2025 COMES TO AN END

        

Happy New Year!!!! Yep, that’s happening tonight, or should I say tomorrow morning because it changes at midnight and becomes morning immediately. Once again, I’ll undoubtedly be tucked safely and warmly in my bed with Kuma. I might even be asleep unless there’s lots of fireworks and Kuma decides he’s going to bark in celebration this year…or would that be next year.

          Ah, how things have changed over the decades I’ve watched an old year become a new year. I remember finally being allowed to stay up and bang on my mom’s pots to welcome the new year. Back then, it seemed a huge period of time before the next one.

          Grown up, more or less, I took to celebrating with friends and perhaps a bit of illegal booze. It was never that much booze and didn’t happen every year. Once married; however, there was a whole group of us that would congregate, eat, drink and make merry. I fondly remember how all the guys went around kissing all us girls at the stroke of midnight. Of course, the best kiss came from my husband.

          With the advent of children, the partying at the new year pretty much ended. Sure, we’d stay up most times to welcome in the new year; and then, when the boys were older, they got to make noise and participate just as I had when I was their age.

          Much later in life, the boys off on their own, John and I would welcome January 1^st alone together in our bedroom. Sometimes we even managed to stay awake after we’d shared our own festivities. I especially liked those evenings when John would rise and make us fried egg sandwiches on white bread…they were so good so how could they be so bad for us.

          Years later, John didn’t even attempt to stay up to midnight. He was usually tucked up and sound asleep well before midnight. I, on the other hand, would stay up reading my book or watching television. I might also spend some time revisiting the years that came before and marvel at how young we’d been then.

          Nowadays, or at least for the last six new years, I’ve been here on my own. Initially, I had Karma and Kaizer and then Kuma. Of course, Kuma has no idea that tonight will be a big event, so he'll think and will let me know that it’s time for bed. Once there, Kuma will nod off immediately while I’ll watch television until my eyes close, and that could be well before midnight. If there are fireworks, both Kuma and I may wake up. He may bark and I’ll get up and go to the bathroom.

          Then, new year or not, it will be back to sleep for both of us…quite the celebratory pair aren’t we.

AMAZED IT'S ALMOST 2026

          

  Tomorrow will be the end of another year, a year I never actually thought I’d see and live through when I was just a young girl/woman. I think even when I became middle-aged, the idea of being here in 2025 seemed far-fetched. But it came and is now going and I was here for the entire time. Guess I should look back and see if there’s anything momentous for which I should pat myself on the back….beyond surviving that is.

          Actually, when thinking of momentous, I believe those experiences are far behind me. There were no births or extreme changes in my life; at least nothing  that really stands out. Time flew by and it seemed as though passage of the seven days between filling up the weekly pill case happened almost overnight.

          There were no big purchases, trips, or losses to remember and I know I should be and am grateful for the even course my life traveled. My health remained very good which enabled me to live alone with just Kuma as my housemate.

          I did make one new friend, having always thought that once you reached this age, new friendships didn’t happen. There were some deaths which which left a number of holes in the weave of my life  where those folks no longer reside. I do miss those individuals and the knowledge they are no longer a phone call or lunch date away saddens me.

Looking back, I see that in so very many ways, my life in 2025, while not very momentous, was good, very good and for that and the ease with which I traversed that time, I am very very thankful. Now, in one mor day, it’s on to 2026, another year which seemed, not all that long ago, to be far far away.

IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY AND I'M SICK

        

 For the first time in eighty years, I am home alone on Christmas Day and it’s nothing like that movie, “Home Alone.” No one’s trying to break in and I’m not trying to figure out a variety of tricks with which to foil those attempts. In fact, I wish there were something like that in my life right now.

          You see, I’m sick…yes, SICK. Somehow I’ve managed to stay well and even avoid covid since February 2020, but just two days ago, I finally succumbed to the evil germs that have been lurking at the edges of my life. I still don’t have covid, but I did develop a mild sore throat late Tuesday afternoon. I immediately went to the drug store and bought medicine to prevent any further developments.

          Wednesday morning found me waking with a hellacious sore throat even though I’d begun the zinc lozenges, Airborne, throat coat tablets, throat coat tea and lots of water about twelve hours before. I continued this usage throughout the day and evening.

          You know how you speculate if you do this, then that will happen. I thought if I said I couldn’t go for Christmas brunch and had AJ pick up the gifts, treats and uncooked bacon, then I would miraculously be well enough to go for brunch the following day…wrong, wrong, wrong.

