I'M GRATEFUL

 

Today is the last day of November. A week ago, it was Thanksgiving and while I gave thanks for all I have, I didn’t write about it. I aim to rectify that today by writing about a number of things, all of which I am extremely grateful to have or experience. I’m going to begin with yesterday and work backwards, not that would matter to you, the reader…at least I don’t think it would matter.

Yesterday I was given the gift of a beautiful quilt. It’s just the right size to snuggle down with on the couch. It was made by two good friends to show me and remind me always that I am loved. We three were supposed to all get together a while back, but I bowed out because I was at a very low point in my life. They went ahead and got together and spent that afternoon crafting this quilt for me. The low point passed a while ago, but in some ways I’m grateful for it because it brought me this quilt. No matter what happens, all I’ll have to do is look at or snuggle up with this quilt and feel surrounded by the fact of how much they, and others, care for me. These words are a poor substitute for the feelings in my heart.

On Monday afternoon, I finished decorating the house for the holidays. My final project was the Christmas Tree. Each ornament, as I removed it from its packaging, provided me with a memory. The memories varied. The blue stripped ball from my childhood reminded me strongly and brought forth so many memories of my family and those holidays. I was so fortunate to have parents that loved me unconditionally my entire life. These were parents who didn’t have a lot of money, but the joy and love in our house were better than any gifts they could have purchased.

Once again, the one from John’s childhood made me sad, and I elected not to put it on the tree. It’s a cardboard tree-shaped flattened box that contained gumdrops. Not a Christmas passed that John didn’t talk about how he always saved his favorite ones, the red cherry ones, for Santa. He was crushed when he learned his mamma had eaten them because as children, they received so few treats. True, parents usually eat or put away what was left for Santa, but John’s mom was such a terrible woman in so many other ways that he could never let that one memory go. Even when I would pointedly say, “Okay, now tell me a happy memory.”, he was unable to do so.

Then there were the ones I purchased for my best friend on the Atlantic coast. I would buy her one and myself one; and she, in turn, usually sent me one she madem all beautiful examples of her crafting ability. Those reminded me of all the conversations we had over the years via tape recorders. She was here in 1980 when I had Thor and she had her first child. When she returned to Cape Cod, I sent her a tape recorder and our method of communication was born. Sometimes she’d talk for an hour, sometimes ninety minutes or more and vice versa. We shared so much laughter as well as sadness over those years and the ornaments and tapes kept us close, sort of like talking to each other over the back fence. She is now the person who has known me longer than anyone else and vice versa.

There is more than one ornament that went on the tree that was made or gifted by my West Coast best friend. She, too, is extremely talented and crafty. I, in turn, purchased two ornaments so I could give her one. There’s also one I made (imagine that)…she has one as do I. These ornaments hold memories as well, most of them happy.

There are multiple gold ones that carry the name of the place John and I visited or vacationed. With each one came the connected memories. Monday, I once again went to Hawaii, Tennessee, California, Florida, California, Oregon, China, Kenya. Those memories were bittersweet because John wasn’t here to hand me the ornament and share a conversation about that time.

Of course, there are ornaments made by kids and grandkids which I cherish far more than any that could be purchased. There are other ornaments as well, given by friends who remain in my life as well as friends who do not. I thought of each of them and wondered how the ones with whom I no longer connect now fare. There is even an ornament in surprisingly good shape after close to 40 years. The little girl who lived up the street at the time made it out of an actual ice cream cone. The ice cream is a styrofoam ball covered with green and plaid material.

Of course, there are multiple Woodland Park Zoo ornaments. Some of them were purchased, i.e., Hansa and her mother Chai, Maasai-made, glass with the old (and preferred) logo, dated ones given as gifts to people who became members. Tons of great memories surfaced as I put these on the tree. My bosses, staff, staff friends, experiences (I met Paul Neuman in person.), behind the scenes with so many of the animals. I loved my years there.

So, the tree is decorated and I enjoyed the memories brought forth by the process even though it took the entire day. I was sure there would be a number of ornaments I’d put in the give-away box, but not a one ended up there. Even John’s sad little ornament didn’t go there. I put it back in ornament box and it will, I’m sure, continue to remind me of John’s sadness each year going forward.

Thanksgiving was spent at the eldest son’s home with him, his wife and daughter. For the first time since I took over from my mom, I didn’t do a single thing. Okay, I made cranberry sauce and took pickles I’d canned in August, but aside from that, I did nothing. I didn’t cook, help cook, set the table, clean up, do dishes…nothing, zip, nada, nil. It felt a little strange, but I simply sat back and relished being company. As for the food, Angie did a superb job and everything was so yummy I actually had seconds which I haven’t done in forever.

Kuma accompanied me on Thanksgiving and was a very good puppy. He tried to put his paws on the cupboard and table, but was reprimanded and soon gave up. He sat patiently and carefully took any small bits of turkey the humans wanted to share. He did his business outside, and while he so wanted Ruby to play with him, it didn’t take long for him to realize she simply wasn’t interested…a show of all her teeth and grrrrrrrrrrrr got her point across.

The day after Thanksgiving I was supposed to go to Thor’s for leftovers. Unfortunately, when I went up there the Monday before, Thor was just bringing Xander home from school with a fever. Thor came down with it on Tuesday or Wednesday and everyone else was getting sick on Friday. So, even though I’m vaccinated for everything you can possibly vaccinate for, I tendered my regrets with wishes and hopes they’d all feel better soon.

And, what you ask, did I give thanks for on Thanksgiving? Pretty much everything I give thanks for each and every day, i.e., good health, warm shelter, food in the fridge and cupboard, my cuddly pal Kuma, close family, great friends and the potential of another great day to follow.

I thought back and decided to look back at the post, “I am Depressed,” I made the end of September. Today, it’s hard to believe I was so seriously depressed, but I was and could be again…who knows. But I now have Kuma, a wonderful reason to wake up in the morning. He does his best to get to my face to give me sloppy kisses and wiggles all around until I am rubbing his ears and belly. Some mornings I laugh before I’m even upright. It’s the absolute best way to begin the day whether it’s sunny or snowy. I’m most especially grateful for Kuma.