DECISION MADE???

          It’s going to be a go…the garage sale that is. Yesterday, when I finally drug out the vacuum cleaner and dusting rags, I began to eliminate stuff from my living room. These are just things that I have to dust over and over and over and over. Why on earth I ever thought I needed so much glass stuff, I have no idea. And, it isn’t just glass, it’s other possessions as well.

          The shelves and tables aren’t bare, but they are holding a lot less. Once I go to Office Depot and get some stickers, I’ll begin pricing and boxing this junk, I mean wonderful belongings, up. I’m sure none of it will sell for what I paid for it originally; however, I was always fairly cheap and wouldn’t spend more than $10 and usually less when buying something. I know I do have some spendier pieces that were gifts, but it’s time to file the memory of who gave and why and let go of the actual item.

          It’s fairly amazing how much better I’m feeling now that I’ve made that decision as well as a couple of others that I’ll share more about later. I guess I’ve been kinda waiting for someone, anyone, to offer assistance and/or decisions with regard to all this stuff. You’d after all this time I’d know the only decision maker here is me.

          You see, John never ever made an important decision for me. There were many times when I just wanted to crawl into his lap, have him cuddle me and tell me what to do. It usually had something to do with changing jobs or family/friend relationships. The decision for me was always very difficult. “Just tell me what I should do?” was my refrain.

          The refrain was ignored with the exception of John playing Devil’s advocate. He’d go over all the minuses with regard to the yes or no decision; then, he’d do the pluses. But, he never gave me a pat on the head and told me unequivocally exactly what I should do.

          John did this for most of our marriage; however, the older he became, the more opinionated, especially after he retired and spent hours on the computer he was. There are organizations and people on the internet who look for and attract individuals like my husband. I think I’ve mentioned before how far right wing he became in the last ten plus years of his life. He became a Devil’s advocate for the devil(s) in my opinion.

          I soon learned not to discuss important decisions with him, because his advice (demand) in no way, shape or form was beneficial. One piece of advice readily comes to mind. It had to do with my 403b retirement plan. I wanted to move the money some place where it would continue to grow (I’d received some bad advice from the company plan holder.) as well as be readily available should I need to tap some of those funds.

          I bought a couple of books and did some research before finally making a decision. John’s advice was I take ALL the cash and put it into a saving account; or better yet, buy gold with it. I explained I’d have to pay income tax up front which would eat up over half the funds. He came back with how risky the stock market really was, which considering the amount of money I’ve lost in the last week might now be true.

          Still, I went ahead with my decision to invest; and it was withdrawals from that account that paid for John’s medical, dental and pharmaceutical needs for the last seven plus years. Since I stopped taking withdrawals last fall, my account grew very well up until, as I said above, the last week and the coronavirus affect on the stock market.

          So, the garage sale is on and I’ll be busy working toward it. I also think I’ll sell the house, but that’s not yet a definite decision. I need to do some research and figure out if it would be beneficial financially to sell and move someplace else where my only responsibility would be writing a check. But, that’s also a decision I don’t have to make immediately. As long as I can pay the property taxes and remain healthy and able to care for myself, I’ll be here.  I just don’t want to get to the point where family or whoever is making my decision for me.  If nothing else, John did teach me decisions about me, myself and I have to be made by me, myself and I.

VALUE CAN ONLY BE DETERMINED BY THE OWNER

          Posting about having a garage sale made me think of the first time John and I had a serious argument about something I did without consulting him. I don’t think we’d even been married a year. I know we were living in the little house in Ballard, and it was probably spring because that’s when you do your spring cleaning…right?

          Anyway, I was John’s wife, mistress of his life so why would I need to check with him when I began cleaning out the closet and dresser drawers. I mean, really, it was right there in the marriage vows wasn’t it? What was his is mine and what’s mine is his and those vows endowed me with the power to make decisions about his clothes and stuff. So, I cleaned out his side of the closet as well as mine. I had never been a saver, i.e., if I didn’t wear it or came to dislike it, then it went in the Goodwill box.

          John had this pair of white Levi’s that had been patched innumerable times by his mother. The jeans were more patch than original fabric. At that point I had never owned a pair of Levi’s and had no idea that the longer you had them and wore them, the softer and more comfortable they became. To me, all those patches represented being poor and there was no need for him to keep them since he had other good pairs of jeans. Into the Goodwill box they went.

