LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER...NOT!!!

          

 Honestly, wasn’t life a lot simpler when there were fewer devices for us to use in our daily lives. I’m sure some might disagree with me, but after the last couple of weeks, I’d be happy to return to bank accounts that use only paper, mail you a statement each month and have several simple credit cards for a variety of usages. This is due, of course, to my having fraud perpetrated on not one, but two of my credit cards…the ones I use most often of course.

          I know my eyesight is getting bad compared to where it was a year or so ago. I also know that it will be better next year once they “harvest” the cataracts on my eyes. Meanwhile, why does every single company with whom I interact in some fashion have to provide me with statements in teeny-tiny print. And, okay, I’m the one printing them out and there’s probably a way to change the font, but why should I have to do that.

          All this complaining is to confess that I looked at my last statements from the credit cards that were cancelled and reissued to make sure I went online and updated all the automatic payments so the charges would go to one of the new credit cards. Well, my eyesight failed me.

          First, I received an email from my health provider that the charge for October hadn’t gone through. I tried to rectify that by using the link that email provided. It was a site I didn’t believe I’d ever been to before. There were login boxes, but nothing I put in those boxes worked. There was also an area where I could register for a new account, but none of the information I provided there worked either.

          So, I just finished talking to my health provider’s office. Once the person there understood what I was talking about, she in turn passed me on to the company that does the charging for the coverage. This was another ten minutes (or more) spent waiting for the person there to check on whether or not I did have an account. Well, damn me, if I didn’t, but I certainly didn’t have any login information or even a memory of signing up for the account. All this time, I thought my health provider made those arrangements.

          So, back online with the correct sign-in information and “temporary” pass word, I was able to get into the account create a new password and provide the new credit card information. I think back to those dark ages when I’d simply go to the bank and have someone help me with a minimum dispensation of my time.

          But I wasn’t quite done. Netflix was also on that cancelled credit card. This change was quite easy, however. I just signed in, was greeted with a choice of retry the current card or provide a new card. This took me maybe two minutes.

          And, yes, I know, this was all my own fault because I didn’t check out the companies who actually perpetrated the frauds. But again, back in the dark ages, it wouldn’t have been possible for those companies to commit the fraud because by the time I looked at all the “paper” provided, I would have known to put it in the shredder…oh wait, we didn’t have shredders then because we simply threw all that stuff into the garbage.

          So, yes, life is so much simpler and better now…don’t you agree???

FIRST ANNOYANCE OF THE DAY

          

 To say I’m just a bit annoyed would be like saying the ocean is wet. My doctor put me on Jardiance because I have diabetes and take no other medication for this malady. Since this is a “new” medicine, I have to pay out of pocket and it’s a little over $100 for a three-month supply. That’s okay and I can afford it although I’m not yet sure this medication is doing much of anything about my A1C levels, but I’ll be having a blood test this week and find out.

          What I find most annoying is the fact that the prescription doesn’t call for me to take a 25 milligram table. No, the prescription says I should take only 12.5 milligrams per day. What does that mean?  It means that I have to CUT each and every one of those tablets in half. Why the company cannot produce 12.5 milligram tablets is beyond me…probably too expensive and the pharmaceutical company is far too POOR to allow for this production.

          The tablet cutter is designed to cut anything from a small to a large pill. This means I have to line up the pill so there is a fair chance it is cut in half evenly. FAT CHANCE!!! No matter how hard I try to position that fucking pill, it rarely is cut evenly. And, do you have any idea how long it takes to halve ninety pills…way too long.

          But, now that I’ve expressed my huge annoyance through my fingers, it’s time to get up out of this chair and attempt to get on with my day. And, at least it will be another 180 days before I have to be annoyed by this process once again. Hmmm, wonder if this annoyance raises my blood pressure? I’m sure there’s a pill for that too. Would it need to be halved as well?

          Time to take several DEEP BREATHS and get on with the day.

LOOKING BACK

           

Perhaps because of the most recent blog post, I’ve been looking back over my life. I remember how my grandma would tell me the same tales over and over when she became older. It wasn’t as if she remembered she’d already told me that story numerous times, but with each telling, it seemed to me that she believed she was telling it for the first time. I wonder if that will happen to me?

