THE FOURTH LEFT

What a really good week I had, until Thursday night or early Friday morning. I couldn’t get to sleep, my legs cramped and it made me so cranky. Then, Friday morning when I woke up, I felt more like 94 than 74. I didn’t go for my walk and just stayed on the couch with the doggies for a couple of hours.

All week long, I felt young and vibrant. I worked on many different projects and achieved much success. As I said in previous posts, the Fourth was definitely with me. So, what happened? That’s what I’d like to know. How can I feel so good, and in a matter of hours go to feeling so bad. Even now, typing this Friday afternoon, I feel as though I should just stop and go take a nap.

I am a great proponent of CHOOSING how I feel, but apparently my body sometimes rules over my mind and my choice. When I woke up this morning, every single joint in my body hurt, the thumb and first two fingers of my left hand were numb and fizzy (still are), and I just wanted to go back to bed and stay there.

Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, I have the doggies and they have to go out to do their business. They also want loves and pets and their brekkies (breakfast). So, there’s no returning to bed. In between their trips out outside, one for #1, and the second for #2, I posted my blog announcement for the day. Then, I made myself a latte and planted myself on the couch and they planted themselves on me.

Eventually, I got up, and the process of doing that emphasized the feeling of being 94. I chose to move, get some breakfast for myself and another latte. Not too long after that, I began to feel more normal, although still very tired. I decided I’d just relax and read my book and maybe write a post for my blog. First, I needed to check my email because I’d emailed my doctor again about another problem.

I didn’t get a response yesterday, so figured I wouldn’t get one until Tuesday. I thought she was only working on Tuesday and Thursday, but apparently, I had that wrong. There was a response in my email and she wanted me to go in and give blood for some laboratory work. This is the work that was supposed to get done the middle of March for my appointment with her the end of March. That didn’t happen and I’ve been rather anxious about some of the symptoms I’ve had that I hoped to discuss with her then. My fingers are crossed (okay my toes or I couldn’t type) the lab work will provide some relevant information.

Driving to capital hill was bittersweet. It’s only the second time I’ve been there since John died last August. Last year at this time, it was almost a weekly trip and I wish I had made them more of an adventure than they actually were. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t nasty or pissy or difficult, but we probably could have had more in the way of conversations. When I arrived at Kaiser, I realized I’d forgotten my purse. Yes, I had my mask, my water and my keys, but my purse was still in the closet at home. Guess I still wasn’t feeling completely normal when I left home.

After whatever appointment John had, we’d go to breakfast. Usually, it was Voula’s which is just up the road from where we live. Voula’s restaurant is owned by a Greek woman and she has family members who own a couple of other restaurants in the area as well. John got to know the family when he used to join his brother-in-law and fellow Lions at Floanna’s on Lake City Way. He and a few others even assisted the family’s mother in a move from Queen Anne. So, it was kinda like having an extended family.

Voula was always happy to see us as was her niece and one of the other servers we got to know fairly well. She always took the time to talk to us, and we knew we’d become family in 2018, when she gifted us at Christmas with her homemade baklava and other baked Greek treats.

After giving my blood, I drove home (carefully) and picked up my purse so I could go to the grocery store. I checked the window at Voula’s to see if her open sign was on. It was. I’m going to have to make an order on-line in support of this restaurant on behalf of John and myself. She makes a yummy hamburger dip.

I guess the whole point of this post is the fact that in the space of a few hours I can go from feeling as though I’ve got the world by the tail, only to discover the world is wagging me by the tail. I think I need to pay a bit more attention to myself and my work program. Rather than go all out for several days and end up feeling like this, I think I need to remind myself over and over that I’ve done enough for now. It’s not like I’ve a deadline to meet.

The problem is, I think, that it feels so goooooooooooood to accomplish a project or make a dent in a big project (garage), that I keep going to achieve that feeling. I think I need to reward myself for more baby steps and less giant ones so that it’s definitely my mind that’s making my choices rather than my body insisting it’s had enough for now. I’m going to work on that.