          John also had an unbelievably ugly mustard-yellow corduroy jacket. He’d put it on once with a red and white patterned shirt…so ugly. It looked horrible and I insisted he wear something else. After all, I was the fashionista, not him. So, since I hated that jacket and couldn’t ever see myself going out in public with him if he was wearing it, into the Goodwill box it went as well.

          The final insult as far as John was concerned was the fact, he took the boxes out of the car trunk and put them into the Goodwill bin. When he found out he’d tossed his favorite jeans and that wonderful jacket into the bin, he was so angry, I’m sure if he could have said, “I divorce thee; I divorce thee; I divorce thee.” and never had to see me again, he just might have done exactly that.

          Since he died last August, I’ve gotten rid of a whole bunch of stuff without asking him if it was okay. I’m sure if he was in a grave, he’d be rolling over and over in an absolute snit. I gave away 25 boxes of Playboy magazines…yes, GAVE away. I took another four or five huge boxes of Maxim magazines to the recycle station. It gave me great pleasure, plus added a lot of steps to my Fitbit that day, to carry and toss those magazines. In the process of cleaning out all those file cabinets, I found a bunch of jewelry that definitely didn’t belong to me. Who knows where it came from? Someone suggested I take it to Bellevue Rare Coins. I did and was very thankful I didn’t toss that stuff into a Goodwill box. The absolute ugliest pieces of jewelry were 18 caret gold…imagine. 

Besides what I did, the boys and I went through a stuff in the garage and then through what he had stored in the extra space he rented. Again, there was so much that didn’t have a value and that ended up in either recycle or the garbage. The eldest son kept saying, “What was dad thinking?”. I certainly didn’t have an answer.

Not too long ago, I read an article written by a woman who had just finished cleaning out her mother’s home. She hired an estate sale company to take care of the whole thing, but learned a number of things. No one is interested in good china or crystal…may as well enjoy tossing it on the floor and breaking it. No one is interested in brown furniture…may as well cut it up for firewood. Apparently, the only items that have any value are good jewelry, firearms, and I cannot remember what the third thing was…maybe sterling silver? I looked for the article, but could not find it again.

So, I guess the absolute best thing would be to order a dumpster (Can you hear John screaming?) and simply begin to fill it with all the stuff in the house, the attic and the garage that isn’t needed or necessary…this would include eliminating as much of my own stuff as possible in the process. I think I’ll have a garage sale first though and see if I can’t make a bit of change from some of it. I figure if I start now and go room by room, pricing and boxing, then it shouldn’t be too hard come the end of July. Then, whatever’s left can go in the dumpster…John, don’t you come haunting me now. 

TO GARAGE SALE OR NOT GARAGE SALE

         In a post the other day, I said I HAVE TO get John’s bedroom cleaned out. I believe I’ve posted before that he was a hoarder and saved all kinds of worthless stuff. What’s left in that room now may be stuff that’s worth something, but I’ll only find that out if I proceed to go through it all, do some research and figure out how and where to market these “valuables.”      

  

         Lately, I’ve been toying with the idea of holding a garage sale, perhaps the end of July or the beginning of August. It’s been a very long time since I held a garage sale and I had John to assist me then. I’m sure my sons would be happy to give me a hand on an as needed basis provided that basis wasn’t every weekend between now and July.

          Actually, I'm even toying with the idea of having a HUGE ESTATE sale and opening up the house in order to sell anything within that I haven't put aside for myself. This would be in preparation for selling the house and moving to someplace that wouldn't require the amount of hard work and care this house does. It would be a huge adjustment after living here for 51 years, but perhaps it's more than time for a change.

         Does anyone reading this out there have any advice they’d like to share about garage sales, getting rid of stuff, researching what stuff might be worth, or selling the home and its contents? I know I can google almost any item and get some kind of response. Still, it would be great to benefit from someone else’s experience.

          Come on now…the more advice and/or ideas the better. Thanks so very much in advance!!!

FINANCES AND INCOME TAX

        Are you a list maker? I am and I just made a list of important work I need to get done tvery soon. (1) I need to prepare my 2019 income taxes; (2) I need to complete the form requesting my property taxes be reduced and submit it; (3) I need to go online and update my medical file for the physical exam I scheduled for March. These are the big three and in addition to the ordinary stuff that’s always on the list, i.e., laundry, vacuum, dust, grocery shop, etc., etc., etc.

