SHOPPING AND MISSING

        Today (Monday) was my go to ACE, QFC and Costco day. People have been saying grocery store prices are going up and I guess they must be right. I couldn’t believe the amount of money I spent on stuff just for me, myself and I. I’m not sure which of us is going to be eating all this food, but whichever one had best get busy, especially when it comes to salad.

          I didn’t look in my vegetable drawers when I was making my list. So, when I got home with a small bin of 50/50 greens and a head of living butter lettuce (my favorite), I opened the drawer only to discover I had an entire head of iceberg lettuce I haven’t touched.

          At Costco, I bought one of the rotisserie chickens, so this evening I’ll be having a chicken salad with lots of greens. Actually, I’ll probably be having this chicken for a couple of nights this week. John didn’t like those chickens because he found them too greasy. Personally, I just peel off the skin and they’re fine...the wings are my favorite. I actually miss Safeway's chicken wing stations. They still have the chicken wings; they're just cold and packaged...I like em hot.

          Not going out and about for a week or more, I still find it surprising to see everyone in a face mask…grateful too. I do miss our ability to smile at each other and have a conversation. I did have a bit of a conversation at QFC with my two favorite checkers. I always look for them and one other person, or ask about them if their presence isn’t apparent. So far, like me, they are weathering the pandemic and staying healthy. I do so appreciate their hard work and dedication and typing that, think I should do something to let them know that…a card maybe.

          I don’t know about the rest of you, but wearing a mask makes me so hot and sweaty, and not just on my nose, cheeks and chin. It seems to affect my entire body. When I finished at Costco, I couldn’t wait to pull off my mask and my sweatshirt. This morning I went out to walk and decided I needed a heavier shirt. I went back and got my zip-up sweatshirt. Before I’d gone even a quarter of the way on the walk, I took it off. I was so hot. My walking partner agrees with me about the mask making us hot. About half-way through, there’s a bench on which I take a minute or so rest for my calves (although they’ve been fairly good lately), and we both remove our masks and breath, breath, breath before continuing.

          Anyway, now I’m back home to my silent house and wishing John were here to occupy the emptiness. I know if he were here, he would have most likely eaten the iceberg lettuce. I also know the grocery bill would have been ever so much larger because of the things he’d have put on the list which I now don’t.

          I guess, for the most part, I’m doing okay with John’s absence. It’s just there are times like now when I wish he were sitting in this chair at this computer while I sit in the other room in a chair at my computer. I find myself wondering some days how I could possibly miss him more in a particular moment than ever before. It seems like the missing is supposed to lessen over time. Instead, there are instances when I feel an actual physical pang or pain…and no, it’s not gas!!! It’s not something I can actually describe because I’ve never felt anything like it before. It’s a little like the feeling you get when you’re almost asleep and dream you are falling…sort of like a baby’s startle.

Ah heck, I don’t know. I just know some days, especially days like today where I’m out and about, but there’s hardly any interaction with other people, I return home and feel that pang/pain and wish so hard John were here to welcome me back. At least the doggies are always very excited to see me…at least I have them.