DARK DAYS AND HOLIDAYS

 

Well, here I am at the beginning of my least favorite times of the year. I seriously believe I was meant to live some place where the sun shines most of the time and the temperatures are temperate. I absolutely love sun and warmth and the northwest isn’t famous for lot of that, plus I haven’t addressed the fact the days are going to become short, with the sun disappearing by 4:00 pm for days or months on end.

          Then, there’s the fact it’s also the beginning of the “holiday” season. I’ve thought for some time now that it would be wonderful to leave here on November 1^st and not return until March 1^st. I have no idea where I would go or what I would do even if I could afford to absent myself. I know there were years, maybe decades, when the holiday season was something to which I looked forward. Of course, I was ever so much younger then, my husband, parents and grandmother were all alive and my kids were small. Somehow, having become the elder has removed most of the fun from the holiday season.

          So, okay, the next six months won’t be my favorite time of year, but what can I do that will help me get through the short gray days and the demands thereof. I need to think about that and concentrate on the positives this time could and, hopefully, will bring…there have to some, don’t you think?

          I’ve changed my bed over to the down comforter. I love the weight of the comforter and how it seems to hug and warm me. Even though I would have been way too hot during the best days, and enjoyed the lightweight comforter, I did miss my downy. I love snuggling into my bed on these cooler nights and I’m sure it will be absolutely delightful when Jack Frost and Mr. Winter arrive.

          Halloween is just down the road and I do have decorations. There are four witches in front, three stuck into my big flowerpots and one swinging from a hook. There’s a ghost I made from an old white sheet…spray painted big black eyes on it. I put an empty hanging basket through the top and s/he sways in the wind. Kuma didn’t like the small figure I put on the front porch. It moves and says various things like, “Happy Halloween.” Kuma found it scary initially and still has to stop and sniff each time he goes by.

When I went through the Halloween box brought down from the attic, I also found all the cardboard signs and skeleton I bought fifty-plus years ago. Only the skeleton is being utilized and he hangs on the front door. I left the other stuff in the box, but among what was/is in there, I found the two witches AJ made in grade school, as well as a number of decorations made by Thor. Since I’m not using them, I ought to return them to the now grown artists.

So, I guess you could say I’m ready for that first holiday; or will be once I buy a bag of candy. With less than fifteen trick-or-treaters, that’s about all I need which also means I won’t be tempted to eat a lot of candy. Somehow, I just cannot buy the candy I don’t like…wonder why that is???

After Halloween, is my birthday. I’ll be eighty this year and don’t yet know if the kids are planning an event to celebrate. Maybe I should plan my own event??? Several friends have asked about my plans and want to take me to lunch or dinner. If there’s one event with a cake, that would suffice. I told the kids last year that I didn’t need anything for my birthday then, that they could save up for a big bash this year. Guess time will tell if they listened.

Next is Thanksgiving. I haven’t yet talked to anyone about this, but I did make the dinner last year and had my eldest son and his family here. My youngest son’s wife prefers to cook their turkey, although I seem to remember it was actually my son that cooked last year…how nice to know he can do that. And, of course, the kids always come back the following day for leftovers, so that’s fun too. Plus, there’s nothing like a turkey sandwich or leftover dressing with gravy. I think I’m making myself hungry.

All too soon, it’s Christmas, although I’ll probably decorate right after Thanksgiving. I have a small fake tree that l can put together myself. Out of all the boxes of Christmas stuff in the attic, I only need one or two. Those hold the tree decorations and wrapping materials. The rest of the boxes with all the other decorations can remain in the attic as they’ve done the past few years. Even all the snow globes that live in the hall closet will remain there. It’s simply too much to utilize every single thing I’ve acquired in the last fifty-nine years. Maybe at some point, the stuff in these boxes will be prized by my grandkids.

Christmas Eve will be spent alone with just Kuma. Christmas day will find me cooking up four pounds of bacon to take to AJ’s and Angie’s for the annual brunch, provided the ritual continues. Once again, Thor and his family will remain in their home for their own holiday celebration.

When I think back to holiday celebrations of the past, I remember so many Thanksgivings and Christmases where my house was filled with people, love, laughter and happy voices. I miss those holidays, love all the memories, but the changes are understandable; and I now know how my mother felt when I usurped her position as the family hostess. What goes around comes around so they say and unfortunately “they” are right.

          Following Christmas is New Years. Once again, I’ll most likely be in bed by the time the new year rolls in…I may even be awake. It’s been decades since I attended any parties where there was a lot to drink, comradery and kisses at midnight that didn’t all originate with my husband. Those were always so fun…the parties and, okay, the kisses too. But it’s just fine to be home alone in my own bed with my dog. I can’t imagine any wild parties at my age, and the idea of kissing some old guy leaves me absolutely cold.

          The next and final holiday which isn’t actually isn’t a holiday is Valentine’s Day. John and I met the day before Valentine’s Day, so we always celebrated the thirteenth rather than the actual day. Since John’s been gone, I’ve made my way to See’s and bought myself the box of chocolates he always gave me. They still taste just as good. I do miss trolling through the cards and choosing a special one for John. I used to buy and send cards for all the kids and grandkids, but I gave that up some time ago. So, I may have chocolates, but no cards and that’s just fine.

          The above gets me through the holiday season and most of winter. Were I to be off somewhere in the sun during these various days, each one would be just another day at the beach. No cooking, shopping, wrapping, or participating in any of the annual rituals. Instead, there would be long, lazy days in the sunshine with some really good books.

          Why don’t I do this you ask? Well, there are multiple reasons, i.e., I would miss my family and think maybe I’d miss the holidays too. Then, there’s the expense. Sure, I could afford it, but I have no idea how many more years I’ll live, so I feel like I need to be cautious with my spending. Most of all, however, is the guilt I think I’d feel at leaving everyone behind. Or course, I’m automatically assuming they’d miss me and potentially be annoyed by my absence. Still, just imagine…I’d have all that time alone in that luscious warm weather, just me, myself, and I. Guess that would be kinda selfish and not at all in the holiday spirit.