          The first item on the list tend is an annual event that has pissed me off and annoyed the heck out of me for decades. That’s because I didn’t want to have to do any of the money stuff in my marriage. I simply wanted and expected a husband that would go to work, come home, pay the bills and take care of any pesky financial stuff that came up, like assuring our golden years would be debt free and fun.

          Silly me, drunk with Cinderella Syndrome back in the late 1960s, I expected John to work at a job for all our married life while I took on the part of Mrs. “Cleaver” Karlberg. I’d keep a beautiful home, cook wonderful meals and raise brilliant happy beautiful children.

Those expectations did work out from the get go…I should have run screaming into the night right after the honeymoon when John suggested we each keep our own checking accounts. So, that’s what we did for all our years of marriage although we each had our name on the other’s account. As a matter of fact, I have a check to deposit because I just closed John’s account at his bank…no, we didn’t even have the same bank.            

          I almost always had at least a half-time job and eventually came to earn far more than John, only because he had his own business and didn’t pay himself well at all. According to John, it cost too much in taxes for him to have much of an income. So, the bulk of budgeting, paying bills, doing the paperwork and filing taxes for John’s company, as well as taxes for us personally fell to me.

          I’m not exactly sure why it developed in this manner. I know we did try to reverse the situation more than once. I’m not a genius when it comes to math, but it was somehow easier for me take care of our financial business. And, I suppose it was actually a good thing because it was me paying into the retirement system that allowed us/me to retire and continue to pay the bills each month. John’s “costs too much to pay into social security” netted him less than half of what I receive.

          This year I don’t have anyone to grumble to or at when I begin dragging all the papers from the files. I also won’t need an additional signature when it comes time to submit anything. Somehow knowing I’ll be signing everything as just me, myself and I, makes John’s absence seem, once again, more infinite. It truly makes me wonder how it will be in 2021. Will I still become pissed off and annoyed when it comes time to fill out the tax forms? Or, will I simply sail through it because it’s just me, myself and I?

YESTERDAY...

Was not a good day. I didn’t get a single thing written. I was/am very depressed even though I walked, went to exercise class and did my physical therapy. I kept and keep reminding myself that I “choose” how I’m feeling, but sometimes the day can hold surprises that are horrid, seem very unfair, and provide a picture of myself that I feel I don’t deserve and that is totally unwarranted. It’s because of the source of those feelings that I am feeling so depressed even though I’ve tried to choose not to be.

          Perhaps today will be a better day. To begin, I’m going back to bed for a while longer.

          I wish y’all a wonderful day.

GRANDCHILDREN BLESSINGS

          It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m hoping I can keep my eyes open until at least 9:00 pm. I had the grandkids, Arayli and Xander, for the day yesterday and overnight last night. All went well during the day. We played games and I introduced them to Mexican Train. We played one more game this morning before I took them home and Xander won. We also went to the park yesterday since it wasn’t raining and Xander played on all the equipment, Arayli practiced basketball and I wandered around watching them both.

Arayli (11) and Xander (5)

          Nana also ordered two new movies from Red Box. Some Dora movie that Xander picked out and Maleficent for Arayli. Xander really liked Maleficent, but Arayli spent more time on her phone and Tic-Tok (whatever that is), than she did watching her movie.

          Tired from the day’s activities, birthday dinner making, etc., as well as sporadic sleep Friday night, I was happy to pack Xander and myself off to bed around 10:00 pm. Arayli was on the couch and going to watch a little TV before she retired.

As we older people tend to do, I got up at 1:25 am to pee and found Xander sitting in his bed crying. I hadn’t heard him and have no idea how long he’d been awake. I sent him to my bed, went pee and returned to join him in a twin bed. Well, he’s a hot (as in temperature) little bundle and snores like a longshoreman (I have no idea how longshoremen snore, but it shounded good), so I got out of bed and tried sleeping in my recliner. I know some people say they sleep really well in their recliners, but that’s not the case for me.

I sort of dozed on and off the remainder of the night. When the dogs began making noise at 8:40 am, I rushed out, hoping they hadn’t waked the kids. I put them out and began making myself a latte. My hope of having five minutes all to myself before Arayli and Xander woke up came to naught. Arayli showed up in the living room before I let the dogs back in and Xander came out before my latte was done.

Needless to say, Nana was a trifle crabby today. The kids, of course, were raring to go immediately. Xander wanted to know even before my first sip of coffee if we could play train now. Then Arayli asked if we could play train. I managed to put them off until after we’d all been showered, shampooed and they had packed up their stuff.

