what happens if a child doesn’t do what s/he is supposed to and this was another concept that wasn’t understandable to either the children or the teachers. How can you not want to do well when not doing so means you have no future? I wonder if it’s still this way 20 years later.

The children at this school also had formed a conservation club which meets after school. There was a conservation corner with a variety of bones and skulls the children had collected as well as hand-printed and drawn information on the walls. Not only do they talk about conservation, but they work on conservation. They plant a variety of stuff and protect it by building stick shelters to keep animals from eating them.

Toward the end of our visit the children in Form 6 were asked what they wanted to be when they grew up. Two said they wanted to be teachers ($100/month pay back then); one said a doctor; one said a pilot and the apparent class clown said he wanted Anthony’s job. A visit like this with children so well-behaved, hard-working and eager to learn really made me wonder what we were doing wrong here to have so many children grow up without a decent education or even the desire for one.

On our way to Maasai Mara, we took a quick detour so we could all say we’d been to Tanzania as well. Our driver drove us around the stone border marker. Our stay at Maasai Mara was the longest one of the trip…three days. It was also the most interesting lodge, built to look as though it had grown out of the hillside. It was also decorated in a beautiful fashion with Maasai colors, decorations and beautiful landscaping. It also had a pool. 

During our game drives on those three days, we saw plenty of wildlife. There was an entire lion family, which consisted of one male, four females and 11 cubs. They walked ahead of our vehicle down the middle of the

road. One of the cubs kept annoying the male, but he must have been a favorite because dad didn’t really do anything. We also saw hyena, topi, gazelles, giraffe, a huge herd of impala, jackals, African elephants, a secretary bird (my personal favorite), hippos, crocodiles, ostrich and finally, on the very last game drive in the early morning I finally saw the last of my big five…the cheetah. She halfheartedly chased after a gazelle and then, realizing I wanted a great photo, posed perfectly for me. We also saw the only black rhino left in the park…sad.

At some point during this time, we were out on an afternoon game drive. An elephant appeared off to our right, but instead of moving toward it, our guide began to back up and turn around. We wanted to know why. Timothy pointed out that the elephant was in musth. His huge Johnson was hanging way down and there was fluid from his temporal lobe dripping down his face. Timothy told us you see that, you go away quick quick. Funny story…one of the people in our group was a young woman who wasn’t sure about how to use her dad’s camera. Well, she’s the only one that got a photo of that elephant with his Johnson showing.

On our middle day there, we were taken to a Maasai village. We were met by the chief and what appeared to be the entire population of the village. It was morning, but they’d all been up for quite a while, sending their cattle out to graze. That the cattle stayed inside the village inside the fence was obvious due to all the huge cow patties all over the place. I’m sure they laughed for a long time at all those white folks trying to avoid stepping in cow poop. I took a photo of a Maasai warrior which I now wish I had blown up and framed. The women in their kangas and jewelry insisted we women dance with them. Talk about feeling ridiculous, but I did give it a try. They even managed to get a couple of the men to join them. This village also had a market, but we weren’t forced to run a gauntlet. They let us wander from woman to woman and purchase what caught our fancy.

Our stay there was both relaxing (pool time), exhilarating (game drives), fun because we’d all gotten to know each other, plus one of the couples celebrated their 37^th wedding anniversary. The lodge staff made a special cake for this couple and came out en masse to sing them the Jambo song and wish them well. Another member of the group went on a fishing trip to a nearby lake and brought back fish for dinner…it was very good. 

After we went on our final game drive, we were taken to the bank of the nearby river for breakfast. There were so many hippos in the river and I didn’t know they could be very dangerous. Once again, we had a guide with a gun, just in case one of the hippos decided to climb out of the river and see what was happening. We’d also had lunch at the river upon our arrival at Maasai Mara. 

Those two meals at the river seemed like something right out of one of those old movies, only the natives weren’t carrying a cargo. They were set up with tables with cloths and napkins, chairs silverware, china and glassware. We had mimosas and the cooks would make an omelet to your specifications. There was so much good food available at every location, it was hard not to overeat.

Breakfast over, it was back to the lodge, gather up our bags and leave for the small plane that would take us all back to Nairobi. Looking down from the airplane, it was amazing to see all the trails on the ground, amazing because they had all been made by human feet. It was so hot in Nairobi John was about to keel over. Once in our room in the Safari park hotel, he laid down on the floor, opened the fridge and held two glass bottles to his head…I laughed and took this photo.