          I think maybe one of the reasons Grandma repeated herself was because she was lonely. I don’t remember what her life was like in California or if I even knew. I do know that when she had to move back to Seattle, my parents found her an apartment in low-income elderly housing. It was just across the valley from my house, but about five or more miles to where my parents lived.

          My mom didn’t drive, so it wasn’t like she could visit often. She and daddy did go once a week and take Grandma grocery shopping. Sometimes that trip was combined with a doctor’s appointment, and maybe even lunch out. I was busy being a mother, wife and working outside the home most of the time. Still, looking back now that I’m the age Grandma was when she died, I could have certainly made more of an effort to make her a larger part of my life. True, I always subbed for my parents and always included Grandma when we held family events. Still, Grandma must have been fairly lonely.

    Grandma did make friends with some of the folks in her building. I also believe she participated in some of the various activities that were available. Unlike Grandma, I’m mobile and don’t need to depend on anyone to take me places. I’m still driving and can get there on my own. I also have a fair number of friends with whom I can do things and go places. Many times, these events result in a new experience which I can discuss when talking to my own kids and grandkids.

          So far I don’t think I’m repeating myself too often. If I am, I certainly hope my friends, kids and grandkids would be kind (or would that be mean) enough to tell me they’ve heard that story before. And, when I reference mean, I always felt if I told Grandma she’d already told me that story, I’d be rude and mean.

Of course, now, forty-five years later, I’d love to hear her voice on the other end of the phone. It would be such a genuine pleasure to sit back and listen to Grandma share her memories with me…wonder if at some point in time, my own grandkids will wish they could hear my voice telling stories once again?

FOURTEEN YEARS

         

Toward the end of last week, I had my annual review with my investment counselor. I’m pleased to say that judging by the plan and expectations of same, I should die with money left in my account. That made me feel happy and secure; however, there was another realization that accompanied the review and which I hadn’t realized (or had chosen to ignore) prior to this. It’s left me feeling…well, I’m not sure how I feel.

          You see, I’ll be eighty this coming November and my investment plan is projected for me to live to the age of ninety-four. It’s always been projected to that age and I’ve never really given it much thought. Unfortunately, I somehow noticed this time, the age of ninety-four will arrive in ONLY fourteen years…yes, fourteen (14) years. It’s simply amazing to think that there is so little time left.

Of course, it doesn’t mean that I’ll automatically die at the age of ninety-four or that I’ll run out of money. There’s the chance I could live well beyond ninety-four. There’s also the chance something disastrous could happen prior to ninety-four that would end my life earlier. Even worse to consider is that something even more disastrous could happen, i.e., a significant change in my health that would require being institutionalized and which would suck up all the money I now or will ever have. Neither of these options (as if I get to choose) reassure me; if anything, both ideas leave me feeling a bit scared and forlorn.

I spent yesterday with my best friend and talked about how I ONLY have fourteen years left. Fortunately for me she is an extremely positive person and said all the right things to assure me that I didn’t need to worry about only having fourteen years. Eventually, our discussion led to lots of laughter and silly talk. It was sort of like that old game we used to play where we would say something which had to be followed by a set phrase, i.e., “I need to take a trip to the moon because ‘I only have fourteen years left’.” I needed that and will continue to need it for the next fourteen years…and hopefully, far beyond. I mean, really, I only have fourteen years left.

WOE IS ME

 

          Boy, sometimes it seems as though life just has to take a whole bunch of swings atcha. It’s been that way for the past month, more or less. In total, there have been five human deaths, and one dog death with another dog on the Grim Reaper’s lap. Then, in twelve more days, it will be six years since John passed away. Daily, I feel depression calling my name, and daily, I fight it back…but it isn’t easy.

          The first death was that of a man who was maybe fourteen or fifteen when we moved into this house. He lived next door, the middle child with an older brother (who was hit by a car and killed ten years ago), and a younger sister. We watched those kids grow up and maintained contact through their parents for quite a long time. Since hearing of his death, I’ve revisited some of the happenings and tales from way back then. It’s also hard to wrap my head around the fact he was pushing seventy and his little sister is sixty-six.