In times past, I could have put Xander, or even Arayli, in Grandpa’s big bed with him and the doggies. And until the last six months to a year before he died, John would have been up with them and letting me have a bit more time in my bed. I seriously missed John and his consideration of my needs this morning. I soldiered on alone and think/hope Arayli and Xander had a good “boring” time at Nana’s.

Their visit also made me realize I simply HAVE TO finish cleaning out John’s room. As it is now, the bed is covered with boxes, empty and stuffed, as well as a variety of other items. I’ve already been asked a few times if I was going to move back into the martial bed/bedroom. I think if I’m going to have the grandkids overnight often, then it’s an absolute necessity I free up that room and that bed…whether I inhabit it or not.

DOES IT REALLY MATTER???

         One of the things I’ve noticed about being a widow and living alone is an attitude of not really caring. Since it’s just me and the doggies here, does it really matter if I vacuum or dust? Sure, if I expect family or friends to visit; then, of course, I go through the motions of making the house more presentable. (Although, I have to admit I entertained family yesterday without pulling out the vacuum or wielding the dust cloth...for shame, for shame, for shame.) But, on a day to day basis, I don’t really give much of a shit…to be profane about it.

          When John was alive, I kept a clean and fairly normal house, but he’s no longer here; and why I did it when he was alive, I don’t really know. He didn’t much care how the house looked; and judging by the dust and dog hair in his bedroom, we could have easily lived like a couple of hoarders and it wouldn’t have mattered in the least to him. I think I’ve posted his opinion on my cleaning before company comes…what’s the point since the company is just going to mess it all up anyway.

          Then, there’s the living plants throughout the house. I’ve always had living plants in my home. At one point in time, there were plants in hangers I macraméd
in front of each and every window of this house. Now, the plants reside in the

bathroom, living, dining rooms and kitchen. I know family would rather I get rid of the ones in the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to climb a ladder to water. Some times I think about just giving them all away so I don’t have to care for them any longer. Then, I think about this house and how cold it would look without those living specimens.

          What I’m left wondering about at this point is whether my ceasing to care about the dust, dirt, dog hair and plants is an indication of depression? If that’s the case, why don’t I feel depressed? Believe me, I don’t really think I’m depressed and in need of some form of medication to make it all better.

          Growing up, my mother and father both worked; and once my grandma moved to California when I was 12, I became the main housekeeper. I didn’t have to do laundry or anything like that, but vacuuming, dusting and keeping things tidy was really up to me. I continued that when I moved into my own apartment, into the house John and I rented at the beginning of our marriage and then into this house. At one point in time…actually more than one point, more like years…you could have eaten your dinner, or any meal for that matter, off my floors. My windows sparkled spring and fall. And, I held either a permanent part-time job or a full-time job while raising children and keeping a clean and gleaming home. 

         

So, now, what’s my problem? I don’t honestly know except I don’t feel much like vacuuming most days. And, dusting, well, what’s the point when it just comes back before you even get to enjoy the dirt-free tables and knick-knacks. I probably wouldn't even do much laundry except for the fact my closet and dresser drawers are not bottomless. I feel like I should be ashamed of myself for not caring so much as a real whit…and what is a whit anyway…about how it all looks. Again, am I depressed or just relaxing after a lifetime of keeping things in order?

          I find myself wanting to do other things like sit at this computer and compose stuff for my blog, or read emails, or look at Facebook. I’d rather meet someone for lunch or dinner or go to a movie. I have a stack of papers and brochures I've saved that detail hikes and places and events I want to attend. With spring just around the corner, I'd rather be out mucking about in the dirt instead of cleaning it up.  

        

          This is a quandary for me. After 74 years of cleaning, polishing, laundering, and everything else it takes to keep house, why am I now feeling as though those things are time wasters, that I have so many other things I can do instead? Is it because I feel my time is becoming more limited with each passing day? Am I just lazy? I don’t have an answer for myself.

Is feeling like this part of the grieving process? Is feeling like this perfectly normal? Is it a phase that I’ll go through that will eventually end? Does anyone have any answers or insights to share with regard to how I’m feeling? I believe I could certainly benefit from counsel from other widows/widowers who have gone through this because right now, it rather sucks and I’d much prefer to feel way better than I do currently.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY THOR!!!!

