WHY DOES ZERO MAKE ME SO SAD???

         As you are reading this, the gentleman who purchased the El Camino is getting ready to come haul it away. That means four minus four equals zero. He’s the only one of the four or five interested parties that made me an offer. It was less than I was asking, but the important thing here is that it’s gone.

          Besides, both AJ and I liked this man, or to quote AJ’s text, “I like Bob. He is an El Burrito guy. He’ll love & cherish that POS.” 

          Above I said the important thing is that it’s gone. If that’s really true, why do I feel so sad? Why do my eyes fill with tears at the idea my driveway will be empty, except for my Rav4, for the first time in almost 50 years? Why do I feel as though I’m in front of a huge blackboard and am slowly erasing John, his memories and all his belongings? 

          Is this what will happen when I’m gone? Will all the things I cherish and hold dear be erased and sent on to other people who will appreciate them? I don’t know. I just know that as I keep moving forward, I keep getting blindsided by feelings of loss, dismay, fear, and loneliness. Why does it keep hurting? Why can’t I reach the point where an accomplishment like selling El Burrito brings me more joy than pain? I don’t know. Does anyone?