          This was followed by the passing of my zoo boss’ wife from lung cancer. We’d known since late last year that, foregoing any kind of treatment (her choice), it would be six months or so before she would die.

          The third (and I thought) final death was a huge shock. It was my first zoo boss who had appeared to be in very good health. True, he had some health issues, but none that were immediately life threatening. I don’t yet know what sent him to the emergency room, only that he didn’t return. This was hard because over the years he went from boss to good friend.

          Through the various emails that were generated by the second and third deaths, the knowledge of the death of the zoo’s veterinarian who served for some of the years I was at the zoo was shared. She passed in June and there was little information as to why, but I really liked that woman and had often wondered where she’d gone after my zoo. She made four.

          The fifth death was the husband of a woman with whom I worked at the zoo. Apparently, he had broken a hip and during recovery must have suffered some kind of set-back.

          That’s it for humans. My neighbor’s dog which they’ve had for seven months, developed pneumonia and passed the beginning of last week. My son’s dog is, as stated earlier, sitting in the lap of the grim reaper waiting for her owner to find a vet willing to come to the house and administer last rights.

          As I said in the beginning paragraph, I’m battling depression as a result, but what really brought it all home was a little sojourn to University Village yesterday. One of the stores visited was the Crate and Barrel. Many of you are probably familiar with this store. I wandered around both the bottom and top floors and admired all the wondrous items on hand for sale.

          As much as I appreciated the dishes, silverware, appliances, linens, lamps and furniture, it made me sad because I will never have need of any of the stuff contained in that store. I live in my own house with furniture I’ve had for decades (except for the bedroom furniture I bought four years ago). I also have every other thing I could acquire at the Crate and Barrel. Mine is all in good condition, isn’t close to being worn out and there’s absolutely no need to look for replacements.

          I guess I saw it as another way to look at how close to the end of my life I’m coming. Supposedly, I’m at the point where I’m expected to be “downsizing” and eliminating “stuff” from my life. Well, I’m not ready to do that either. I still like all my stuff and while I don’t need to add much of anything new, I’m not ready to eliminate it either.

          It’s also probably not the way to look at the next ten or twenty years I’ve left on this earth. I “should” be thankful for each and every day and search out new experiences and revel in the ordinary. Still, I’m finding it a bit hard at the moment. I also know these thoughts and feelings won’t last unless allowed.

          So, it’s past time to put away the “woe is me” thoughts and get busy with something that will put a smile on my face and a bounce in my step…don’t quite know what that will be yet, but I’m on the lookout.

KUMA, MY WONDER DOG, IS THREE TODAY!!!

 

          

Today is Kuma’s third birthday. I can’t believe he’s been my most treasured companion for three whole years…excepting the first three months when he was with his mom. I still cannot fathom how lucky I was to spot his precious face on Facebook at a time when I was feeling so lonely and depressed. Kuma changed my life in so many ways and has brought me so much joy.

          I love how he is so enthusiastic about coming with me in the car. Every morning when I’m getting ready, he shows up in the bathroom just at the moment I’m donning my pants (how does he know???). He looks at me as though he’s trying desperately to hypnotize me into allowing him to go with me wherever I’m going. Unfortunately, when it’s sunny, he has to stay home because the car gets too hot if I cannot find shade in which to park.

When Kuma does get to go, he loves sticking his head out the window. I’m fine with that except when he puts his paws on the door in order to stick his head out even further. Even though I don’t roll the window down far enough for him to actually fall out, it still gives me pause…kind of like when the kids did stuff that was safe but with the potential for injury.

         Kuma follows me from room to room, often stepping on the back of my flip-flop. He wants to be exactly wherever I am, and I don’t mind one little bit. If I’m on the couch reading or watching television, he’s right there beside me. My favorite thing though is how he manages to lay right up against me in bed. He may not be there when I fall asleep, but as I begin to drift up from the depths, my first thought is that it is John cuddling me. I love that, even though there’s just a teensy bit of sorrow in my heart when I wake enough to realize it’s my puppy Kuma.