          Today is my youngest son’s 40^th birthday, his first one without his dad. His older brother had his first birthday without his dad last September, but I hadn’t begun to write about how John’s death affected me or my sons. I’m sorry for that now because I’m sure it was very difficult for AJ to party barely a month after his dad’s passing and not even ten days after John’s life celebration. I wasn’t thinking about any of this at that point in time. I guess it was too new to process.

          Still, we celebrated AJ’s 49^th birthday last September and today, we’ll celebrate Thor’s 40^th. As I did with AJ’s, I’ll continue with the custom or preparing the celebrant’s favorite dinner, established who knows how many years ago. I’ll make Heart Attack in a Bowl, better known as Baked Potato Soup. It will be served with Caesar salad, garlic bread and crackers. In the past, I’ve made Thor’s favorite, German chocolate cake, but with the cold that’s still sapping my energy, I’ve asked Thor’s wife to take care of getting the cake and ice cream.

          We’ll all be there to watch the candles be lighted, one of the kids will play the little music box of Happy Birthday, and we’ll all sing the Happy Birthday song to Thor. It will be pretty much like years past; except we are all one year older and John’s voice will no longer ring out as we sing.

I cannot speak for Thor or any other family member, but I will miss John’s presence and the way we often looked at each other with pride in the boys we raised. We never discussed it at any length or in great depth, but we both loved these progenies, even when they were the most exasperating individuals in our lives.

 Thor’s baby book carries the story of how and when he was conceived. It was in the back of a 1972 VW camper van in the back yard of Mabel and Bud Owen’s home in Montesano Washington on Memorial Day weekend 1979. John and I were so pleased with AJ and parenthood, we’d decided to have another child, but Mother Nature would not cooperate. We were encouraged to visit our friends in Montesano because everyone there was pregnant…it has to be the water I was told. This was going to be our last attempt because AJ would be ten in 1980 and the house would be paid for…why begin again.

Thor 2/22/80

Mother Nature granted our desire and when we returned to see our friends for the July 4^th weekend, we were happily pregnant. AJ was especially excited and wanted a sister whom he would name Rebecca. John also wanted a girl as did I so we’d have a complete set, but, somehow, I knew during the comfortable and easy pregnancy that I was carrying another boy.

February photos with John must be 

in baby book. This from 8/80.

In addition to my being pregnant, four other women I knew were as well and we were all due in February. I was the last to head for the hospital, five days after the last of the other four went. Of the five of us, two had boys and three had girls, but most importantly, they were all healthy and whole.

Mom walking for her Certificate

Such good posture

Thor was also born on the day of my mother’s graduation from school. Since I couldn’t be there, I insisted John and AJ attend and take photographs. They all came to the hospital the following day. Unfortunately, I did have a problem when I gave birth, so the doctor kept me there an extra couple of days.

The day Thor and I went home had a couple of difficulties. I had no idea I absolutely had to have the baby car seat in the car in order to bring my baby home. After much dithering, we were allowed to leave with Thor, but he and I had to ride in the back seat. The other problem was AJ had become ill. John took him to the doctor on the way to get us, and it turned out he had strep throat. The nurses were very understanding and provided face masks for him to use and instructed him/us about washing his hands, etc., to keep his new baby healthy.

Photo of AJ in mask must be 

in Thor’s baby book

I have photos of AJ in his face mask holding his little brother as soon as we arrived home. That bond strengthened and grew as did the brothers. Just let one of the older kids in the neighborhood give Thor grief and AJ was ready to go take care of the problem. Thor, in turn, looked up to his big brother and potty trained himself before his second birthday. His brother and dad stood up to pee, so forget these diapers and let me at the toilet. Had I to do it all over again, I would have taught my boys to sit down and pee. As it was, once they were each old enough, cleaning the bathroom became their job once a week. After all, I wasn’t the one that “dripped” on the toilet and floor.

As boys grew up and matured, they became less close…ten years does make a difference at some point. AJ was out of school, going to college and Thor was just beginning middle school. AJ found the woman he married, and Thor wasn’t yet sure if he needed a girl/woman in his life. AJ accepted permanent employment with the Seattle Parks Department from which he’ll eventually retire. Thor had some medical issues which sidetracked him from his chosen career of diesel mechanic to working for his father’s company, and then on to several completely different in every way jobs.

