I'M GRATEFUL

 

Today is the last day of November. A week ago, it was Thanksgiving and while I gave thanks for all I have, I didn’t write about it. I aim to rectify that today by writing about a number of things, all of which I am extremely grateful to have or experience. I’m going to begin with yesterday and work backwards, not that would matter to you, the reader…at least I don’t think it would matter.

Yesterday I was given the gift of a beautiful quilt. It’s just the right size to snuggle down with on the couch. It was made by two good friends to show me and remind me always that I am loved. We three were supposed to all get together a while back, but I bowed out because I was at a very low point in my life. They went ahead and got together and spent that afternoon crafting this quilt for me. The low point passed a while ago, but in some ways I’m grateful for it because it brought me this quilt. No matter what happens, all I’ll have to do is look at or snuggle up with this quilt and feel surrounded by the fact of how much they, and others, care for me. These words are a poor substitute for the feelings in my heart.

On Monday afternoon, I finished decorating the house for the holidays. My final project was the Christmas Tree. Each ornament, as I removed it from its packaging, provided me with a memory. The memories varied. The blue stripped ball from my childhood reminded me strongly and brought forth so many memories of my family and those holidays. I was so fortunate to have parents that loved me unconditionally my entire life. These were parents who didn’t have a lot of money, but the joy and love in our house were better than any gifts they could have purchased.

Once again, the one from John’s childhood made me sad, and I elected not to put it on the tree. It’s a cardboard tree-shaped flattened box that contained gumdrops. Not a Christmas passed that John didn’t talk about how he always saved his favorite ones, the red cherry ones, for Santa. He was crushed when he learned his mamma had eaten them because as children, they received so few treats. True, parents usually eat or put away what was left for Santa, but John’s mom was such a terrible woman in so many other ways that he could never let that one memory go. Even when I would pointedly say, “Okay, now tell me a happy memory.”, he was unable to do so.

Then there were the ones I purchased for my best friend on the Atlantic coast. I would buy her one and myself one; and she, in turn, usually sent me one she madem all beautiful examples of her crafting ability. Those reminded me of all the conversations we had over the years via tape recorders. She was here in 1980 when I had Thor and she had her first child. When she returned to Cape Cod, I sent her a tape recorder and our method of communication was born. Sometimes she’d talk for an hour, sometimes ninety minutes or more and vice versa. We shared so much laughter as well as sadness over those years and the ornaments and tapes kept us close, sort of like talking to each other over the back fence. She is now the person who has known me longer than anyone else and vice versa.

There is more than one ornament that went on the tree that was made or gifted by my West Coast best friend. She, too, is extremely talented and crafty. I, in turn, purchased two ornaments so I could give her one. There’s also one I made (imagine that)…she has one as do I. These ornaments hold memories as well, most of them happy.

There are multiple gold ones that carry the name of the place John and I visited or vacationed. With each one came the connected memories. Monday, I once again went to Hawaii, Tennessee, California, Florida, California, Oregon, China, Kenya. Those memories were bittersweet because John wasn’t here to hand me the ornament and share a conversation about that time.

Of course, there are ornaments made by kids and grandkids which I cherish far more than any that could be purchased. There are other ornaments as well, given by friends who remain in my life as well as friends who do not. I thought of each of them and wondered how the ones with whom I no longer connect now fare. There is even an ornament in surprisingly good shape after close to 40 years. The little girl who lived up the street at the time made it out of an actual ice cream cone. The ice cream is a styrofoam ball covered with green and plaid material.

Of course, there are multiple Woodland Park Zoo ornaments. Some of them were purchased, i.e., Hansa and her mother Chai, Maasai-made, glass with the old (and preferred) logo, dated ones given as gifts to people who became members. Tons of great memories surfaced as I put these on the tree. My bosses, staff, staff friends, experiences (I met Paul Neuman in person.), behind the scenes with so many of the animals. I loved my years there.

So, the tree is decorated and I enjoyed the memories brought forth by the process even though it took the entire day. I was sure there would be a number of ornaments I’d put in the give-away box, but not a one ended up there. Even John’s sad little ornament didn’t go there. I put it back in ornament box and it will, I’m sure, continue to remind me of John’s sadness each year going forward.

Thanksgiving was spent at the eldest son’s home with him, his wife and daughter. For the first time since I took over from my mom, I didn’t do a single thing. Okay, I made cranberry sauce and took pickles I’d canned in August, but aside from that, I did nothing. I didn’t cook, help cook, set the table, clean up, do dishes…nothing, zip, nada, nil. It felt a little strange, but I simply sat back and relished being company. As for the food, Angie did a superb job and everything was so yummy I actually had seconds which I haven’t done in forever.