          Today, I prepared his lunch and allowed him to sit at the table. It didn’t take long for that soft dogfood (filet mignon flavor) to disappear into his tummy. Then, I gave Kuma his gift. I’d wrapped up a rather large stuffy with two rubber squeaky toys. It didn’t take long for him to get inside the wrapper (I videoed and posted the videos and photos to Facebook.) and pull out the plush. That largish toy stayed together for only three (3) minutes and was totally disemboweled in six (6).

I just now took his “Pawp Corn” squeaky toy away because he'd chewed off a corner to get the squeaker. He‘s moved on to the “I’m just here for the fries.” squeaky toy and I assume I’ll be tossing that one in the very near future. I’m seriously hoping he doesn’t ingest enough of his presents to require a trip to the vet.

          Yep, in less than the time it took me to type the paragraph above, the fries toy had to be sent to the garbage. But, since it’s Kuma’s birthday, I gave him a “Pork Earz” because he can chew that up and swallow without it doing him any harm. Kuma also usually gets a frozen bone when I have my tot of gin in the late afternoon and I’m wondering if I should do that today or not.

          Never in my entire life, at least until three years ago, did I ever think I could love an animal as much as I love Kuma. True, we always had dogs, but they were more John’s dogs than mine, so I never felt totally invested. With Kuma, I’m his ONLY person and he’s my ONLY doggie, so I cannot express exactly just how much joy and love he provides.

          There are only a couple of things I’d like to change or improve. I keep working to get Kuma to not jump up on people when they come to visit. He gets so excited, makes love barks and growls and just has to jump up. I’d also like to be able to take him for a walk on a leash and not have him lose his shit when he sees another dog. I simply cannot control him when he gets like that, so we don’t walk. As for having him bark at other dogs when in the car or in the front window, I think (hope) we almost have that under control. Kuma still makes noise, but it’s not the, “I’m going to rip out your throat.” barking he was doing. Time and patience…that’s all it takes, right?

          I’ve been told that once this dog breed reaches the age of three, they tend to mellow out and be less jumpy and barky. Touch back in a year when Kuma turns four and I’ll let you know.

          Anyway, this is Kuma’s day, so I need to go throw the ball, give him pets, sing the birthday song a few more times, and do my best to let him know that while I’m his person, he’s my most favorite doggie…ever!!!!

YAY MOI!!!

          

Well, since this has been a fairly shitty week, I thought I’d just have to give myself a huge pat on the back because I both NEED and DESERVE it.

          For some reason my I-pad decided to stop receiving emails the end of last November which wasn’t really a big deal. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I’m now being included in the monthly NWDA board meeting, all held via zoom. My desktop’s sound stopped working quite some time ago and I’ve never been able to find a fix. So, if I’m going to zoom, I need to have sound unless I can read lips…I cannot.

          When deciding on a remedy, I think I can also do zoom via my phone, but decided since I couldn’t come up with a solution to make email work on my I-pad, I’d make a visit to the Apple store. Almost immediately, a young man offered to assist me, but while he was working with me, he was also being asked to help elsewhere. We finally reached a point where I felt confident in my ability to complete the effort and sent him on his way. I’m sure he could have completed this exercise in half the time (or less) it took me to finally get the email pouring onto the I-pad. Yay for moi.

          Later that same day, I went to look at my email on my desktop, only to be told there was a send/error. Once again, I tried everything I could think of, but could only access my Outlook email if I signed into Xfinity or used my phone or I-pad. Since I type really fast on my keyboard, I NEED to be able to conduct email business at my desk.

          I was so frustrated. I attempted to find the solution Tuesday evening, all day Wednesday and most of the day today. Email on my phone would tell me I needed to “sign-in,” but for some dumb (sure it was smart when I decided to do it) reason, I have a process that requires two authentications and I’d lose the sign-in page while obtaining the authentication. I finally figured out how to do that without losing the sign-in page, but the email still didn’t work.

          Finally, this afternoon, I went online and asked my computer how I could access the SMTP…whatever that is. I followed the instructions provided and, voila, after restarting my computer, my email is up and working.

          So, YAY FOR MOI. You have no idea how badly I needed this positive experience today.