Now, at 50 later this year and 40 today, I believe they are supportive of each other. I absolutely love the way they relive old times, share new experiences and laugh together. AJ gave us our granddaughter 18+ years ago. Thor gave us our grandson 5+ years ago, plus an additional two grandchildren that were gifted by his wife who call me Nana and called John Grandpa.

So, today, we’ll celebrate Thor’s 40^th. There will be smiles, laughter, tales told about other birthdays and events. I’ll make sure John’s ball is lighted and know that while his voice will not join with ours today, he’ll still be there in each and every single memory of each and every single birthday celebration we’ve previously held for Thor.

I thought that last paragraph was the last one, but suddenly my eyes are filling and all the memories that have crowded my mind as I looked up old polaroids and photos and wrote this are causing me both pleasure and pain. The pleasure comes from the wonderful memories I have of parenting Thor with John. The pain comes from knowing those memories became finite last August. I’m glad I was numb last September for AJ’s birthday because this happy occasion simply, and unexpectedly, hurts.

CRUISING

          Okay, I’ve posted about the fun stuff ashore, so it must be time for me to post about my cruise experience. Let me just say it was LONELY. I’m not sure cruising is what this particular widow needs in her life on a more permanent basis. I did meet another widow who lost her husband four years ago. She’s been travelling and cruising every since because he hated to travel. So, she finds she doesn’t miss him the way she would if she did the kind of things they used to do together.

          According to the cruise director, the ship carried just under 2000 passengers and 1200 of them were couples. That left about 800 singles, but those singles included mothers with daughters, friends with friends, and not too very many solos. The Zuiderdam did have two events for solo guests.

          I attended the first one which was a meet up at one of the ship’s bars. There was a total of five attendees including me. Two were women from LA, travelling together and the other two were men. We all had a drink, chatted and then the two men left to attend the dance show which I’d just come from and highly recommended. The two women left to go to BB King’s Blues Bar and dance. I finished my drink and went to my room.

          The second event was a lunch for solos. The widow mentioned above attended and reported there were about 12 people there for lunch. She said she didn’t like the vibe and left as did a couple of other folks.

          During the day and on the shore excursions, I had plenty of people to talk to. Everyone was very friendly and happy to converse with me whether they were older or younger and in a relationship or not. I enjoyed those conversations and getting to know a little bit about each one, but I seldom ran into the same person or people more than that one time. There were a couple of exceptions, but that wasn’t the rule. I wasn’t particularly lonely during the daylight hours.

          It was the evening hours after going to a show, having a drink, three martinis for $12 at 6:00 pm, eating a late dinner or dessert that were most difficult and lonely. True, it wasn’t any different than being at home alone, except it was. I wanted to talk to someone about the day’s events, the food, the crazy, helpful, beautiful, kind, amusing persons I’d met. Instead, I journaled on my I-pad and kept track of what I’d done and wanted to do. That doesn’t even come close to having a live person with whom to interact.

          I did end up watching a number of movies I hadn’t seen that were in the ship’s library. That tended to take my mind off being alone, but eventually, it was time to turn everything off and get beneath the covers. Then, it would have been especially wonderful to have someone with whom to snuggle. I find it amazing how at times I can miss John so much when he drove me absolutely nuts those last years. I guess it’s just the perfect example of not knowing or appreciating what you have until it’s gone?

          At any rate, I’m not taking cruising entirely off my list. I love having my room straightened, yummy food available without lifting a finger, entertainment available at a wide variety of times. And, of course, there was the sun and the warm water, but I think cruising doesn’t give you enough of the warm water. Anyway, it’s not like I have to sign up for another one any time soon. I did bring home the cruise catalog to see if there’s something in there I’d really like. Since I went through the Three Gorges Locks in China, it might be fun to go through the Panama Canal. There were also a number of people on the ship that love Viking cruises. I’ll look into them too at some point.

          I really do wish that other widows/widowers would weigh in on what they like/liked to do on their own. I know I’d certainly appreciate some feedback.

FOOD, YUMMY YUMMY FOOD

          When you reach a certain age, one of the few pleasures left is eating. Of course, you want to eat not only well, but tasty stuff pleasing to the palate. Let me tell you, cruising provides you with the ability to eat well and enjoy every single bite.