Our trip home called for some time in Amsterdam. I was too exhausted to leave the hotel, so we just went to our room and dozed until it was time to get back on a plane. The one memory I do have from the Amsterdam hotel is this huge vase with dozens of yellow tulips on the concierge’s desk. It was clear glass and enough tulips had been included that the interior was completely tulip stems while the heads rose above the vase.

Back home, I had 27 rolls of film to get developed and my sense of size is not very good. I ordered what I thought were 4 x 6, but instead they were 3 x 5…the larger prints would have been so much better. Once we’d been home for a while the trip leaders put together a potluck at the zoo so we could look at all the photos and ask for copies of ones that other people had taken. That’s when I got the photo of the elephant in musth and the one of me with the Maasai dancers. It was so good to see everyone and it’s hard to believe that in a few months it will have been 20 years. It’s also when John and I made the cover of Newsweek and National Geographic thanks to one of the men in the group who had serious computer skills. I’ve lost touch with most of the people who were on the trip with the exception of the trip leaders who still work at the zoo. We connect via Facebook or on visits to the zoo.

Of course, I have a ton more memories than what I’ve shared here, but you wouldn’t want me to go on for too long…right? I also have two complete albums of photos. I made one for John and one for myself so we wouldn’t have to fight over who got to take it to show to whoever. It was a wonderful and remarkable trip full of great memories. I’m glad I pulled out those albums and took a trip down the Kenya memory lane.

Here's a few more photos I couldn't fit into the body of the post. The white rhino from Lake Nakuru, the only black rhino left at Maasai Mara when we were there, the impressive Maasai warrior and our covers of National Geographic and Newsweek...didn't know we were so famous did ya?

APOLOGIES...

 for not having Safari in Kenya, Part II ready for publication today. Yesterday was rather difficult and I didn't write a single thing beyond a FB post and an email. Today will be different and Park II will be ready for your reading pleasure tomorrow (Sunday). 

SAFARI IN KENYA, PART I

           Yesterday I mentioned our trip to Kenya in 2001. It’s been some time since I revisited that experience. Perhaps today (Thursday) having made dill pickles and frozen garlic, plus the fact we’ve had clouds and rain (yippee my garden is so happy), this would be a good time to look back.

              It seems like we had decided on Kenya before the end of 2000 because I got a great pair of binoculars for Christmas and I bought John a telescope (he could only see out of one eye) for Christmas. It was a trip of 16 participants including the couple who were the leaders…both zoo employees. It was sponsored by the travel agency with whom the zoo contracted and as such, we were able to both go for the cost of just one. Once all the zoo employees were on board, it was opened to volunteers, so it was a nice mix of staff and volunteers.

          Neither one of us had been on such a long plane ride before, but we managed, even John with his looooooong legs. The plane landed in Amsterdam where we transferred to another airplane bound for Nairobi. I can’t remember now if the guide, Anthony, and his staff met us or if they joined us at the Safari Park Hotel. It was a very nice English-style hotel and very comfortable.         

          Our first excursion was to the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust. Mr. Sheldrick was no longer alive, but his wife continued his work of rescuing baby animals, i.e., rhinos, especially elephants and other animals that had been abandoned for one reason or another (poaching). There was also a school group in attendance and I was amazed to learn that these children were required to go to school, that most of them spoke three languages and that the uniform they were wearing was required. Later on, I learned that even in remote villages, children would bring gallon jugs of water with which to clean their school. 

          This trust was very educational when it came to elephants. There were a number of babies and some were even still nursing. Their keepers held bottles so they could drink. The keepers also stayed with and slept with them at night…more like a foster mom than a human/elephant. The keepers also held big umbrellas over the babies because the direct hot sun would burn their skin…I didn’t know that. The keepers also helped them take mud baths which also prevented sunburn. I still have the t-shirt I purchased in support of this place.