Kuma accompanied me on Thanksgiving and was a very good puppy. He tried to put his paws on the cupboard and table, but was reprimanded and soon gave up. He sat patiently and carefully took any small bits of turkey the humans wanted to share. He did his business outside, and while he so wanted Ruby to play with him, it didn’t take long for him to realize she simply wasn’t interested…a show of all her teeth and grrrrrrrrrrrr got her point across.

The day after Thanksgiving I was supposed to go to Thor’s for leftovers. Unfortunately, when I went up there the Monday before, Thor was just bringing Xander home from school with a fever. Thor came down with it on Tuesday or Wednesday and everyone else was getting sick on Friday. So, even though I’m vaccinated for everything you can possibly vaccinate for, I tendered my regrets with wishes and hopes they’d all feel better soon.

And, what you ask, did I give thanks for on Thanksgiving? Pretty much everything I give thanks for each and every day, i.e., good health, warm shelter, food in the fridge and cupboard, my cuddly pal Kuma, close family, great friends and the potential of another great day to follow.

I thought back and decided to look back at the post, “I am Depressed,” I made the end of September. Today, it’s hard to believe I was so seriously depressed, but I was and could be again…who knows. But I now have Kuma, a wonderful reason to wake up in the morning. He does his best to get to my face to give me sloppy kisses and wiggles all around until I am rubbing his ears and belly. Some mornings I laugh before I’m even upright. It’s the absolute best way to begin the day whether it’s sunny or snowy. I’m most especially grateful for Kuma.

JUST FELT LIKE WRITING THIS GOOD STUFF

 

Last weekend, Haley and her boyfriend, Tyler, came by to give me a hand with some stuff in the garden. Once they were finished, Haley asked, “Do you want us to get the Christmas stuff out of the attic for you?” AJ and Thor were scheduled to do the deed this weekend, but I responded, “Sure, if you want to. I’m sure your dad and Uncle Thor would appreciate that.”

It's been three years since any of those boxes were brought down. I’d forgotten how many there were, especially because I remember eliminating some stuff in 2018. The last item to come down was the Christmas tree in a huge zippered bag. There was no more room in the bedroom with all the other stuff, so Tyler put it in the middle of the living room floor where it sat, totally in the way, for a couple of days.

I hauled the parts out of the bag and amazingly, put them together even though I tried to put the middle on the bottom at first. I totally expected Kuma to try to pee on the tree (Although he’s not yet lifting his leg and I’m seriously hoping that’s a taught habit.), or at the very least to try to gnaw the lower branches and pull the dang thing over. He did try a snack, but I don’t think the texture or taste was to his liking because he hasn’t done it again.

At this point, I should explain that I changed my living room around for the first time in the 53 years I’ve lived in this house. The couch has always been too big to go anywhere but in front of the window, so the Christmas tree has never graced that window. I moved the big couch (it’s so heavy, phew) to the wall where the fireplace is located and organized the remainder of the furniture. I no longer build a fire, so there’s no need to leave it open. The couch and two end tables fit perfectly on that wall. Of course, the coffee table now sits right in the way of getting around, but I can deal with it until January.

So, today I was beneath the tree trying to figure out why one of the light segments wasn’t working. Could not find a reason even though Kuma did his very best to help me. But the tree can swirl around, so I put those branches on the back. They’re even lower than the window, so the neighbors won’t have any idea lights are not lit.

I asked AJ if I could leave it lit 24/7, but he didn’t advise that and suggested I get a timer. I did, and I’m not stupid, but I’ve so far failed in getting the damn thing to work as it should. The last two nights I’ve simply flipped the switch. At some point in the next couple of days I’ll pull the timer off and give it another try.

Anyway, as I was adjusting the branches and investigating the lack of glowing lights on some of the bottom branches, I realized this is not only the first time ever a Christmas tree will glow in the window, but also the first time ever me, myself and I will be responsible for how the tree is decorated. I can pick and choose the ornaments, pick and choose the snow globes that will be placed around and other decorations that just me, myself and I like. True, I’m a little sad to be doing this all on my own as well as it will be just me that enjoys the tree and decorations for the most part, but I’m also kinda excited about this new adventure on which I’m about to embark.

 In the process of decorating, I’m going to seriously cull all the ornaments and display pieces. I’ll keep only those that are important to me although seriously, it will be very hard to choose. I have, in some ways unfortunately, the blessing of a great memory. Almost every item in the house and in the holiday collection will have some kind of meaning to me. Ornaments made/given by my kids and friends. Ornaments that celebrate places John and I vacationed. Ah, it does make me a bit sad to think about eliminating some of them. Still, I can travel down that particular memory as I place the item into the “not going back in the attic” box. The kids can go through what’s there and what they don’t want, I’ll give away.

As for other matters not holiday related, I’ve pretty much got my garden put to bed for the winter for the first time ever. With all the sunny days in November, I have been able to spend a couple of hours in the afternoon in the sunshine raking, cutting back, trimming, pulling and tossing plants that usually hang about until a nice day in February.

