TREASURES ON THE OLD I-PAD

I  did make the trek to Costco to purchase a new I-pad on Wednesday. I wore gloves and had a bottle of sanitizer in my pocket which I used liberally before, during and after. And, wow, things had changed at Costco. Tape on the floor marking six-foot distances and huge clear plastic shields at the check-out stations to protect both me and the checker. I had to get close to the person who checked the I-pad out of the back, and I had to touch the computer screen to type in my email. I sincerely hope she wasn’t a carrier and vice-versa and that no one with the virus on their fingers used the screen before me. I hand-sanitized immediately after.

So, I have a new I-pad. I did try to rectify the problem with my 13-year old one, but what my friend Ernie suggested didn’t work at all. I was very concerned that I’d lose the information on my old I-pad, but my granddaughter assured me everything would be transferred to the new one. She was absolutely correct, with one exception…the library books I’d downloaded didn’t transfer. It took a frustrating couple of hours to figure out how to get that done. In the end, I deleted them from the old I-pad, then went to the library and requested them all again. Wouldn’t you know it, the one I had been reading was the only one I had to place a hold on. I wonder if I’ll remember what I’d read or have to begin again once it comes available.

This morning, I began going through all the apps on my new I-pad and it has considerably more than what was on the old one. I guess there have been some great advances in 13 years. I’m looking forward to learning how to do some of the new stuff as I experiment with things like Podcasts, Apple TV, I-tunes, I-movie, Clips, Pages, Keynote and several others. One new one is Stocks. Not knowing exactly what would appear, I opened it and was very satisfied to see the stock market was up today. There were also a few articles I scanned that seemed promising with regard to financials, but written in such a way, the author(s) wouldn’t have to eat crow if it doesn’t happen.

As I said, all the data on the old I-pad transferred, including photos I’d forgotten all about. Some were from the last trip John and I took to Oregon in 2012. Later that same year, we took a cruise to Alaska and Glacier Bay. The Alaska photos included ones of John. I guess I didn’t really see him for a much longer period of time than I thought or remember because he looks older and more frail than I remember him being in those photos. It’s hard for me to believe I didn’t actually look at and actually “see” him for almost seven years.

Those photos made me sad, not because of how John looked, but because of what a bitch I must have been for those seven years. Of course, I knew John wasn’t well or capable of doing a lot. I offered to get him a wheelchair to get him on board the cruise ship, but he refused. There was a lot of walking, first on the dock, then through the hallways of the ship to our room. He made it, but barely and then had to rest on the bed for pretty much the remainder of the day.

Once he got up, we took the elevator up to the top level for the leaving port party. At least we were able to share that. When it came to meals, John would take the elevator up one floor and I would take the stairs. Once there, he’d look at what was being offered for whatever meal and tell me what he wanted. He’d go sit at the table and I’d go back and fill his plate and bring it to him before getting what I wanted to eat. I was never mean or cruel about this process and did it happily, but I still don’t think I “saw” him as he was.

John left the ship only once. I can't remember for sure, but I think it was Sitka. He got off to go to a salmon BBQ and to ride the tram up the mountain. He did okay, but I wasn't sure he'd get back aboard without some kind of assistance. But make it he did, while I remained ashore and did some sightseeing around the little town. The other stops the ship made, John stayed on board while I went ashore. I took a hike in the woods at one stop and went sea kayaking at another. It would have been much more fun with John, but he didn't pout or resent my going...he encouraged it for which I'm thankful.

On that cruise, John took one tour of the ship. We walked the top deck from one end to the other very slowly. That’s when I took the pictures with my I-pad. When we got to the Crow’s Nest, we bought lattes and John had to sit for a while before being able to return to the other end of the ship where our room was located. Again, I was aware of his inability to move quickly, his need for a rest period; but again, I don’t remember actually “seeing” him. 

When it came to Glacier Bay and the glaciers, I was so happy we had a verandah stateroom. John was able to sit there or inside if it became too cold and see the glaciers just as well as I did from my spot outside. The ship even turned, so he was able to see both sides of everything. 

I know my ability to "see" was caused to some degree by the hypothetical glasses I wore. One lens was frustration and the other was anger. Both these feelings were because I believed John had the difficulties he did as a result of not taking care of himself and his addiction to Oxy. I believed he could get better, be better if only he would try. Looking at those photos now, perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps he really did the best he could. Perhaps I should have tried to be more understanding and more patient. 

Damn, just when I think I've moved another few steps forward, something like these photos return to haunt me, to make me feel sad and guilty and wishing I could go back and redo some of those seven years. But, I can't, that time is gone forever. I do urge those of you reading this though, to take off your hypothetical glasses and actually look at your spouse, partner, parent, child and really really see them. It's not too late when they're still right there, so don't wait.