          There were three vehicles in our group with five or six people in each one, plus the driver/guide. The top guide, Anthony, spread himself around the three so we each received the pleasure of his knowledge and company. Following lunch at the Norfolk Hotel in Nairobi our caravan headed for The Mountain Lodge at an altitude of 7,200 feet. During the drive, we also noticed that Kenyans do not waste an inch of space. They grow corn and garden wherever there is space, i.e., the road medians and edges. Also, during trips down the various roads, there were always pitstops so we could use the bathroom and the native peoples could sell us stuff. I do have to say that the bathrooms were the absolute worst I’ve ever encountered. In fact, one person in our group was so appalled she wouldn’t go. Toward the end of the trip she was so constipated, a doctor was brought in and there was talk of flying her out to Nairobi, but everything did end up coming out okay…joke there, ha ha ha.

The Mountain Lodge was about four stories and each room had a balcony which overlooked the waterhole. When we went to bed, we were told we would be wakened when the animals came to the waterhole during the night. Sure enough, sleeping soundly, there’s a knock on the door. We got up and went to the balcony. From there, we saw Cape buffalo and waterbucks, but not much else. The next morning, we were taken on a nature walk through the forest surrounding The Mountain Lodge. We had a local guide who led and were followed by another guide who carried a fun…just in case. Again, not a lot of animals, but we did see particular lily (photo) which doesn’t grow anywhere else and cannot be cultivated.

The next day, we moved on and over the equator which is a big deal. Now, I’ve read that water really doesn’t swirl the other way on the other side of the equator, but our guides provided a demonstration and it does indeed swirl the opposite direction on the other side of the line. Trick??? I don’t know but I was impressed. We all had our pictures taken with one foot on the north and the other on the south side of the equator line. We also received a dated certificate that certified we had crossed the equator on 17 March 2001 at Nanyuki Kenya. Very Cool!!!

After that, our next stop was Samburu Serena Lodge. This is one of the places where the Survivor television program was filmed, not in the lodge, but the Samburu area…I missed that episode. Each of us had a little cottage in which we stayed. The food, as in all these places, was delightful and yummy. In particular I loved the way they served coffee, i.e., hot coffee and warm milk if you used milk. Something else I really loved was the way we were greeted. We were always met with warm or cold wet hand towels and glasses of juice…passionfruit was my favorite.

Checked in, we went on our first game drive that afternoon. We saw impalas, zebra, reticulated giraffe, dik-dik, bushbuck, Cape buffalo, gazelles and a leopard tortoise. We only saw the tortoise because there was a short cloudburst (really hard rain, but lasted about five minutes) and it was the water which brought him out. We also saw elephants, in particular a mother who stopped to nurse her baby. I also found out the elephants do hold tails, it’s not something from circus training. There was gerenuk, amazing how high they can reach on their hind legs and lions, even a lioness with cubs. These animals paid no attention to our vehicles, and we were able to take lots of photos.

The next day, we went to the Samburu Native Village. Again, a learning experience. The Chief and other important males met with us under the Parliament Tree (where they make important decisions that affects the tribe), and the Chief was given $20 per person for our visit. They did not wear western attire, but the native Kanga. Their village is surrounded by a boma which is a fence of spiney wood which keeps the wild animals outside and the people and their cattle safe inside. The shelters are made of a variety of stuff and covered with dried animal dung. We were provided with an example of how to make fire and a couple of our group gave it a try…at least one of them was successful.

We were entertained by the schoolchildren, and invited to go inside one of the shelters. It was extremely dark and so hot inside, and the animal hide on which we sat very stiff. I didn’t realize until I took a photo using the flash that there was a mother and child inside the shelter with us. I probably blinded them. The shelters are very primitive and a pillow is a piece of wood shaped like a slingshot, you know the “Y” shape and you put your head into the center…not very comfortable I’d say. The shelters also include a cooking fire and in this one, the cooking utensils were suspended from the ceiling. Not someplace I’d want to live ever.

Back outside, the women performed a native dance. We had all been instructed prior to leaving the US that we absolutely could not talk about or bring up female circumcision. That didn’t keep the Samburu from doing so. We were told that women with silver bracelets on their arms had been circumcised. Again, they wore the native Kangas.