         

          On the two cruises I’ve been on, they had what is called the Lido Market. It has a wide variety of choices that are available beginning with breakfast and ending with snacks between 10:00 pm and 12:00 am. The Lido Market is included as part of your package. In addition, there is a taco bar adjacent the swimming pool with a very wide variety of choices to include in your taco or your taco salad…I went for the taco salad at least twice and it was very very good. There’s also the Dive In, which provides a variety of hamburgers and French fries until 5:00 pm. I don’t know what they put on their French fries, but they were excellent.

         

There were also three other restaurants. There was the dining room which was also included in your package, and you could make a reservation or take your chances when you decided to have dinner. I had lunch there once and the food was excellent…the company, maybe not so much. They seated me at the only empty chair at a table for 10. Eight of those 10 were couples. The gentleman seated next to me was a solo like me. He abruptly got up and left the table just after I was seated. We’d barely begun lunch when he excused himself again saying he’d taken a water pill that morning. On his return, I asked if he was taking Lasix and he responded affirmatively. Well, that was it for me…he may have been attractive and slim, but John took Lasix for years and there was no way I wanted to even contemplate getting to know a single male who was already on Lasix. We had a very nice lunch and I never saw him again.

          The Pinnacle Grill would have been an additional charge on my Visa; however, my decision not to try that restaurant was because it served Northwest food. Why would I fly thousands of miles and get on a ship to pay for food I could undoubtedly get right at home that would be cheaper and fresher?

          There was also the Canaletto restaurant which served Italian food. The Lido Market also had a variety of pasta and sauces, so why would I pay extra to eat in that restaurant. True, the restaurants provided wine service, but were I so inclined, I could have asked my Lido server for wine as well.

          Finally, there was in stateroom service. I used this for the mornings I had to be up early to go ashore. It was rather nice to have your breakfast delivered when you’re barely awake and to sit in your chair with your coffee and stare out at the water beyond the verandah. The delivered food wasn’t as good as what I had in the Lido Market for breakfast. That was understandable because the menu choices were not as broad. I mean you could get a bowl of oatmeal and then wander around to various locations and add fruit, nuts, cream and a wider variety of additions than were listed on the in-stateroom menu.

          Seriously, I expected to return home weighing many more pounds than when I left.  I was amazed to find myself about the same weight as when I left, especially because I ate and ate and ate and ate. In addition to the taco salads and hamburgers and French fries, I had perfectly cooked salmon, collard greens, a variety of vegetables cooked to perfection, steak, pasta, pizza, a couple different kinds of fish, crispy bacon, rolls and butter and a huge variety of desserts. I could even have ice cream cones almost any time of the day or night.

          I’ve heard stories about people who do nothing but go on cruises. After this one, I can certainly understand why that would be a great choice. You have a steward who comes in and cleans up your stateroom. You have access to wonderful and yummy food almost 24/7. There’s a medical facility on board if you should become in need of one. There are people to talk to almost 24/7. There are a wide variety of entertainments from piecing puzzles to an on board dance troupe, comedians to make you laugh, a casino in which you can lose your money (I didn’t play, but loved watching some of the folks who did.), books you can borrow and read, movies on your stateroom television, plus other TV stations if you are so inclined.  You can even get a massage, your hair and nails done, acupuncture, and a wide variety of health benefits from the on-board spa. Then, there’s the fitness room and two swimming pools so you can keep yourself in shape. You can also walk around the 10^th deck innumerable times to get your steps in for the day. I didn’t utilize any of those facilities, but assume if I were to become a permanent cruiser, I’d definitely work all of them into my schedule.

          The only thing I didn’t really like so much was my inability to be on the internet. And, yes, I could have been, but I was not willing to pay the extra $120, or whatever it was, in order to go on line, text, email and play Words with Friends. I kind of missed that, but it was also very good to be off the grid (as they say) for a while.

         

The last time I cruised, it was with John to Alaska through the Inside Passage and including Glacier Bay. It was a wonderful trip, but John was already fading at that point in time. He would take the elevator up one floor to the Lido Market and I would take the steps. He would look at the various foods available and tell me his choices. Then, I would prepare his plate and drinks and serve him before I made my own choices. I didn’t resent him or having to wait on him, I simply thought it was sad he was unable to do all the things I was able to do. One day, I got him to walk from one end of the ship to the other to get a latte. He had to stop and rest once we reached the Crow’s Nest before heading back to our stateroom. He took a nap every afternoon. We didn’t attend any of the evening entertainments. But, we got to sit on our verandah and watch the glaciers calving and that was fun and exciting.