As a matter of fact, instead of sitting here at the keyboard I should be outside doing a bit more work. But when the urge to write comes upon me, I’m learning to listen and to plop myself in front of the keyboard. Still, I’m going to finish this first.

I find having my garden put to sleep exciting because it means I’ll have a jump on spring gardening. I’ll be able to spread out my soaker hoses so they water what will rise from the ground. I’ll be able to use the pet/bird friendly mole stuff (sheesh, I hope it works) around and, hopefully, force the little devils back into the greenbelt…at least for a time maybe. I should also be able to control the spread of some plants by yanking them as they sprout in locations I’d prefer they not be.

And, as long as I’m typing away, I will provide an update on Kuma. I still love, love, love him and think he’s going to be a beautiful dog when he’s full grown. I think I said he’s a Tri Red and in certain lights, the reddish-brown fur looks as though it’s been given a magenta rinse. His fur is also extremely soft and it looks as though he’s growing the “feathers” he’s supposed to get on his legs.

At his second Vet appointment, he had gained almost five pounds which is good. I keep his bowl filled and he grazes throughout the day but isn’t over eating. He loves his toys and it’s all I can do to not go buy out the store. Kuma’s breeder said to not get him any soft toys because he’ll destroy them. I couldn’t resist a teddy bear, and sure enough, he had the ears, bow and tail chewed off in no time. Teddy has also lost an arm, but his squeaker is still in place and working. Even the “tough boy” toys are no match for his teeth and jaws. Kuma also loves to play fetch even though he refuses to “drop it.” I can have it to throw when he’s ready to give it up.

Kuma goes in the car with me most places. When he has to stay home in his crate, he gets a Kong filled with frozen peanut butter or dog food. I’m always amazed at how little, if any, of the frozen product is left when I return. When I’m sitting here at the computer, he’ll come and I’ll put my hands under his front legs and lift him to my lap. He really likes that and I’m wondering if I’ll still be able to lift him when he’s fully grown. I’m hoping that old adage about picking up a calf every single day once it’s born will allow it to be picked up when it’s a bull is actually true…don’t think so.

I wanted to sign Kuma up for a behavior class, but he couldn’t go until he’d had his shots so we missed the fall window. I figure we’ll go in January unless I believe his doesn’t need to go in order for him to obey.

Well, the back yard is in full sun for the moment, so it’s time to replace my jammies with my gardening clothes and head out there. I’ve some bulbs that have to be planted and after this weekend, this fair-weather gardener will most likely elect to remain inside.

ANOTHER JOY OF BEING INDEPENDENT

           

 

Ah, the joys of being independent. Once again, very early this morning, I experienced one of the joys of living with just me, myself and I as well as Kuma. I simply must share this wonderful new experience.

Over the last few days, I would notice a funny sound that would come now and then. It didn’t last long enough for me to actually track the source and the two individuals who visited during this time didn’t hear it at all…or if they did, they didn’t ask me about it.

The source became very apparent just before 3:00 am this morning. It was the smoke alarm which is located just outside my bedroom door. I thought perhaps I could simply ignore it, but the eeeeeeeeepk that came periodically like maybe every thirty to sixty seconds wasn’t going to allow me to go back to sleep. And, Kuma, such a disappointment. While me, myself and I wanted to scream with frustration, he simply curled up and snored.

After a bit, I decided I had to get up and remove the dead battery from the smoke alarm. I thought doing that would eliminate the noise. So, there I was in the middle of the night, hauling my stepstool from the kitchen to the hallway and climbing up those two steps to reach the noise maker. Again, Kuma was a huge help…he got out of bed and laid down right by the stepstool so I had to make sure I didn’t step on him as I came down.

Amazingly, I managed to get myself up and down those two steps without falling or tripping on the dog. Since the location was the hallway, I did have lots of support on both sides to keep me upright. Also amazingly, the smoke detector cover popped right off and the battery right out. I put them on the bathroom counter figuring I’d put in a new battery when I actually got up for the day.

So, was that the end of that annoying noise…NO, a huge frustrating NO. It continued to beep throughout the rest of the night and eventually, like Kuma, I was able to ignore it and return to sleep.

Even before coffee this morning, I dug out a new battery and put it into the smoke detector. The beeps continued, so I must have put it in incorrectly. Back up on the stepstool to reverse the battery. That time I waited on the top of the stepstool to see if the beeps continued.

They did. I tried to figure out how to remove the entire thing from the ceiling and came to the realization I would need to get a screwdriver. I gave up, made my coffee and watched the first part of Good Morning America while throwing Kuma’s ball down the hall multiple times to wear off his excess energy.

Eventually, I was surprised to no longer hear the eeeeeeepk sound. Guess the new battery just needed to make good friends with the smoke detector. Another success for me, myself and I…well, maybe typing just a bit too soon since the cover still has to be replaced.