It was hot…sooooooooo HOT. All I wanted by then was to go back to the van and drink a bottle of water. But, to do that, we had to run a gauntlet of women who were selling items they had made. I don’t remember if I bought anything other than a baby rattle, I figured I’d give to my grandchild when it was born in the fall. That never happened. It was a dried gourd and suspended from the gourd were strings of beads. At the end of each string was this shiny circle of metal. Yes, it looked familiar, but it wasn’t until my son Thor identified those pieces of metal as the ends from “D” batteries that I recognized them. Needless to say, the rattle may be in Haley’s saved stuff box, but she never got to rattle or chew on it.

Back at the lodge, only one other person joined me in the swimming pool. It felt absolutely decadent, but so cool and WET. After that and lunch (I still cannot imagine going to the Samburu village in the afternoon in that heat.), we went on another game drive. This time we saw a leopard in a tree. And, funny story here. I had given the kids the old Pentax camera when I bought a new one for the trip. John wanted it back. He was going to use it even though he had no idea how to do an F-stop or whatever. Out of 27 rolls of film, and using a camera he didn’t have a clue about, John took the very best photo of the leopard in the tree. In fact, I framed it and it hangs on the living room wall. Good job, John. (Unfortunately I cannot share that photo with you because it won't scan in the frame.)  

We moved on and saw more Cape buffalo, lions, Thompson’s gazelles and Impala. In one place we stopped on the side of a wide, but low water river, on the other side of which were some very nervous zebra. Anthony explained what was happening. There were three female lions, probably sisters. One of them got up and disappeared. We couldn’t see where she went. In a bit, the other two moved into two separate gullies on the riverbank. The zebra became more nervous. Suddenly, the lioness that left is loping across the river on a diagonal toward the zebra which suddenly disappear up the bank and into the foliage. The other two lions get up and begin loping across the river. Anthony said they’d eat well that night. I’m just glad we didn’t get to see the lions take the zebra down. 

Well, that’s enough for today…I’ll continue my Kenya memories tomorrow.

YELLOW DAHLIA, SPIDER TREATMENT, BREAST CANCER

         

The color for today is yellow. I love these dahlias that are shaped like a firework. I also have some in pink and white, but they haven’t bloomed yet. Supposedly it calls for rain today (Thursday) and I know my garden is hoping for a thorough soaking. For some reason, my watering just doesn’t do as good a job as Mother Nature.

Today (Wednesday) had been a busy hot day. I went to the Yakima Valley Fruit Market and bought cucumbers and dill so I can make dill pickles tomorrow, probably the least amount I’ve made in decades. Not many people to give them away to any longer.

          Following that, I went on line to search for something I can do to make whatever it is that’s biting me go away. That led to a search for essential lemon oil, or Eucalyptus oil…I prefer lemon. I had to drive to Lynnwood to get some and then stop for a new spray bottle. Back home, I took every single thing off the bed and ran the pad, sheets, duvet through the washer on HOT water and the dryer on HOT. I think the fitted sheet shrunk a bit because I could barely get it back on the mattress.

          While the washer/dryer were doing their business, I moved the mattress off the box springs and sprayed EVERYTHING with lemon oil water. I sprayed well, so I had to wait for the box spring to dry before I could put the mattress back, then wait for the mattress to dry before the cover, yada, yada, yada.

          When I wasn’t roasting and sweating, I began to dust everything in my room, every nook and cranny and ran my Swiffer vacuum over the floor. I moved the bed, moved the other furniture and cleaned every single place I could possibly reach. Did I see one spider??? NOPE!!! And did I see any evidence of spiders as in webs??? NOPE!!!

          This morning when I got up, my underarm not only itched, but it hurt as well. And, the red marks aren’t all shaped like round bites. Some of them are big and funny shaped, as if I’d scratched the area with my fingernails. I’m doing everything possible not to scratch and haven’t a single time today. Since the problem seems to be around my left breast and I’ve had breast cancer in the right one, I found myself wondering if this could be some form of cancer. But I’ve never heard of cancer appearing in this fashion. If I have more evidence tomorrow, then it cannot be my bed so I’ll call the doctor and see if I can go in.

          The very thought of having breast cancer again gives me chills; well, it actually scares the shit out of me. This time I wouldn’t have John here to hold my hand, take me to the appointments and chemotherapy and look after me when things got a little tough. He really was a good husband when it came to the “in sickness” part.