          It’s Christmas morning and I’m home alone with Kuma. I’ve given him one of his gifts, a rubber squeaky, which he proceeded to begin chewing within less than five minutes, so it went into the garbage. There are two more waiting for him to savage, but that will be later today after we have a nap.

          I still feel like shit…maybe after another nap, I’ll feel much better. Still, it’s Christmas alone and I’m so very sad.

I'VE DECIDED...

           

…not to decorate for Christmas this year. What an amazing concept. What an easy decision it was to leave the Christmas tree in the box and the decorations in the attic. I am completely surprised at how freeing the choice actually is.

          Looking back over my eighty years, I really cannot remember a time when I didn’t do some kind of decorating for the holidays. Living with my parents, it wasn’t my sole responsibility, but I helped. Once married, John and I began to establish our own traditions and acquire our decorations. True, John didn’t decorate much inside, but he did put up the outside lights for many years.

          Over the fifty-five Christmases I’ve spent in this house, all those years found me removing all the various decorations displayed during the other eleven months of the year. Initially, there weren’t a tremendous amount of either regular or Christmas decorations, but I’m sure you know how it goes…with each passing year, objects are added again and again to the point I have no idea where I’d put the ones that sit about the rest of the year if I put out the Christmas decorations.

          There are at least six and maybe more large plastic boxes of Christmas decorations in the attic. Most of those boxes haven’t come down since John passed away. I simply didn’t feel like removing every item that graced the mantle, end tables, and various other flat surfaces in order to haul out all the nutcrackers, the toys from John’s youth and the ones we added, the Christmas stockings, nativity scene, candle holders and candles, music boxes…in other words, the entire plethora of decorations. The only boxes that came down prior to this year, are the one with the tree ornaments and the one with the wrapping paper. The only box that came come down this year was the wrapping paper box.

          When I made this decision initially, I rather expected to feel unhappy or even desolate at some point in time, but so far, I have not. I am performing the other “chores” associated with the holiday. I’ve finished preparing the gift bags filled with Aunt Lola’s dill pickles which I made in August and jam which I made the last couple of weeks. Those were delivered to friends and family. I’ll also did some baking in order to share as well as to have some goodies of my own. And, the cream cheese and smoked salmon made delectable cheese balls…I love those too.

          The year John died, I did my usual newsletter, mainly to let folks know John was no longer with us. I didn’t do another one until last year when I did one simply to let folks know I was doing just fine. This year, I’m back to not bothering to send cards. I don’t think that’s a rash decision because I’ve received less than five Christmas cards.

          Looking back and sorting through memories, I recall how fun and exciting it was to look forward to decorating the house, shopping for those special gifts, and preparing to celebrate here with family and friends. I’m enjoying those memories while choosing not to make any additional ones in my home.

TODAY IS A DAY...

          

 …where I feel even older than my eighty years. I got out of bed feeling tired, had my latte and then went back to bed for another almost two hours. And I’m still tired. It’s just one of those days that no one ever told me about and/or no one actually talks about nowadays.

          It’s hard being as old as I am and living alone. And yes, I have Kuma, but he cannot talk; and while he gives me lots of attention and cuddles, it’s not the same as having a human in the house able to provide hugs and physical touches when they seem most needed.

Life also seems harder when my calendar is full, which it has been for the last couple of weeks. Once this week is over, my life should become less busy. True, I’ve really enjoyed the last couple of weeks with birthday celebrations, Thanksgiving, ushering tasks and spending time with family and friends, but I think I’m ready to have life become just a bit slower.

          My space today also seems very empty. Ordinarily, I keep myself busy with projects or reading or television, but today, I just feel like going back to bed and vegetating. Unfortunately, I cannot actually do that since I have my evening driftwood class tonight, and I plan on making jam tomorrow so have to go to the grocery store for more small jars.

          So, until I need to leave for class, I’m going to indulge myself with feeling sad, lonely, alone, needy, sorrowful, and just plain negative about my life today. But that’s only for today. Tomorrow, or maybe sooner, I’ll remember my time is finite and it’s best to spend it looking forward and enjoying each day as it comes. Also, I’m sure tomorrow I probably won’t feel as tired as today.

          In case you haven’t reached the conclusion that I’ve given myself permission to be on the negative side of my life, that’s where I am today, but only for today.