          This trip, I waited only on myself. I thought of John now and then when I was eating something especially yummy and that I know he would have enjoyed. With or without John, the pleasure of eating was immense…YUM, YUM, YUM.

DOLPHINS, SHARKS, PARROTS, TOUCANS, LOVE BIRDS, OH MY

 

I’ve always wanted to swim with dolphins and thought the word “encounter” meant I’d be swimming with dolphins…plural. Well, that wasn’t the case, but it was a wonderful experience nonetheless.

          The ship disgorged its inhabitants after having all those going ashore show photo ID and the ship keycard. The folks going to Ocean World at Puerta Plata gathered in a group and were escorted onto a bus. The bus then took us outside the city to Ocean World. If you look up Ocean World, it states day activities which include, water slides, sea lions, sharks and the main attraction—swimming with dolphins…that must be where I got my original idea.

          The tour guide, Robin, gave us lots of information during the bus ride which included the fact you could rent an apartment just outside the park for $300 a month. He also said not to come in November…too rainy or August…too hot. Maybe a month in the Dominican Republic would work just as well as a month in Costa Rica to get away from Seattle rain. I’ll have to check into that.

          Off the bus, we were led out into the park to a series of docks and eventually to a square dock that enclosed water. The trainer (whose name I never did learn) introduced us to Luna, a seven-year-old dolphin that had been born at the park. He provided instructions on the dos and don’ts with regard to the Luna encounter. The main don’t seemed to be, “…don’t touch her peepee.” This was repeated over and over. I don’t know if it was for the humor or if it was a real fact. At one point I did ask him what would happen if I touched her peepee and he said, “You would make her very happy.” Later on, I tried to talk to him away from the encounter space and came to the conclusion he had just enough English to do his spiel.

          He divided us into two groups and the other group went first. My group watched from the other side as Luna was instructed to perform. She was rewarded each time on completion with a small fish. All those small fishes apparently add up to about 300 pounds at the end of the day.

          Then it was my group’s turn. We got down in the water on a ledge and Luna swam back and forth in front of us, back up, belly up…”Don’t touch her peepee.”…. Then, Luna kissed each of us on the cheek. She followed this by putting her head on our shoulders and allowing us to hug her. Luna then raised herself out of the water in front of each one of us so the photographer could get a photo. Finally, Luna’s trainer had her float in front of me with her tail in my face. I held her tail and apparently my excitement got the best of me because suddenly I was floating and my toes were sticking out of the water on either side of Luna. The trainer wanted to know what I was doing and I was quick to reassure him that, “I didn’t touch her peepee.”

          Finally, we were each given a fish to feed Luna…surprised to find out it was frozen…and then she swam back and forth again so we could touch her as she passed. The trainer also had Luna float on her back so he could show us her peepee and the mammary glands that are on either side. That seemed a bit strange. And, that was the my swim with a dolphin.

          I was surprised to find that Luna did not feel wet even though she was in the water. She didn’t feel cold or warm. She felt firm and kind of silky. I don’t think I’ve ever touched anything else that would approximate how Luna felt. I was also left feeling a bit sad about the experience. Yes, I retired from a zoo. Yes, I’ve had encounters with grizzlies, elephants, gorillas, penguins, hippos, giraffe, zebra, orangutans and other zoo inhabitants, but I’ve also always felt a bit sad about all these animals being in captivity. Not that I would have forgone a single one of those experiences you understand.

Following the encounter, I was fortunate enough to speak with the Director of the Animal Collection. He was out welcoming guests and helping his staff. We had a nice chat although he’d never heard of Woodland Park Zoo, he did say they had an employee who came from San Diego. He also said that in 2018, Ocean World passed a rigorous third-party audit to become the first institution in the Caribbean to earn the prestigious Humane Certified Seal of Approval. The American Humane Conservation program is the first-ever certification program solely devoted to helping verify the humane treatment of animals living in zoos, aquariums, and conservation centers across the globe. (I stole the actual verbiage off the internet.) This gentleman also said the majority of the dolphins at Ocean World had been born there. This information helped with my sad feelings.

Then, I had a Dominican Republic style buffet lunch followed by the Shark show (boring) and the bird show (amazing) and wandered around the park. Very nice attendants took photos of me with the parrot, toucan and love birds (parakeets). Rather than intersperse additional photos in the text, I decided to post these at the end. Here you go. Enjoy...I certainly did in case you couldn't tell.