          I remember calling for my mammogram appointment only to find out I couldn’t be seen in March…it would have to be April. Okay, fine, no big deal. Got a call after the mammogram asking if I could come back for an ultrasound. Sure, no problem, it had happened before. At the ultrasound, they asked if I would mind if they did a biopsy…they just weren’t sure what they were seeing. Well, okay, now it’s a tiny bit scary, never done this before. So, they did the biopsy and would call me in a day or two with the results.

          Instead, I got the call the very next day…infiltrating ductal carcinoma. I barely heard another word the nurse said, but did understand I had an appointment with the surgeon for the next day and the surgery would be the following Tuesday. Whoa, this cannot be good, cannot be good at all.

          I left work early and cried all the way home. I sat in John’s lap, barely able to talk, scaring the crap out of him and Thor. I finally got the information out and John was very supportive. I would be fine. We’d get through this, not to worry.

          John went with me to the surgeon the next morning. He was there for the discussion and decision about what to do. He went back with me the following Tuesday and waited during the surgery. It wasn’t clear if they were going to take lymph nodes or not. I kept asking and was right outside the operating room when the surgeon finally arrived. No, no lymph nodes he said. Yes, I insisted, so instead of a local anesthetic, they had to put me out. Later I was glad I insisted.

          We were told the excised tissue had clean edges and the lymph nodes appeared clear, but the material would be sent to the University of Washington for further examination. Then, it was on to an appointment with the oncologist. At that meeting, we were told that the test results showed a very aggressive cancer with more than one-third of the cells replicating at any one time. If, somehow, they missed a single cell…well, I definitely wouldn’t want that.

          So, there would be six rounds of chemotherapy, each one three weeks apart, followed by 30+ radiation treatments and five years of the drug Tamoxifen. So, basically the journey I began in April with the mammogram wouldn’t be complete until the following January, or, five years from that January if I included the drug I’d have to take. Nothing like having your life changed in a very big way.

          I was very fortunate, however, because chemotherapy did not make me sick. In fact, I gained 20 pounds during that time and was told later by the oncologist that isn’t unusual…why wasn’t it mentioned before I indulged myself so much!!! I had chemo on Friday mornings. The first time I came home and got into bed with a bucket beside me. Two hours later, I was starving and that was it for being in bed. Subsequent trips, I would be awake until like 4:00 am Saturday morning, sleep for a few hours, get up have a normal Saturday and Saturday night, then at the crack of noon Sunday, I’d fade into sleep that would last until Tuesday morning when I got up to go to work. That was my routine until November of 2000. And, John went to every single appointment and chemo treatment on the schedule. Even when I told him he didn’t need to because I wasn’t getting sick, he said I wasn’t going to do it all by  myself.

          Once all the treatments were done, it was time to decide what we would do to celebrate. I came up with three options:  1) We could go on safari in Kenya in late March with a travel group from the zoo; 2) we could go to China with my zoo boss in April; or 3) we could rent a luxurious car and travel the United States for a month. We decided on Kenya.

          Still, the cancer process wasn’t done with me. The initial photos in Kenya, my face is normal, but by the end, I have a fat face. Back home, everyone has jet lag which is what I thought I had as well, but it didn’t end. Checked in with the doctor only to find out my thyroid died while I was in Kenya. The nurse who called me couldn’t believe I wasn’t in bed my reading was so low. That was followed by months of fooling around with the medication to get the dosage correct. During that time, I managed to injure myself which led to a month of going to work mornings and going to a health company for occupational and physical therapy in the afternoons.

          Every so often I would go on line to see if there was any information about the breast cancer drugs I was given. Were there any side-affects? It took a few years, but finally there were reports that Cytoxan can cause peripheral neuropathy. No wonder my feet burned and hurt and caused a lot of pain. Thankfully there was a drug that would help…Cymbalta. Later on, CBD cream also helped with this problem.

          Then, my skin began to do funny things as in I kept developing white patches. Welcome vitiligo, another auto-immune disease possibly caused by cancer treatment. The final (I sincerely hope) crappy result from that treatment came when my doctor told me after my annual physical that I was Type II diabetic. How could that be when I went to the gym every morning and didn’t eat a lot of junk? Well, now research is showing there may be a correlation between breast cancer treatment and diabetes. I know someone else that was diagnosed about eight years following treatment which was pretty much the same time for me.

          Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to be alive. I’m happy they had the necessary tools to eradicate the cancer and keep me alive. Even if I’d known what was coming, I would still have elected treatment. Still, I certainly don’t want to repeat the process for the left breast. So, I’m hoping really hot water, essential lemon oil and everything clean and dust free in my room keeps any new spots from appearing tomorrow (today), because if not, I’ll have to call the doctor and get checked out. And if she tells me it’s bug bites, will I be embarrassed…nope, just relieved and pondering my choice of bedrooms.

WHITE LILIES AND BLAH, BLAH, HELP!!!!

         

These huge white lilies must be related to Stargazers because they smell heavenly. Besides these, I only have some tiger lilies blooming and once they are done, my lilies for the year are finished. It’s also about this time I’m ready to call it a summer and wrap things up. My garden is at the point where I can see everything that’s wrong with it and in need of fixing, i.e., transplanting, weeding, etc.

              After I wrote that first paragraph, I went out into the back garden and half-filled my tote with a whole bunch of stuff. I cut back the white and red bleeding hearts and am going to have to move the red bleeding heart in the fall because it’s a volunteer and growing right in the middle of my huckleberry bushes. Of course, I’ve never gotten a single huckleberry off these bushes. The ones at the house down the street are prolific when it comes to producing berries. Mine have blossoms, but no berries. I thought maybe Mabel was eating them, but, nope, she’s gone and still no berries.

I also decided to cut back the Jerusalem Sage so there won’t be any seeds for the birds this winter. They’ve gone without before, so it’s probably just fine. Pulled a bunch of weeds and grass and am making notes as to what I need to move or eliminate once we get to September/October.

Today’s been kinda a sad and lonely day. When I was out watering the front this morning, I found myself wishing I had someone. Someone with whom I could have a conversation without worrying about getting or giving COVID. Someone who might pay me some compliments about my tasty dinners or how nice whatever I’ve done looks. But I’m just going to have to continue to rely on me, myself and I.

It’s not like I couldn't have someone because I keep getting these emails from something called “Silver Singles.” I told the kids and they just howled, probably because they can’t imagine really old people actually going on line to find a date.  I did explain it’s a site that is apparently for people over 50 and I certainly qualify. Still, whether I qualify or not, I can’t imagine finding some older man with whom I might have something in common. Ah well, even if I were to become totally desperate and decide to do something more than just delete those emails, now would definitely not be a good time to go trolling…that’s what they call it, right???

Anyway, I’m feeling better now, having worked in the garden. I’ve also found a way to make myself the perfect hot pastrami sandwich which is what I had for lunch. Cooking and eating stuff that I really like also goes a long way toward making me feel more positive.

And, today is Angie’s unbirthday and I’ll be taking her gift out to her after dinnertime. I can’t wait to see her face when she gets it open. Maybe I’ll post a photo with tomorrow’s post so y’all can see it as well. Once I pop into her house, I have a couple of errands to run on the way home. Marshalls for doggie poop bags and Safeway for bagels. It will be late in the day, so I’m hoping Safeway has those Everything Bagels I really like. If they don’t, I’ll have to make another trip early one morning which is when they usually have them.

Finally, I’m having a problem with which perhaps one of you readers can assist me. Something is eating me alive, only just in one area. It’s the left side of my cheek, neck, and the upper left portion of my torso and underarm. Nothing on the right, nothing on the legs, just all in the upper left quadrant. Now, I’ve taken my bed apart and found nothing living in the bedding, mattress or beneath the bed. I’ve washed and dried my pillow. I sleep on my tummy with my right arm around my pillow, the left side of my face on the pillow and my left arm down by my side. How is it possible something is getting to the part of me that isn’t exposed? And that's the area that's apparently a feast for something. Sunday morning, I had a line of little dots across the top of my left breast, as though whatever it is managed to either bite me as it moved or left footprints as it moved. And, what makes it even worse is that new bites make the old ones itch just as though they were made at the same time. I use an anti-itch cream, but I really want to take a new wire brush to the left side of my face, neck and chest.

Any ideas about what could be doing this to me would be most welcome. I am at a complete loss as to what it could be and why only in this one area. Surely if that part is sweet and juicy, the rest of me should be as well. If I can’t come up with some kind of answer, I may have to change bedrooms to see if that makes a difference. So, thanks for any ideas…much appreciated.